Disclaimer: I do not own the clone wars.
Owner's guide to Five's
Kamino productions ™ thanks you for purchasing this Clone Trooper ™ , designation CT-27-5555.
If recommended user behavior (please see under user-interaction) is followed your trooper might prefer you to refer to him as "Fives". This behavior is highly encouraged the customer wishes to maintain a casual relationship with his Fives.
Delivery and first steps:
1)
Your Fives will be delivered to the closest airport. Please note that it is your responsibility to inform airport personnel about the incoming extraterrestrial flight.
2)
Deliveries to planets not in the republic`s trading agreement will be charged plus ten percent of the original purchase cost.
3)
At first arrival your Fives might be confused about his surroundings, as the units are kept under strict supervision for the duration of their training. It is advised to accompany your Fives to all locations until he has acclimated.
As your Fives is used to close interaction with his brothers he might feel lonely (although he will prefer not to talk about it until higher levels of trust have been established).
You might wish to buy him a puppy and supply plenty of opportunities for cuddles. If you prefer not to purchase a pet, higher amounts off cuddling is suggested.
4a)
During stays in public areas, without full clothing (swimming halls, beach etc.) is not
advised until Fives is fully used to civilian`s reactions, or your jealousy is under control.
(The same behavior is suggested during encounters with roommates/spouses.)
5)
Your Fives is delivered with:
One (1) standard clone trooper armour
One (1) standard DC-15
One (1) climbing grapple
Three (3)medi pacs
Five (5) grenades, the number of grenades is the same for all models. Please do not comment it, his terrible one-liners are currently worked upon.
Two (2) stets of fatigues; Your Fives is a model with high levels of activity, including outdoors (please see under possible uses), so you might wish to purchase additional clothing. ( Please see under user-interaction for recommended styles. Things could get awkward.)
Possible uses:
6)
Your Fives is trained in several types of close combat and weapons usage. Supplied with adequate rooms he is more than skilled enough to teach you in both areas. If you wish to pursue a career in the area of personal security the purchase of a Fives might be a serious career boost, especially if an upgrade to ARC is purchased.
7)
If you simply wish to increase your physical activities Fives is also a pleasant running partner. Other sports will have to be taught, but he is quick to learn. Some activities like Yoga or dancing might require a bit of acclimation first.
8)
As your Fives is highly skilled in self defense you will never need to worry about you personal safety anymore. Prior to visits to dance clubs and similar areas the forming of closer connections to your Fives and desensitization to the clothing styles are advised. Otherwise your Fives might be too distracted to perform his duties.
9)
Afternoon activities. Your Fives will enjoy various strategy games, but also games of more violent content. Should you choose to play or let him play the later the later be prepared for an in-depth analysis for anything that is incorrect.
9a)
Given the opportunity your Fives will discover cooking and his talent in cooking. (Same is not to be said for the Echo model, viewer descretion advised.) Be prepared to come home to several courses of delicious, healthy, home-made food. Although too much consumption we refer to 7).
User interaction:
10)
Please note that your Fives is a highly skilled trooper of the GAR with extended knowledge of tactics, a big thirst for information and a very high Intelligence Quotient.
Actions including:
Squealing
Extended talking in: chat speak, unrequited/overuse/any usage of the words like, OMG ect.
Conversations only about the physical appearance/actions of people without deeper exploitation of their reasons or any other sense
might lead your Fives to speak slowly and over exaggeratedly. This is not a manufacture mistake. It is a simple reaction to your behavior.
10)
It is recommended that you let your Fives pick his own clothing, or purchase loose fitting clothing that provides unrestricted moving. Other clothing styles should be a choice of your Five, but with the exposition to the correct sources it should not be difficult to influence your Fives to wear the styles you prefer.
11)
To insure a healthy relationship with your Fives regular interaction is highly suggested.
Please see under possible uses for recommendations, but feel free to experiment.
Modal compatibility:
12)
Your Fives is compatible with any type of clone model. (ARC Fives may need a Captain Rex Model to run interference if you purchase a Dogma model.) Any model from the Domino squad is highly recommended. Please be advised of a relationship change if you should buy an Echo model.
13)
After purchase of a Jedi model your Fives will automatically switch to trooper mode and will stop listening to you. Factory resets' might be required. This action is only avertable if string personal relationships have formed beforehand.
14)
Any model of the Separatist site (not only including Ventress, Greivous, Count Dooku) is not compatible with your Fives. User caution required. Kamino Production ™ does not cover for property damages, damage to your Fives or noise complaints from your neighbors.
F.A.Q.:
Q: I have purchased a regular Fives clone trooper, but my Fives is wearing shoulder cauldrons and is regularly ignoring my commands. What is wrong?
A: We apologize. You must have been delivered an ARC Fives. If you wish to keep him, we ask for a transaction of the Credits necessary for the upgrade, although you will get five percentage price reduction for the inconvenience. Should you prefer a calmer Trooper Fives we will need two weeks for the exchange. We thank you for your consideration.
Q: My Fives speaks very slowly and refuses to answer to anything but direct orders after our visit in the beauty parlor. What is the problem?
A: You people will not believe the amount of questions with similar or identical questions. Please see under 10) and commended uses for information. We refuse to answer them.
Q: After I purchased The Jedi Council`s Ahsoka model my Fives has stopped listening to my commands. Can you help me?
A: Please see under 13) for information. Do you even read this thing?
A.N.:
Unfortunately I could not find the original author of the owner`s guide.
If you do know him/her, send me a PM with the pen name, so I can give the author the credit he/she deserves so much!
Also, sorry for not updating two questions, but my plot bunny demanded this one first:)
I really want to do another chapter of this, but I can`t decide on another character, so, fifth review get`s to choose.
Suggestions are always welcome, but I am going to try my hardest on the fifth, even if it comes in five years!
(P.S. if you think this is a stupid idea or I should stop the puns, just drop me a PM)