Chibi-taichou V.S. Don Kanonji

Konnichiwa! I'm Midori-chan the author of this fanfic and the narrator. This is my first fanfic in BLEACH. I really suck in making comedies but I tried to make one. Enjoy reading!

Disclaimer: BLEACH doesn't belong to me... I only own myself.

"This is a Special Mission… go right away, Hitsugaya taichou."

This is such a lame mission… I'm Hitsugaya Toushirou the 10th division captain. I'm going down to earth to investigate Don-nantoka. I forgot his name… whatever. Is it because I'm a kid? Don-nantoka is a hit TV show super hero and the watchers are children. What does this relate to me if I'm a kid?! I hate this mission; I have no choice but to finish it as soon as possible.

Chibi-taichou lazily went to earth… Don't call me Chibi-taichou! Ii janai no, chibi-taichou! Anyway, the location of his mission is in one of the spooky abandoned store in Asakusa, Tokyo. Everything is prepared for Don Kanoji. Oh, so his name is Don Kanoji… what a weird name. Concentrate in your mission, Chibi-taichou! Ahha, shouganai na…have to do it. Good boy.

"Lights, camera, ACTION!"

Right timing, they already began shooting the show. This is troublesome…

Chibi-taichou immediately ran into the camera… he's invisible to normal humans anyway. Don Kanoji made his dramatic entrance.

"Welcome EVERYBODY! Bohahahahaha! Today I'm exterminating a bad spirit here in Asakusa! Remember everybody, SPIRITS ARE ALWAYS WITH YOU!!! BOHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Don Kanoji entered the store. In a second or two a scream is emitted from the store.

"Oh! I SMELL A BAD SPIRIT! Don't worry everybody! I'm sending him to his right place soon!" Don Kanoji pulled out a baton from nowhere.

The 'bad spirit' he said is none other than an earth-bound demi-hollow. My review in this hollow: He's basically good looking. A fair skinned young man wearing a coat and tie. If I live here I'm marrying him! Oi! Stop that, baka Midori. Eh? Oh, it's off topic. Gomen ne! Anyway, this demi-hollow seems desperate. He keeps on screaming, "Give me back my business!!!"

So Chibi-taichou, what are you going to do? I'm here to investigate. I will watch Don Kanoji from here then I will decide on what I will do. Sasuga Chibi-taichou! Gambatte ne! Be quiet, baka Midori. Hai… Hey! I'm the narrator! Just narrate the parts you should. I'm watching here. Alright, alright… Wow, what a lame weapon Don Kanoji is using.

"Baby, I'm sending you soon to the after world! I will do this quick!" shouted Don Kanoji. He thrusts his baton into the demi-hollow's half opened hole in his chest.

"Hey! What are you doing!" shouted Chibi-taichou. What he's doing is speeding the process of becoming a hollow. That idiot! Chibi-taichou rushed to the center of the camera and gave Don Kanoji a punch.

"That hurts! What happened!? Ahha! My baton!"

Don Kanoji's baton is split half. Now Chibi-taichou is on front of Don Kanoji. Luckily, Don Kanoji hasn't opened fully the demi-hollow's hole. Don Kanoji looked up and saw the kid figured shinigami.

"Hey, what are you doing, BOY!? Ah! You're my fan! Don't worry BOY; I'm getting rid of him! Stand back BOY!" Don Kanoji sands up and pushed Chibi-taichou. He faces one-on-one with the demi-hollow again.

"Hey! Stop that I said! Don Kanoji!" Chibi-taichou rushed between Don Kanoji and the demi-hollow. "Do not continue…!" Don Kanoji interrupts chibi-taichou; Chibi-taichou knowing he's an innocent human, he didn't fight back.

"BOY! It's dangerous! Stay back!" Don Kanoji throws Chibi-taichou away. Chibi-taichou safely lands beside the near by camera. "…And my name is DON KANONJI, not Don Kanoji!!!"

Oh, I was wrong… It was Don Kanonji, still a weird name. Baka Midori…

Don Kanonji stretched his right arm and chanted some weird words. "Goya hookii jio manis kokolu rok e paparakkyo!!!" A small spirit energy ball is formed from his hand and is ejected. The small energy ball slowly flies towards the demi-hollow.

The lame energy ball Don Kanonji formed is no match to Chibi-taichou even from the distance Chibi-taichou is now in. He quickly draws his sword and destroyed the energy ball. This doesn't end here. While Chibi-taichou was destroying Don Kanonji's energy ball, Don Kanonji made lots more of the lame energy balls.

"Arg! Stop it, I said!" Chibi-taichou quickly destroys all of the energy balls.

"Boy! I told you to stand back! Wait… don't tell me…" Don Kanoji changed his expression towards Chibi-taichou. "You have a weird outfit… you're a spirit? Ah! That bad spirit has possessed you! All right BOY! I will help you!"

This is trouble. What will Chibi-taichou do? A.) Knock his conscious out, B.) Run!, C.) Explain… which I think won't work, D.) Soul Bury the demi-hollow first… but I think he can do it without Don Kanonji's interruption. So what's your choice, Chibi-taichou?

Don't call me Chibi-taichou! It's Hitsugaya taichou! Anyway, my choice is letter A.

Chibi-taichou quickly moves with a kick into Don Kanonji's stomach… or rather… Ouch… that hurts. Just because you're short… and he's huge… but, ha ha ha ha! He deserves it!

Stop laughing, baka Midori! I-I-I didn't mean to hit him there! I-it's his fault! He's too stupid!

Hee hee hee hee hee!!! But you still did it! Ha ha ha ha!

"Arg, whatever…" Chibi-taichou faced the demi-hollow, readies himself for the demi-hollow's soul burial.

Things didn't go well. The demi-hollow becomes a fully transformed hollow. But still, this weak hollow is still no match to a taichou like Chibi-taichou. He quickly slashes the hollow.

Don Kanonji stands up and saw the hollow disappeared. "Bohahahahaha! MISSION COMPLETE!!!"

He credited Chibi-taichou's work! How I hate him!

Stop it, baka Midori. Let's go. Ah, wait Chibi-taichou!

Let's watch the video before going back! Please!

All right.

Yay!

Don Kanonji must be tired so he might have gone back home without watching his show. We sneaked into the studio and watched the video. To my surprise, the staff people are puzzled. They couldn't see the demi-hollow or Chibi-taichou.

"After Don Kanonji-san rests, let's ask him what happened." Said one of the staff.

Chibi-taichou is bad boy… Don Kanonji is surely embarrassed. Since you're invisible and he's not… so this must be showed to his viewers.

I said I didn't mean it so quit it out.

A few moments later… Don Kanonji busts into the studio.

"Bohahahaha! I'm revived! I will explain what has happened my fellow staff members!"

Don Kanonji picks up colored pencils and starts to draw the demi-hollow and Chibi-taichou… hee hee hee… what an embarrassing drawing. It's much worse that Rukia's!

Yeah, he draws me badly. Did I really hit him that strong that I made him hate me?

Ah, that's not the point… He's really a bad illustrator. So let's go home, Chibi… Chibi-taichou?

Wait. Let's watch this. It's funny. Ha ha ha!

Chibi-taichou… now he's hooked into Don Kanonji's shows. Oh well, I'm going to shopping.

In Karakura town…

"Hey! Who's that one over there?" pointing a finger to Chibi-taichou in the TV, Ichigo is surprised to see another shinigami.

"Ah! It's Hitsugaya taichou!" Rukia is surprised to see the little captain on TV.

THE END

Well, how do you think about this fanfic? Please reveiw.

My own comment: This is such wild idea. I found the title amusing.

Glossary:

Chibi-taichou: Little Captain

Ii janai no: come on, it's okay (arg, can't translate it well!)

Don-nantoka:Don-whatever

Shouganai na: can't help it

Baka: stupid

Gomen ne: sorry

Sasuga: as expected

Gambatte ne: do your best

Hai: yes

Note: from Don Kanonji's weird chant, 'paparakkyo' came from the anime NANA. I just like the word. It means Paparazzi but Naoki turned it into Rakkyo (pickled shallots) + Paparazzi Paparakkyo.