Just a short oneshot brought on by the musings of what some Death Eaters would find funny . . .
"I am going to win," Voldemort announced. "The Dark Lord laughs at nothing."
"Except that joke about Potter losing his glasses," Nagini added, her voice just as dramatic.
"Nagini, be silent. We are about to have a serious laugh competition here."
It was true. The four Death Eaters - Bellatrix, Severus, Lucius, and Wormtail - as well as Fenrir, Voldemort, and Nagini (who was once again turned human) were gathered around a circular table. It had been recently announced that they were to have a laugh competition.
"Everyone place bets now." Some had wanted Dumbledore or someone else who was unbiased to judge, but alas, no. Instead, the rest of the 'loyal' Death Eaters were to try and make the inner circle laugh, and Draco was to judge. Any of the inner circle who was out would judge with him.
Of course, nearly all the bets were on Severus. He was the winner of half the Hogwarts laughing contests (Professor McGonagall had won the rest), and McGonagall, needless to say, was not here at the moment. However, Severus was less than forthcoming about what had made him win by just a hairline this year, and Draco had not been present.
The seven contestants steeled themselves. Voldemort, Lucius, Bellatrix, and Severus all went for their form of 'emotionless mask.' Voldemort looked like a statue; Bellatrix looked very, very frightening; Lucius looked like an uppity Ministry official; Severus actually succeeded in the emotionless mask. Fenrir, Wormtail, and Nagini, meanwhile, thought the mere idea of their fellows looking arrogantly emotionless was rather amusing, but they couldn't lose before they'd even started.
"And . . . begin!" Draco announced.
And so the competition began. The Death Eaters began punching each other, flashing each other, sticking their tongues out and farting the alphabet.
Wormtail lost it at farting the alphabet. He had made it for a grand ten seconds.
However, no one else looked like they were about to fall (although Fenrir was sorely tempted), so the Death Eaters continued. They began having mock duels, and real duels. Someone farted during a real duel, causing another to fall and attain a bad concussion.
Fenrir almost lost it then, but he really didn't want to be second to last. He had to prove that werewolves do have some self-control.
They brought out the computer, then. The stakes were being raised. Draco went to YouTube, playing various videos until he discovered Potter Puppet Pals.
Voldemort lost it at four minutes and thirty-six seconds. Funny. 'Apparate' wasn't even the funniest one.
Bellatrix was rather close to laughing as the playlist went on to 'Snape's Diary.' Draco paled a bit at that - Potions was his best class, and he didn't want to be knocked down to a D - but Bellatrix, Lucius, and Fenrir all seemed to find this rather funny, so he let it play.
They held it together, but Bellatrix was balancing on a very thin edge here. Time to bring out the . . . fun.
Rodolphus was poked with sharp burning sticks and forced to eat his own eyeball. Bellatrix lost it at nine minutes and twenty-seven seconds. She was so hysterical it was kind of scary, actually. People usually only get like that when they overdose on sugar.
Seriously overdose. She shouldn't still be rolling around on the floor five minutes later . . .
No one expected Nagini or Fenrir to still be in the running, but they held together nicely. Well, Fenrir was about to start laughing at a dirty YouTube video, but then there was a pop-up commercial about food . . .
A few people were getting annoyed with Lucius' arrogant looks, so Bellatrix took the computer. She found the goriest clips from horror movies, but everyone else considered it irrelevant. Instead, Narcissa took over and began playing Gilbert and Sullivan.
Lucius cracked up at twelve minutes and three seconds.
Now Fenrir, Nagini and Severus were the last three playing.
Draco took the computer back and streamed endless dirty jokes. Some of the Purebloods were highly revolted; Voldemort learned things about the human body he had never known before.
Fenrir won third place, taking fourteen minutes and twelve seconds.
However, somewhere along the way was a pop-up ad for pornography. Draco 'accidentally' clicked it. Lucky he did, for Nagini found this sort of human 'acting' very funny indeed.
After she asked several questions and forced Severus to explain it was for reproduction purposes, that is.
Nagini won second place at seventeen minutes and fifty-seven seconds.
Severus was the last to laugh; few were really surprised. However, Voldemort did want to know how he had cracked at Hogwarts.
"Look into my eyes, Severus," Voldemort hissed.
Hastily employing Occlumency on protected Order secrets, Severus allowed Voldemort access to the memory of what had caused his final downfall. He didn't expect Voldemort to, using a couple useful spells, make the scene play out on an empty wall.
Severus and Professor McGonagall stared hard into each other's eyes, each willing the other to laugh, each refusing to back down. Other teachers already lost were talking amongst themselves, plotting something. Eventually Professors Flitwick, Dumbledore, and a reluctant Slughorn climbed up onto one of the tables. Loud music appeared to be blasting from every corner, but neither professor still competing allowed their face to so much as twitch.
Then Dumbledore began to swivel his hips seductively, Flitwick and Slughorn joining in very awkwardly on either side. And then they began to strip dance. A very disturbing sight, one must admit. At first, Professor McGonagall looked highly disturbed - she had known and worked with these three for more years than Severus was alive, after all. However, she quickly collapsed into a fit of giggles.
And Severus laughed.
At first the Death Eaters watching this show with looks of horror were unaware that memory-Severus was laughing. Such a thing was unheard of.
"You might not have as great moves as Dumbledore or Slughorn," Nagini called to Voldemort, "But perhaps a similar show . . ."
"No one wants to see that," Fenrir muttered, but Bellatrix' expression belied his words.
Voldemort was looking rather put out. Not only was he sure to fail any attempts to make Severus laugh, he had thought his strip dancing moves were good . . . to be outdistanced in such a field by none other than Albus Dumbledore . . .
Review? I would have put Slughorn's strip dancing into greater detail, but this is supposed to be rated T . . .