AN: A Major Character Death Warning applies to this story! Not for several chapters yet, but just thought I'd put that out there.
Snow swirled in the freezing leaf-bare wind. Leaping joyfully in the cold were three tiny kits.
Bluefur stared at them, nearly overwhelmed by grief. Soon her kits would be gone, living in RiverClan with their father. She had made the plan with Oakheart just a few days earlier at the Gathering. Tonight was the night. Today was the last day her kits would know her as their mother.
How could she go through with it? What if Goosefeather was wrong? According to him she was meant to be the fire that would save ThunderClan. She shook her head to clear it, flicking snow from her ears. Why was she trusting Goosefeather of all cats on the decision that would affect her entire future- and her kits' futures as well.
Looking at them now, she took in their appearances. Stonekit was the biggest, his fur a dark blue-gray. Even though he was young, Bluefur could already see his likeness to Oakheart in the curve of his head and his long powerful limbs.
She turned to Mistykit. Of all her kits, Mistykit resembled her the most. Everything about her- her pelt, her eyes, the way she frowned when her littermates caught her with a surprise pounce- Bluefur knew that she must have looked like that too, long ago.
And Mosskit. Bluefur blinked at her tiniest kit with affection. Her small daughter's fur was pale gray and white. Bluefur often wondered whether Mosskit had inherited her coloration from Oakheart's side or her own. Mosskit often insisted on staying at Bluefur's side, although she had been joining her littermates to play more recently. The tiny she-cat was with them now, trailing a few pawsteps behind them as she tried to push her small frame through the snow.
Bluefur glanced away from her kits, and saw Goosefeather watching her from across the camp, his pale fur shrouded in the lightly falling snow. Apparently taking her gaze as an invitation to approach, Goosefeather padded up, his pale blue eyes glinting in the reflected light from the icy ground. "Bluefur, you have made your decision. You cannot turn back."
Bluefur's heart fluttered in her chest. How could he know that she had been having second thoughts?
The mews of her kits broke through her reverie. "I can jump higher!"
"No I can!" Mistykit and Stonekit pounced at each other, whipping up small clouds of snow.
Wordlessly, the old medicine cat turned and left, and Bluefur felt a chill spread through her pelt.
She continued to keep an eye on her kits, her mind elsewhere. Would her Clan survive if she wasn't made deputy? Surely the fate of ThunderClan could not rest on a single cat. If it was really StarClan's will for her to be leader, couldn't they have sent her a sign to prevent her from seeing Oakheart in the first place? Bluefur fluffed out her fur, startled by her own thoughts. The ways StarClan worked were a mystery; she shouldn't be questioning them!
But all she had to go off of were the words of Goosefeather, and a single vision of Thistleclaw covered in blood.
Mosskit pounced at a tiny hill of snow, scattering it everywhere, and Bluefur felt a burst of grief. She had learned that from one of the warriors, and if she stayed in ThunderClan she might be able to put that technique to good use. She would learn how to hunt forest prey, not fish from the river.
The more she thought about it the more certain she became: her kits' destinies lay here, not in RiverClan. Stonekit and Mistykit and Mosskit would all become loyal warriors of ThunderClan.
Goosefeather was still staring at Bluefur, and she raised her chin, meeting his distant gaze. No, she thought, willing Goosefeather to understand. I will not do this.
A sad look crossed Goosefeather's face. For a moment Bluefur was frozen when her eyes met his; the look turned her blood to ice.
"Alright now, you three," Bluefur meowed hastily, turning away from the former medicine cat. "Stonekit, Mistykit, Mosskit, come here. Time to go inside. It's getting late."
The kits were too tired to protest as Bluefur bundled them into the nursery, and they settled down quickly. Bluefur wrapped her tail around them, pulling them close.
She knew she wasn't going to be able to give them up. How could she have even thought she could make that choice? She looked down tenderly at her sleeping kits, a choked purr rising from her throat. "I will never leave you," she whispered. "I promise."
"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey join here beneath the Highrock for a Clan meeting." Nearly a moon after she had made her choice, Bluefur looked up at Sunstar's call. Noticing Tawnyspots sitting next to the Highrock, she felt as though a stone had dropped into her belly. This was it- Sunstar was going to appoint a new deputy. It hadn't felt real until now that she would never get the chance to lead her Clan. Bluefur unsheathed her claws when she realized that Thistleclaw was sitting beside Tawnyspots. It was clear what Sunstar's decision would be.
Mistykit, Stonekit, and Mosskit were tussling a few tail-lengths away, oblivious of the importance of the ceremony about to take place.
"Come here, kits." Bluefur beckoned them with her tail.
Mosskit opened her mouth to protest, but Bluefur shot them a warning glance, and they shuffled back to her side.
"This is an important day for ThunderClan," Bluefur told them, ignoring the pang of sadness that coursed through her pelt. "See there?" She pointed with her tail, giving her kits a moment to turn their heads. "That's Tawnyspots. He's retiring from his position as Clan deputy today." Her kits watched the tom with curious blue eyes, reminding Bluefur of her own first introduction to the Clan.
"Why?" asked Mosskit.
"Tawnyspots has been a warrior for a very long time." Bluefur gave Mosskit a swift lick. "It's time for a younger cat to be deputy now."
Bluefur was preparing herself for another stream of 'why?'s' from Mosskit, when Stonekit spoke up. "When the new deputy retires, who gets to be deputy then?"
"The Clan leader decides," Bluefur explained.
Stonekit's tail was flicking excitedly. "Can I be deputy?"
"No fair, I wanted to be deputy!" Mistykit wailed.
Bluefur sighed. "You two won't be old enough for a long time."
Mosskit prodded Bluefur's side with a tiny forepaw. "I want to be deputy too!"
"That will be up to the Clan leader." Bluefur felt an ache in her belly. By the time her kits were old enough to make deputy, she would probably have been their leader... if only she had made a different choice. Bluefur shook her head to clear it. She wouldn't have known her kits at all if she had given them up. It was better this way.
Once all the cats had gathered, Sunstar began. "For many moons, Tawnyspots has been the trusted deputy of ThunderClan. But even good things must come to an end." Cats were nodding slowly in acceptance; it had been clear for seasons that Tawnyspots was becoming too old to serve as deputy. "I am sad to announce that Tawnyspots has decided to retire to the elders' den," Sunstar continued. "We hope that he will continue to share his wisdom and advice with our Clan for many moons to come."
The crowd broke into raucous cheers. "Tawnyspots! Tawnyspots!" The small spotted tom dipped his head modestly, clearly pleased at the support from his Clan.
"And now," Sunstar announced, "it is time to name a new deputy. I say these words before StarClan so that the spirits of our ancestors may hear and approve my choice." He paused, and the camp seemed to hold its breath in anticipation. "Thistleclaw will be the new deputy of ThunderClan."
Yowls erupted from the clearing, spiraling into the clear morning sky. "Thistleclaw! Thistleclaw! Thistleclaw!" Bluefur reluctantly joined in, warily observing her rival.
"Oh, Windflight!" Poppydawn meowed, pressing her fur against her mate's side. "Our son has been made deputy!"
"We were blessed with wonderful kits," Windflight replied, twining his tail with Poppydawn's, his eyes glowing as they watched his son walk forward to accept the appointment.
Thistleclaw swept his gaze over his Clanmates, his chin raised as he took in their cheers. The cats quieted down as they realized that he wanted to speak. "ThunderClan, I promise you that I will use this position to make our Clan greater than it has ever been before. ThunderClan will be strong- a force that no cat will challenge, Clan cat or rogue."
More chanting followed his speech. "Thistleclaw! Thistleclaw!" Bluefur caught Sunstar's gaze. He was staring down at his deputy with a look of approval on his face. Bluefur turned around, confused. She couldn't be the only one concerned about Thistleclaw's appointment, could she?
But she saw no other cat with reservations. Tigerclaw's tail was flicking with excitement for his former mentor. Redpaw and Willowpaw had both reared up on their hind legs, and were enthusiastically calling out their new deputy's name, while Whitestorm had begun to pad up to congratulate his father. Stormtail and Adderfang were nodding in agreement, although Bluefur knew that they both could have expected to be made deputy themselves.
With a jolt she noticed Goosefeather sitting at the edge of the clearing, his pelt unkempt as usual. The old pale gray tom's eyes were fixed on her; there was an edge of grief in his pale blue gaze.
Bluefur looked away, and turned to her kits to reassure herself. They had left her side by now. Mosskit was weaving through the crowd around the legs of the warriors, with Mistykit and Stonekit close behind. Watching her kits chase each other, she knew with certainty that she hadn't made the wrong choice. But why then was her pelt prickling with apprehension?