THANKFUL

I don't own these characters. I just like to spend time with them. No other profit to be had.

AN - I have so much in this world that I could gripe about but when I realize how much I have to be thankful for, I lose the desire to complain. So I won't. I was going to wait till next week to post this but I have no idea what I'll be doing next week. So I'm a little early.

I also have to give special thanks to my friend LadyKRedzz for her help on this. She is such a special person and I appreciate her more than she knows.

THNKSGVNGTHNKSGVNGTHNKSGVNG

"How are you feeling?" She asked the shrunken figure in the bed as she came in. "Doing okay? Huh?" He looked up blankly at her for a moment before recognition sank in and he offered a wan and fleeting smile before his focus again faltered.

Brushing thinning gray hair from his face, she bent down and placed a soft kiss on his forehead with a smile that touched her lips but not her eyes. "I talked to your doctor before I came in here today. He said you're doing fine." She watched his face, hoping for some sign of comprehension but none seemed to be forthcoming.

As she moved around the side of the bed, straightening his covers, he watched her intently but he offered no words. He was fairly incapable of that now. Though he was still there, physically, his mind was more and more absent, gone to some place more pleasant for him.

The doctor had warned her that it would be like this. "He's fairly competent right now, Miss Russell." He'd told her when she'd first arrived. "But before long he'll not be able to interact much at all with you. He'll respond, but his responses will be slow. And often you'll have to remind him to do even the simplest of things, like chew when there's food in his mouth or swallow once he's chewed it. He is deteriorating rapidly. I'm afraid it's only a matter of time."

"Will he know who I am?" She'd asked, afraid he wouldn't.

"Right now, of course." Then the doctor shrugged. "But as his condition deteriorates more and more, and it will very quickly, that recognition will slip. By the end, maybe not."

Kitty had nodded, thanked him, and with poker face firmly in place, turned and entered his room.

That had been 10 days ago and she'd been there most of every day since, taking very few breaks for her own personal needs. What she was doing was hard, especially as she was doing it alone, but she refused to allow a stranger to take over his care anymore than she had to. He was her responsibility, no one else's.

At first, it hadn't seemed so bad. Forced into cordiality by circumstance, they made polite chit chat and caught up with each other's lives since they'd last been together. Carefully, they avoided that last time on the boardwalk in front of the stage office. No reason to open old wounds this late in the game. Nothing could be gained by that.

But all too soon, his condition worsened and after only a couple of days, he began to lose the ability to move much on his own and then his speech left him and now, just seven days after she'd arrived, he could only communicate with her by simple gestures and the occasional eye movement.

"Would you like some water?" She asked him.

A slight nod was the only indication that he did. Gently, she lifted his head and then held the cup to his lips, watching while he swallowed the liquid, making sure he didn't choke. When he pursed his lips and refused another sip, she laid his head back down and put the cup back on the small bedside table.

"Would you like me to read to you some more tonight?" She made certain to keep her tone light and easy. No pain, or grief, or anything else of that nature, would she allow herself to show.

He offered no reply and she expected none but when his eyes flickered to the book on the bedside table, she picked it up, turned to the bookmarked page and began to read. An hour later, he was asleep, truly asleep and probably would stay that way for the rest of the night.

Placing the book back down on the nightstand, she rose and stretched her back. She needed to visit the water closet and hopefully bum some coffee of the night duty nurse. Though he would most likely not wake, she didn't want to take the chance on it and miss out on any of his waking hours. She already missed out on more than she wanted.

Of course, their separation had been his choice, not hers and it was he who had promised her much but delivered nothing. But it didn't change anything. He was her responsibility and whether he knew of or appreciated what she was doing, made little difference.

After using the water closet and washing her face and hands, Kitty made her way down the hall of the small hospital to the area the nurses and doctors used as their sanctuary away from the needs of their patients. Teresa was the only one inside and she smiled happily when Kitty poked her head in.

"Miss Russell. Good to see you. Come for some coffee?" Her brown eyes narrowed a little as she watched Kitty enter the room. The woman looked exhausted and Teresa was as concerned for her as for her patient.

Teresa was a young novice from the Sisters of Mercy who worked the night shift at the hospital. Though only twenty two and still innocent in so many ways, she had proven to be a capable and compassionate nurse and a willing ear for those needing solace. She had offered that to the beautiful red head but so far, Kitty had declined to take her up on it.

"Yeah, if you don't mind." Kitty returned the smile as she moved over to the small stove in the corner.

"How's he doing tonight?" Teresa asked and then added. "How are you doing?"

Kitty shrugged. "Okay, I guess. He's sleeping right now so I thought I'd slip out for a few minutes."

"Why don't you go back to your hotel and get some sleep, Miss Russell?" Teresa knew even as she suggested it that Kitty Russell would reject the idea. "I'm here and you know I'll take good care of him."

Kitty offered her a grateful smile before shaking her head. "No, I'm fine, really. I… It's just…" She sighed deeply. "I need to be here." She finally looked at the young woman before her. "We've missed so much time between us, I don't want to miss what little is left."

Teresa nodded. "I understand. But you need to take care of yourself as well. I doubt you've had more than a few hours' sleep in the the days you've been here."

Kitty dropped her eyes to the cup she held and took another drink of it before heading to the door. "I'll be fine." She said.

"Well," Teresa sighed. "Can't say I didn't try." As Kitty opened the door to leave she called out again. "Oh? I almost forgot. We're going to serve the meal in the main lobby tomorrow around noon, if you'd like to come. I'd be glad to go down and sit with him while you come and eat."

"Meal?" Kitty looked at her questionably. "For what?"

"Thanksgiving." Teresa answered. "Guess with what all you have on your mind, it must've slipped past you."

"Yeah, I guess it did." Kitty ticked her head. "Well, I'll see about tomorrow, tomorrow. Right now, I need to get back. Thanks for the coffee and the invitation. I appreciate it."

Teresa silently watched her leave, wishing there was something she could do for the woman besides offer her a free meal. But she knew any help or solace would have to come from someone else, someone on a much higher level.

As Kitty retraced her steps to his room, she shook her head.

Thanksgiving. She'd forgotten all about it.

Truthfully, she'd forgotten about a lot of things when she received the wire stating that he needed her. Well, it didn't matter. Tomorrow, no matter what title applied to it, was just another day. Still, she wished…

Forcing her mind from such thoughts, she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath before opening the door and going back into his room. He was still asleep and probably wouldn't have noticed the pain on her face if he wasn't, but she still didn't wish to show it.

Sitting down in the chair beside his bed, she looked back over at his pale gaunt form, the word 'Thanksgiving' still playing on her mind. The last time she'd seen him, so many years ago, she was sure she'd never see him again and never want to. He had hurt her in a way no one else ever had or ever could.

Back then, she'd given thanks that he was out of her life for good. But as the years passed, now and then, she regretted that and wished she'd had just one more chance to see him. Just one more opportunity to explore their relationship and see where it would've led. But pride kept her from searching for him, well pride and something, or at least someone, else anyway.

And of course, he hadn't made any effort to reconnect with her either over the years and he knew exactly where she was without having to search.

"We've missed so much." She whispered to him, swallowing back the threatening tears. "So many Thanksgivings and Christmas's and birthdays and…" She dropped her head. "I wish things had of been different, ya know. I really do. I wish you had of been different. Maybe even that I had of been. I…"

Her voice faltered. Right then, her most urgent wish was that she wasn't so alone, sitting vigil over a dying man who barely knew she was there. Though no stranger to responsibility or loneliness, and quite used to handling difficult situations on her own, she was still astounded at the enormity of this solitary undertaking.

When her mother had died she'd been but a child and other people had come in and taken care of all the things that needed doing. Though it had been brief, she had been allowed at least some time to grieve and deal with her loss.

But now, she knew, she'd not be allowed that time until much later and then only in the privacy of her rooms where no one could see or hear. Wearily, she ran a hand over her face and took a deep breath as she wriggled around a little in the chair, trying for, if not a comfortable position, at least a little less uncomfortable one.

But just as she settled, he moaned slightly and restlessly thrashed his head for a couple of moments before settling down again. Kitty pushed herself back up and reached over, checking his temperature and breathing. He was a little warmer now and his breathing was more labored. The doctor had warned her of this and gave it as an indication of the end.

There was a small bowl with some cool water next to the bed and cloth next to that. Picking up the cloth, Kitty dipped it in the water and then gently wiped his face and chest. If he felt her ministrations, he gave no sign of it.

Thanksgiving.

That word pushed its way into her thoughts again. What could she possibly have to be thankful for, she wondered?

Seeing a man die, knowing you can do nothing about it? Or maybe, knowing that you were spending more time with him in his dying than you ever got to do in his living. Was she thankful that she could be there to watch him wither away like grass without water? Or maybe that she would be the one solely responsible for seeing him buried and his meager belongings disposed of when he did die. Should she be thankful that she would be alive to watch as they lowered his body into a cold grave with no one but her to mourn his passing?

Perhaps she should be thankful for the lonesome responsibility and burdens placed on her by not only this man's death, but by the decisions he'd made regarding her when he was alive and vital?

The awesome weight on her shoulders was heavier than ever and for the foreseeable future, she saw no rest or solace or place to lay it down. In the ten days she'd been there, she'd had little rest and little comfort and though she'd rented a hotel room, she was basically paying for a place for her luggage to sit as she spent most of her time there with him, watching him die.

"Oh, Matt." She sighed, not for the first time. "Oh, how I need you."

TBC