a/n: yer well I dunno. I liked the song, and was feeling very emotional last night. So I chucked in some kel/Joren angst…for a change…lol. Ok this song is Iris by the Goo Good dolls. Download it!...the leagal way. Most of this doesn't belong to me bla bla you get the gist. Ok, go for it:

And I'd give up forever to touch you

Kel glanced at the blond hair, tanned shoulders then prepared herself for the blow. She hit the wall and then pushed herself off it. She threw her own punch, which landed squarely on his jaw. His head twisted sickenly and blood flecked his chin. Vinson grabbed her shoulders and held her against the wall.

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

Her vision swayed as she struggled blood roaring, muscles screaming. She saw the white, the face, the red lips, the blood. He stepped up and punched her in the stomach; she crumpled and gasped, sagging against her holder, to her utter shame. He grabbed her chin in his hand, held it close to his face, his eyes clear. She felt blood wobble and trickle from her mouth. Suddenly a crack, a flash of green. Neal. She fell forward as Vinson ran. Hands gripped her and tried to pick her up, she shoved them off. Kel got up faced Neal, then turned slowly. She walked off, leaning on the wall. Her hand left a red smear on the sandstone and she let out a wail. He tried to follow but then, another sob so pained he flinched and waited till she turned the corner.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
she had dreams. Not night mares. The flowing hair, the grey eyes. And his hand, calloused but warm, searching for her, pulling her forwards.

And I don't want to go home right now

She wouldn't go, or leave. That would give him what he wanted. She must prove to him that she is strong, too strong for him. Maybe then…

And all I can taste is this moment

She felt the blood on her lip, and the metallic taste in her mouth. A reminder.

And all I can breathe is your life

If she stopped she could hear his words. Feel his breath on her neck and him pressed against her.

Only to search for a weak spot. A break in the wall. To crush her defenses.

'Cause sooner or later it's over

And then he'd pull back and swing. A blow would come as a muffled sound glowing clearer, until it exploded as a star burst.

I just don't want to miss you tonight

She'll wait, to catch a glance, under the excuse of extra training.

And I don't want the world to see me

She pauses in hall ways, waits for people to pass. She can't be seen like this. No.

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Not many people did. Even Neal sometimes. She wondered about that boy. So smart, yet, so utterly clueless. Well it wasn't an obvious choice. But it wasn't a bad one. She stops again and waits, wiping blood from her mouth.


When everything's made to be broken

The lance shattered. And she fell. And she fell so far. So far down. She sagged against the wall and waited for the flash to pass.

I just want you to know who I am

She punched the mirror, the glass cracking satisfyingly under her fist. And then her cuts stung as salt reached her face and hands, to the floor. The mirror dropped and so did she.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
she felt the squeeze at her throat. The water behind her eyes. The pull and tug.

Or the moment of truth in your lies

She saw something. In that face. Behind the insults. A small quiver. A hesitation. A shudder, a flinch. A pause…


When everything feels like the movies

And it was so predictable, that he didn't know. Know-one did. Atlast her room. Oh, poor little room. She cried out again feeling sorry for everything except herself. Because that was Kel.

And you bleed just to know you're alive

She didn't see the infirmary. Why would she. The pain sometimes broke it. And They wondered why? Who were they?

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

She stopped. Then stepped outside her room, down the hall way past a door, a corridor, round a corner. Then sunlight. She was out. And she breathed in, felt a small thrill because the sky hurt her eyes and she could escape.

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
there he was. Standing with his back to her. She walked faster, giving a wide birth around him and stopped when she though she was safe. Then she heard footsteps. Not again. She pressed on, he could not see her.

When everything's made to be broken

Finally, she turned to face him. Her heart pulled her down. The sharp wrench made her gasp inwardly and her legs began to quiver. She straightened and placed a hand over her chest, stepping backwards.

I just want you to know who I am

He stepped towards her, catching up. The smile slowly disappearing. And he came closer. She could not keep going backwards. She felt a wall and pressed herself into it. Not again.

And I don't want the world to see me

He stepped up, she heard the gravel crunch under his heel. No, not again. And he held her chin.

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
she slapped him, his head twisted.

When everything's made to be broken

His newly healed lip split, and there was the red and the white. The hard wall. Not again.

I just want you to know who I am
Again he held her face, bringing his closer; she watched the blood from his mouth and felt his breath on her neck. He kissed her.

I just want you to know who I am

Again.
I just want you to know who I am

Again.
I just want you to know who I am

Again.

That strange metallic taste. A reminder.