Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail
BEWARE. May contain spoilers.
It was the middle of summer. Children were playing happily in the parks, dragging their mothers everywhere they went and whining for some treat. Mainly ice cream to combat the sweltering heat. It figured that a dessert such as ice cream would become so popular. Anything to cool down.
One individual, however, his name Gray Fullbuster, sat alone in a bustling hall. Drinking. It figured that he would be searching for an escape. He had just seen his father die. He didn't blame himself. No, he had enough guilt to pass around. It just pained him that he didn't have more time. So much he wanted to ask. So much he wanted to know. So much he needed to know.
Gray remembered much about Ur, his impromptu mother, his teacher, his greatest source of inspiration.
The shame was he couldn't recall that much about his true mother. She was beautiful he knew that much. Kind. Gentle. Always tucking him in at night. Her kisses on his forehead. It made him sick that he didn't get a chance for one more conversation. One more hug. One more piece of advice.
He sat staring blankly as Natsu antagonized Gajeel and vice versa.
Had it been so long? Had he forgotten so much? Her face was too far from him. He only remembered the things that involved him.
Selfish Bastard.
Her laugh. 'What did it sound like?'
Gray sighed as he lifted the mug to his lips. Drinking Deeply. Trying to remember. The irony of drinking to remember wasn't lost on him.
Sitting there, he realized, feeling sorry about himself wasn't helping anyone. What would Ur say?
'Get off your ass, stop having a pity party and do something about it,' echoed in his head.
Gray let out a dry chuckle. He didn't know what to do anymore.
It would have been easier if was more like Natsu. Wearing his heart on his sleeve. Letting his emotions run rampant and wild. He could never do that. His past scarring him into an icy shell. He brushed people off. Ignored their feelings. Kept them at arm's length because he was terrified of getting that close to someone again. To have a bond of equal strength of a mother and her son. That was probably why he told Juvia what he did after the Games. He was a coward.
Gray drank again.
So he just sat there drinking. In shame. In sorrow.
He would give anything to hold her hand. To just look into her eyes. He couldn't remember her eye color.
Gray sighed a deep sigh. Lost in this thought. Trapped more like.
What was her eye color?
A beautiful rolling blue like Juvia.
A stormy dark blue like his own.
A warm strong brown like Erza.
Or maybe black like Natsu.
Mavis he hoped not.
Gray chuckled at this last thought.
Natsu.
What a guy.
Gray's mug was now empty. He decided he needed another. Hell, he would need another for the rest of his life.
He pushed himself up from his chair, grabbed his mug and made his way to the bar where Cana was sitting as usual. Staring at him. He couldn't catch a break.
He fell over his feet a little on the way.
He sat down on one of the bar stools closest to Cana and called Mirajane for a refill.
His eyes focused only on the mug. Cana, however, swerved around in her chair, slapped his back and leaned onto the bar. Still staring at him.
What was she looking at?
Gray grimaced.
"You know if you're missing Juvia, she'll be back tomorrow."
Gray groaned. Juvia. He liked her, he truly did. He was still slightly hung up though. And she was a little too clingy and obsessive. He understood where she was coming from though. Unrequited love was no joke.
"Oh come on. Don't look so sad. She's not here for barely a day and you're moping around like a kid with a lost kitten."
Gray laughed in his head. Yeah, that was the reason.
Gray grunted in response. To be honest. He didn't really want to talk.
Cana looked wholly unsatisfied.
"You know Gray maybe if you opened your mouth once in while, you'd catch something other than flies... Like good advice."
Here we go. Gray was in for it. He just wanted to drink in peace. He groaned. 'Better say something'.
"I guess." He shrugged.
Cana looked kinda annoyed right now.
"I GUESS!?"
"Look Cana, I'm not really up for this."
"You know if you actually did something other than avoid Juvia, you could lose some of that tension." Cana turned back to her barrel. Her back was facing him.
Gray smirked. Trust Cana to end a conversation with a lewd comment even if she was being strangely serious about the whole Juvia thing.
Mirajane handed his mug back to him with a comforting smile. Gray took it and thanked her. Gray remained however and was staring at her eyes. Light blue.
Was his mother's eyes a light blue?
He grimaced in respone to the thought. He averted his gaze. He didn't want Mirajane to think he was checking her out. He only did that once when-No, he never did that.
He made his way back to his table. The liquid sloshing around in his mug. That sweet bubbling liquid.
Gray kept his gaze to the floor. She was around and he didn't want to look at her right now. Knowing he could never stand a chance. Knowing he was outclassed. Knowing he was only a friend. Knowing he was only seen as her little brother. The thought disgusted him as he took his seat. His hand clenching his mug.
There was one thing he could remember about his mother though. One thing that made her the bravest woman he knew. She died trying to save other people. People she knew. Her friends. That was maybe why he fit in so well at Fairy Tail. He was trying to make his mother proud.
It wasn't a magnificent rescue like Fairy Tail usually performs though. No. It was understated and ended in tragedy. Just like his memories of her.
She told him to hide in the closet in his room. When you're a child you think your parents are immortal and invulnerable. He was wrong. So wrong.
He took another swig. The liquid burning the back of his throat and creating warmth in his chest.
"Hey, Gray." A voice muttered.
Gray looked up. It was Cana. When did she get there? She was sitting opposite him.
"It's damn rude to just walk away when another person is still talking to you."
Gray chuckled. He thought she had said her piece. Trust him not to understand women.
"Sorry," Gray replied. He didn't look sorry. Cana noticed.
Cana took a swig from the barrel under her arm. "I'm gonna be honest, you like hell."
Gray shrugged.
Cana stared at him again. Her hands keeping her head up by leaning on the table.
To anyone else it would look like she was leering at him.
Gray knew better. She was trying to get him to open up. It wasn't the first time she attempted to burn a hole in his face with her eyes to get him to speak.
"Gray."
Gray looked up from his mug and stared back at her. Two could play this game.
Officially she was trying to get him to wake up instead of moping around.
Unofficially. They were having an eye staring contest.
He would die before he blinked.
He was getting the upper hand when... Cana started laughing.
Not a chuckle. An attention grabbing laugh.
Great. He needed everybody else to notice his bad mood.
Her laughter died down... moderately.
"Y...You should see your face." She bit back a chuckle. "You got so serious."
Gray grimaced. Yeah, Yeah, laugh it up. He took any competition seriously.
Cana stared at him again.
"I hope you've noticed Juvia's feelings by now. Otherwise I might start worrying whether you even like bre..."
Gray, blushing, covered her mouth with his hand. He did not need to have this conversation again. Even if it is a little more 'colorful' than when he had it with Erza. Especially because it was more 'colorful'. Gray sat back down and returned his hand to his mug.
"Yeah, of course I noticed. I'm not an idiot. I tried to..." He waved his other hand in a circular motion, "clear the air, but she..."
Gray trailed off.
"Yeesss. She what?" Cana drawled out. "I bet she told you to get a life."
Gray forced out a smile. Only Cana would say something like that.
"No. She...kinda just ignored what I said."
"I'm assuming you told her no then."
"Yeah"
"Well, what do you expect. You keep leering at her like a piece of meat."
What. He never did that. Gray shook his head. What was Cana playing at?
"Whatever". Gray shrugged. She was trying to get a rise out of him.
Cana grinned.
"Maybe you like her all over you."
The color from Gray's face drained away.
"Relax. I'm just kidding. You are way too tense." Cana drank from her barrel again. "You need a girlfriend."
Gray sighed. Yeah. Maybe he did. He glanced towards a certain armored individual. Maybe that's what he needed.
Cana noticed the flick of his eyes. Cana just kept grinning at him.
"I know exactly what you need." Cana stood up and yelled to where Erza and Lucy were sitting. "Hey Erza! Gray...Mphf"
Gray stood up as fast as lighting covered her mouth and dragged her out of the doors of the guildhall while saying to no one in particular that Cana was drunk and he was taking her home.
He released her when they were outside.
"What the hell, Gray. I was just trying to..."
Gray cut her off by raising his hand and saying, " I know what you were trying to do. You're trying to get me killed."
Cana scowled at him, "She'd beat the living hell out of you, but I doubt she'd kill you."
Gray shook his head for the millionth time.
That was a conversation he never wanted to have.
"Look, It doesn't really matter. Just let it be."
Cana deflated a little.
She folded her arms.
"Well, I can't go back to the guild now."
Gray sighed. Well, they might as well go hit a couple bars together. She was a good drinking partner anyhow.
Gray motioned for her to follow as he started walking to the nearest bar.
She walked next to him silently looking down at the river.
Gray put his hands in his pockets and looked up. It was overcast.
His mother loved days like these.
Damn Deliora. Damn it for taking her away.
He could still hear it's monstrous cry.
It's powerful roar shook houses. He would never admit it but he could still feel the vibrations of that roar in his chest. Freezing him with fear.
It was dark in the closet where his mother told him to hide. Everything was black around him. He couldn't see his hand in front of his face. He could hear though. The screams still haunted him.
He should have stayed in the closet. He should never have left to go find his mother. Why did he have to be brave that day?
He thought himself able to save his mother.
Hmph. Figures. He could save all the people he wanted. He just couldn't save the person he wanted to-needed to.
His mother, through the chaos was doing the unimaginable. She was trying to herd people away from Deliora. Deliora was fast though. For a giant demon.
So there he was, in awe, standing like an idiot in the doorway of his house. He felt Proud. Gray let out a dark chuckle. He would give up his pride and more for just one minute with her. Gray leaned back in his chair. He would have been dead had he not been standing by the door. Gray clenched his jaw. 'Maybe that would've been better'. Gray shook his head. No. Ur's sacrifice. Ultear's sacrifice.
Silver was gone. He didn't know where. Gray always figured that he was trying to do the same as his mother. The last month proved that right at least.
Deliora in it's madness came running past. Trampling the people. Smashing the roofs of houses with it's hands.
The last time he ever saw his mother. Was when she was crushed by the foot of Deliora.
After that. Well, after that he met Ur and Lyon. Starting his life as an Ice Mage.
Gray grimaced. He shut his eyes. It was a painful memory. He didn't want to remember her like that. The pain. The agony he felt at that moment ended his childhood.
It was this that probably attracted him to Erza.
He wasn't blind. He could see she was in pain. She had that look in her eye. The look of unspeakable horror.
It was why she fought so hard. He admired her ability to move forward like that. He never truly moved on. He accepted. But he felt it tugging him from behind. He felt the despair. The fury. The helplessness.
Erza, his kindred spirit. The one person he knew he had a connection with. Existing solely of pain and misery.
And this one true connection didn't really matter. He knew it was nothing compared to the connection she shared with him.
Cana was being strangely silent next to him. Gray looked over at her. One of his first friends. He didn't spend nearly enough time with her anymore. He was constantly being dragged away somewhere. They drifted. That much he knew for sure.
Gray let out a breath.
He couldn't go on like this. He spent the last day in contemplation. Gray hated when things got this dark. His thoughts torturing him.
He needed to move on.
From Erza.
It wouldn't be the first time that he had to move on from a woman he loved.
If anything. It was turning out to be a constant trial for him.
Yeah. Maybe when he saw Juvia. He could turn everything around.
Then again. Maybe not.
He always did struggle with moving on.