Title: Please Don't Leave
Author: Shelby
Summary: He thinks about those three words she always wanted him to say were so she would stay. In the end she needed him to say them so she could go. CB 1-shot
A/N: Warning very sad. Tell me if it's any good. I've wrote like this before, but with Chuck so tell me how I did with Blair.
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Cancer.
One word, with so much power. One word, with so many tears shed. One word, putting one life to an end. That's all it took to put her where she was, one word. Only one single word was the cause of her lying in a hospital bed right now, weakening by the hour, fading by the minute, and dying by the second.
When she first heard this one word she knew it was the beginning of the end, "Ms. Waldorf I regret to inform you we have found a cancer tumor in your body."
That was it, she signed herself and her life off in that moment. She didn't even need to hear the doctor try to put in nice words it had spread to far. Or that treatment could only buy her time, but not the full package, her life. She didn't need to hear any of it because it was over, over with one word.
The first month of it was unbareable practically. Letting each person know gently, if she let them. Her parents were first of course. She sat them down together when her father came into town one weeked.
"Mom... Dad..." she says weakly standing in front of them as they stare up at her with worried eyes. She knows they aren't expecting this though, not this bad, not something fatal.
She starts to cry a little and is surprised by her mother, the original ice queen, who is now standing beside her, an arm placed on her own for comfort. "What is it sweetie? You can tell us anything, you know that," she encourages.
Her father nods standing up placing his hand on her other arm, "Your mothers right Blair Bear you know we're always here for you."
Her heart breaks a little, they think it's something they can fix, an accident she's done. She thinks maybe she won't tell them, but she owes it to them. So she does.
They took the news differently than each other yet very similar in others. Her mother immediately let go of her arm, almost falling back if her father wouldn't have caught her. Her mother was angry, wanting to know why this had happened to her daughter. She took it out on maids, doctors, and anyone, but Blair. Her father was different he was calm about it, but he cried. He wasn't really there when he was around other people, always distant from everyone, but Blair. They tried to give her everything she wanted during that time, she couldn't do wrong. Everyone else was, but she wasn't. It was pity, but it was nice for the short time at the end, she thinks.
The next person to tell was her best friends of course. She thought about only telling Serena, but she knows that would be wrong. Chuck and Nate deserved to know just as much as Serena did. Afterall they were the non-juding breakfast club. Even if Nate and her were never as good as friends since their break-up. Or her and Chuck since his fathers death. When she thinks of this she thinks maybe she won't tell Chuck, its only been a little while since his father died she doesn't want to do that to someone she loves. When she calls Serena to tell them to get her and Nate to come over though, she finds herself telling her to tell Chuck to come as well. She knows Serena suspects something since she hadsn't been in school much, but she'll never see this coming.
The day they come over its raining. The weather fits her mood, sad. She's rather weak now too, she waited a while to tell them, the cancer spread more. When they come though she waits at the kitchen table in her home. She holds her head high and keeps the tears from coming out. Dorota escorts them in and as she leaves Blair see's her crying. She see's Chuck notice this as well, but he doesn't say anything.
Nate's looking at her strangely like he doesn't reckognize her. This makes sense, because she isn't Blair, she's dying Blair. Serena opens her mouth to speak, a frown of confusion on her face, but Blair holds up her hand to silence her.
She takes a deep breath and then lets it pour out. It comes out in a calm and collected way. She was the ice queen on the outside as her soul cried to its limit within. They took it different ways, Serena, Nate, and Chuck.
Serena collapsed into tears at first. Then she grabbed Blair for dear life as if holding onto her would keep her from going. She cried to herself why, she tried to tell Blair it would be okay, and she broke down physically and mentally in front of all three of them.
Nate's eyes wattered up, but he didn't cry. He stayed strong helping Serena off the floor, hugging Blair. Shooting her looks of pity he meant to be comforting. He rambled a lot about miracles happening, but in his voice you could tell he knew one wouldn't.
Chuck was different from both. He stared at her for a long time, his face emotionless as in denial. He turned away from them thinking they didn't see his eyes water up, but she did. He then left the room going out into the hallway. She followed him while Nate was occupied with Serena.
She walked slowly down the hallway stopping around a corner when she saw him. He was pacing back and forth angrily. He let out a scream and punched the wall, the force damaged it. She watched as he winced in pain falling back agains the other wall sinking down until he was sitting on the floor. He then pulled his knees towards himself, burrying his head in his hands. She heard him sobbing and she thought about turning around. Chuck had never cried, not like this,not like this.
He hears her though and looks up his eyes bloodshot. He stares at her and she stares back for what seems like hours. He stands up finally advancing towards her as he wipes his eyes on his jackets sleaves, "It's going to be okay, you're going to be okay."
She shakes her head, he's in denial, just like before. She won't let it happen again, her voice breaks, "No... No Chuck I won't. I'm dying... I'm... I'm... dying." With that she breaks down, she feels lightheaded and she falls forward. She's sure she will crash and hit the ground, but he catches her. They slide down to the ground together. He holds her, wrapping his arms tightly around her petite form.
He whispers in her ear, "You won't... You cant."
She cries more, her voice muffled against his chest, "I am... I am... I don't want to... please I don't want to." She's not sure at this moment if she's talking to Chuck or a greater force that could stop all of this. Either way though she knows neither will stop it, she will die, it will take her when her time comes. They stay like this for a while. And then he carriers her up to her room and lies her on her bed. He lies down beside her, staring into her eyes as she stares into his soul. After a while Nate and Serena come up. Serena gets on the other side of her and Blair turns on her back. Chuck is close to her wrapped around her, while Serena holds her hand. Nate lies down next to Serena placing his hand on top of hers and Serena's. Together the non-judging breakfast club has a very different kind of sleepover.
It wasn't long after that the school found out. Gossip Girl got a picture of her with her doctor in cancer treatment centers. She doesn't want to face school, the pity, the stares, but she does. Serena and Nate take her, Serena holds her hand. It reminds her of the day she got yogurt poured on her head. Today though her cancer is the yogurt. She doesn't know why Chuck isnt' there, he hardly leaves her side now, now that time is running out.
As they make their way into the school some approach her, saying sorry. She only stares at them nodding and they back away. Most just stare at her though, remaining silent. It gets too much, a class where she doesn't have Nate or Serena, she flees with a bathroom pass. She plans on leaving, she exits through the back of the school. When she turns a wall she see's him. He's pushing the soccer team captain up against a wall, she also notes the boy, Andrew Harrington, has his arm in a sling.
"I know it was you who sent the post to Gossip Girl when you were getting your arm in a sling at the hospital yesterday!" Chuck says giving Andrew a harsh slam into the wall.
"Look man I don't know what you're talking about okay, I'm sorry about Blair I know you're like in love with her, but I can't help that she's dying!" Andrew says attempting to free himself, he's unsuccesful. "Look even if I did send it to Gossip Girl it's not like people wouldn't have found out long enough, better now than when she dies right!" Andrew practically screams. The words cut through Blair like knives, hundreds, slowly stuck into her heart.
She watches as Chucks face goes red, he throws his arm in a fist connectinng it with Andrew's eye. He let's go of him and Andrew begins to slide down the wall. "You're dead Harrington." He says beginning to walk away. He stops when he see's Blair. She stops breathing, as she stares at him. She turns on her heal finding breath and runs, runs away from him. Her plan fails though when she stumbles on something, now she's falling forward again. This time she knows she will hit the ground, but she doesn't. He grabs her from behind, pulls her towards him from behind.
"I'm sorry," he whispers as he turns her towards him. "I'm sorry," she doesn't understand what he's sorry for, but she doesn't say anything. Instead she burries herself into his chest wondering if she holds on tight enough, and forgets about everything else, that they will both disapear from the world.
After that she doesn't go to school much, it's her senior year and it should be important, but she won't be going to college. Chuck skips a lot too, but he's taking over Bass industries as soon as he graduates so she knows he's not worried about college either. She spends her days walking around the city, sitting in the park, talking with Dorota. Chuck joins her a lot when she does these things. Sometimes she wakes up and finds he's there, sleeping by her side. Even if she tells him he should go home, go to school, he comes back as soon as she's asleep.
After graduation when summer comes she learns that at the end of summer she'll start chemotherapy. She realizes this is her last summer. Chuck asks her to come to Tuscany with him, and she's selfish so she does. She feels bad losing time with her mom, dad, Serena, Nate, Dorota, but she goes because she wants to do it, like she should have the summer before. While she's there its almost as if she is cured. She doesn't think of it, she escapes it. She sleeps with him, lies out in the sun with him, and lies under the stars at night with him. He kisses her one night, it's soft at first, but then passion comes. She knows she should stop, pull away, it isn't fair to him, but she doesn't. That night he takes her like he did so many other nights. He connects their bodies, and for a little while she feels like the old Blair, not the Blair dying of cancer.
When she returns her Nate, Serena, and Chuck spend the rest of the summer together. Chuck never leaves her. Serena always wants to hold her hand. And Nate is always appolagizing for things he did. Her mother and father put aside their differences for that summer all living in one house, like a family.
When the summer ends she makes her chemotherapy appointment. She has Dorota do it in secret, away from her family and friends ears. Dorota gives her the time, day, and place when her friends are asleep one morning. She leaves quietly, not waking them. They were all laughing last night, another non-juding breakfast club sleepover. She won't ruin it for them with the harsh facts of the morning, so she leaves alone.
When she arrives at the hospital, she feels cold. That's the only feeling she can explain, cold. As she waits in the lobby it's open, bright, and cold. She shivers as the nurse calls her in with a sympathetic and hopeful smile. She follows her. She tells her the doctor will be in, in a moment and she leaves her alone. She starts to wish someone would have came, even if it was just Dorota.
She sits up as she hears yelling down the hallway, "What the fuck do you mean you won't tell me what room she's in!? Do you have any idea who I am?!"
Her eyes enlarge as realization comes back and the all too familiar voice is coming closer to her. She hears a voice, "Sir we can't allow anyone, but family please I don't want to have to call secur..."
She's cut of though when the room Blair's in flings open. He stops staring at her. The nurse looks at her appolagetically, "I'm sorry we can have him escorted out if you like Ms. Waldorf."
She shakes her head, her eyes never leaving Chuck and the nurse leaves rambling about the doctor being in soon again. He comes towards her, stops and sits down next to her placing his hand on her knee. She looks at it as he stares around the room, the reality of what she's here for all coming in.
"How'd you know where I was?" she finally asks him, staring at him.
He doesn't turn towards her, keeping his eyes on the door as he responds, "I woke-up, you weren't there and I found you." She doesn't tell him, that doesn't answer her question. Instead she nods as if she understands, because she does. The doctor comes in, explains the side-effects and such, and then they give it to her. Chuck takes her to his limo after that. She's weak and they drive around the city until its dark. He holds her, and she hopes he'll never let go.
Things got worse from there, she had days where she couldn't even get out of bed. The even worse days were the ones where she felt completely fine, because they were tricking her and she wasn't. Chuck is called a lot now that he's taking over Bass industries, she knows the company is suffering because of her, but he won't hear of leaving her most of the time. One day the doctor tells her the chemotherapy won't work anymore and if they keep going it alone will only buy a short amount of time. She tells them she doesn't want it, Chuck flips out on this. He tells her she can't give up, that he won't allow it, but in the end it's her descision and she makes it without his conscent. That's the first night in many nights she doesn't see him. She tries not to think about where he is, or what he's doing while he's gone.
He shows up the next day, looking deshevilled. He smells of scotch and smoke, with dark circles under his eyes. She's killing him, and she hates herself.
"Leave," she says sitting up in bed, she fails and lies back down.
He doesn't honnor her wish though and stumbles towards the bed, falling beside her. "I'm sorry," he whispers and she see's him crying. She can't let him stay, it's not fare. He needs to get out now. She needs to push him away to protect him.
"I don't want you here anymore," she says with coldness in her voice. She then sighs, "I don't want to see you again, leave or I'll have Dorota call security."
She doesn't look at him, but she feels his eyes trying to make contact with her own. He grabs her face turning it towards him, he's glaring at her, "You think they can get rid of me, you can get rid of me that easily."
She pulls away from him nodding and turns her back on him. She then says quietly, "I only want the people I love here when I die."
His voice is weak, "You love me, you told me. You're ju... just saying that to push me away so I won't get hurt, but I won't leave." He touches her shoulder and she shrugs it off scooting farther away from him.
She then turns towards him, her face emotionless, "Get out..." when he doesn't move she pushes him, "I SAID GET OUT!"
He's goes unnaffected by her push and shakes his head, not moving, "No. Tell me you don't love me and I'll leave."
She stares at him for a long time. She then opens her mouth, "I... I... I don't... I don't... I love you," she breaks down into tears, because she should be stronger and less selfish. She's sure she'll go to hell when she dies. He immediately embraces her, holding her tightly agains him. She sobs, "Just leave please."
He shakes his head, "No, never." He then pulls her away just enough to look into her eyes, "You don't leave me, he whispers, "Don't leave me."
That was the last time she asked him to leave. She couldn't do it as the days progressed and she slowly faded away. She was hanging on now, it hurt so much, but she was hanging on for him. She was in her bed, but it was a hospital bed. Chuck had gotten her in home care. Everyone was here along with a doctor. She asked the doctor to take them out of the room and explain it to them. She would go now, while they were gone. Chuck was the last to go with the doctor. He turns to her before leaving, "I'll be right back, right back Blair. Don't go anywhere do you understand?"
She nods, her heart breaks, and the door shuts behind him. She starts to let her self go a little and she hears the life machine alerting the room of what's happening. The bedroom door flings open and Chuck is at her side, grabbing her hand, "Blair! Blair stop it, stop it right now! Don't do this, don't!"
She pulls herself back holding on with so much pain. She looks up at him, she see's the doctor trying to calm him, "She's going son. Help her go, hold her hand, tell her it's alright to go."
Chuck shakes his head, tears in his eyes as he muffles through tears, "No." He tightens his grip on her hand shaking his head more, "No."
The doctor touches his arm, "She's in pain son, a lot of pain if she keeps holding on, tell her, tell her it's okay to go. Be strong for her."
Chuck's hysterical sobs stop and he stares at her. She knows he can see the pain. Blair looks at the doctor. He nods and everyone says their goodbyes. Her mother is dragged out by her father. She's kicking and screaming. Serena is practically carried by Nate, but they leave. Chuck crawls in bed beside her. He looks on her and she knows he can tell she can't hold on much longer. She grunts in pain, tears coming to her eyes.
He leans in kissing her lips softly and when he pulls away he attempts a smile, "It's time to let go, it's okay to go Blair." He whispers tightening his grip on both her hands and pulling them towards his chest.
She cries and she knows its not from the physical pain, but her breaking heart, "You're only saying that to make me go, what about us?I can' t go." she says her voice barely heard, but he hears.
He wipes a tear of her cheek whispering in her ear, "I love you." At that moment she thinks its okay to let go.
Her eyes start to close and she smiles a little, "Thank you." And with that she is gone. After that when the doctor and everyone comes back in, crying and sobbing. He stays next to her, holding onto her hand. And he thinks, he thinks about how those three words she always wanted him to say were so she would stay. In the end she needed him to say them so she could go.
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A/N: Any good?