Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
'Cause this is just a game

Black and white. Right and wrong. Good and evil. These are what torment the young mind. These are the clear cut ways of the child's world. But we're older. And as I sit here in my bed, I try to decide if what I have done with my life is appropriate. Not "right", not "good", for those are the thoughts of the young. Morally and civicly appropriate. For in a world where Voldemort reigns supreme, these thoughts make me look better than if Potter had won.

It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

That's right. Unfortunately for anyone with a nice bone in their body, Voldemort won. That means that people like Granger were put to work as slaves, in the dirtiest professions in the world. Blood traitors like the Weasley's were put through a series of torture and luxury to brainwash them. Those that failed to comply, they were put into a room similar to the Room 101 of 1984 fame. Their most torturous experience. And I must admit, some of the things these people are afraid of defy even the worst Death Eaters imagination. That was one of the few muggle artifacts left after we destroyed everything else, the book called 1984. That and a book called Mein Kampft. Yes, I said we. I pulled a Snape and was a double spy, waiting to see which side would win and claiming to be with them the whole time. I now live in the Malfoy Manor, which has come totally into my possession because my father built another manor farther north to run a reteaching camp. I have anything I could possibly want. So why do I still feel guilty?

It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
'Cause this is just a game

Flashback

The sky was an odd orange green color. The smell of rotting flesh in the air. It was day 5 of the Final Battle. Day 5 of fighting, People like the young Weasley and that Looney Lovegood had already died. Unexpected people switched sides to be with the Dark Lord, like Zacharias Smith. The west wing of Hogwarts had been decimated. Both sides were seriously crippled. But neither was out for the count either. I believe Potter realized he would have to give up his life to kill Voldemort. Something about a prophecy that said "Neither can live while the other survives." What he didn't realize is that Voldemort created one more Horocrux before starting battle with Harry. So when they both shouted Avada Kedavra, neither survived. But Potter lost his whole soul, while Voldemort just lost one more piece.

Some time before this though, I was battling someone, I don't even know who. I didn't care. I just was avoiding being killed myself. But I almost lost. Someone had me in a binding curse and I thought I was gone. But for some unknown reason, Granger saved me. And when she saved me, something happened to me. I kissed her. And she kissed me back. In the middle of the death, the destruction, something blossomed between us. Something strong and pure. But when Voldemort won, I ignored it, and she stared at me with her tear stained face, telling me with her eyes that she forgave me for treating her this way, for being a traitor. She was the only one to understand that I was acting on survival instinct, even if she couldn't do it. They took her away and she became the toy of the highest Death Eaters. But never to me. I avoided her at all costs. Because out of sight, out of mind. And if she was in my mind, I was lost. So I hid my emotions, despising mudbloods on the outside, but on the inside harboring the most wonderful feelings of love and devotion for the figurehead of them all, Hermione Granger.

It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

I guess Voldemort realized something was up. He was always the second best Legilimens, after Dumbledore. But I thought I had become an accomplished enough Occlumens to block him. He got enough to realize that I had at some point sympathized with the enemy, though. And that was to be the downfall of all I loved. I was summoned to the new Ministry of Magic, to an audience with the dark Lord himself. But when I walked in, I knew I was going to have to do something terrible. There, in the middle of the floor, on her knees and barely recognizable, was Hermione Granger. Skin and bone, eyes and spirit broken, she stared at me listlessly until a small spark of recognition and a smile graced her face. But just enough for me to see. To everyone else, she still looked like the Inferi. Voldemort then gave me a task. To kill her. I didn't know what to do. He told me to wait until the full audience had come, because all the higher ups were going to be there to see if I was truly on their side or if I was another blood traitor. People started filing in, some wearing their masks in memory of the days when Hermione had been in her prime with Potter and gang. All of them, though, were staring at me. Trying to glimpse my thoughts. Nobody could guess that I was in the worst predicament of my life. The only girl I had truly loved, waiting for me to kill her. But if I don't, we both die anyway. Isn't it better for her to live in my memory than not? But what will happen to that one piece of my soul I've kept away? Will it shrivel and die with her?

Everyone's looking at me
I'm running around in circles, baby
A quiet desperation's building higher
I've got to remember this is just a game

I didn't know what to do. What should I do? But then I'm out of time. Voldemort says "Now, kill her." And the hope that shone in your eyes. The hope of a better life after this, where you could be back with your precious Potter and Weasley. Where you could be the number one student again, fitting in because of your hard work and blood be damned. Back in the prime of your life, with Dumbledore and the other teachers fawning all over you. But in a place where you could wait for me, wait for love to come again. And I realize that the desperation that I was feeling was uncalled for, because this had been your dearest hope. That they would kill you and take you away from all this. As I raised my wand to do what everyone there wanted, you smiled at me and mouthed "I love you." With that, a burst of green light flashed forth from my wand and you were gone, smile still on your face. Everyone filed out and I was told to dispose of you. I walked over to where you were, fell to my knees and wept. You were so beautiful. But I know I'll see you when my life is finally over.

So beautiful, beautiful...