Title: A Moment of Weakness
Author: Race122VE (Coll)
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: PG-13/R-ish
Summary: Callie's work with cartilage leads to The Harper Avery Award. One shot, post 6.21.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author's Note: I didn't really want to do a post-Callie/Arizona break up fic, but this just came to me. I don't really have much to say about it, just hope you enjoy reading and letting me know what you think. Thanks!
It happened just like Mark said.
The note cards she had prepared were better than the last time she gave a presentation, and her nerves had subsided some. Mostly thanks to her best friend who kept reminding her that this wasn't a presentation, it was an acceptance of The Harper Avery Award.
Callie was a confident, self assured, kick ass Ortho God. When she had quit earlier, days after George's death, she had made sure that not only Chief Webber knew what was ahead for her, but that the whole hospital knew as well. So when Derek had called her into his office, amidst all his negative gossip about how he was handling his chiefly duties, his face couldn't hide the grin when he delivered the news and Callie couldn't contain her excitement.
Not one to be rendered speechless easy, in fact it could be argued that Callie needs to learn not to blurt out words as much, all she could do was smile as Derek came around the desk and hugged her. Mark knew, because he managed to get it out of Derek, and stormed into the office shortly after. He held her close, one arm around her shoulder while squeezing it proudly, as Derek began to reveal his plans that the hospital was hosting the event. It included a fancy cocktail party and dinner that would follow Callie's acceptance and brief discussion about the work that led to her prestigious award.
Mark felt her shoulders slump and looked down to see the worry settling down in her mind. They were both very helpful in the following weeks that led to the party, and she was very thankful to them as well as Cristina and everyone else that was a part of her everyday life.
Practically everyone, except Arizona.
After the break up, neither went out of their way to avoid the other. It merely reinforced the reality that when they're not together they rarely see each other in the hospital. Arizona was the head of PEDS and never really bothered with broken limbs. Callie, in turn, had delved deeper into her work with the cartilage. That was their story and, though, the break up was all either could really think about, none of their friends or colleagues brought it up ever. Every now and again, Mark would give her a nudge or Cristina would start to ask how she was before thinking better of it and decided to move on with her day.
It got easier to deal with as days turned into weeks; and Callie rode the high of her work and being acknowledged with such an honor, until she got back to her apartment and was in her bare room. The first night, after Arizona got her stuff together and left, Callie didn't even recognize the place. The tears slid down her cheeks involuntarily the first week. The next, she would find something small, something that she couldn't remember if it was hers or Arizona's, and she feels like she's right at the beginning.
Days kept moving, and things got better, easier; but her room was a stranger's room. Any good thing that happened that day, any comfort she could find at work or with her friends, that stayed at the door way and wasn't picked up until she left the four walls.
Days before the big night Callie was sitting in the cafeteria, one hand picking at a small pile of grapes while the other was scribbling down notes for her speech. A shadow hovers over her notes and the faint smell of coconut fills her senses. She's almost afraid to look up, but when she does she can't help but hold her breath for a moment before shakily exhaling. If Arizona noticed, she politely ignored it and offered a small, "Hey."
"Hi," Callie threw back, just as quietly.
"I just wanted to say congratulations," Arizona said with a smile that Callie didn't remember. It hit her quickly that she didn't know it because it was a sad smile that didn't come anywhere close to reaching Arizona's dim eyes. The blonde continued quickly, fidgeting with the stem of the apple that seemed to serve as her lunch, "I'd heard right when it was announced, and I was waiting to bump into you, but…"
The sentence was left hanging, and Callie didn't know how to pick it up but she tried anyway, "Thanks. It…th-that…means, a lot…well, I've been pretty busy anyway, so-"
"Yeah, of course," Arizona shrugged, chuckling nervously as her eyes briefly locked with Callie's. The flutter that resided low in her stomach jumped once before Callie looked back down at her notes. Arizona picked up the hint immediately, "I'm gonna leave you to it…just wanted to let you know…I'm proud of you."
The last half of her sentence was rushed, and Callie looked up just in time to see Arizona scamper off with her head low and swaying from side to side. She knew right away that her ex was having chastising herself for what she said and how she had said it. Callie was suddenly struck with the realization, after she watched Arizona disappear behind the cafeteria doors, that this was the first time they had spoken to each other since they broke up.
It was not an ideal mindset to be in on the days leading up to her big night. She continued on, not as numb as before. Callie found she just had to work harder at keeping her feelings deep down before letting them erupt when she got home and sunk into her giant, empty bed.
The nerves were enough to occupy her mind and forget, briefly, about the sadness all the way up to the big night. She went on autopilot, listening to many other incredible surgeons speak before they spoke briefly about her work and let her take over. This was different than the presentation. The lights were brighter, the atmosphere was warm and welcoming, and she was allowed to throw back a couple shots of tequila at the open bar before accepting her award.
After her fifteen minutes seemed to stretch into days, it was suddenly over and dinner was being served as she headed straight towards the bar for another to drink to try to ease her post speech jitters. As she waited for her drink, a real smile spread across her face as she thought, it happened just like Mark said.
As if sensing her train of thought, he slides next to her cradling his drink in his hands. "You kicked ass up there, Torres," he whispered, close to her ear.
Her drink arrived, and she touches her glass to his with a clink before turning towards him. "I did, didn't I?" she laughed. "I just…I feel so…"
The sentence drops as Callie's eyes wander past Mark and she sees a flash of blonde hair and clear blue eyes. Mark, noticing the distraction, turns and sees nothing before turning back to Callie, her face now contorted in confusion. He raises his eyebrows in question and she shakes her head, "Sorry…I thought…did, um…did Arizona…is she here?"
Mark can't help the sigh that escapes his mouth. He finishes his drink in a swift gulp before leaning his elbows on the bar, gesturing for another drink, and turning his head slightly towards Callie. "Didn't see her," he answers. "Don't let it ruin your night, kid."
"What?" she laughs, finishing her own drink and pushing it next to his empty glass. "I'm not…I wasn't…I was just wondering, OK. I'm happy…this is a happy night."
His drink arrives, and his eyes give her a once over. Callie brightens her smile when his gaze rests on her face and he gives her a firm nod before heading back to their table. Her drink arrives shortly after and is gone just as soon. She looks back towards their table, all of the people in her life eating dinner, drinking, laughing, and celebrating this night as if there wasn't a care in the world.
Callie envies them. She knows they all have their own problems, but she can only hope that any face she's been presenting to this hospital since her break up looks half as convincing as the happiness coming from her table. The emotions bubbling beneath are threatening to come out, and she head out of the room and straight towards the bathroom.
As she enters, she's aware that there are a few people at the mirror, touching up make up or running their fingers through her hair. Callie keeps her head down, walking over to the sink and turning the cold water on. She cups her hands, collecting the water, before bringing her face down into the small pool. When once isn't enough, she does the same thing again, choosing to forget that her mascara is probably running down her cheeks.
Straightening up, Callie shakes her hands dry before reaching for a towel. After her hands are pat dry, she takes a moment to tug at her dress, smoothing the material over her body, before looking into her own eyes through the mirror. As she suspected, her makeup had been smudged, but the damage wasn't as bad as she thought. Callie's gaze shifts past her shoulder and she can't help but appreciate the irony of her previous thought before she finds herself staring into clear, blue eyes.
Arizona gives her a shy smile, letting Callie know that she had been watching her before she noticed. She closed her eyes, hoping for a second that if she wanted it badly enough the blonde would disappear. She opened them, defeated, because she was internally fighting a losing battle. In the end, Callie could never want Arizona to disappear.
"You did great up there," Arizona tells her with a nod to reinforce her point. "A lot better than the last time you had to speak in front of a crowd."
"This wasn't a presentation. I was accepting an award," Callie repeats Mark's words as she looks down and throws her towel into the trash can nearby. She turns and leans back on the sink as she crosses her arms over chest. She starts thinking about the moments leading up to her acceptance and smiles at the memory.
"I have to admit, I had some liquid courage," Callie laughs, involuntarily sharing her thoughts.
Arizona allows herself to chuckle as well, eyeing Callie suspiciously, "I had a feeling."
Once silence settled over them, they both realized that they just had a conversation where they allowed themselves to forget how much the break up hurt. The longer the seconds ticked by, the tenser the atmosphere in the bathroom became.
"This shouldn't be so weird," Arizona blurted. Callie looked shocked at the sudden statement, and went to respond, but Arizona forged ahead. "This was a big moment for you, and we should be able to be happy about that…no matter what our circumstances are."
She spoke with such confidence, but Callie could see her wringing her hands together as she waited for Callie to say something in return. "You're right," she admitted, trying to sound like she believed it but also not entirely sure. "We're both adults and we didn't…It's not like we cheated, or anything."
"Exactly," Arizona agreed, her smile growing and genuinely lighting up her face. "We just wanted different things."
The awkward silence lingered still.
Arizona chewed on her bottom lip while Callie kept nodding her head as her eyes darted around the bathroom, unconsciously looking for an escape. Arizona let out a heavy sigh, almost like she had come to a decision. She took a step forward, forcing Callie to look back at her, and laughed nervously. "Anyway," she began, taking another step toward Callie. "I just want to congratulate you, and be here for you. To, you know…for support…something to that effect."
"It means a lot," Callie replied honestly straightening up as she noticed that Arizona wasn't entirely convinced. "It really does."
They both take steps forward at the same time, resulting in them being an arm's length apart from each other. Callie knows that she moves her arms the same time that Arizona does, but the blonde was the one who took it all the way and wrapped them around Callie's neck. It takes a moment for her senses to adjust to being this close to Arizona again. For a moment, it feels strange, like they haven't been in this position hundreds of times before. Then, Callie forgets everything and slides her arms around her narrow waist. Once Callie completes the hold, both women tighten the embrace. She feels Arizona turn her face into her hair and hears her take a deep breath.
Callie realizes then that she hadn't been breathing. Her hands flatten themselves out over Arizona's back as she shakily exhales before following the other woman's led and breathing in her scent. Neither stiffen when they shift, or attempt to pull away, they just hold each other and fight off the awkward tension that they know will inevitably come because they both know that nothing has changed.
The time does arrive, however, and they reluctantly pull back.
But not too far.
Their noses bump against each other and their breathing suddenly picks up, hot against each other's faces. Before she can do anything, Arizona had pressed her mouth down on to Callie's. Just like the hug, she took a moment to panic before closing her eyes and returning the pressure. They both knew that this was wrong, and would just add to the hurt that was already weighing down on their hearts, but neither could stop.
Arizona's hands, which hung loosely around Callie's shoulders, moved around and up to cup her face and pull her closer. Their mouths opened, deepening the kiss, as Callie's hands began to roam lower. Instinctively, Arizona stepped forward with her thigh pressing in between Callie's legs. She can't help the groan that is released and Arizona breaks away and starts to kiss along her jaw down to her neck. Callie's breathing heavily now, her head rolling back on her neck as Arizona pushes further with her thigh. A louder moan escapes from her mouth, and is captured quickly by Arizona's mouth returning for another deep kiss. Just as Callie's hands begin to move from around Arizona, the bathroom door opens and they jump apart.
Cristina, not paying attention as she pushed the door open, walks in and stops as she looks up. Callie is leaning on the sink, both hands grasping the sides tightly. Arizona, meanwhile, is hugging her own body with one hand while the other covers her swollen lips.
"Oh," she says as she switches her view back and forth and tries to keep from laughing. "Oh…um…well, I'm gonna come back…later."
Then she's gone, just as soon as she barged in.
"Dammit," Callie lets out as she slams her palm against the sink. "All the time and energy I spent trying to get over you…gone…gone in a matter of minutes."
"I'm sorry," Arizona tells her after a minute or two passes. Callie looks at her through the mirror as she continues, "This was my fault, I…just seeing you up there…confident and fearless…I was so proud, and I guess I thought it would be easy to be friends, you know. That I could be in the same room with you and not…"
She trails off, looking away from Callie's hard stare.
"Nothing's changed," Callie states, but her eyebrows are raised in question, in hope.
Slowly, Arizona shakes her head, "It was just…
"A moment," Callie and Arizona finish at the same time. She notices, now, that Arizona has forgotten to breath. When she does, she says, "Congratulations."
Arizona leaves quickly, without looking back.
Callie closes her eyes and fights back the tears.