Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. I'm just playing with the characters and borrowing the song :P
Rating: T
Summary: Songfic oneshot AU. Based around when Jesse was alive. Jesse loses himself in thoughts of the girl he has loved from afar for so long. Only to have the object of his soul's desire, seek him out...
A/N: Well I've been wanting to do a fic around this song for ages and here it finally is. The song is 'Anywhere' by Evanescence. This is one of my fave songs, I love it. Listen to it, if you get the chance : )
This plot came out of nowhere as usual...It's obviously an AU, where Suze is actually around when Jesse was alive. Its only short, but quite sweet. I don't know if Jesse is in character, but that's the beauty of an AU, hehe.
Anyway I'm sure you'll understand when you read it. I really hope you like it. I had no idea what I was going to write and wasn't actually planning on writing it so soon, but, well, you know...Anyways...enjoy :D
Dedicated to my Pretty Princess, Little Buddy and Lil Dude...I love you all, always...
My Soul's Desire...
As I lay beneath the stars I thought of her. Picturing her beautiful face in my mind. The image of the only girl I could and would ever love. I've watched her from a far for so long I didn't know if I could ever talk to her face to face. I wouldn't know what to say. I don't even think I could form a coherent sentence. For so long I've imagined what it would be like to speak with her. What I would say when and if I ever had the chance. I dream of sweeping her off her feet. Asking her to runaway with me. To be my wife. To tell her that I love her.
Dear my love, haven't you
wanted to be with me
And dear my love, haven't
you longed to be free
The thought always brings a smile to my face. Even the idea of her actually saying yes makes me want to yell and shout. To run around, telling everyone of my love for her. For Susannah. The most beautiful girl I have ever set my eyes upon.
The one girl who I could only dream of marrying. Of spending my life with. Of loving for all of time. The girl, who is in my first thoughts upon awakening and my last thoughts before sleep. And so often she is in my visions. She makes my heart beat rapidly whenever she is near. She makes my breath hitch in my throat, when she smiles my way. How it always reaches her brilliant emerald eyes. A smile, I am convinced, is for my eyes only.
I can't keep pretending that I
don't even know you
And at sweet night, you are my own
Take my hand
She is tough and strong. Stubborn and willful. But so delicate and fragile I only want to hold her in my arms and keep her safe. That thought makes me chuckle. Because I know; Susannah would never let a man do that. Try protect her. She can take care of herself, she always says. But the urge is so strong I doubt I would ever listen to her protests.
I have watched Susannah grow up and become more beautiful each day. I love her shimmering brown hair, the way the sunlight catches it; blinding me with its glow. I adore her graceful movements; her sure and confident steps. The way she holds her head high, proud and determined. Her full lips often curved into a smile, or a mischievous grin whenever I see her. Her long eyelashes fluttering against her soft cheeks. The way she looks at me underneath them. Sometimes shy and reserved. Sometimes confident and teasing.
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
I often think she knows of my love for her. As much as I try to hide it. I know it must shine through when I gaze at her. Susannah. The only person who has every left me feeling timid and self-conscious. And all it takes is her presence. She could light a room just by entering it. She makes cloudy, rainy days appealing. Susannah has the power to make you look at the world closer. To look at the whole piece of art. Not just the parts that stand out. She makes me want to give her all of her wishes and dreams, without asking for them.
Susannah is the main cause of my distraction so much. I have lost count, the many times I have been injured whilst working. Because I can't stop thinking about her. Every little thing I do, reminds me of her. My father often chastises me for being clumsy. I don't correct him. I don't want him to know of my love for Susannah. I fear he'll tell me to set my sights somewhere else. I would never be able to do that. If I couldn't be with Susannah, then I don't want to be with anyone.
I have dreamt of a place for you and I
No one knows who we are there
All I want is to give my
life only to you
If only I could conquer my fear of actually speaking to her properly. To approach her. Just the casual stuttering of hello, isn't enough. Susannah deserves more than that. I want to be the one to give it to her.
No man would ever love and appreciate Susannah as much as I do. They don't see what I see. They don't notice the false front, she often puts on. I see the deep hurt and sorrow in her eyes. The sadness, that should never be there. I knew she found it extremely hard when her father died. And then her mother re-married. And Susannah never made a fuss about it. Never protested. She put her mothers happiness before her own.
I've dreamt so long I
cannot dream anymore
Let's run away, I'll take you there
And now it is my turn, to give Susannah her own piece of happiness, she has long since craved. And I would. Even if she rejected me and my love. My feelings would never change for her. I would always love her the same.
I was pulled out of my dreams and thoughts by the sound of someone approaching. I had been laying under the stars in my favourite field. Right beneath the large oak tree on its border. I came here many times to think and stargaze. It was peaceful. And I am never interrupted by my younger sisters. As I became still, the footsteps came closer. They were soft and light. Too light for a man. So I assumed it was one of my sisters, having finally found the place I often escape too. I couldn't see who it was, due to the severe lack of light. The moon was out and shining very brightly. But the person was still obscured from my view.
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the mornings light
We'll be halfway to anywhere
Where no one needs a reason
I waited for them to make their presence known. I wasn't sure if they were aware I was here. But I didn't want to startle them either. When the person had come as close as they wanted, they stilled. Not making a sound. And that's when I heard it. The sweetest, silkiest sound I had ever heard. It was smooth and calm like a breeze. Drifting to me, like a long forgotten wish.
"Jesse,"
One name, spoken from the lips on the girl I have loved from a far, for so long. Too long. I was almost scared to believe it. I thought maybe I had fallen asleep and I was dreaming. I didn't want to open my eyes. I was terrified I would open them only to see nothing in front of me. Just a long held wish. I took a deep breath, trying to battle my greatest fears. To see my wish granted to me.
Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No ones left to stop you
Slowly, scared and nervously, I lifted my eyes. To gaze at the still form of Susannah Simon standing before me.
"Querida,"
I breathed before I could stop myself. My personal nickname for Susannah. One I had never thought to utter to her. One I never thought I would have the chance to say to her beautiful, ethereal features. I panicked slightly for a second, worried about her reaction. But she only smiled. A small, nervous smile. Directed straight at me. I didn't question why she was here. Or how she found me. Only taking in the sight and presence of her.
I realized I was still laying on the grass and I quickly jumped to my feet. I stood staring at Susannah for so long, time wasn't an issue anymore. I gazed at her with so much love and adoration in my eyes I was certain she would turn away. But she didn't. She gazed back at me. Her stare just as open and giving as my own.
Forget this life
Come with me
Don't look back you're safe now
Unlock your heart
Drop your guard
No ones left to stop you now
I saw everything I have ever wanted to see. Her eyes, the window to her soul was sharing everything with me. I saw her nervousness and trepidation. Her sorrow and sadness an ever present emotion. Her small amount of confidence. But most of all. The most important thing, I could ever of asked for.
I saw the love she had for me in return. Her emotions and feelings running just as deeply and just as strong as my own. The unwavering trust and loyalty I had only ever seen in my dreams. And the only thing I could do, to prove I wasn't asleep was to prove it. I stepped towards Susannah, a silent question in my eyes. One she didn't back down from, but openly accepted.
With a small smile of approval from my querida, I took her into my arms and kissed her. Pouring every ounce of love I felt for her, into that one deep sensual kiss and embrace. Vowing to never let her go. To lose myself the essence of the girl I have always desired. Swearing on my own life and soul, to always protect and love, my own souls desire...
We're leaving here tonight
There's no need to tell anyone
They'd only hold us down
So by the morning light
We'll be half way to anywhere
Where love is more than just your name
A/N 2: Thanks for reading. Please review and tell me what you think :)