Totally Dramatic Interviews
Synopsis: A Total Drama Island fanfic concerning the different characters of the series. All of the interviews are conducted by yours truly.
CAST
Screaming Gopher Team
Beth
Cody
Gwen
Heather
Izzy
Justin
Leshawna
Lindsay
Noah
Owen
Trent
Killer Bass Team
Bridgette
Courtney
DJ
Duncan Eva
Ezekiel
Geoff
Harold
Katie
Sadie
Tyler
Scene 1--Those Who Walked the Dock of Shame
Elizabeth: Greetings and salutations to our American viewers and fans. Like many of you, I have been fortunate enough to watch quite a few foreign cartoons in my day and I happen to enjoy exports like this little gem here. But that's not what I came to chat about tonight, oh no ! Tonight I am interviewing the contestants and castaways of the hottest reality show to come out of Canada, TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
(audience roars)
Elizabeth: Alright, everyone. Calm down ! We're just getting started. Just to whet your whistle a bit, I will be talking to the castaways first. I have plenty of questions for them too. First up is Ezekiel, the first contestant to grace the forlorn dock of shame.
Ezekiel: What up, home slice ?
Elizabeth: Nothing much, Zeke. Just talking to you. So, why do you think you were voted off ?
Ezekiel: Dunno. All I can say is those guys are backstabbing haters. One minute you trust them with your deepest, darkest secrets, and the next moment, BOOM ! They turn on you.
Elizabeth: I think your sexism did you in.
Ezekiel: All I can ask is, what's wrong with being sexy ?
Elizabeth: (slaps hand over eyes) Oy, vey… So, now that you've been voted off, what have you been doing ?
Ezekiel: Back to school as usual, looking forward to vacation in the states in Florida.
Elizabeth: (mutter) God help us.
Ezekiel: Huh ?
Elizabeth: Uh, I mean…how WONDROUS !
Ezekiel: Yeah, something to look forward to and man I'm looking forward to those American babes. (eagerly) Wait til they get a load of me !
Elizabeth: (groans) I certainly hope you have a magnificent vacation and glad to know you're not bitter about being the first to be voted off the island.
Ezekiel: Ha ! Not at all. Their loss, not mine. Besides, I'm going to DISNEYWORLD !
WOOT ! (gleefully rushes off the stage, accidentally running into Eva, who growls at him)
Eva: Watch where you're going, home-school ! Sheesh.
Elizabeth: And as for our next guest, I can already hear her…(nervously) Come on out, Eva.
Eva: (blows kisses to adoring fans) Yeah, I know you love me !
Elizabeth: Hey, Eva.
Eva: Hey, Liz. Come to ask me why I think I was booted off Wawaqua ?
Elizabeth: (impressed) Actually, yes.
Eva: Honestly, it was my temper that did it. Since then I have enrolled myself in anger management courses.
Elizabeth: (Dr. Phil-esque) And how's that workin' for ya ?
Eva: (almost cracks a smile) Actually quite well. Needless to say, I've mellowed out quite a bit.
Elizabeth: Since the vote off, has anything happened in your life you care to divulge on national TV ?
Eva: Just your typical muscle strains. Doesn't happen much but one has to be careful. I almost broke my leg in one of my feats of strength. Just goes to show, we do stupid things in hopes to get noticed by the opposite sex.
Elizabeth: I hope that guy you were trying to impress is worth the trouble.
Eva: Yeah, I do too. All the other guys I've dated are real jackasses.
Elizabeth: (murmur) Imagine that. I wish you all the best Eva and I am glad to know you're not taking the vote off hard. Good to see you've overcome that.
Eva: Yes, that I have but if I get asked back to Wawanaqua, I'll be putting my game face on. (darkly) You can bet on that. (strides off stage proudly, and stiffly)
Elizabeth: (shudder) No wonder the other campers were afraid of her, she's still a brute ! (exhales a sigh of relief) Alright, next we have Noah.
Noah: Hey.
Elizabeth: It says here in my notes that your lack of team spirit and participation got you voted off.
Noah: Yeah, so what of it ? Sports aren't my forte. I tried telling them that but did they listen ? Nooo.
Elizabeth: Sounds like you're a bit bummed about your status.
Noah: Psssht. Nah. Besides, I've got other things to look forward too. I've got summer reading to catch up on.
Elizabeth: (sigh) (Holds up a sign to the side camera she just wrote that says "He's in denial.") Fantastic, sounds enjoyable. (second sign "NOT !") Been a pleasure Noah. Finally, we have Katie.
Katie: Ohmygod, like I'm on national TV ! Hi everyone ! (energetically) Hiiiii !
Elizabeth: (chuckles) Hi, Katie. Doesn't look like you're phased one bit about getting a marshmallow last time.
Katie: No, but I still miss Sadie ! (whimper) I'm sure we'll be together again, (dramatically) someday.
Elizabeth: Your friendship with Sadie is very moving. You two are very lucky girls to have each other.
Katie: (bubbly) Yep ! That we are !
Elizabeth: So, since walking the dock of shame, what have you been doing ?
Katie: Oh, nothing much…just making new outfits for Sadie and I to wear when we get back together. Keeps me out of trouble. (laughs)
Elizabeth: I can imagine that.
Katie: Everyone's gonna be so jealous of me cuz I have the cutest clothes ever, and both of us are gonna burn up the fashion scene ! (skips off stage happily)
Elizabeth: (laughs) And now without any further ado, with an interpreter, is Justin.
Justin: (smiles)
(Ladies in the audience scream and whistle, one yells, "Marry me, Justin !")
Interpreter: He says, "Yo, pretty lady."
Elizabeth: (blushes lightly) Thanks for the compliment, Justin. So, what makes you think you were voted off ?
Justin: (makes a few random hand gestures)
Interpreter: Jealousy.
Elizabeth: Makes sense to me. Some people can be so cruel. (pause) So, Justin. Since your time being voted off, what will you do next ?
Justin: (again makes random gestures)
Interpreter: Being gorgeous, and showing off my gorgeousness. Now if you will excuse me, I have a shoot to do. Ou revoirs ! (snootily walks off stage)
Elizabeth: If he wasn't such a horses patoot perhaps he'd be more appealing. (pause) And finally last but not least, comes Tyler.
Tyler: Hey ! (waves gregariously)
Elizabeth: That last challenge was brutal, wasn't it ?
Tyler: (shivers) Just thinking of going home with all those chickens. (shudder) Still gives me the willies.
Elizabeth: (pats him on the back) That host, personally I think he's sadistic.
Tyler: I agree with you there. I'm not sore about not receiving the final marshmallow. I just knew I'd be going.
Elizabeth: Good to know you didn't let it get you down.
Tyler: Oh, yeah. There are worse things in life. But if I am called back, watch out ! My completive side has yet to emerge.
Elizabeth: I'll keep that in mind. A fair warning to anyone, for certain ! Thanks to all the brave castaways for coming forward. We'll be back after these brief messages.
Scene 2--The Regular Contenders
Brief commercial break, highlighting breath mints, deodorant, big mall sales, the latest car models and Canadian mint candies.
Elizabeth: Now, wasn't that refreshing ? (takes a sip of water, sighs grandly) First, we're going to discuss the game thus far with our first team, the Screaming Gophers.
(The Gophers all take their seats, announcing how much the Gophers "rock")
Lashawna: Alright ya'll ! Lashawna's in the house !
Owen: (boisterously) We're on TV ? (in Heather's ear) This is AWESOME !
Heather: (cleans out ear, looking annoyed, rolls eyes)
Elizabeth: I'm pleased to meet all of you. I'm such a big fan of the show.
Cody: (dreamily) I think I'm in love. (gets almost too close)
Elizabeth: You can look, but don't touch. Besides, I'm 28.
(They're all shocked)
Gwen: There is no way you can be 28.
Beth: Precisely. You look no older than 13.
Elizabeth: (flips hair) Sense of humor and imagination, I think have kept me youthful.
Anyway, I am honored that I have the chance to interview all of you.
Izzy: We're as excited as you are !
Elizabeth: I can…see that. What's up with the bear costume ?
Izzy: (vacant grin) I wanted to look my best for the show and the costume is equally adorable on me, don't you think ?
Elizabeth: (drawn out) Yeeeeeeeeah. Well, who do you think is going to get voted off tonight's episode ?
Trent: I was thinking Harold would be next, but he's been such an asset thus far. But then again, who knows ? This game…it's insane. You think you know who's next but you don't.
Cody: True, oh so very true.
Owen: All I hope for is that none of us lose our minds during this game, though I think one of us already has. (leans himself in Izzy's direction, they look at her, and she's eating a moon pie rather voraciously)
(They all agree, in one manner or another)
Lindsay: Whatever happens, the Screaming Gophers will be prepared for the next challenge, whatever it is !
(they all cheer)
Heather: (with a cue card in front of her) No matter what they do, I'LL still be the winner of this lousy game !
Elizabeth: All I can say is I wish you luck and god speed.
(They thank me before leaving and the Killer Bass approach)
(Again the crowd goes wild)
Geoff: Go KILLER BASS ! (cheers)
Bridgette: (giggles a bit) We rule !
Elizabeth: Again, an absolute delight. So, what do you think is next ?
Sadie: Hopefully no bad hair cuts.
DJ: Or snakes. (shudders)
Elizabeth: I'm sure whatever happens next will be a piece of cake compared to what you've faced.
Courtney: Yeah, without a doubt.
Duncan: As a team, we're capable of anything.
Elizabeth: Who do you think will get voted off next though ?
Geoff: Hopefully not me. I'm ruling this game so far.
Bridgette: What makes you think that, cowboy ?
Geoff: My immense skill, my charisma and the fact that I have already rented a party boat for all of us to celebrate when I win.
Duncan: (hides face with his hand) Oh, brother.
Elizabeth: Well whoever gets voted off next round, who do you think will WIN Total Drama Island ?
(They all point to themselves)
Elizabeth: We'll see by the end of the series who makes it through. It could be a complete surprise, and knowing this show, I bet it is. But to all of you, I wish you all the best success.
As usual, I watch your exploits and adventures with bated breath. You give this American one more reason to look forward to Thursdays.
DJ: Wow, that's high praise.
Sadie: She likes us ! We love you too, Liz.
Elizabeth: (twitch) Please don't call me Liz.
Sadie: Sorry, didn't know. Beth. (giggle)
Elizabeth: (grin) Thanks, that's much better. Unfortunately, I am running out of air time so I have to hang it up for Total Drama Island interviews for now. However, this will be a serial so count on me seeing you guys and gals again. 'Til then, see you aboot !
(they laugh)
Duncan: Not all of us say aboot, ey.
Elizabeth: I know, but I can't help myself sometimes.
(As the whole crew take their bow as the credits roll, I Wanna Be Famous, instrumental plays)
End of Interview 1