Authors Note:
This take places after the Fast Forward season, when the turtles have returned home.
I don't own the turtles. I have plushies and valentines cards and movies and action figures, and yet they still are not truly mine… Maybe if I buy a pizza and sit in the sewers?
The song has been used by various artists, but I like Michael Buble, so I'll say it's his… It's his version, anyway. :)
That being said, enjoy!
xxx
You Don't Know Me
xxx
Raphael has coined the phrase "turtle luck," and God I swear it's true.
I have been in skirmishes and fights, battles and all out wars, but nothing is worse than this. I'd rather be facing down an enemy, Bo Staff in hand and the prospect of certain death looming.
General Blanque and Sh'Okanabo, The Mystics and even Shredder himself are more welcomed than this. Because right now I can hear the lairs metal door sliding open, and I know who it is.
I look across our living space, past the furniture and miscellaneous clutter, and I feel my heart catch. First it shoots up into my throat like a rocket, and then it drops like a cement block down to my stomach. Its never going to beat the same, I just know it.
Because there she is.
Long red hair, big green eyes, and a smile that lights up a room… a smile that lights up my life. She makes certain parts of my existence seem so… meaningful.
She's my April. And it doesn't take much for anyone to know that I'm in love with her.
Anyone but her, that is.
You give your
hand to me, Then you say hello, I can hardly speak, My heart is
beating so, And anyone can tell, You think you know me well, But you
don't know me…
She's smiling at me, and my heart is no longer beating at the fast tempo of a drum, as before, but instead has stopped all at once. It's that smile she saves just for me, and it suddenly makes what I have to do so much harder than I originally thought.
She doesn't even know she's killing me. That with every smile, every innocent touch, every friendly gesture, I die just a little bit more.
There is a secret place inside of everyone, and that does not exclude me. In my secret place, deeply tucked away in the corners of my soul, there are not inventions or ingredients. There are not statistics and innovation. Deep in my heart there is April O'Neil and the haunting truth that I can never have her.
No matter how greatly I want her.
No, you don't know the one, Who dreams of you at night, And longs to kiss your lips, And longs to hold you tight…
And I want her. God, I want her so bad.
Everything about her too. Her mind and her body. The conversations we have and the time we spend together, I want that always.
I don't want it the way I have it now, desperately clinging to the hope that perhaps I'll see April today. I want to know that no matter what, she's there, with something deeper than the friendship that we have withstanding.
I want to feel her. I want to be inside of her. I want to just have her there and know she's mine. No one's but mine.
"Hey Don!"
I'm looking at her, and I literally have to bite my tongue to keep from blurting out how I truly feel.
So all I say back is, "Hey."
Oh I'm just a
friend, That's all I've ever been, 'Cause you don't know me.
There was a time, before the trip into the future, that I had toyed with the idea of telling April how I really felt. I would have pulled her aside after a daring rescue, or showed up at her apartment while she was alone, and I would have told her.
I'd have persuaded her too.
When we were together, everything just seemed so right. She was my match, yet we were different enough for her to keep me on my toes. She was the balance in my life, in all of my brother's lives as well. We all needed her, but with me, it was different. I wanted to love her. Not a friendship love or a sisterly love, but a true love.
A love that was returned.
And then Casey Jones had come along, and I'd held back. Casey, buffoon that he was, was still a friend, and I could never be so dishonorable as to go behind his back. I wanted April to see that he wasn't the one she wanted, to see that what she really wanted all along was me. And I wanted her to see it on her own.
But she never did.
I never knew, The
art of making love, Though my heart aches, With love for you. Afraid
and shy, I've let my chance to go by, The chance that you might, Love
me, too…
There had been a point though, after we had all defeated the demon Shredder and the Mystics, that I had felt like enough was enough. Living like this wasn't worth it. Wanting her when she was so close, needing her when she was so near… like I said, it was killing me.
And then we'd been pulled into the future and I had looked into the eyes of Cody Jones.
And I had seen April's eyes every time.
You give your
hand to me, And then you say good-bye, I watch you walk away, Beside
the lucky guy, You'll never never know, The one who loves you so,
Well, you don't know me.
Altering the future is a big no-no. April is supposed to marry Casey, and eventually Cody is supposed to be born. If I tell April I love her, I run the risk of corrupting any chance of there ever being a Cody Augustus Jones.
I would kill Cody.
"Don, you ok?"
I jerk my head up, not even realizing that I've been lost in my thoughts. Casey is near by, I can hear him talking to Raphael and Mikey.
"I'm fine." I finally answer, reminding myself that breathing is a necessary function my body has to perform to stay alive.
"You look upset." April say's, and I can tell that she's not buying the act I'm putting on for her benefit.
Behind her I see Leo, and he looks worried. All my brothers know, they know I love her. But only Leo has thought of the true repercussions there may be if I act on that love.
I try to give him a smile to encourage him, to encourage myself, and another small piece of me dies.
"Really April, I'm fine. Did you want anything?" I ask it in a way that almost seems offhanded, like I'm busy or distracted.
"Only to show you this!"
April sounds happy, and I look up in time to see her thrust her hand out to show me the ring on her finger.
You give your hand to me, baby, Then you say good-bye, I watch you walk away, Beside the lucky guy, No, no, you'll never ever know, The one who loves you so……
"I'm proud of you."
It's Leo. And he's proud of me for doing something completely unselfish. Of doing something that had to be done.
He's proud because I let her go. Because I accept, unwillingly as it may be, that Casey is the one who gets to love April.
"See you later Don!" April call's over her shoulder, her arm linked with Casey's.
"Bye." I mumble, straining a weak smile, watching her go and wanting nothing more than to run after her.
But I'm her friend… and that's all.
Well, you don't know me.
xxx
Authors Note: Ducks the flying objects being thrown from the crowd
Please don't kill me in the flames! Come on, how many other unrequited love Don/April fic's have you read out there? I'm definitely not the first, so please don't hurt me! I want them together, I swear I do. But… ,(
This idea has been in my head for awhile, ever since I listened to this song and realized that it was the perfect song for Donny, it sort of explains how he feels and the predicament he's in. I hate this angsty crap, I LOVE happy ending, but the idea wouldn't die, so here it is.
Constructive criticism is always welcome!