This was ridiculous! She was an Auror Damn it! She catches Dark Wizards and Criminals, not follow a stupid toad who ended up stealing her wand!
"Gah, give me my wand you stupid amphibian!" She screeched as she ran after the toad, who was jumping away from her. The toad in question, was about the size of her fist, with bright orange skin that burned her eyes –has that Toad no fashion sense at all? Orange? Seriously?!- and had various purple designs on his body. She had never seen any toad this big and this colourful –regardless she had only seen one Toad in her lifetime and she was sure as hell that Neville's Toad Trevor doesn't look like that.
She must be a sight to see. A Twenty Eight Year old Woman with fiery red hair and bright green eyes chasing a Toad -quite amusing, don't you think? Well, Teddy seems to think so. Because her Godson was having the Time of his life, laughing at his Godmother's antics. Alice scowled and turned to Teddy, who had tears in his eyes from laughing for so long, and was clutching his stomach, while rolling on the grass in laughter. She huffed and said "Teddy, Will you just stop laughing and help out your poor Godmother?!"
An eleven year old Teddy tilted his head innocently and said "Why? I think you're doing quite a good job yourself, Alice."
She scowled and said "You're quite a dedicated godson, aren't you?"
He snickered in amusement and said "Very."
She rolled her eyes and said "I can't wait till you are sent to Hogwarts."
"But first, won't you want to have your wand back?" He asked with a quirk of his lips.
Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped to the ground. "My Wand!" she cried out dramatically and turned around to look for that stupid toad who was the reason for her misery, only to find the Toad prancing at the end of the clearing and headed towards the forest. Who knew a picnic to the park would end up into a chasing contest between her and a blasted orange Toad? And her Godson was clearly no help –whatsoever.
She ignored the billowing laughter of her dearest Godson and ran deeper into the forest. Is it just her or that bastard Amphibian was jumping faster than before? Or was she slowing down?
She didn't think that was the case, because she had quick seeker reflexes, and also after being through the gruesome war and that hell of training for being an Auror, she was sure she could definitely give even a marathon runner a run for their money –then why the hell she can't reach a stupid Toad? Is the Toad faster than her? How is it even possible? What kind of hellish training did it's master gave to this Toad?
She leaned against a tree in the forest and panted hard. Her cheeks were flush with all the running she did, and beads of sweat rolled down her forehead. Whoever said that running in heels was easy needs a kick in his balls. She didn't know why she thought it'd be great idea to wear heels for picnic. Obviously, she was not in her right mind.
Stupid heels for making her feet hurt like hell. Stupid Teddy for laughing instead of helping her out. Stupid Toad for stealing her wand and making her run all the way into this forest and wasting her holiday which was supposed to spend with her godson and not chasing around a stupid Toad.
Speaking of Toad, where in the name of Merlin has that bastard of a Toad disappeared to?
She glanced around, only to find that Orange toad staring at her with bright, yellow eyes. She blinked at the Toad, who blinked back. She stared at the Toad for about five minutes, and finally he snapped.
"Are you going to stare at me like some retarded monkey, or are you going to do something?"
She screamed in terror and stepped backwards, and ended up tripping on her feet and falling down over the ground. The Toad just talked. She scrambled away from the toad in fear.
Oh my gosh what the hell the freaking toad just TALKED!
She pointed her finger at the toad and hyperventilated "You- I- wha-? How?! WHAT BY THE NAME OF MERLIN IS GOING ON?!"
The Orange toad winced and complained "Are you planning to burst my eardrums?"
"Y-You can talk!" Alice asked, her eyes wide, filled with awe and fear. Since when can Toads talk?
"I think we had established that fact about twenty minutes ago." He said dryly.
She blinked her eyes in confusion. The Toad can talk. Not only that, but he can –apparently- be sarcastic as well.
Oh Woe me. She thought dramatically. Trust her to meet a toad that can talk and has the brains to hold a decent conversation. Neville would've been so thrilled to meet this little guy.
She took deep breaths to calm her racing heart, and then shook her head and said "Okay, you can talk. I get it." Then she raised her brow and said "Now will you be kind enough to return my wand?"
Because if he doesn't, then there will be hell to pay. The wand he stole from her wasn't any ordinary wand. It was the Elder Wand –one of the three Deathly Hallows. It only answered to her because she was the Master of Death. If she somehow lost the Wand, then the Death Spirit will skin her out, alive. She wasn't looking forward to it.
The toad had the gall to smirk at her and asked "Oh, this?" He opened his mouth and his tongue slithered out of it, holding her wand at it's tip. She almost gagged at that. Oh her poor, poor wand. It has to go through the gut of an Amphibian. She wasn't looking forward to holding it in future. The Toad swallowed it again and closed his mouth and said "Sorry Little Lady, no can do. You will have to catch me first if you want your little stick back."
Her eye twitched and a vein popped over her head "Why you little-"She stood up and ran towards the Toad, who snickered and resumed his jumping.
"Come back, you little, insolent Amphibian!" She snarled as she chased the Toad around the forest, but Damn it! The toad was fast!
The toad baited her as he made a face at her, and then jumped into a huge rabbit hole. She huffed when she reached the hole, and glanced down. As far as she could see, it was dark. So, in order to get her wand, she has to jump in this rabbit hole? How much of an idiot did that Toad think she was?
She was known to be reckless, not suicidal. Who knows where she will end up if she jumps down this Rabbit hole? She already had been to enough creepy, dark places to know that things never turn out good for her whenever she ends up in such places. And considering her damn Potter luck, she knew jumping straight down would ensure trouble for her.
Better safe than sorry. Rather than stumbling into trouble and getting killed, she'd like to act smart and prevent her impending Death.
Ha! Hermione would've been so proud of her!
Besides, she can just Accio the Toad than to fall down head first in an abyss of darkness. Thank Goodness that she had been smart enough to learn Wandless Magic during her Auror Training.
However, before she could even summon the Toad towards her with the Accio Spell, a pink tongue latched to her right ankle, making her feel horrified and disgusted because Ew! ew! ew! it's so disgusting! and before she could do anything about it, the tongue just pulled. She gasped and lost her balance, and fell down head first into the Rabbit Hole.
She screamed bloody murder as she fell deeper and deeper into the hole and cursed the Universe with the depth of her mind, because if anything happened to her than she will make sure to haunt everyone in her afterlife.
Damn wand stealing Toads and Damn their disgusting Tongues!
Okay, that was just gross.
Time and Space didn't matter for her. It could have been years since she fell down the hole. Or has it only been hours? Well, how would she know about that, she was stuck here in this hole falling down and down and there didn't even seem an end to it! Either the Universe was playing a cruel joke on her and she was stuck in an illusion or it was really an awfully deep hole.
She snorted. That was highly unlikely.
Finally, a beam of light appeared at the other end, and it came nearer to her. And nearer.
And nearer.
She gasped when she was squeezed out of rabbit hole, and ended up airborne. Normally she loved flying in the air, sitting on her broom with air whipping past her face and blowing her red hair, but Goddamn it! She neither had her broom with her nor her wand to apply a spell to break her fall or something. Oh she was so screwed!
Flailing her arms like a chicken, thinking that it might help to prevent her impending doom, but no such luck. Newton's Law of Gravity seems to work fine at that moment, and she found herself falling down, her body nearing the ground, anticipating the collision. At times like this, she wished she had wings so she could've prevented being crushed like a sandwich to the ground.
She was just twenty Eight, for Merlin's sake! She didn't want to die so soon! She wasn't even married yet! She didn't want to die a virgin!
As she neared the ground she squeezed her eyes shut and vision her Auror Office in her mind and Apparated. The sensation of getting sucked through a very small tube made her stomach churn unpleasantly, but she tried her best to keep the contents of her stomach down forcefully. She still didn't like apparating. With a CRACK! Sound, she vanished before hitting the ground, and appeared somewhere else which should be her Auror Office, but not before an agonizing pain struck through her right arm as she splinched it while Apparating.
One would think she was a novice to end up splinching her arm after Apparating. She winced as she cradled her bleeding arm. Just what had gone wrong during her Apparition to end up splinching her body parts?
"Well, well, well, Look what do we have here?" A deep masculine voice said with a pur, which sent shiver down her spine.
She immediately tensed and looked up with a furious look because –who the hell had the gall to enter her Office without her permission?! Only to look in horror as she realised that she wasn't in her Office. Now to think of it, it doesn't seem like she was in the Wizarding world, because there were no traces of magic as far as she could sense it.
So where in the blazes was she?
She fought the urge to blush when she felt three pairs of eyes on her. She looked around and found herself standing at the centre of a Room which seemed much like a Coffee room. There were three plush sofas around, facing the middle, and three people stood before them, tensed, holding some sort of knife –how cliché is that? They wore black cloaks having red clouds on them –seriously, does no one have fashion sense these days? Or was Ginny rubbing off her too much? There were two men and a woman. The woman was beautiful, and had blue hair in a bun, and had blue eyes. She had pale skin and wore an origami rose over her head. One of the man had bright orange hair, and wore so many nose piercings, ear studs and what not, though his eyes were weird –purple eyes with seven concentric rings around them. The last, but not the least, was a man with dark, black hair, and was wearing an orange mask with spirals on it.
"I don't know how she came here into the Akatsuki Hide-out, I didn't even sense her." The orange haired man said.
The blue haired woman cast a surprised look to the orange haired man, but then schooled her features into a cool and calm mask.
"Don't worry Konan," The orange masked man said in his deep voice, making a shiver of pleasure run down her spine. "She may have entered unnoticed, but she won't leave unharmed."
Fabulous, she seems to have signed a Death Warrant for herself by just appearing into their line of sight.
Faster than her eyes could see, the orange masked man pushed her back and pinned her against the wall, holding both her arms tightly, his lone eye staring intently at her. His eye was quite unusual, having three black commas in it. And he was so fucking tall! She only reached up to his chin, why was she so damn short? Damn those Durseleys, starving her through her childhood days, and it has stunted her growth.
She squirmed under his tight grip, to which he tightened it, almost bruising her arms. She winced when the gash over her arm bled profusely, paining her even more than before. But all the thoughts of the wound flew out of window when the man pressed himself to her, such that both of their chests were almost touching. She blushed a deep red at the close proximity. Her legs felt like jelly, and she felt shivers of pleasure run down her spine. She felt light headed and giddy, and was on cloud nine.
And his eyes, oh Goddamnit! His eye looked at her as if it was piercing her soul. She could melt like butter in his arms.
Goodness woman, get a grip of yourself! You're supposed to feel wary of this stranger, not getting aroused by him!
Why does all the sane thoughts leave her mind when she needed them the most? She was supposed to act wary and logical right now, not like a teenage girl! She was a twenty eight year old woman, for Merlin's sake!
She glanced up at the lone red eye of the orange masked man and squeaked out "Hi?"
The orange masked man gave her an amused look, and by the chuckle that rumbled through his through, she was sure he found her funny. He said in that smexy voice of his "For a civilian woman, you sure are brave at the face of death. Shame, I can't let you live."
Yeah, yeah, you're not the only one who wants me dead.
"Sorry, but I don't think I want to die this early." Using all her strength, she pushed away the man, who looked surprised at her. "Impendimenta!" She cried, and her wandless magic worked wonders as a beam of light hit the orange masked man and he got knocked back and collided with the wall behind him. The force of her magic even knocked the other two people off their feet. "Toodles!" She gave a salute to the other two, and then apparated again, this time thinking about a place where she'd be safe.
Fortunately, this time she didn't splinch any of her body part and appeared with a CRACK! Sound. She winced as she cradled her injured arm, which was still bleeding and ruining her blue shirt, and looked around, and found herself around some building which seemed to much like a Hot Water Bath-house. She heard a perverted giggle, and snapped her eyes towards the side and found a man standing over a big Toad, peeking into the bathhouse. The man was huge, and looked about Hagrid's size. He had long, spiky white hair, and wore strange clothes- a green full-sleeved shirt, over which there was a red jacket, and red pants. He wore wooden sandals, which made her raise her eyebrows in question.
Seriously, does no one have any fashion sense here, whatsoever?
She rolled her eyes and was about to go away, but her eyes fell down on a flash of orange that sat over the pervert's shoulder, looking as relaxed as ever. She knew that shade of orange, anywhere. It was that stupid Toad who was the reason she was in this mess!
"Oi! You stupid, blasted Amphibian! Give me my Wand back!" She snarled, storming towards the pervert, on whose should sat the Toad who looked like a deer caught in highlights. The pervert in question, got startled and fell down head first on the ground, causing a bump to form over his head.
The white haired giant rubbed the bump on his head and scowled, but when he looked up at Alice, the scowl on his face morphed into a perverted look. She noticed he had painted red lines over his cheeks. "My, My, is this the woman you were talking about, Gamakichi? She is surely a looker."
The orange toad jumped away, sensing the killing Intent she was emitting, while Alice's eye twitched. She slammed her fist over the Pervert's head, making him yelp in pain. "Eyes up on my face, pervert!" Then she snapped her eyes to the Orange toad, who stepped backwards as he saw her emerald green eyes blazing with anger. "Give me back my wand, or I swear I will make a Toad kebab out of you!"
He gulped in fear and tried to ease her anger "W-Woah, easy there, Lady. What's such a big deal anyways about that stick of yours?"
"I'll show you what's so special about it once you hand it over me." She said with a sadistic glint in her eyes and cracked her knuckles.
Gamakichi scooted away from the crazy lady and said "Hey, no need to be so angry. Here take back your stick, Jeez, no need to be so pushy." He pulled out his tongue from his mouth, and handed her her wand, which was dripping with Toad saliva. She scrunched her nose in disgust.
Ew! Ew! ew! ew!
She held the wand by an arm's length –wincing at her injury- and inspected it. Well, it looked all good, and didn't look broken. She waved the wand, and Golden and red sparks flew out from the wand. She nodded it content. It was in perfect working condition. That's good.
She then turned her head towards the white haired Giant and the Orange toad, who were staring at her actions curiously. She did a healing spell to her splinched arm, which healed itself in seconds, and then placed her wand back into it's holster, that rested over her belt. She then turned her eyes back to the old pervert and the toad, and narrowed her eyes.
She pointed her finger at the toad and said "You stole my wand and then made me chase you around all over the forest, and then dragged me down a rabbit hole which ended up here, where I was almost crushed like a sandwich, splinched my arm, got threatened by a mad man for just entering his territory, and am being stared by a pervert at very inappropriate places. Speaking of which-" A vein popped over her head as she bonked the pervert's head, yet again "STOP STARING AT MY ASS, YOU PERVERT!"
"Damn it woman, you pack a punch like Tsunade!" The old man complained as he rubbed the bump over his head. He then stood up and said with a lecherous grin "I am Jiraiya, the Toad Sage, and One of the Legendary Sannin, and an aspiring writer, and a huge fan of the female Beauty!"
She rolled her eyes and said dryly "And that's supposed to mean something to me?"
Jiraiya gaped at her and said "You mean you don't know who I am? The three Legendary Ninjas? The Toad Sannin? Icha-Icha Paradise? Ring any bell?"
She stared at him blankly. "What the hell are you blabbering about?"
Jiraiya snapped his head towards Gamakichi and asked "Where did you bring her from?"
Gamakichi shifted nervously and said "Er, she isn't exactly from around here."
Alice snorted "That's the understatement of the century."
Jiraiya sighed and rubbed his temple. This wasn't what he supposed should've happened. He had asked Gamakichi to look around for other Uzumaki's, not to bring up a girl who clearly wasn't an Uzumaki and doesn't know anything about this place –even though she did have Uzumaki red hair and bright green eyes. Now to think of it, he can't feel any Chakra from her.
Alice shrugged and asked "Will you please explain why I was dragged here?"
Jiraiya sighed and explained "I have been looking around for any Uzumaki survivors for years, but haven't found anything. Some days ago, one of my summons by the name of Gamabunta –the Chief Toad- told me that you may be one of them."
She tilted her head in confusion and asked "Just what the hell is an Uzumaki and how does this Gamabunta knows me?"
Jiraiya answered "The Uzumaki Clan was a prominent clan that have long lifespan, ability to heal faster, and were known for their amazing Sealing techniques. The Uzumaki Clan used to live in Whirlpool in Uzushiogakura, which was later destroyed, and some of the survivors went into hiding. I have been looking around for them for years, since my student's wife happened to be an Uzumaki and she had asked me to look around if she had any family members left. But somehow I couldn't find any survivors. Gamabunta mistook you for an Uzumaki because Uzumaki's are known to have red hair and green eyes. But seems like he was wrong, because I can't feel any Chakra from you."
"And what about gamabunta? How does he –whoever he is- knows me?" Alice asked them.
"Pops knows you because you had been friends with one of his Masters. He was known by the name of Trevor, then." Gamakichi piped in.
Alice's eye twitched in anger. So it had been Neville's toad who thought she was related to some almost extinct clan. If she gets her hands on that toad, she will strangle him to death!
Jiraiya and Gamakichi scooted away from her as she emit a huge amount of KI that sent shivers of terror down their spine.
Alice sighed and then said "Okay, now since we've established that I'm not this Uzumaki you were looking for, can you please send me back home? My Godson would be worried about me."
Gamakichi shifted nervously. "Er, about that... I don't know how to."
Alice's hair crackled with magic, and an angry aura surrounded her, making Jiraiya remind of Kushina Uzumaki who had just the same reaction when she got angry. For not being related to any uzumaki, the girl sure acts like one. Red hair, green eyes, bad-tempered, sassy, and can even pack quite a good punch. If he didn't know better, he'd think she was a mix of Kushina and Tsunade.
"What do you mean you can't?" Alice asked angrily.
"I told you, I just can't! I had to jump through different dimensions to bring you here. I can't do that again. It took a hell lot of Natural Chakra to open up a portal like that, and Pa Toad has definitely denied doing it again, saying it is quite hazardous for the sake of the world and could cause a rift among time and space." Gamakichi explained.
Jiraiya and Alice's jaw dropped.
"What do you mean by different dimension?!" Jiraiya asked.
"You mean to say I am not in my own world?!" Alice screeched.
Gamakichi winced at the loud noise these two humans were causing. Oh his poor, poor ears! "Yes, and yes, and it also means that you can't return back to your own world."
Alice groaned as she let her fingers run through her red hair. Why her? Why do all these stupid things happen to her? She can't believe she was stuck here for forever. But she didn't want to stay here. She wanted to go back home, where her Godson teddy was waiting for her. She was supposed to come with him to the Kings cross Station to see him off the next week before he went to Hogwarts for his first Year! She can't miss something important like that! And what about her friends- Hermione, Ron, Ginny, George, Neville and Luna? They'll worry sick over her disappearance. The whole Wizarding Britain would be in an uproar if she disappeared. Who knows what will happen in her absence?
"Ugh, what will I do now? What am I supposed to do in this world? I have nowhere to go and I don't even know anyone here except a good-for-nothing pervert and a fist-sized toad!" She grumbled.
"Hey!" Jiraiya and Gamakichi said, offended.
Jiraiya huffed and said "If you just calm down, then may be I will offer you something." His face then morphed into a lecherous grin, and he said "I won't mind sharing my bed with you."
"No." She said, disgusted at his implication.
He rolled his eyes and said "Fine, though I have another offer for you. You can come to Konoha with me if you want, I will make sure that you will be given a some place to live. Besides, I am heading for Konoha next, so if you want, you can join me in my journey."
She narrowed her eyes and asked "How can I trust you? Why should I believe that you are genuine about your offer and are not bluffing it all? And even if you are genuine about it, What if that place is not safe? Besides, how can you even guarantee I will get a living residence there for sure?"
"What kind of man I'd be if I leave a pretty Damsel like you to fend off this cruel world?" She rolled her eyes at his dramatic words, "And you won't find any place safer than Konoha. Don't worry about your living arrangements, I will make sure you get the best things, after all, you are in this mess because of me. My Sensei is the Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, it won't hurt to pull some strings to get you comfortable around the village." Jiraiya said with a shrug.
"What's a Hokage?" She asked, puzzled.
He gave her a surprised look, "Meh, you really don't know anything about this world, do you?" He shook his head and said "A Hokage is the Leader of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Man, you need to be educated on the cultures and customs here."
"Not my fault someone thought it'd be a good idea to drag me down a rabbit hole and into a world that wasn't even mine." She said as she shot a glare to Gamakichi, who shrunk under her gaze.
"Gah, it's fine." Jiraiya said, and then rubbed his hands and giggled perversely and said "Now since it's settled, let me get back on my research on the beauty of female body."
Her eye twitched as a vein popped over her head. "YOU PERVERT!" She yelled as she punched Jiraiya's jaw, sending him flying twenty metres away and crash into some trees.
Jiraiya groaned in pain and cradled his broken jaw and thought 'How come she is not related to any Uzumaki when she can pack a punch like Tsunade?'