Ridikulus'

by bumblebee88888

What would Snape's boggart be? Snape goes to Grimmauld Place after Dumbledore's death. I have presented four possible 'worst fears' in this short story. If anyone has any views on which of these fears would be most probable, please review.

'Ridikulus…'

Snape's heart was pounding against his chest as he sprinted away from the hippogriff. Blood was seeping from the wound on his arm where the creature had managed to slash him with its long, sharp talons. Eyes watering with pain, Snape held his robes against the flow as he continued to run towards the edge of Hogwarts' boundaries where he'd soon be able to Disapparate. Ahead he could see Draco, spinning on the spot and with a blink of an eye he had Disapparated to his Manor- Voldemort's head quarters. Once Snape finally stepped beyond the protective curses Dumbledore had placed around the castle, he stopped; wondering where he should go. Although he knew the Dark Lord would be waiting for him, he also realised how important it would be to his Master that Snape return to Grimmauld Place to gain as much knowledge as he could about the Order's plans. He felt sure that Voldemort would not object as he spun on the spot, thinking of number 12 Grimmauld Place.

Snape opened his eyes facing the silver, snake-like doorknocker, slowly turned the handle and walked into the house. As soon as he stepped over the threshold, he closed the door and mended the wound on his arm. Satisfied that his injury was completely healed, Snape looked around the living room and realised that he was not the first to invade headquarters. Everywhere Snape looked it appeared like the entire house had been turned upside-down; apparently someone- Snape had no problem guessing who- had invaded the house, knowing that the Order would be at Hogwarts for a majority of the night. Snape never liked Mundungus much, but after tonight, he was reasonably sure that the Sneak-thief would be the only member of the Order who may consider him to be half a reasonable man.

Suddenly, the reality of what he had done sank in. In the heat of the battle and with Potter yelling at him, Snape could only defend what he did, but now he wondered how Potter was going to defeat the Dark Lord when Dumbledore was no longer alive to assist him. Snape remembered the things that Potter yelled at him and hoped that all the boy knew about him was that he told the Dark Lord about the prophecy and nothing more. Snape was sure that Dumbledore would not betray his trust with regard to keeping his secret hidden from Harry, but perhaps he let something slip when they left the castle earlier tonight?

Snape consoled himself: if Potter knew about you and Lily, he would have said something. Then Snape recalled the Potter boy's words again, echoing in his mind. Snape hated to admit it, but when Potter provoked him with such anger and fury in his face Snape felt haunted by the look Lily's eyes were giving him. He hated the boy because he greatly resembled his father, but no matter how many times he tried to deny it, he always managed to see a little of Lily's love and personality shine through the boy and surprisingly tonight was one of those times. It was clear to Snape that Dumbledore meant a lot to Harry and consequently, Snape would probably never get the chance to explain to the boy what truly happened that night. Because of Potter's loyalty to his friend and mentor, he wouldn't insult the Headmaster by listening to his killer, no matter how remorseful the killer may be.

Snape suddenly realised that he had been standing stationary for too long and needed to search the house and return to Voldemort before he became suspicious. Yet, Snape had no idea why he even came to Grimmauld Place because he had no intention of telling his Master or his fellow Death Eaters about the Order's plans; perhaps it was just his desire to see headquarters one last time because he was certain the Order would soon put up several spells to prevent him and his fellow Death Eaters from entering.

Walking up the stairs two at a time, Snape sneered slightly at how much Mundungus had taken advantage of the Order's absence from the house; it appeared that he had stolen everything in the house that was worth taking. Severus realised that he had never been past the first floor, so decided to continue walking up the stairs. At the final threshold he saw two doors. One had a silver name plate 'Sirius' upon the door and Snape couldn't help being curious as he walk into the bedroom of his childhood tormentor. It seemed that Mundungus had tried his hardest to steal most of Black's belongings from his room, but to no avail. Paper was strewn everywhere, drawers were left open, but as far as Snape could tell, nothing valuable was taken; Black's sterling silver trophies, heirlooms and valuables still sat on his shelves.

Snape began to walk around the room and stopped dead at the photo of four teenagers arm in arm. On the far right was Lupin; Snape just stared at the shabby young boy and felt nothing towards him; he may have been Potter and Black's friend, but he wasn't responsible for the way James and Sirius treated him. Then Snape looked at the next boy with all too familiar black messy hair and scrawny stature, he knew James Potter from anywhere. The smile that emanated from the photo hit Snape painfully in his heart; that smile used to haunt him in his sleep; not just any smile, but one of mockery and evil humour. Hatred began to boil up inside of Snape and moving onto the next boy in the photo didn't help as Black's dark, handsome eyes smiled at him, again with the haunting echo of Snape's childhood humiliation. Finally, Snape set his eyes upon the final boy. A good head shorter than the other three, Wormtail stood happily next to his then friends. Snape had never given a thought to Wormtail because he knew that he was now a Death Eater and was as weak as his friends were strong. At the back of Snape's mind he heard the echo of Dumbledore's voice asserting that Wormtail was the Potter's Secret Keeper, not Black and although it disappointed Snape at the time that he didn't have another reason to hate Black even more, he now looked at Wormtail's face with more hatred than he felt towards Potter or Black. While Snape blamed himself for Lily's death, no one was at more fault than Wormtail- or so he felt.

Pathetic, weak pile of vermin, Snape mumbled to himself.

Turning around to look at the other pictures on the wall, Snape was distracted by a photo that caught his eye. Kneeling down on the ground, Snape picked up an old, moving image of a baby boy with jet black hair riding a broomstick, with his father- Snape scowled- chasing after his son. But as the black eyes met the brilliant green his expression softened. He watched the laughing woman and closed his eyes as if he could hear her laugh echoing in his mind. Tears prickled in his eyes when Snape opened them again as Lily's laugh escaped his memory. He tore the photo in half, keeping the portion with Lily's eyes, laugh and gorgeous face. Tears clouding his vision, Snape could just make out Lily's writing on another piece of paper nearby. Wiping the tears from his eyes, so he could read the letter addressed to Black, Snape was mesmerized by her writing; seeing it once again made Snape's heart jump with happiness. Finally, when he arrived at the end of the letter, Snape saw the red heart and beautifully written name and tore Lily's love from the page and stared at it for many moments.

Upset that he never told Lily how he felt about her, distraught that she had never sent her love to him as she did to the unworthy Black, Snape was angry at himself for destroying any chance he had of ever being with Lily by being as weak as Wormtail and succumbing to his desire for power. But even before he became a Death Eater he still destroyed any chance he had with Lily- why hadn't Lily given him the chance to explain? Her blood status meant nothing to him.

She should have known that. Snape thought to himself bitterly. I was her best friend. I loved her, doesn't that mean anything anymore?

But she didn't know you loved her, you were too afraid that Potter would find out and humiliate you in front of her and every other student in the school. Why couldn't you get past that and forget about your fears? It would have been worth it. But would she have returned your feelings? Well, you foolishly let your emotions get the better of you and now you'll never know.

Snape continued to search the mess of papers sprawled across the floor in the hope he may find another letter or photo depicting the woman he loved, but to no avail. Finally, he decided he'd take one last look in the desk cupboards, thinking that Black may have stored his letters there. Snape reached for the handle of the bottom right hand cupboard and pulled. Snape fell back wards as an apparently solid form of the teenage James Potter walked out of the comparably small cupboard. Snape sat on the floor, his chest heaving as he watched his nemesis stand up to his full height and look down upon its victim.

"Well, well, well, hello Snivellus." James Potter sneered at Snape's horrified, pale face. "You wouldn't believe what I just heard. Apparently you aren't as cold hearted as I thought you were. It surprises me that the Dark Arts haven't demented your brain yet, but I must say that you are certainly becoming thicker by the day! But I suppose, I should congratulate you for being the most delusional slimeball to come through Hogwarts because-" James sneered "you actually believe you have a chance with Lily Evans! I never would have thought it possible that a greasy, git like yourself would have the guts to love someone who is so obviously out of your league! Do you really think she loves you, Snivellus? Will you cry if she doesn't return your love? Well personally, I don't think she will give a damn because after you made her feel worthless when you called her a Mudblood-"

"SHUT UP!" Snape roared. But the boy continued.

"Since then, she hasn't have given a rat's arse about your feelings, Snivellus! And you thought you had a chance!? Perhaps you thought that Lily Evans was different from everybody else because she defended you and befriended you, but in the end, you turned out to be the Death Eater and Dark Art lover she always knew you were! How dare you even contemplate the idea that you and her would have married and had children! I would feel so sorry for your son and daughter with their slimy hair, long noses but most of all for having a loser of a slimeball as their father!"

"SHUT UP!" Snape was beside himself, half sobbing, half raging and although he knew the James Potter wasn't real, he couldn't bring himself to get up off the ground.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

James Potter dissolved before Snape's eyes and was replaced almost immediately by the same body, same hair, same face, but different eyes, Lily's eyes.

"So…." Harry said, looking down at Snape. "Dumbledore told me why he trusted you. Is it really true that you loved my mother? I mean you ACTUALLY thought that you had a chance? Have you ever looked at her properly or has that oily curtain around your face made you blind? My mother had beautiful hair and bright green eyes; to compare her against your cold black eyes and greasy hair would have been hysterical! You would look like SHIT next to her; she'd probably forget you even existed! After all, you are a Death Eater and someone as good and as kind as my mother would NEVER love a man who supports Voldemort. And anyway, what made you think that you had a chance?"

"SHE AND I WERE FRIENDS!" Snape yelled.

"Well let me tell you this," Harry continued, his voice raised. "Having seen your memory in the pensieve I know that you would not have had a chance of being with my mother. You called her a Mudblood! How dare you? She may have been your friend, but she would never have loved you, not the way she loved my father. He was so honourable, a brilliant Quidditch player and an excellent, talented man and with him to compete with, you wouldn't have stood a chance! Don't kid yourself, Snape! You sit here wondering if she could have loved you and I laugh my arse off at your pathetic hopes and wishes! I may not have known my mother for very long, but I know that she wasn't stupid and let me tell you this- Are you listening?" Harry demanded of the man.

"I don't have to listen to you," Snape whispered.

"MY MOTHER WOULD NEVER HAVE LOVED A MAN WHO ALMOST CAUSED THE DEATH OF HER SON-"

"I didn't know what I was-"

"SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE LOVED A MAN SO WEAK AND PATHETIC THAT HE TREATS ALL OF HIS STUDENTS LIKE SHIT!"

"But-"

"AND FINALLY, SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE LOVED YOU BECAUSE YOU WOULD REMIND HER OF THE EVIL AND CRUELTY THAT ENVELOPED THE WIZARDING WORLD WHEN VOLDEMORT WAS AT THE HEIGHT OF HIS POWER!"

"But, I'm not like that…." Snape whispered, tears pouring down his cheeks.

Harry Potter started laughing out aloud, an evil laugh that rang throughout the house. Then Harry disappeared and was replaced by his Dad who laughed in the same way, tears pouring down his face as if Snape's love for Lily was the funniest thing he had ever heard.

Then Harry popped back in place of his father. "Wait until I tell everyone in Slytherin how delusional you were, they are going to laugh so much! Finally you'll understand how it feels to be humiliated in front of your own House!"

"But I already-"

"Everybody, guess what? You are not going to believe this but Snape loved my mother and she was a Muggleborn." A chorus of 'Boos' echoed around the room and Snape covered his ears to block out the taunts that have haunted him since his childhood.

It isn't real. It's your worst fear, a Boggart. Just say-

"R- R- Riddikulus…" Snape whispered unable to say with conviction that what he had just heard and seen was in fact ridiculous at all. Harry's laughter continued to echo through the house while Snape tried to think of something humorous to change the Boggart into, but he couldn't, there was nothing funny about what he saw.

Eventually Snape gave up. James and Harry were right. They knew that Snape wanted nothing more than for Lily to be alive so that he could look into her bright green eyes and apologise for everything he has done and tell her once and for all that he loves her even though she has been dead for fifteen years.

The taunts of his nemesis and his son were becoming deafening. Severus tried to stand up so that he could get away from the Boggart, but the James Potter replica stood over Snape, preventing him from rising.

"Riddikulus," sobbed Snape feeling hopeless, but the Boggart cruelly persisted on its victim as if wanting to make sure the message would be etched upon Snape's memory forever.

"Please, leave me alone." Snape pleaded. "I get it; I understand that I was stupid for loving her. It doesn't matter; I'll get over it."

As if the Boggart could hear him, James replied. "But you don't get it do you, Snivellus? You may say that you'll give up on her, give up on your dream and happy wedding, but you won't! I know you won't!"
"Well, you can't expect me to forget her!" Snape was becoming hysterical.

"And why not? She was only a Mudblood to you-"

"STOP SAYING THAT! I DIDN'T MEAN TO CALL HER-!"

"But nevertheless it slipped out of your mouth anyway, didn't it Snivellus?" James looked down on Snape, disgusted.

Snape realised that he was fuelling the Boggart with his fears; the Boggart was able to detect what he feared and use it against him.

"I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!'

"But you're afraid of me, aren't you Snape?" Harry had replaced his father once again.

"No, I'm not!"

"Oh, but you are. You always hated it when I'd get mad at you because my eyes would reflect my anger and to you that meant that Lily was angry too. And you hated it when my mother was angry with you! And as you sit there watching me laugh at you, you are absolutely horrified because that means my mother is laughing at you and your stupidity! WHY HAVEN'T YOU STOPPED THINKING ABOUT MY MOTHER? IT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO AFTER KILLING HER!" Harry looked furious and Snape cowered under his gaze.

"I- I didn't mean to kill her."

"But she was only a Mudblood to you!"

"SHUT UP!"

"FACE IT, SNAPE! YOU CAN'T DENY IT! YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A COWARD! YOU KILLED MY MOTHER, MY FATHER AND DUMBLEDORE; NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOU FOR THAT!"

Snape collapsed on the floor sobbing, "you don't understand, you don't understand, I can explain."

"YEAH?" Harry yelled. "WELL EXPLAIN THIS!"

Snape gasped in shock as the Boggart transformed into Lily. Directly in front of Snape, the gorgeous woman fell, her bright green eyes wide open, her body stock still as if she had just been hit with the killing curse.

"Lily…" Snape whispered, tears pouring down his pale cheeks as he went to touch the face of the woman he has always loved. "Lily, I'm so sorry, I didn't know- I tried to protect you- I spoke to Dumbledore- I tried."

It was as if Snape had forgotten that he was talking to a Boggart and not to the real Lily Potter he once knew and loved. But Snape didn't notice; seeing Lily for the first time since her death, Snape's face contorted as if he was both disgusted and horrified at what he saw. The inevitable eruption exploded from somewhere deep within Snape's throat and his uncontrollable sobs filled the room. The distraught man felt no shame; he didn't try to stop himself from crying like a child. Although devastated the night he found out about the Potter's murder, Snape forced himself to remain in control of his emotions, but now such mastery was almost impossible.

Averting his eyes away from the Boggart, Snape attempted to wipe his wet face with his hand, but there was an endless flow of tears. Looking back towards the Boggart, Snape moaned as he saw James standing where Lily's body was only seconds ago.

"Aw, look everyone! Snivellus is crying like a pathetic baby! What's wrong, Snivelly? Did your Mummy forget to wash your underpants?" James sneered and laughed at his snide remark.

Snape could no longer put up with the apparent replay of his childhood and crawled away from his Boggart, completely at a loss as to how he was going to get rid of it if he wasn't even strong enough to stand up to it: to Potter.

"Harry we need to be quick; if my mother realises we've fled the funeral this'll be the first place she'll look."

"I know, Ron, but I really felt like I needed to come back here, just to- you know- see Sirius' place one more time before we leave to look for Horcruxes."
"Well, actually Harry, this is your place now. Remember? Sirius left it to you."

"Yeah, but it will always be his place to me. Oh my god!" Harry had just entered the living room and saw the disaster that used to be an orderly, however dusty area of the house.

"Mundungus," Ron breathed, not believing how much mess one man could cause.

"Mundungus!" Harry roared. "You won't get away with this, that's my stuff you're taking!" Storming up the stairs, Harry searched in every room hoping to catch the Sneak-thief red handed, his friends close behind him.

As the trio were walking up the last section of stairs, they all paused as they listened to the voice of a man who sounded distraught and highly upset.

"Wait here," Harry whispered to his companions as he climbed up the remainder of the stairs. Ron and Hermione remained behind looking apprehensive as Harry slowly creaked open the door, hoping not to be heard by whoever was in his Godfather's old bedroom. But the sight that greeted Harry was beyond the thinkable: a crumpled, dark figure was kneeling on the floor, tears pouring down his cheeks as he sobbed over Lily Potter's dead body. Harry froze to the spot; he could not believe that the man who had so ruthlessly murdered Dumbledore only an hour ago was now weeping over the loss of his mother. Suddenly, the Boggart changed into himself, Harry, but it seemed as if Snape was beyond speaking and Harry wondered how long he had been sitting there, a victim of his own Boggart. Harry's heart leapt as he saw an alive version of his mother replace himself as Snape's Boggart. An eerie voice, so unlike his mother's own, escaped from the Boggart's mouth: "What have you done to me, Sev?" Snape cowered under the sharp gaze Lily was giving him.

"I'm sorry, Lily." Snape whispered.

"It's not good enough, Severus! You killed me!"

"No, Lily! Not on purpose! Please…" Snape begged his Boggart, curling up once again completely hopeless against what was clearly his worst nightmare.

"I should have listened to James! He was right about you all this time! I thought you were better than this Severus! But you're just like the rest of them!" Lily was furious at her own stupidity.

"No! Lily, please. Let me explain…" Snape pleaded, but even if Snape had the opportunity to explain, for the Boggart had now changed back into Harry Potter, no words escaped his mouth; seeing Lily's disappointment and anger dissolved him into silence.

As much as Harry hated the idea of saving a murderer from his own guilt and regret, Harry silently approached his yelling self ("YOU ARE THE MOST WEAK, PATHETIC MAN I HAVE EVER SEEN! STOP BLUBBERING OVER A WOMAN WHO WOULD NEVER HAVE LOVED YOU ANYWAY!") and stood next to the Boggart, completely undetected by the still distraught Severus.

Sensing the presence of a different wizard, the Boggart changed into a Dementor and soared into the air, its rasping breath echoing around the room. Snape looked up at the Boggart, clearly shocked that the Harry that was tormenting him had apparently disappeared. Sensing Snape's despair, the Dementor glided closer to the vulnerable man. Harry knew that the Dementor wasn't real, so felt no real need to prevent the advance on his Potions Master, but Snape, after enduring minutes of torment, did not consider the unusual appearance of the Dementor within the house.

Out of instinct, Snape yelled "Expecto Patronum!" and to Harry's surprise, a beautiful, silver doe cantered out of Snape's wand and drove the Boggart back into its cupboard. Not only was Harry shocked that a Death Eater could create a Patronus, but that Snape could actually think of anything happy about the current situation. Perhaps, Harry thought, Snape was happy that his Boggart was no longer tormenting him.

Harry was frozen on the spot; he realised that at any moment Snape would turn around and see him standing there. Harry took his wand out of his pocket and held it in front of him, ready to fight the man were he to attack. Holding his breath, Harry slowly walked away from Snape, whose back was turned towards him, hoping that he could get out of the room before Snape detected his presence. But Harry was not so lucky and slipped on a piece of paper lying on the floor. At the sound of his fall, Snape's head spun around and Harry saw all the colour in his face disappear at the sight of him. Snape's eyes were bloodshot and still moist, but his tears had stopped. Harry didn't know how to interpret the expression Snape gave him; it was a mixture of shock, anger and fear. This surprised Harry as he had only ever seen two sides of Snape, one of total indifference or his classic sneer.

The two wizards stared at each other for what felt like eternity, but as time went on, Harry was reasonably sure that Snape was not going to attack him, but was probably doing Legilimency on him to see how much he saw of Snape's Boggart. But Harry was surprised when words escaped Snape's mouth.

"How much did you see?" Snape whispered without looking away from Harry's eyes.

"Enough," Harry replied, imitating Snape's gaze.

Suddenly Snape stood up so that he towered over Harry. Harry brought his wand in front of his body, feeling unsafe with Snape so close to him. But Snape did not even draw his wand, and much to Harry's surprise, raised his arms into a surrendering position. Harry lowered his wand, maintaining eye contact with the man.

Thinking that perhaps Snape was attempting to do Legilimency on him once again, Harry thought to himself: I saw enough to know that you fear humiliation at my hand and that you fear my mother's dead body and her hatred of you so… I suppose that means you feel remorse for what you have done. Although Snape did not respond, it was clear to Harry that the man detected how he felt towards him because his face relaxed slightly as if relieved that Harry understood.

But why was Snape's Patronus a doe? Harry thought to himself.

As if he had caused a chain reaction, Harry saw Snape's eyes fill with emotion, as opposed to the cold, black circles he was so used to seeing, which was then followed by an apparent fascination with the ground. Harry took this opportunity to escape the extremely uncomfortable situation. But Snape, having realised what Harry was trying to do walked in front of him, preventing Harry from leaving.

Harry silently obeyed the man's actions by remaining still. But it didn't last long; Ron and Hermione were starting to worry about Harry and although they realised the cries of anguish had stopped, they wondered what was happening to their friend, but couldn't see beyond the partially closed door. When Harry thought the situation couldn't become more awkward, Ron and Hermione stormed into the room with their wands drawn, only to drop their jaws, completely dumbfounded; apparently they were not expecting to see Snape either.

Both Ron and Hermione turned to face Harry to see how he was handling the situation, but Harry and Snape continued to stare at each other.

Harry suddenly realised a possible, almost terrifying meaning behind Snape's Patronus. Knowing that his father's animagus was a stag and having seen Tonk's Patronus earlier that year, the explanation made sense to Harry. Intending his thought to get to Snape, Harry said to himself: you loved my mother didn't you?

The black eyes filled with tears, his blinking lids forcing the drops to slide down his face.

"Yes, and I'm sorry," the man whispered as he ran out of the room, Ron and Hermione leaping aside as he pushed past them.

Three pairs of eyes watched Severus descend the stairs and none of them spoke until they heard the slamming of the door.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" Ron whispered looking dumbstruck.

"What did he mean by 'yes'? What was he asserting to?" Hermione asked, completely confused.

"That he loved my mother," Harry replied, still not fully believing it himself.

"What?" Ron exclaimed.

"And- and he said he was sorry for?" Hermione asked timidly, ignoring Ron's outburst.

"Killing her," Harry answered as he looked at his two best friends, each of them as shocked as he was.