Back with another one-shot. For the sake of this story I say that Wilden went to jail for killing Ali and that she is 100% dead just so that the messy is-Ali-alive-or-does-she-have-a-twin debate doesn't come into play. Not that I actually believe that is what happened... Reviews are welcomed as always and thanks for reading!
When Hanna Marin looks at herself in the mirror she sees countless flaws. She thinks her hips are too big and her body is too flabby. She has a tiny scar on the corner of her forehead that never completely disappears, no matter how much makeup she puts on. She thinks her hair is boring and lifeless and the wrong color.
...
At twelve years old, Hanna's biggest concern was preparing for high school, which was supposed to consist of the greatest years of your life. Hanna knew she was chunky but she was friendly with most of the kids in her classes, so she wasn't too worried about finding friends. Her favorite class was English, because she sat next to a quiet girl with brown hair who would laugh at all of her side comments about their dorky teacher. Hanna never caught the girl's name, but she did find out that they were going to the same high school, which she was oddly excited about.
When Emily Fields was twelve, she was already immersed in competitive swimming, so she didn't have many close friends outside of her teammates. She enjoyed school and got good grades, never really thinking about high school too much. Her favorite class was English because she sat near a really nice blonde girl who would talk to her, even though Emily was shy and would hardly ever say much back. She also liked to just look at the girl when she would be working on an assignment or paying attention to the teacher. Emily didn't understand why she liked to look at her, but she was fairly certain it wasn't something normal girls did.
At thirteen years old, Hanna found out how scary high school could be. There were girls at the school who looked like they could be supermodels, and Hanna suddenly became extremely self-conscious about both her looks and her personality. She started to dream about what it would be like to be pretty and popular, and so she began to follow the most popular guy in school, Sean, around. He was never mean to her but he wasn't exactly trying to ask her out. The only good thing about starting high school was that she had English with that brunette girl again, so she actually had a friend to sit with. That's when Hanna found out that her name was Emily.
When Emily was thirteen she noticed that high school was a lot bigger and a lot different than she originally thought it would be. That didn't phase her too much, because once she started going to swim practice the coach pulled her aside immediately and told her that as long as she kept up the hard work, she would definitely be the only freshman to make the varsity team. This made Emily happy, especially because she knew that it would make her parents extremely happy. She was spending most of her free time in the pool or working out, but she had English class with that pretty blonde girl again. Her name was Hanna and Emily liked how the name sounded when it rolled off her tongue, when she would whisper at the other girl to get her attention. When she got her report card back that first semester, her lowest grade was a B- in English, and next to it the teacher had written "socializes too much in class." That was the only time Emily had ever received a comment like that on a grade report, or received a B- at all, for that matter.
At fourteen years old, Hanna had discovered who she needed to impress if she was ever going to be popular, considering her plan to date Sean hadn't exactly worked. Alison DiLaurentis was a name that pretty much every kid in school knew; she was gorgeous, always wore the hottest clothes and makeup, and seemed to know everything about everyone. Hanna tried to talk to the girl whenever she would see her, but most of the time Ali would just ignore her. Then, one random day in class, Ali did talk to Hanna, and after school the two hung out with another pair of girls named Aria and Spencer. The four of them eventually picked Emily up, and Hanna was excited she actually had a group of friends, lead by the most popular girl in Rosewood. Most of all, though, Hanna liked that she finally got to spend time with Emily outside of class. She had decided that the swimmer was her favorite out of the group after their first sleepover together.
"Ali said that she could probably hook me up with Sean if I just lose some weight, so I was thinking about trying Weight Watchers," Hanna declared as their third scary movie of the evening ended.
"Why would you want to date a guy who only likes you after you lose weight?" Emily questioned, looking over at the blonde with confusion.
"Because he's Sean Ackard, the cutest guy in school?" Hanna replied, "You just don't understand because you don't think he's cute." With that, Hanna had rolled over and turned the light off, signaling that it was time for them to go to bed.
"I just don't think you should have to change, that's all. You deserve someone who likes you how you are. You don't need to change, you're perfect," Emily commented before she rolled over too and closed her eyes. She didn't see that Hanna had a goofy smile on her face, and was thinking to herself, "she's definitely my favorite."
When Emily was fourteen she was still excelling on the swim team, but the most significant occurrence was when she met Alison DiLaurentis. Hanna and Emily had been chatting before English class started one day when Alison and some girl named Riley came into class late and were forced to sit directly in front of them due to the rest of the desks being occupied. Alison slid into the desk in front of Emily, but not before looking at Hanna and muttering, "I didn't know they let cows in classrooms", to Riley. Hanna had immediately turned red and Emily could see that tears were already forming in her eyes. Emily was never the type to stand up for anyone, but for some bizarre reason she had turned to Hanna and loudly said, "You look great in that top Hanna. Don't listen to her."
Immediately after, Alison had turned around and looked at her with a curious expression before responding, "I'm sorry. That was rude, I've just had a stressful day. I didn't mean to take it out on you. How about we hang out after school? The three of us?" She gestured to Hanna and Emily with a smile.
"Y-Yeah, okay!" Hanna replied, looking at Emily with wide eyes.
"I have swim practice until four," Emily muttered, but Alison carefully placed a hand on Emily's arm before responding, "We'll meet you outside school at four then." After Ali spoke she had winked at Emily before turning around in her seat, and for the first time in almost two years, Emily completely forgot about the other blonde sitting next to her.
At fifteen years old, things were falling apart with Hanna's group of friends. It wasn't obvious that there were issues, but it seemed like everyone had tension building with Ali specifically. Hanna had learned how to throw up her food from Alison, and it was already a ritual for her after every meal. It made her feel like crap, but she wanted to be skinny and pretty and Hanna thought that this was the easiest way. Sean Ackard, the boy she had wanted to be with for years, finally did notice her and they began dating. Hanna couldn't figure out why she wasn't happy, because she had waited for this moment for so long, but dating Sean ended up feeling more like a job than love. Being seen with him kept her in the right social group, and got her approval from Alison, but it didn't make her feel anything. Hanna and Emily drifted apart and she figured it was just because she had a boyfriend, but some days she had this feeling that there was more to it. Sometimes it felt like whenever she had plans with Emily alone, Ali would find ways to make sure it didn't happen. Whether it would be a surprise visit from Sean or a sudden swim team meeting, Alison always had something to do with it. Hanna stopped thinking about it eventually because she couldn't understand why Ali would do something like that.
When Emily was fifteen, she was having her heart played with by none other than Alison herself. Emily knew with certainty that the feelings she had been having were definitely not "normal", but thinking about actually saying that she was gay... that was just too much for her. Alison would flirt with her some days, usually when they were alone, but then she would be completely cold the next day. As a result, Emily felt like her head was spinning most of the time.
The five girls would always hang out in a group, but Emily missed the time that she would spend with Hanna alone, because that's when they were able to talk about the stuff they would never say in front of everyone. Hanna had a boyfriend though, so the time that she wasn't with all of the girls she would spend with him. Anytime she had a spare moment to actually make plans with Emily, Alison would start to flirt with the swimmer and beg Emily to help her with something at the exact same time, and Emily felt like she couldn't turn Ali down, and a part of her didn't want to turn her down, and she would ditch Hanna. So, they didn't hang out alone anymore. Alison eventually set Emily up with a boyfriend of her own, Ben, and Emily couldn't understand why. There was no saying 'no' to Ali though, so she dated him. She would always end up missing Hanna sometimes, strangely, and when Alison disappeared, she felt an odd sort of relief. Like maybe she could move on from that stupid crush, that crush that somehow ended up controlling her life, and that maybe she could actually see her best friend again.
At sixteen years old, Hanna was still dating Sean because after Alison's disappearance, she had to rely on his status to keep her in the popular crowd. Her new best friend was named Mona and she hadn't really talked to any of her old friends in almost a year. That included Emily. Months earlier, her father had walked out on her mother, though, and the day she found out she had skipped one of her classes and spent the entire period crying in the bathroom. During lunch she bought three bags of Cheetos and devoured them, returning to the bathroom to throw them up, something she hadn't done in a very long time. No one walked in on her, except Emily. The pair hadn't talked for almost six months, essentially since the morning after Ali went missing, and yet when Hanna came out of that stall, cheeks red, it seemed like they were thirteen again. Emily had simply hugged her, mumbling, "Why didn't you tell me. You could have talked to me." Hanna cried in her arms until the bell rang and the two were forced to separate and head to class. Before Hanna left the restroom, Emily called out, "You're too beautiful to be doing that to yourself, Han."
Afterwards, they returned to the routine of not speaking, but that was the last time Hanna ever threw up on purpose.
When Emily was sixteen, she was still cut off from her old friends, which resulted in her spending all of her time swimming and studying. She was on the verge of a mental breakdown, and she had no one to talk to, no time to let it all out. Coping with Alison's disappearance, and assumed death, was hard considering no one knew what had actually happened between the two of them. Emily knew Alison wasn't her girlfriend, but some days it sure felt that way, especially on the days that she actually had time to miss her. Then there were the days that Emily would worry about Hanna, because she had walked in on her engaging in some self-destructive behavior at school one day. They weren't really talking though, so she would sit alone and wonder if the blonde was okay, hoping that she wasn't in a bathroom at that very moment.
Then they found Alison's body and everything changed. Emily started getting notes from someone named "A" and she found out that Spencer, Aria, and Hanna were getting them too. The four girls started hanging out more and more, trying to figure out who was messing with them. Emily dumped Ben. Hanna dumped Sean. And things started to feel like they used to. Emily thought that maybe it really would all go back to normal. But what was normal?
At seventeen years old, Hanna was sick and tired of dealing with all of the bullshit that Alison had left behind. When she was younger she had wanted to be popular so bad, wanted the attention of people like Alison and Sean so bad, but now she wishes she had never met them. Even Mona, who she thought was a harmless friend searching for popularity like her, had turned out to be bad news. But Hanna gave up caring a long time ago, and all she wanted was to be happy, no matter what made that happen. She dated a good guy, Caleb, for a while and they had fun together but it still didn't feel completely right. One good thing about being seventeen was that Hanna got her best friend back. She got to spend time with Emily whenever she wanted to, without anyone to ruin their plans and no secrets to keep from each other. Hanna liked to think that she was now a completely different version of herself compared to the girl she was when she was young, but Emily had seen that version of her too. So, whenever Hanna's insecurities would flare up, Emily was there to say what she had always said, "You're amazing, Han. Don't ever think otherwise."
When Emily was seventeen she had finally come to terms with Alison's death, and she had finally started to learn to stand up for herself again. She had come out and accepted who she was, and eventually everyone around her did too. Her family took longer than her friends, but all that mattered to her was that she could actually be herself. A lot of that was thanks to Hanna, who had been her first supporter during the entire process and who had always been there for her ever since. Emily dated different girls here and there, but none of them seemed to make her feel like she did when she used to watch Hanna back in middle school. Emily had never considered the idea that she was actually in love with Hanna all this time, but after she thought about it once, she found herself always thinking about it. Alison had been forward with Emily, actively flirting with her, messing with her, and so Emily had given the girl her attention. But the more Emily thought about it, the more she realized that it had kind of always been Hanna for her, ever since she was twelve years old, even when Hanna was "hefty." She felt empty the year that they didn't speak, and sure, she missed Aria and Spencer too, but that wasn't why she felt so lost. There was no one on earth she liked to watch as much as she loved to watch Hanna. That realization hit Emily hard.
At eighteen years old, Hanna could finally breathe again. Wilden had been arrested and locked up for life over Alison's murder, and everything was finally put to rest. There were no more texts from "A", no more "incidents", no more reminders of the secrets Ali had on them. Hanna had time to think about her life, think about what she wanted, reflect on everything that happened. Most of this time she would spend thinking about Emily, because she fit into pretty much every category that Hanna would let her mind wander off to. So when Hanna found herself kissing Emily one night, she couldn't help but realize how it didn't feel like work, it didn't feel like a job, it just felt right. And why wouldn't it? This was the girl who stood up to Alison for her, the girl who was the only person to always tell her she was beautiful, the girl who held her while she cried, the girl who made her smile, the girl who somehow made her feel alive for the first time in six years in a span of six seconds. And somehow Hanna knew this all along, because Emily was always in the back of her head, always, since she was twelve.
When Emily was eighteen years old, she made the second boldest move of her life. The first was when she stood up to Alison for Hanna. The second was when she kissed Hanna, without warning, in her bedroom after their high school graduation. When Hanna kissed her back Emily realized she had been right, it was Hanna all along. Alison had been a distraction that had just delayed the inevitable, and she wondered if she had never said anything in that English class that day if they would have ever hung out with Ali at all. And if they hadn't, if her and Hanna would have realized this thing between them years before. But it didn't matter now, because they finally had figured it out, and everything finally felt okay again.
...
When Emily looks at Hanna she doesn't see a single flaw. She knows that no one is perfect, but to her, Hanna seems pretty close. She loves to grab onto the girls hips when they're in bed, and she loves that Hanna doesn't look so skinny that she might break in half. She loves to kiss that tiny scar on Hanna's forehead whenever she can, and when she brushes Hanna's hair out of her eyes she thinks about how it's her favorite shade of blonde.