Going out in Style

by Dragon Pants

TroyRyan If I had a dollar bill for every time I've been wrong, I'd be a self made millionaire and you'd still be gone.

Standard Disclaimers apply.

I realize I should be focusing on other things right now (like AP tests and graduation and even my other story) but this idea just got hold of me and wouldn't let me go.

The Song in it is "Drunk Again" by Reel Big Fish, one of my favorite bands, the endings don't really go together, but I had to keep the song in there I really did. Lyrics will be in > and bolded.

This is slash, but nothing superbly graphic.

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If I had a dollar bill for every time I've been wrong
I'd be a self made millionaire and you'd still be gone>

If one saw Troy Bolton walking down a hallway, one would probably hate him. Not because he was gross or strange, in fact the exact opposite, Troy Bolton, was perfect. Not only was he captain of the basketball team, but also frequently landed starring roles in the musicals and was an active member of the national honor society. On top of it all he had a colorfully diverse group of close knit friends; they ranged from cheerleaders to drama geeks to science club brains. On the surface who wouldn't want to be Troy Bolton?

Under it all though he hid a secret, so secret only a select few knew about it, Troy Bolton, was gay.

So hand me down my best dress shoes and my best dress shirt
Cause I'm going out in style to cover the hurt>

Being gay wasn't really a big deal, his close friends knew it and didn't have any problems with it, Troy himself however was in a bit of a denial stage. And because of that he was hurting. Looking at him you couldn't tell, sitting there in the cafeteria laughing at a lame joke Chad had made, inside though his mind was wrapped around something else.

When he first started acting on his gay "tendencies" the thought never occurred to him. After all, it just started out as a little experimentation, or that was his justification at least. But now he was being pushed out of his comfort zone, and when that happened, his reaction was to regress into a more "normal" version of himself.

When he stopped laughing his face became serious as he glanced over to his left, feeling his stare, the blond boy looked up. Troy quickly looked away. If one didn't know what was going on, they probably wouldn't notice, but he Ryan Evans, was the cause of Troy's despair. Because Ryan wanted him to come out.

All I wanna do all day is spend it in bed
But that's bad for my body and even worse for my head
So I'll try and find a place where no one will ask me a thing
It'll help me to forget and help me to sing>

That afternoon when Troy got home, he laid back on his bed and thought. First they were shallow thoughts, what he and Gabriella were going to sing for their next musical, how he needed help with his physics, then he let his mind wander farther.

In the comfort of his bed he finally let his mind go the one place he had been avoiding, Ryan. The possibility of no longer having him, scared Troy to no end, but he still didn't consider himself gay. He considered what he would do if he didn't. His life would be pretty much the same… except no Ryan.

Sighing Troy considered taking a nap and sleeping on his problem, it might now help, but it certainly would make him feel better. Coming out was a big step that he wasn't sure he wanted to take. He didn't even have to be that open about it really, he just wanted it to be "official." Maybe loosing Ryan wouldn't be such a big deal.

Cause now I'm drunk again
The means to my end
And I'm scared of myself
Cause now it's all the same the faces and names
And I'm scared of myself again>

He stopped himself and shook his head, no way. The past couple of months had been the best thing that ever happened to him. He always felt at ease and hardly anything could phase him. He and Ryan would get together a couple times a week at either of their houses, hang around, talk, do their homework, then fool around for a bit. It fell into a fun easy pattern that allowed Troy to explore quite a bit about himself, and Ryan obviously. It had all been very well and good until a few days back.

Have you ever wanted to wake up from your dreaming
Scared you so bad you couldn't control you heart or your breathing>

A few days ago

Ryan and Troy were laughing on Troy's bed relaxing, cuddling and enjoying each others company in general, when Ryan sat up.

Troy was still smiling as he opened an eye lazily, "What is it?"

Ryan sighed, "What are we?"

It was Troy's turn to sigh now, they've had this conversation before, "We're whatever we want to be."

"No, I mean you and me."

"Why do you insist on labeling us? Why can't we just be?"

"Don't give my philosophical bullshit, you're just afraid of commitment."

"So what if I am? I want to be fee to explore, I don't know."

"Well, I can't any more, I've decided, I've been decided."

"I guess you'll have to wait."

"No, I'm sick of waiting, I'm not asking you to come out to the world, I just want to be… official."

"And I told you, I'm not ready."

"Not ready to be my boyfriend or not read to admit you're attracted to boys?"

That question made Troy angry, he pinned the smaller boy down and strattled him at the waist. "Don't pretend you know me, don't pretend you have any idea what I'm going through."

"But I do know what you're going through, I came out once too you remember?"

Troy slumped his shoulders in defeat, and Ryan gently pushed him off.

"I care about you Troy, I care about you a lot, I just don't think I can do this anymore. So unless there's a me and you, I guess, there's just a you." With that he got up, quietly gathered his belongings and exited the room.

Well walk out the door with me on the floor
You don't care how I'm feeling
I guess a weak and tired and frightened man is no longer appealing>

They hadn't talked since.

Troy curled up in a ball after Ryan left and thought about it for the first time seriously. Weighing the consequences, despite the changes made last year he still had a lot of roles to fill. Basket ball team captain, how would the team react if they found out that their play maker was gay? More importantly how would his dad react? Their relationship had just returned to normal after last years "singing thing." Troy looked up to his day in a lot of ways he was a great coach and husband, had been a basket ball all-star and most of al like any caring son, he just wanted to please him.

Then he thought about his mother, he suspected his mother already knew what was going on. She always managed to get them some time alone when they were over at Troy's and made side remarks about their "study dates."

Cause now I'm drunk again
The means to my end
And my scared of myself
Cause now it's all the same the faces and names
And I'm scared of myself again>

Present time

Reluctantly Troy got off his bed and went to his desk to try and start his homework. If he was lucky he'd be able to finish it before dinner then he could vent his frustration on the mini court in his backyard.

He was doing just that when he though he caught the glimpse of something familiar, blond hair. Quicly he turned around to say something, anything, but he saw that it was only his neighbor speeding around her backyard on her pink tricycle. Throwing the ball against the back board as hard as he could and continued to practice.

Some people have the gift of reaching right into your soul
Finding the hole
And making it bigger>

The next day Troy got bold.

Right before school started, Troy grabbed Ryan and pulled him into the nearest classroom, which was conveniently empty. Ryan smiled nervously as Troy shut the door and then pinned him to the wall right next to it. As the blond started to question just what the athlete was trying to do Troy kissed him. All the frustration and lust of possible leaking into the kiss and Ryan responded with equal passion.

Then placing a finger on the other boy's lips he looked up questioningly, "Does this mean you've decided?" with an eager look on his face.

Troy just shook his head and attempted to resume the former activity.

Ryan turned away, "I told you, this can't keep going on like this."

"But I need this, I need you."

"You know I feel the same way, but I can't keep this up, you have to decide." With that Ryan walked out once again.

Troy sighed, braced himself, fixed his hair and walked out like nothing was wrong.

Baby sometimes I catch you cracking cynical smiles
And in a short while you'll be my
Hearts grave digger
Well there's not much I can do
Cause I'm at the mercy of you
So baby I guess we're through>

At lunch once again Troy pretended to be preoccupied with his play book, but really he was merely absently turning the pages as he thought about this morning. He didn't get why Ryan was so uptight about it, just because they weren't "official" didn't mean that he wasn't committed or exclusive. Besides when he sarted this whole thing Ryan agreed to take things "one act at a time" of course that was a while ago now.

Really Troy understood completely what the other boys reasoning was, he just didn't agree with it, and was trying to reason around it. He knew the security Ryan wanted, and the positively. But at the same time he thought Ryan was being a bit selfish. It was as if Troy thought their relationship was meaningless.

Cause now I'm drunk again
The means to my end
And I'm scared of myself
Cause now it's all the same the faces and names
And I'm scared of myself>

After school Troy and Gabriella were taking a break from their duet rehersal and playing some ball. Currently Troy was loosing, rather badly

"Come on Troy, get your head in the game." For someone usually so good at basketball doing so bad, she couldn't resist teasing him.

Troy smiled and threw the ball at her resuming play. Until she stopped him again, "Seriously Troy you're so… distracted."

"Well," Troy Hesitated, "you know Ryan and I?"

She nodded being Troy's best friend she had know about the situation for a while now.

"We… kind of have a problem."

"Oh?" Her tone was more curious than anything. He sat down on the grass right by the court, motioned for her to join him and then, before he even thought about it he poured it all out, what Ryan said, how he felt about it, and every single course of action he had considered.

Gabriella sat through all of it until he was finished. She thought for a few moments before she spoke, "It seems to me that you've already made up their mind."

Troy showed emotion about it for the first time ever, "But I'm scared, what if my dad hates me? What if I get kicked off the team? And what would happen if Ryan broke up with me?"

"Those are all what ifs Troy, you can't look at those, you have to look at the here and now. Trust yourself, trust Ryan, trust me, I'll always be here for you."

Troy looked at her and smiled, "Let's finish practicing tomorrow, I have something else to do right now."

He jumped from the grass and headed for Ryan's house.

So go walk out the door you don't believe in me no more
And I'm scared of myself again>

On his way there, Troy knew this would be the start of a long journey. This was the first step. Troy Bolton was just a boy, who happened to like boys, specifically a boy.

And that was okay.

He also knew no matter how hard it got, Ryan would be there, if not by he side, probably a few steps ahead. Because of that Troy felt like he could take on the world.

If I had a dollar bill for every time I've been wrong
I'd be a self made millionaire and I wouldn't be
Singing>