I got season three on DVD – that's my explanation for the time travel... once upon a time, long ago, far far away (well I live in NZ so County Chicago was always far far away... globalization aside)

So Sherry Stringfield left the show but in the crazy little world of ER people who leave vanish into thin air... right?

Wrong.

When Mark gets beaten to a pulp for no particular reason a particular someone would have visited...

"They're going to want to know anything you can remember." Doug said sympathetically, leaning on the edge of Mark's bed.

"I don't remember anything." Mark reached up to rub his tired eyes but flinched at the touch.

"Is there anyone you'd like us to call?" Carol changed the subject, giving Doug a pointed look.

"No, I'll be fine." Mark sighed again, "I'm just tired. I'm okay."

"HE is NOT okay." Carol sighed, following Doug into the drug lockup.

"No, he is not." Doug searched the shelf for something but gave up. "He wouldn't take any more time off."

"Too much time by himself might not make things any better I guess," she sort of understood.

"It's the 'by himself' bit that's wrong. He just won't let anyone help – he won't talk to anyone." Doug turned back to the shelf

"Well..." Carol looked at him pointedly.

"He'd kill us if we called her." Doug met her eyes, shaking his head with determination.

"Doug..."

He sighed, "You want to call her?"

Carol nodded and headed for the lounge, "They're alphabetical, Doug," she yelled back as he returned to his search.

Susan poured herself a strong coffee and leant against the wall waiting for it to cool. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Only a couple of hours to go, then she could go home and sleep.

She opened her eyes when she heard the door open. The clerk scanned the room for her, "Oh, Dr. Lewis, there's a phone call for you."

"Yeah, take a message."

"It's Cook County in Chicago – they said it's an emergency."

"What?" she chased the clerk out to admittance and took the phone, "Yeah, Susan Lewis here."

"Oh, hey, you're hard to find." Came Carol's familiar voice.

"Hi. Carol. Are you okay?" she was glad to hear from her friend but concerned about the emergency.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just..." she took a deep breath, it didn't matter much how she said this, it'd still scare the woman on the other end of the phone, "um... look, last week Mark was attacked."

"What?"

"This guy, in the men's room, well, we don't really know what happened – he can't remember it."

"Oh my... is he okay?" Susan put her hand over her mouth.

"What happened?" the clerk watched Susan with curious concern.

"He's back at work – he wouldn't take any more time off. Doug didn't want to call you but..."

"No... I'll be there as soon as I can." Susan hung up as soon as was polite and called an airline.

"Susan!" Carol skipped out of admittance and hugged her.

"Hey." Susan smiled.

"I'm glad you came."

"Yeah, I didn't think I'd be back so soon."

"You must have taken the train half an hour after I called." Carol laughed.

"I flew."

Carol was surprised but didn't get to say anything because half the staff had spotted Susan and rushed to greet her.

"We got a trauma coming." Randi announced.

"Where is he?" Susan asked quickly before Carol could get away.

"I don't know – he should be here somewhere. Hey, and he looks pretty bad, so..."

Susan nodded and smiled in appreciation, backing away from the incoming trauma.

"What have we got?" Mark jogged along the opposite corridor and stopped when he saw her.

She was clearly shocked by the black bruise covering almost half his face.

"I got this one Mark." Kerry sidled up to the gurney and they disappeared into trauma one barking assessments and orders.

Mark stopped a few meters from her speechless.

"Hey." Her voice came out in a whisper as she stepped closer to him.

"Hi." He was thrown off by her presence. "Why..." was all he managed to say in expressing his confusion.

"Carol called me."

"About..." he left it unsaid. The bruises gave him away.

She nodded.

"I'm fine. They shouldn't have called you." He wanted to walk away but his feet wouldn't move.

"They're just worried."

"Yeah, well, I'm fine." He forced his legs to move and walked outside into the ambulance bay.

After a moment she followed him.

He was glad she'd followed because it gave him an opportunity to vent – all those things he'd wanted to say – well maybe he'd find the boldness to say some of them. "You shouldn't have come." He turned to face her.

"Mark, regardless of anything..." she wasn't sure what she wanted to say – what she needed to say, "I'm still a friend, please..." she stepped forward and touched his arm.

"I know you mean well, I really do, and I appreciate that you came but...I'll be fine." He spoke quickly as an ambulance pulled up.

"Are you off tonight?" she asked before the ambulance doors swung open.

Mark let the rush of a trauma distract him and he seemed to ignore her when in reality he'd heard her and it was taking a significant part of his concentration to ignore her eyes boring holes in him.

She watched them go inside then turned back to the road. She wouldn't leave yet but she couldn't go back inside and just hang around and wait for him. She looked up at the sky and stretched her neck and took a deep breath.

"Does it look like rain?" Carol sidled up to her.

Susan smiled and shook her head.

"He's pretty shaken up." Carol acknowledged that neither of them was thinking about the weather.

Susan nodded, "Yeah, I just thought it would be easier than this. You know? We used to tell each other everything and I hate to think I'm the one who destroyed that."

"You've been away a while, it might just take a while to fall back into your usual, um... mutt and jeff mode."

Susan laughed.

"So, how's Phoenix?"

"It's not home yet, but it's getting there. How's Chicago?"

"Oh, you know." Carol smiled, "It's good to see you."

Susan turned to her. "Have you got a break?"

Carol nodded.

"Let's get out of here."

They were walking back to county half an hour later.

"He'll come around. He's not that stubborn."

"I know." Susan acquiesced.

"Plus," Carol threw her empty coffee cup in a rubbish bin, "he loves you, he has no choice."

"Carol..."

"I just call it as I see it." she held up her hands in innocent surrender and walked into the ER.

Susan followed less boldly and took a seat in chairs. She knew she could sit in the lounge but she wanted to talk to Mark outside of the hospital. Not in the lounge, or the ambulance bay, but at home – his home, which she still strangely thought of as her own.

"Susan!" Doug spotted her and strode across the ER.

She stood to meet him, smiling.

"Does Mark know you're here?"

She nodded.

"And he's still working?" Doug didn't sound all that surprised.

"It's okay, I'm just waiting round till..."

Doug rolled his eyes. "I mean I know he got a few decent blows to the head but he must be injecting idiot hormone."

She smiled, "So, how are things going?"

"Oh, you know... you're not missing much. Did you talk to him?"

She nodded, "He didn't really want to talk."

"Yeah, he won't talk to anyone. You want a cup of coffee?"

"Sure." She followed him into the lounge only to be confronted with a rather fragmented looking lounge. It looked like some one had tried to put it back together again... kind of like the 'after' photo of humpty dumpty. "What the hell happened here?"

"That would be the work of a friend of ours."

"He trashed the lounge?"

Doug nodded, pouring two cups of coffee.

"What are we supposed to do?"

"I was hoping you'd have some ideas." He handed her a hot mug and tipped his own to his lips.

"I just wish he'd talk to me. The way I left hardly fosters conversation."

"Yeah. You know you left quite a mess in your wake."

She looked confused but half-wished he wouldn't feel the need to explain that statement.

The lounge door swung open and Mark called Doug to help on a trauma.

Doug emptied his mug and waited till Mark left, "Don't give up. If anyone can get through to him you can."

"Mark, you were off ten minutes ago." Carol watched him scour the board.

"Yeah, I know, I'm just wrapping up – don't want to leave any loose ends, you know."

"Susan's waiting for you in chairs."

Mark sighed and turned to her. "You shouldn't have called her."

"Oh, come on. She's your best friend. Don't be such an ass that you can't take a little support from your friends." She walked away hoping she'd made a dent in his tough-guy act.

Mark put his stethoscope and lab coat in his locker and headed for chairs. Susan was in the corner, her head against the wall, eyes shut, mouth slightly open. He couldn't help but smile. "Susan."

She didn't hear him so he touched her shoulder.

She shook her head and got her bearings then stood up. "Hi."

"You didn't have to wait around." He stepped back, not ready for the delightfully familiar feeling of standing so close to her. "Um, where are you staying?"

"Oh, what's the time?"

"Eight twenty."

"Oh, I was going to book into a hotel earlier – but I guess I got some sleep in my old stomping ground." She looked at the chair. It looked as uncomfortable as it felt.

"Yeah, many a peaceful night."

"I should probably get myself a hotel room, but after that can we..." she sighed.

Mark nodded, "I shouldn't have snapped at you before, I was just surprised and... I dunno..." he shrugged

"I'm the one who should apologise, I should have called – I should have called anyway." She couldn't stop looking at the remarkable bruise on his face.

Mark didn't disagree, "Come on." He didn't want to have any more of this conversation in earshot of Carol, or Doug. She was too involved as it was, and he was the gossip column on legs. Between himself and Susan there was already enough baggage to warrant a trailer.

Susan followed him out of the hospital.

"So, when did Carol call?" He had described the attack – or what he could remember and what he'd been told, and now he wanted her to do the talking for a bit.

"Yesterday morning." She put her empty take-out box on the coffee table.

"I thought the train took a couple of days."

"It does... oh, I flew."

"What? You flew?" He made no attempt at hiding his surprise.

She nodded bashfully, pushing her hair behind her ear.

"Susan, I..."

"It's okay, Mark. I haven't been the best of friends to you – you deserved better, I just..." she took a deep breath, "I had to go."

"I know." He met her eyes with a small smile. "So, how long are you in town for?"

"Few days – work gave me a week off but..."

"What about little Suzie?"

"Oh, she's living with Chloe and Joe – no, I live a couple of blocks away. I babysit and visit every couple of days but..." she took a deep breath, "Suzie's not mine – I'm just not quite convinced yet." She smiled at herself.

"You'll get past this." His comforting eyes dared her to disagree. "Then one day you'll have kids of your own and Suzie will have little cousins and all will be right with the world."

Susan laughed, which was what he wanted her to do. "Hey, I'm supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around."

"I'm okay you know."

She looked at him, disbelief etched clearly into her face. "Then why did Carol call me?"

He shrugged and looked away. "I'd be fine if I could just sleep."

"So you're not fine."

He met her eyes, "I don't know what to do. I feel so ridiculous. I'm afraid of my own shadow and you can't buy courage in a bottle."

"You've got more courage than most Mark."

He shook his head.

"Yeah, you do."

He took a deep breath, "I wish there was something I could do then everything would be like it was before and everything would be fine."

"But there isn't." She finished his sentence.

He shook his head slightly then got up, wanting to change the subject – something less personal... anything... "You want a coffee?"

"Sure." She followed him to the kitchen. Her old kitchen. "Oh, I should call that hotel – do you have a phone directory?"

"Um, yeah." He passed her the phone, "Under the table."

"Thanks." She put the directory on the bench and flicked through.

"Unless..." he fumbled with his words, "I mean you could sleep here and you could find a hotel tomorrow."

That sounded good. She'd been wandering around in her socks, she'd made herself at home, she didn't want to leave... not that that would be any different in the morning but right now she didn't want to go anywhere. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you take mine, I'll take the sofa."

"No way, I'll take the sofa."

"Susan..."

"Nope – and you know I'm more stubborn than you are so give it up."

He laughed at her and she realised how much she'd missed his laugh. "Oh, come on, let me be a gentleman... or something."

"Or something." She grinned, "Really, the couch is great."

"I'll get you some blankets."

"It's okay, I know where they are. There are only so many cupboards in this place. You make the coffee." She disappeared into the hallway.

"I should probably let you get some sleep." He put her coffee on the table as she let herself fall back onto the sofa.

"Are you going to sleep?"

He was about to lie but then he realised she'd see right through him... he'd already admitted to not sleeping.

"At least sit with me and talk. Even if I doze off." She smiled, leaning back on the cushions.

He smiled widely and nodded, sitting beside her, further away than she'd hoped. "So, how's Phoenix?"

"Um, good... what do you want to know?"

"How's Suzie."

Susan smiled, she couldn't help it. "She's... amazing. She's almost walking and starting to talk. She pulls herself up on the coffee table and she's a terror. Everything is doomed for the floor if she can reach it," she laughed. "She's so beautiful, she's growing so fast. She's doing really well." Susan nodded, realizing she was raving a bit.

Mark smiled. He could see how happy Suzie made her. He had asked her to stay and he would probably do it again, but if she were miserable without Suzie he'd prefer she leave and be happy. "How about Chloe and Joe?"

"She's still working – seems..." she shrugged, "she seems fine. I don't want to get my hopes up, you know? But my hopes are up. And Joe... he's a good guy." She nodded, "Yeah, he's good for Chloe. And Suzie. They're almost 'happy family' sometimes. They won't let me feel like I'm intruding but I get the feeling they'd be okay without me."

"But you wouldn't be okay without them?"

She was surprised at how well he'd read her. She tried to smile and when that failed she nodded. "Yeah." They sat in silence for a minute before she spoke again, "I missed you."

He turned to her but she wasn't looking at him. "I've missed you too."

She sighed and turned to face him.

His eyes drifted to her lips but he pulled away, "I should go – try to sleep." He got up.

It only took her a moment to do the same, "Mark."

He stopped.

"I do love you." She said quietly, as though she wasn't sure she wanted him to hear her. "I know actions speak louder than words and getting on that train was pretty loud, but I do..."

He turned around,

"If I'd stayed I probably wouldn't have stopped any of this but at least I would have been there."

He grabbed at that last strand of boldness, that courage she'd told him he had, crossed the room and kissed her.

Her knees went weak at his touch and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders to keep herself from falling to the floor. She'd wanted him for so long but she hadn't been prepared for this.

He pulled back for breath, his lips swollen, his eyes searching.

She smiled up at him, "I love you."

"I love you." He said softly.

She could feel his breath on her lips and reached up, desperate to kiss him again.

"You sure about this?" they were headed for his bedroom and it was fairly clear that she wanted this as much as he did.

She pulled back and nodded but he was kissing her again before she got a chance to speak.

She didn't want to let go. Her heart wouldn't slow and her skin was tingling. She couldn't stop smiling and kissing his neck and shoulder and face. She didn't want to let go. Ever. "That was incredible." She found her voice.

"Yeah." He was breathing heavily and lifted his head to look at her, "You're... stunning." He smiled and kissed her forehead, trailing kisses down to her lips.

She turned her head on the pillow to look at the man lying beside her and stretched her neck to kiss his shoulder.

"Am I dreaming?" he turned to face her. She just smiled. "What's the time?"

She rolled over to find her watch, "Six."

"I slept?"

"Like a baby." She nestled back against his side.

He was grinning as he pulled her closer.

"Are you on today?"

"Yeah, I'm thinking about getting up." But moving from right there, wrapped up in her warmth, intoxicated by her touch, was painful to think about.

"You have good intentions." She was smiling, her eyes shut, her hair splayed across the pillow at his shoulder. "I think they'd believe you if you called in sick."

"How am I supposed to let you go?" his voice came out like gravel.

"If you can reach the phone you don't have to – you must have a month of sick days coming."

"That's not what I meant." He didn't look at her.

She ran one hand across his chest fondly, tracing adoring fingers back and forth.

"I'm sorry, I know it's not fair to ask..."

"No, it's okay." She interrupted him. "It's a perfectly reasonable question." She took a deep breath, searching for a solution. But there was no quick answer. "I didn't mean for this to happen – I mean, when I came here, I didn't think... I don't know how I'm going to leave."

He still wasn't looking at her. She rubbed her neck and got up, heading for the bathroom.

Mark turned to watch her go. He knew she was only in the next room but it felt like a sneak preview. She was only going to be harder to let go than before. He sat up. His body was imprinted with her touch, like it imagined she was still there. Then he realised. It was his choice. He could let her go. Or...

Susan washed her face and stared at herself for a few minutes. What did she really want? She wanted Suzie. She'd chased her halfway across the country. But Suzie was never going to be hers. Suzie didn't need her like she used to. What did she really need? She needed Mark. He was her best friend. She hadn't realised how much she needed him until she was hundreds of miles away. And then yesterday – to see him so broken... she'd never loved anything like she did him. Why was she about to give that up?

He knocked softly at the door, "Susan."

She took a deep breath and headed for the door.

"Susan?"

She opened the door and looked at him breathless, shocked by the conclusion she'd just reached.

"Do you want me?" He stood before her completely vulnerable.

"Yes. I do. More than anything. I'm an idiot for..."

He put his fingers over her lips. "I'll move to Phoenix."

She broke out into a wide smile then shook her head. "No, I'll stay."

He smiled and gave himself away, "but what about Suzie."

"I love you. I was an idiot to leave. But I can't do it again."

"Good." He grinned and kissed her. "Good."

She was laughing with joy and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "I'll stay." She hardly believed it herself.

He picked her up and spun her around before lowering her onto the bed.

She smiled at him in anticipation. "You better call in sick."