Warnings: Slash, m/m. Don't like don't read. Streaking, makeouts, the stuff that happens in Last Friday Night. Swearing. Mentions of self-harm.

Disclaimer: This fic was inspired by Katy Perry's song Last Friday Night. I own neither song nor characters/places/related indicia. I also do not encourage anybody to act like Jim and Bones do in this fic. It's a good way to get dead.

"Ughhh…" Jim made a very eloquent noise and turned over.

"Oh, good, you're awake."

"Ouch!" Jim came all the way awake at once and grabbed for his hand, which had just emitted a sharp pain, only to have it batted away.

"Don't touch. Alcohol causes your hypothalamus to stop producing antidieuretic hormone, so you're severely dehydrated." Jim opened his eyes to find that the source of the pain was the needle Bones had just stuck into his hand, the other end of which was attached to an IV bag hung above his bed. A similar bag ran into Bones' hand.

"Is this really necessary?"

"Yes." A concerned look replaced Bones' patent stubborn doctor face. "What do you remember about last night?"

"Um…" Jim tried to remember past the pounding headache. "Doing tequila…"

"Way too much tequila," Bones agreed. "And afterwards?"

"…Streaking outside the professors' quarters? That can't be right."

"I sincerely hope not," said Bones, now sporting a look of horror.

"Hey, didn't Gary have a camera? I bet he posted pics online. Let's see."

"Tell me you're kidding."

"Nope."

Bones reached for his PADD and hit a few buttons. Then he groaned and buried his face in his non-IV'd hand. Jim snatched for the PADD and paused at the picture he saw.

"So that was a legit memory."

"My career is over," moaned Bones. "Knew I should have walked away first time I met you."

"Couldn't have, it was the only seat left," said Jim distractedly. "They weren't gonna let you stay in the bathroom all the way to San Fran. Anyway, I'll crack his account and take 'em down before the admirals ever see."

"Kid, you got the biggest head I've ever seen. How can you be so sure you can hack Mitchell's account?"

"I do it every time we party. He changes his password, but since that's not how I get in, it doesn't matter. You'd think the idiot would realize I'd stop doing it if he stopped posting incriminating pictures of me and my friends. Wow. We must have been really drunk. But the hangover's usually worse."

"There's painkillers in the fluids. And what do you mean, wow?"

"…Do you remember going skinny-dipping in the campus pool?"

Bones groaned again and flopped back onto the bed.

"I was hoping that I'd made it up. Since I have no idea what was in those shots. Next year, I get some say on how we celebrate your birthday."

Jim's face darkened, but he only said, "Well, we did. And apparently bought a whole ton of plastic flamingoes to do it with."

Bones snatched the PADD away and scrolled. Jim scooted up on the bed to watch over his shoulder. There was something he vaguely remembered happening, but it would be bad if he mentioned it and it didn't, so he was kind of really hoping Gary had taken a picture.

"Where the hell did we get that much glitter?"

"I have no idea. Where's the nearest craft shop? I hope we didn't spend all our credits on glitter. Oh, here's Gaila passed out drunk." Jim shifted, and his leg brushed against Bones'. They both jumped, and Jim scooted away.

"Annnd we're back at the bar." Bones sighed.

"No, it's a different bar. This is Harry's. The last one was The Horndog."

"You would know, you little idiot." Bones cuffed him on the back of the head, then looked away, coloring slightly. "Nice dance moves, Jim. What made you think you wouldn't fall off the table?"

"I imagine I wasn't thinking. That would be how I got this, huh?" Jim fingered the lump on the back of his head.

"Mmm. Must have got kicked out. You broke the table."

"Ooh. And the law, apparently."

"Is Mitchell crazy? This could get us kicked out of the Academy."

"Wild. Did we even get laid after all that?"

Bones blushed again. Jim started to breathe faster.

"What?"

"Well…you have got an impressive set of hickeys."

Jim picked up his IV and staggered into the bathroom.

"Damn. And I can't even remember. Gaila was dead to the world, so either there's someone besides her who wanted to eat my collarbones really badly, or I got up to some ménage a trois last night, Bones!"

A bit of memory came back, and he colored, sneaking a look over his shoulder at Bones, who was also bright red.

All evidence pointed to that memory being real.

But if he was wrong…

"Are there any more pictures?"

"Nope. Come take them off the server already."

Jim complied. It took him less than five minutes to get into the back door of the site and remove the incriminating shots. He took a breath. It was now or never.

"Bones?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember…" He blushed again and didn't look up.

"Remember what?"

"…Kissing?"

"You gotta add a subject and object to that sentence," said Bones, but when Jim snuck a peek at him, he was blushing again and fidgeting with the IV flow. A good sign. He took a deeper breath.

"Us…kissing…each other." A pause. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.

"Yes."

"Damn, Bones, you had me worried!" Jim huffed a relieved laugh. At least he wasn't making it up.

"I wasn't sure it was real."
"Me, neither."

Their eyes finally met.

"Do you want us to be something, Bones?" asked Jim finally.

"We already are something. Best friends."

"You know what I mean. Something more."

Bones looked at him for a long moment.

"Yeah," he said finally. "I do. But I didn't want to just be a friend with benefits, Jim, someone who'd give it to you if you couldn't find anyone else. And I didn't want to scare you away with feelings."

Feelings. Love. Bones was right. The very thought drove a fear into Jim's chest, a primal reaction born of everybody who'd ever said they loved him and didn't mean it. He curled into himself without even noticing.

"Hey." Bones prodded the ball that was Jim. "Look at me."

Jim did.

"You mean way too much to me to let you run away because of some drunken kissing. So if you wanna forget this ever happened, I can do that. If you wanna try this, take it slow, I can do that, too. But Jim? I'm never leaving you."

"You can't promise that," came a small voice.

"Well, I can't promise not to die. But that would be the only thing that takes me away from you, and even after dying, I'll still love you. I will never walk away from you. You have my word."

Jim blinked slowly. Nobody had ever talked to him like that. And if there was anybody he could trust, it was Bones. Bones who had put his career on the line just last night because Jim needed to party in order not to have a repeat of past birthdays, the ones where he went back into a depression that lasted three months or cut himself to make the mental pain go away. Bones who had found him this time last year and held him for four hours 'til he fell asleep. If anyone could promise him not to walk away and mean it, Bones could.

Impulsively, he threw his arms around the doctor and squeezed. Bones hugged him back. When they broke apart, Jim said, "I'll work on the emotional thing, I swear. I'll try. For you, Bones. But for right now, I have a question."

"Yeah?"

"Did you leave those hickeys on my neck?"

Bones grinned sheepishly. "Maybe."

Jim grinned back. "So, while I work on not being an emotionally deprived whore, you wanna make out?"

"Infant."

But Bones was leaning in to kiss Jim, and as their lips met, Jim thought that if he could do his part, this might just be the best damn relationship he'd ever had with anyone, family, friends, or lovers. Because it was Bones. No matter what happened last night, he would always have Bones.

A/N: I didn't actually intend for this to be so sappy. I guess I'm just incapable of writing pure crack.