Authors Note: This is going to be a kind of weird parody of various horror films. I've always wondered what would happen if our favorite superheroes were thrust into horror movies, and this is a bit of an answer to that question. Most of the time I'll follow the basic storyline of the movies involved, but of course I'll have to change some things around. For example, sometimes I'll have the Titans interact with the main characters from the films, and sometimes I will have them as the main characters, it depends on what I feel like doing.
Some of these films are considered "bad", while others are considered "good". Some of them will be those reasonably bloodless films that depend on atmosphere rather than gore quotient (I'm considering doing Psycho) and some will be those that really have nothing more going for them than blood coming out the wazoo (sometimes literally). Frankly I am just choosing them by instinct and what I feel like writing about at the time. I'm not really making fun of the movies themselves (this is not going to be like Scary Movie). In a way, I'm actually making more fun of the stupid characters (you know the kind) that are constantly getting there dumb rears killed in the films.
If any of the reviewers of my other fanfic are reading this and getting worried that I'm going to abandon that story, fear not! The other one will continue…as soon as I figure out how I'm going to work the next scenes. I'm at that point where I'm not really clear on how I'm going to get the Titans out of the mess I've put them in. So don't get scared.
Oh, I'm going to be rating this thing M, mainly because of the occasional gory parts and for any swear words I put in (frankly some parts in horror movies defiantly deserve swear words). I am not however, going to be having lemons in this fic. I do not write those kinds of things. At all. Not happening. Sorry.
I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own any of the movies I will be choosing. I own a laptop, but that is about it.
Have fun.
Chapter One
Yet Another Day with Another Stupid Villain
Raven growled to herself as she drank her morning tea and glared at the backs of Robin and Cyborg as they played yet another moronic game. Usually it was Beast Boy and Cyborg who would destroy all of Raven's inner tranquility, but the green moron was asleep. Thank all the gods that he was, or it would have been even louder. Why did all of those games seem to have absolutely no plotlines but were full of loud annoying explosions? Why did Robin choose this morning to decide to act like a normal teenager instead of "Robin The Boy Wonder"?
Raven sighed. Despite the fact that she was part demon she could not master the trick of freezing someone with her eyes. That would have been a useful skill about now.
The noise was no the only thing bothering her, so was the smell. Starfire was cooking…something in the kitchen. Who knew what? Raven could only hope that the thing did not move around on the plate. She had already seen a bit of what Starfire was making. Something that Raven could have sworn had eyes. That blinked. It sure stank, that was for sure, or maybe that was simply the oven burners on the fritz again. Too much alien food could do that to a poor innocent Earth stove burner.
The doors whooshed open, most likely admitting the last member of there team. Raven looked and confronted a strange sight. Beast Boy wearing nothing but swim trunks.
Oh gods, what now?
Somehow the Annoyance managed to leap the remaining distance between the doorway and the chair beside Raven. He slid into the seat in what he probably thought was a graceful and impressive manner. He was wrong, he looked more like a overgrown hyperactive five year old. Raven did not blast him…but she was thinking about it.
"So Rae," he said "It's yet another beautiful day in the west coast. What do you say about going to the beach?"
So that was the reason for the swim trunks, now it made sense. What did not make sense was the fact that he was asking her, the one person on the team who might be considered part vampire.
"No." she said as she stared at the bottom of her cup.
"Aw, come on! It's perfect weather out there! Can't you hear the beach calling you?"
"All I hear is an annoying green pest. Why are you even asking me? The others will probably go with you."
"I want to spend time with you." Beast Boy replied.
"….what?" Now she was looking at him.
"You're my friend to, Raven. I never get to spend that much time with you. I'm just trying to be friendly, here. How long have we been living in the same tower? Two years? I barely know you, Rae, and I want to fix that!"
Raven paused. She was…actually very tempted. She had never really been to the beach before, and it might be…fun. Normally her definition of fun was an engaging book, but maybe this might enjoyable as well. She didn't really want to expose her body to the world by wearing a bikini, or even a swimsuit, but she could just wear a shirt over a swimsuit and swim in that. She was about to agree to Beast Boy's suggestion when red lights began flashing everywhere and the loud klaxon that announced the emergence of a villain filled the air.
Raven was quite positive she heard Beast Boy mutter "Shit!" under his breath.
Robin instantly went from Normal Teenager Having a Good Time mode to Heroic Leader of a Band of Orphan Adolescent Superheroes mode. It was amazing how he did that. He banged on a computer monitor for a few minutes and announced "It's a robbery at the video store. It's Control Freak."
"As if anyone else in their right minds would rob a video store in broad daylight." Raven muttered.
"How dare you refuse me!" bellowed the hairy tuba lard with the stupid looking remote/weapon/teleportation device. "How dare you refuse me the boxed DVD set of session one of Clash of the Planets!"
"We don't have any you dork." The cashier said with a very board look. "Chill, it's just a stupid show."
"BLASHPAMY!" Control Freak bellowed as he aimed the remote at the cashier, who ducked just in time. A flashy, rather campy looking beam of green light emerged from the device. It hit a group of DVDs behind the counter which promptly fell over and rained down on the annoyed cashier.
The Titans arrived just in time to see Control Freak jumping up and down like a little kid and demanding his DVD set. Robin groaned. Was it just him or this guy just getting cornier and cornier as the days went by. Normally he would have attempted one of his one-liners, but he was really not in the mood.
"Control Freak." He growled at the idiot. Said idiot turned and opened his mouth, probably to yap some more, which Robin was not in the mood to hear. "Why don't we just skip to the part when we throw you in jail? This is getting old."
If anything that just encouraged Jump City's most irritating villain. He started on another one of his tirades, which only gave Robin more of a headache.
"Titans go." He said as Control Freak took a breath.
No one can say, with true honesty, that any battle with Control Freak is exiting at all. Let's face it, he is lame. Really lame. No matter how many cardboard cut outs of monsters and samurai and whatever, no matter how much candy he brings to life, no matter how many normal appliances he turns viscous and fanged Control Freak will always be LAME! However even the lame can come equipped with good devices, and while Control Freak himself had the brains of soggy oat meal, his remote did not. Those beams of light, while silly looking, hurt.
In time the fight was taken to the street, which of course, resulted in the usual collateral damage done to the city.
But that was not all of the damage done that day.
Her name, near as she could remember, was Angel. She was a dog, a Siberian husky…well mostly Siberian husky. She was probably a few other breeds as well, but it was mostly husky. She was a stray, her previous owners having dumped her because she was "too big". As if they did not know that huskies where big dogs!
Right now the poor little, okay…huge, doggy was digging throw the contents of an upturned garbage can, ignoring the Deaf Ones who were fighting near her. She had been abandoned long enough to be hungry, but not long enough to fear humans. She wagged her tail happily when found some leftover popcorn chicken and a bit of potato. She gobbled the trash with abandoned, and she did not even notice when a certain couch potato's remote blasted a nearby lamp post. Some instinct told her to run, and she leaped…but not in time. The lamp post smashed against her back legs, badly breaking them. Shards of glass from the lamp dug into her hips and she howled in pain.
Beast Boy heard the howl…actually what he had really heard was a feminine scream. Unlike the others his powers not only allowed him to change into animals, but he could also communicate with them even in his human form. He did not see any difference between humans and animals; to him they were all living things. This was probably the reason he reacted the way he did.
Angry that this fool would hurt an innocent husky Beast Boy shifted to wolf and lunged at Control Freak. At first it looked like he was going for the throat, but instead he snapped his powerful jaws around the remote, shattering it.
"You! You broke my precious remote!" Blubber Butt sounded like a five year old who has lost his favorite teddy "You will pay for that insolent green fool! I will get my revenge! I will-"There is no need to go on from there. Beast Boy was not listening any more at all. He turned his green canine rear to Control Freak and with a flick of his tail that no doubt was the animal equivalent of flipping the bird, walked over to the injured dog. He gave the whimpering animal a friendly, comforting nuzzle and shifted back to human.
"Hey, Raven! Come here and help!"
Seeing that the others were taking care of a certain fool, Raven walked over to the green teenager and the fallen dog. She had no problems with healing a dog, as long as said dog did not lick her. After a certain extraterrestrial green mutt…she really did not want yet more drool on any part of her.
"Just. Don't. Lick." The empath growled at the dog, who thumped her tail against the ground.
Gently Raven levitated the lamp post and went to work on the dog. Pain flooded through her own legs as she healed the animal. She had never told her teammates that easing their various wounds resulted in the pain being transferred to her. She had filed that under the mental file labeled "Things My Teammates Do NOT Need To Know!" right along with things such as bra sizes and times of the month.
"Might have to take her back to the tower to get rid of that glass." Raven said as she looked at the injured legs. "I can fix the broken bones right now, but I'm not going to pull out glass shards on the street."
Robin, who had been following the conversation, nodded his head. He did not really approve of animals in the tower, but he was not mean enough to let a poor dog suffer, especially because of them. He gave them the okay to take the dog to the tower. He and the others could take care of Control Freak, who was still raving.
Beast Boy nodded and turned back to the dog. His ears wiggled up and down, he snorted a bit and growled a little. Raven stared at him.
"What are you doing?"
"Telling her what we are doing." Beast Boy said. "I can communicate with animals, remember?"
Oh…right. Now she remembered. Not wasting any more time she ported herself, Beast Boy and the dog to the infirmary. There she expertly took a pair of tweezers and removed every shard of glass with one hand while she healed the wounds and dulled the pain with the other hand. Strangely she did not really mind the pain. She never really seemed to mind. She supposed she just had a high threshold for pain. While she did this Beast Boy carried on a "conversation" with the dog.
Finally Raven was finished. The dog looked up at Raven with happy blue eyes. Then she attempted to lick Raven, but Raven blocked the tongue with a dark energy shield.
"Angel says thanks." Beast Boy said.
"Angel?"
"Her name…its Angel. She's a stray. I think her previous owners dumped her. That's why she's so friendly."
"How does she know what her owners called her? Do animals understand humans?"
"Kind of…she just heard them calling her 'Angel' for so long that she figured out that combination of words is her name. She is not dumb Raven. No animal is really dumb."
"Okay then, tell 'Angel' that she is not allowed to lick me…ever. I do not like being licked." With that Raven exited the med lab, presumably going to meditate.
Beast Boy sighed. He guessed that he was not going to get that beach visit after all. It disappointed him. He really wanted to get to know Raven better. It seemed to him that sometimes they were the two Titans the least familiar with each other. He spent plenty of time with the others on a regular basis, but Raven loved her solitude. He wanted to get her out of her shell so badly, but it seemed like he never could.
Oh well, there would be other opportunities to get to know Raven.
"Beast Boy that dog is not staying with us!" Robin said firmly. He had been startled, to say the least, when he and the other Titans had come home to find Beast Boy and Angel on the couch watching TV. Actually it was only Beast Boy who was watching, Angel was sleeping.
"Robin, she has no where to go! She needs a home!" Beast Boy protested.
"Then we'll take her to the animal shelter." Robin retorted. "Honestly, Beast Boy we have a pet! We don't need a dog!"
"But it is raining!" Beast Boy said. It was true. Evening had brought a huge storm, lightning, thunder and hail included.
Robin sighed. He so did NOT want another animal in the house. Honestly wasn't the worm enough? Why did Beast Boy become fixated on a dog? He looked at the mutt, who choose that moment to wake up and give Robin a pathetic dog look: ears down, eyes sad and tail thumping gently. Robin could feel his heart melting despite himself.
DRAT!
"She can stay for the night. But in the morning we are taking her to the shelter." Robin said.
"Ha Ha!" Cyborg grinned "B.B.'s gotta girlfriend!" he sang out. He continued along this vein for several hours, teasing Beast Boy about his 'girlfriend'. Beast Boy ignored him. He didn't really think of the dog in those terms. He knew his species was human. He just wanted to help Angel. He liked the dog a lot and kind of considered her a new friend. The others did not know it, but he had a lot of animal friends.
Beast Boy yawned. It was time to hit the sack! He left Angel on the couch, figuring that if she was only allowed one night here than at least it would be a nice night.
Night fell, the tower slept, and was engulfed in darkness.
"Titans! Get in here! Now!"
Beast Boy fell out of his comfy nest-bed as his leaders voice came over the intercoms installed in the tower. Sleepily he looked over at the clock. It was only seven thirty! Did Robin really want the dog gone that much?
Groaning and grumbling, Beast Boy emerged from the biohazard area that was his room. He staggered down the hall followed by Raven, who looked pretty pissed about being woken up at this hour. They soon were joined by the other two. As hey entered the living room they soon found the problem.
Usually Jump City could be seen outside their huge, roof high window. Now, however, the window displayed the inky black darkness of space. They were flying through the cosmos, with no apparent explanation.
Deep in the creepy basement a strange looking egg split open at the top into four parts with a sickening sound. A few moments later bunch of spidery pale legs scrambled around the top, searching for prey.
A/N: I know that chapter was more funny than anything else, but don't worry! It's going to get really grim really quick. How wouldn't it with everones favorite galagtic parasites?
Next time…the Titans Vs the Alien! Yeah, that Alien. No, there will not be Predators, at least not yet. Besides, the Aliens are cooler than the Predators! You know they are!
Guess who gets to have the facehugger smashed onto their face. Hint: it will not be Cyborg. I do not think a facehugger could lay their eggs in Cyborg, he is mostly metal.
I do not own Teen Titans or any fake shows related to Teen Titans (ie, Clash of the Planets). I do not own Alien. Keep this in mind.