Yes! I'm not dead! :D I know, it's been long. But:
1. Exams (and I'm done and got some awesome results...especially in Math! Woohoo!)
2. There was something wrong with the mouse (and I begged my mom for three weeks just to get a mouse. And I got it!)
3. I was having problems for the two Xmas parties I'm attending (Junior Librarian party and class party...maybe Legits party)
4. Confirmation practice. And I didn't attend since I didn't come (the confirmation was last Saturday and I was in Star City!) so basically, I drew a bunch of TMNT stuff!
5. Field trip is on Wednesday so yeah...still planning.
6. Having problems with requirements (where's my KABAN?!) and still having it now
But I've risen from the dead, man! And they (the students who went to confirmation) were practicing, I worked super hard to produce this story. I had to spill my emotions after this question popped up in one of the tests. It said, "Have you felt any rejection? If yes, explain how it greatly affected you as a person..." or something like that. I had to compare and contrast *** and I. Instead of just eight sentences, I wrote one whole page. So while writing, I began to think this: what would ***answer? Well, this is his answer…
Disclaimer!
D: TMNT belongs to Viacom and Nickelodeon, Higurashi: When They Cry belongs to 07th Expansion and Ryukishi07, Bring Me To Life belongs to Evanescence, the song, You –Visionen Im Spiegel- belongs to dai and the translation of the song belongs to whoever translated episode 1 of Higurashi Kaku ~Outbreak~ in YouTube. Also, the essay question does not belong to me. It belongs to my teacher! So yeah, I only own this idea.
Well, sit back and enjoy...
Literature Type: essay (i hope...)
How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul, my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home
(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
Bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up)
Before I come undone
(Save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become…"
-Bring Me To Life (Evanescence)
Visions In The Mirror
(Visionen Im Spiegel)
~MICHELANGELO~
Hey you, you got any problems? Well, listen closely. If you have a similar side like me, then we share the same fate. Our fate can't be broken, child. We are one and the same.
Sometimes, I need someone beside me. I need someone to comfort me, to tell me that they forgive me. But what have I done to deserve this?
Reality is harsh, ain't?
What's your wish? Do you wish for a toy so valuable? Do you wish for a new episode of your favorite show to come today? Do you wish for money falling from the sky? Do you dream of your prince rescuing you or you rescuing your damsel-in-distress? Do you wish for a gadget so expensive that it has better features than the other one?
If yes, then, I greatly envy you, child.
Do you want to hear my wish?
Well then…
I want someone to wake me up from this nightmare. I want someone to tell me that everything will be alright. We could all have a world where the four of us are accepted by humanity. No. I can't make a difference. We are ninjas. We are to stay in the shadows and hide until humanity will accept us. You don't know how it feels to be rejected by humanity and you. While humanity rejects us from this world, you bond more without me. We don't get along. Every time I ask if you want to play with me, you reject. Yet, what you guys want, I follow. But what I want, you reject it.
It ain't fair. It ain't fair for the two of us.
What's your life in your world? Are you like the normal family, always getting together no matter what? Are you like me, thinking of yourself as a reject and a vision no one can see? Are you a free being, smiling for your freedom? Or are you a puppet, abused by your family for your act?
If you are free, then I envy you. But if you are like me, then we envy those who are free.
I didn't want you to know who I am. So in order for you to not know who I really am, I created this facade so you would finally accept me for who I am. I want to make you smile and erase your frowns. This seems to be working over the years. But inside, I have pain. A pain that no one knows, not even you, child. You don't know what I even do in bed. It's always bittersweet tears and dark memories. Nightmares that haunted me like ghosts affected me that much. Sticks and stones may never harm me but words hurt like knives in you. Actions are accompanied by words. Words are just promises and proofs that you did the action yourself. They aren't different. They are equal and they are just partners, like you and I.
But the pain I'm in now is both words and actions. Mornings that seemed pleasant would turn nights into pain and regrets. Every time a mistake is placed into this, I'm the one to blame. Even if it's not my fault, they blame me. They hurt me like a clown. They don't know that clowns can feel like fish. Even if you don't hear a shriek of pain, it's because you don't know what's going on in its head. It's the same ting for clowns. The first thing that comes into mind when you hear "clown" is happy. But if you look more closely, even clowns have a dark side. It's the same with me. On the outside, I'm like a clown, always making me smile. But on the inside, even I have a dark side. I have an aura darker than my brothers'. Theirs have nothing to do with abuse. But with me, it's like my aura is a mixture of their auras. I'm scared that I'll lose my family, I'm scared that I'll fail my brothers, I fear that humanity will never accept me and I fear that you will never accept me for who I am. I could hear the chorus of hatred in my ears. Words that formed tears and actions that made me bleed, I just can't take it. I feel like a failure to my family, friends and humanity.
Do you now see the real side of me? Do you even pity me or you just continue to laugh at me like I'm an asshole?
If you pity me, than I thank you. But if not, then I pity you for your decision.
So I ask: will you reach out your hand for me? Will you tell me that everything's okay? Will you pull me away from the darkness? Will you sit by me and watch the moon while we pray under the moonlight?
If you do not want, then I respect your opinion. But if you do, thank you but nothing's going to change.
It's hopeless. No one will save me. They will just keep mocking me forever. You can't save me, you can't. None will save me any way. I'm just a big idiot, an asshole. They will just hurt me like a puppet. So it's best if you walk away and cherish your freedom.
I'm the clown who is doomed to wear a facade forever. One day, they (including you) will know that a clown knows what a tear is. Until then, I will keep smiling to fool you, child. So if you are reading this, please walk away. I don't need anyone. I need to do this on my own. So if you ever see me, don't look at me as if you want to save me. Please, I don't need your help. I need to be strong. So please, wish me luck.
I try to hide the tears on my face, but they keep coming back...
Once Mikey was done, he hid the paper in an envelope and locked it away. The smell of pizza caught him. Even though he was not in the mood, he needs to put on his facade so it wouldn't be obvious.
Mikey sighed.
"It's you and me in one soul. We're together, visions in the mirror..."
Mikey smiled and his voice returned to his joyous one.
"Pizza! Always cheers me up!"
He ran to the living room and sang his joyous song.
Even though his real side is unknown to them, he'll have to keep smiling...
...only for them.
"Where are you now and what are you doing?
Are you in that place beyond the sky?
When I lost things that have filled my heart until now
I realized for the first time
How much you supported me
And how much you made me smile
The cost of losing them was unbearable
Even though I struggled so desperately
To reach out my hands and take them back
Like the wind they slipped through,
Looking as though they would reach me, but did not
My chest tightened with loneliness and despair
My heart felt like it would break
But your smiling face remained in my memories
And always encourages me
Let's return to those days once more
I know it will be alright this time
I'll always be by your side, smiling
Right by your side…
Where are you now and what are you doing?
Are you in that place beyond the sky?
Will you be there for me, smiling like always?
Right now, that's all I keep hoping for
Where are you now and what are you doing
Are you in that place beyond the sky?"
-You [Visionen Im Spiegel] lyrics by dai (Higurashi Kaku version)
Visions in the Mirror
End
Coming Soon:
The Resolution Arc:
Eye Opening Chapter
So yeah, I'm going to work on the resolution arc a little while later or maybe tomorrow. Also, you might be a bit confused on why I put those songs here. Well, let me explain!
Bring Me To Life- in this fic, the song explains that Mikey needs a helping hand or someone to support him at all costs (yeah…I can relate)
You [Visionen Im Spiegel]- this is the desperate (or the 2K12 world in this world) Mikey's message to the Mikey that's cherishing his freedom in the other world (maybe a giant alternate world to SAINW and this world or the perfect world wherein Mikey is finally accepted by his family and humanity or maybe otherwise as long as it's with the phrase "Mikey cherishing his freedom and him without the façade within him". Eh, sounds like Rika talking to Matsuribayashi-hen!Rika).
The Eye Opening Chapter will be Mike finally explaining the real him to his brothers (and maybe Splinter). The first song will be "How To Save A Life" by The Fray or Dear You Feel and I think the last song will be either these songs:
-Dear You Cry
-Dear You Trust
-Thanks
-Angelic Bright
-Nageki no Sekai
-Entreat
-Like you Believe
-Dear You Kind
-Common Wish
-My home (but I'll revise it a bit)
-Place of Period; or
-Omoi
Also, I'm thinking of putting a song throughout the resolution arc. If you remembered the Seventh Brother, I'll put up the song "I Miss You". The song will be their when the "Brothers Thinking about Mikey" part will show up.
Until then,
D.C.E, signing off.