Mrs. BigFat
A/N Haha a new story!, I promise it will be funny! By the way this takes place in Harry and the gangs 5th year.
*********************************************************
Narator- One sunny day at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and Wizardry, All the Little Gryffindor 5th years made there way to potions.
Harry- Oh god yet another hour of torture with Snape!
Ron-Oh, well somewhere in my dreams I see Snape getting violently eaten by a mutated man eating shark...oh what a dream that was!
Harry- That must have been wonderful!
Hermione- Hey! look at the Notice on the Door!
*******Notice*******
Students, we are sad to inform that Professor S. Snape has been
Violently Killed by a mutated man eating shark, and so you will have a substitute, I know how sad you must be, but dats how screwy life is, enjoy your day at class
Professor M. McGonnagal
Narator- So you think the Gryffindors were sad? No way! they were all jumping for joy
Neville- There is a god!
Hermione- Well lets hurry up or we'll be late!
Narator- And so they all rushed into class and took their seats, but strangly enough the sub was nowhere to be seen.
Seamus- Hey! where in the name of Mickey Mouse is da fricken sub!
Dean- No idea
Hermione- Shut up everyone I think I hear her coming
Narator- Just then a hugely fat woman (about 12 times wider, not taller than Hagrid) walked into the room
Harry- Oh my god, she's as big as a-
Narator- But before Harry could finish, the large and fat teacher, whipped out
her wand and casted a spell that looked very painful for Harry.
Harry- Ouchies....
Mrs. Big Fat- Watch yo mouth, Okay kids my name is Mrs. Big fat ugly lame excuse for a human being, but you may call be Mrs. Big fat
Ron- Your actually married? a big tub of lard like you
Mrs. Big Fat- No, but I like to pretend I am, now for today, we are doing a project, its a very grueling and painful project and could be the death of you?
Narator- As always Hermione raised her hand
Mrs. Big Fat- What do you want? very stupid girl who has raised her stinky hand in my face
Hermione- Um Mrs. Big fat? this is a school for wizards not muggles, we don't do projects-
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up, I don't care what you say about Yuggles-
Hermione- Muggles
Mrs. Big Fat- Whatever, well we are doing a project whether you like it or not, and if you say one more thing about it I will take off my belt that is over 5 kilometers long and beat you with it.
Hermione-Fine ::puts hand down::
Mrs. Big Fat- okay now that we-
Narator- But strangly Hermione raised her hand again.
Mrs. Big fat- What now?
Hermione-Um Mrs. Big Fat? what will the project be about?
Mrs. Big Fat- I don't care, but I better like it
Hermione- But-
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up
Hermione- Gotcha......
Mrs. Big Fat- Okay, now nefore I was so rudely interupted, twice , I will announce the partners. Ron will work with Neville, Lavender will work with Seamus, And Dean,Hermione, Harry and Pervati will be in a group of four.
Lavender- How is it that you know all of our names?
Mrs. Big Fat- I dunno, I'm a psycic, now shut up and get to work.
Lavender- Um Mrs. Big Fat?
Mrs. Big Fat- What do you wanet very stupid inbred child creature?
Lavender- Can I use the bathroom?
Mrs. Big Fat- Sure
Lavender- Thank you-
Mrs. Big Fat- But maybe I should mention that I have wired all the doors so that anyone
who tries to open it will be expoldified
Lavender- What?
Mrs. Big Fat- Didn't you hear what I said or are you deph, so unless you want to be blown to smithereans I suggest
you sit down
Lavender- But i have to go to the bathroom
Mrs. Big Fat- big whoop, you can pee in your pants for all I care
Lavender- Damn you fat ugly piece of-
Mrs. Big fat- Scuse me?
Lavender- nothing
Mrs. Big Fat- Good, now unless you want me to beat your head in i suggest you sit down, NOW!
Lavender- Fine ::sits down::
Mrs. Big Fat- Stupid stupid kids! your parents shoudl have fed you to the wolves already!
Ron- Oh they've tried that
Harry- My parents are dead!
Mrs. Big Fat- Well that sucks for you, now get back to work, in the meantime I will talk uslessly on the phone
:: on phone:: Hello? blah blah blah, blah blah?, blah blah blah
Dean- Listen you guys we gotta get rid of the hippo- I mean teacher
Hermione- I got a plan ::tells plan::
Lavender- Thats a good idea
Ron- I don't like it
Lavender- Do it or sufer!
Ron- Fine ::goes up to Mrs. Big fats desk:: Yo Mrs. Big fat, how are you doing?
Mrs. Big Fat- Get to the point, stinky thing!
Ron- um, OH look a big blubbery woman, equal in circumference to you!
Mrs. Big Fat- Where! ::tunrs around::
Ron- ::pulls out wand:: die!
Mrs. Big Fat- Oh look, a quarter!
Ron- Oh no my spell missed ::runs back to seat::
Mrs. Big Fat- :: looks back up:: Where did the guy go? oh well
Lavender- Okay guys that didn't go so well?
Harry- Okay I got a plan, anyone got a muggle telephone?
Hermione- I do ::hands phone to Harry::
Harry- ::on phone:: Hello? we gotta job for you ::tells mysterious person what to do:: Thanks bye
Mrs. Big Fat- ::still on phone:: Blah blah bye ::off phone:: Alright kiddies, now in the groups I assigned you
prent you present your presentations. Okay Dean and Ron are up.
Ron- HEY! those aren't the groups you assigned earlier!
Mrs. Big Fat- Tough crap Kiddies! now start presentin or else!
Ron- Um
Dean- Uh...
Ron-Um..
Dean- Uh...The rare african hippe is most commonly found in africa!
Ron- and then Jack and Jill filed a law suit against Osama Bin Laden
For bombing fairy tale land, the end
Mrs. Big Fat- What the hell was that? F! F! F! sit down!
Ron- Damn
Mrs. Big Fat- Scuse me?
Ron- I mean YAY!
Mrs. Big Fat- Thats better
Hermione- uh Mrs. Big Fat?
Mrs. Big Fat- What now, inferior child creature?
Hermione-Here at Hogwarts we don't have muggle grades, we have O.W.Ls
Mrs. Big Fat- I don't care what kind of frickin grades you have at Slobwarts!
Hermione- Thats Hogwarts
Mrs. Big Fat- Whatever,now fine if you wanna play dat way then I give you a F.O.W.L
Hermione- a what?
Mrs. Big fat- A F.O.W.L get it? beacuse you are fowl ahr har har
Hermione- uh yeah hah
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up, now before I was rudely interupted for the third time lets keep on going with the presentations, Harry and Seamus are up
Harry- Uh, do you know what my favorite thing abouts bunnies is? it is that they are fuzzy and squeezible!
Seamus- Uh Harry...
Harry- And since the first King of Egypt was a bunny...
Seamus- HARRY! Bad Idea!
Harry- And Bunnies loved eating people in Time Square, because they knew that Bananas were coming
Seamus- STOP! your gonna blow it for us!
Harry- But that didn't stop Freddy, he knew that if he flew his Kite high enough, he could meet Albert Einstein, The end
Mrs. Big Fat- OH......MY.....GOD! Sit down you morons e-...DEAR GOD!
Harry- oh poo
Mrs. Big Fat- Dats right ::door opens:: Who the hell?
Small Imp Assassin- Ha ha ha, prepare to die fatty ::grbas Mrs. Bigs Fats neck::
Volkan neck pinch!
Mrs. Big Fat- that tickles
Small Imp Assassin- Oh God, she's all fat and no bones! Gotta split:: runs away::
Mrs. Big Fat- Not so fast, Small Assassin Imp ::pulls out wand:: ARF ARF A RUMP PA PA!
Small Imp Assassin- Oh god, I'm melting
Mrs. Big Fat- ha ::too kids:: Kids I have a feeling you are planning something, and I don't like it!
Lavender- No, we have been buisy working, if you had been paying attention
Mrs. Big Fat-Oh yeah, then why are you smart asses just sitting there with blank pieces of paper in front
of you?
Lavender- Uh...
Mrs. Big Fat- Thats what I thought ::laughs:: anyway, the last group which is, Neville, Hermione, Lavender and Pervati, okay start presentin kiddies
Neville- Um, one day I went to the park and ate some bark
Hermione- blah blah blah yada yada something a really smart person would say
Pervati- One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class....
Lavender- There once was a man from Nantucket...
Pervati- and then my momma told me "I told you to never trust a monkey!"
Neville- Cows have lungs
Mrs. Big Fat- Dear god, you kids are the biggest group of Morons ever, I'm not even going to bother saying your grade, sit down!
Lavender- you fat hunk of chub!
Mrs. Big Fat- Thank you
Lavender- right...
Mrs. Big Fat- since you all got failing grades, I am going to beat you all
continueously
Harry- Oh the heel with it, I've had enough ::takes out wand:: STUPIFY!
Mrs. Big Fat- Ouch
Ron-eat metal bitch! ::throws chair at Mrs. Big Fat::
Mrs. Big Fat- Hey! that hurt!
Hermione- I hate you, fatty!
Mrs. Big Fat- hey don't call me that!
Lavender- Fatty
Neville- Fatty
Ron- Fatty!
:: Professor McGonnagal enters room::
Prof.- Hello Mrs. Big Fat, How is this class behaving with our Severus?
Mrs. Big Fat- Screw this class! ::jumps out window::
Prof-Huh? well her colesterol level must have beena bit high, well class I would like you to meet you NEW potions teacher
Mr. Small Imp Assassin
Small Imp assassin- Boy kids are we gonna have some fun. BWAHAHAH!
Everybody-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
a/n hope you liked it =)
A/N Haha a new story!, I promise it will be funny! By the way this takes place in Harry and the gangs 5th year.
*********************************************************
Narator- One sunny day at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and Wizardry, All the Little Gryffindor 5th years made there way to potions.
Harry- Oh god yet another hour of torture with Snape!
Ron-Oh, well somewhere in my dreams I see Snape getting violently eaten by a mutated man eating shark...oh what a dream that was!
Harry- That must have been wonderful!
Hermione- Hey! look at the Notice on the Door!
*******Notice*******
Students, we are sad to inform that Professor S. Snape has been
Violently Killed by a mutated man eating shark, and so you will have a substitute, I know how sad you must be, but dats how screwy life is, enjoy your day at class
Professor M. McGonnagal
Narator- So you think the Gryffindors were sad? No way! they were all jumping for joy
Neville- There is a god!
Hermione- Well lets hurry up or we'll be late!
Narator- And so they all rushed into class and took their seats, but strangly enough the sub was nowhere to be seen.
Seamus- Hey! where in the name of Mickey Mouse is da fricken sub!
Dean- No idea
Hermione- Shut up everyone I think I hear her coming
Narator- Just then a hugely fat woman (about 12 times wider, not taller than Hagrid) walked into the room
Harry- Oh my god, she's as big as a-
Narator- But before Harry could finish, the large and fat teacher, whipped out
her wand and casted a spell that looked very painful for Harry.
Harry- Ouchies....
Mrs. Big Fat- Watch yo mouth, Okay kids my name is Mrs. Big fat ugly lame excuse for a human being, but you may call be Mrs. Big fat
Ron- Your actually married? a big tub of lard like you
Mrs. Big Fat- No, but I like to pretend I am, now for today, we are doing a project, its a very grueling and painful project and could be the death of you?
Narator- As always Hermione raised her hand
Mrs. Big Fat- What do you want? very stupid girl who has raised her stinky hand in my face
Hermione- Um Mrs. Big fat? this is a school for wizards not muggles, we don't do projects-
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up, I don't care what you say about Yuggles-
Hermione- Muggles
Mrs. Big Fat- Whatever, well we are doing a project whether you like it or not, and if you say one more thing about it I will take off my belt that is over 5 kilometers long and beat you with it.
Hermione-Fine ::puts hand down::
Mrs. Big Fat- okay now that we-
Narator- But strangly Hermione raised her hand again.
Mrs. Big fat- What now?
Hermione-Um Mrs. Big Fat? what will the project be about?
Mrs. Big Fat- I don't care, but I better like it
Hermione- But-
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up
Hermione- Gotcha......
Mrs. Big Fat- Okay, now nefore I was so rudely interupted, twice , I will announce the partners. Ron will work with Neville, Lavender will work with Seamus, And Dean,Hermione, Harry and Pervati will be in a group of four.
Lavender- How is it that you know all of our names?
Mrs. Big Fat- I dunno, I'm a psycic, now shut up and get to work.
Lavender- Um Mrs. Big Fat?
Mrs. Big Fat- What do you wanet very stupid inbred child creature?
Lavender- Can I use the bathroom?
Mrs. Big Fat- Sure
Lavender- Thank you-
Mrs. Big Fat- But maybe I should mention that I have wired all the doors so that anyone
who tries to open it will be expoldified
Lavender- What?
Mrs. Big Fat- Didn't you hear what I said or are you deph, so unless you want to be blown to smithereans I suggest
you sit down
Lavender- But i have to go to the bathroom
Mrs. Big Fat- big whoop, you can pee in your pants for all I care
Lavender- Damn you fat ugly piece of-
Mrs. Big fat- Scuse me?
Lavender- nothing
Mrs. Big Fat- Good, now unless you want me to beat your head in i suggest you sit down, NOW!
Lavender- Fine ::sits down::
Mrs. Big Fat- Stupid stupid kids! your parents shoudl have fed you to the wolves already!
Ron- Oh they've tried that
Harry- My parents are dead!
Mrs. Big Fat- Well that sucks for you, now get back to work, in the meantime I will talk uslessly on the phone
:: on phone:: Hello? blah blah blah, blah blah?, blah blah blah
Dean- Listen you guys we gotta get rid of the hippo- I mean teacher
Hermione- I got a plan ::tells plan::
Lavender- Thats a good idea
Ron- I don't like it
Lavender- Do it or sufer!
Ron- Fine ::goes up to Mrs. Big fats desk:: Yo Mrs. Big fat, how are you doing?
Mrs. Big Fat- Get to the point, stinky thing!
Ron- um, OH look a big blubbery woman, equal in circumference to you!
Mrs. Big Fat- Where! ::tunrs around::
Ron- ::pulls out wand:: die!
Mrs. Big Fat- Oh look, a quarter!
Ron- Oh no my spell missed ::runs back to seat::
Mrs. Big Fat- :: looks back up:: Where did the guy go? oh well
Lavender- Okay guys that didn't go so well?
Harry- Okay I got a plan, anyone got a muggle telephone?
Hermione- I do ::hands phone to Harry::
Harry- ::on phone:: Hello? we gotta job for you ::tells mysterious person what to do:: Thanks bye
Mrs. Big Fat- ::still on phone:: Blah blah bye ::off phone:: Alright kiddies, now in the groups I assigned you
prent you present your presentations. Okay Dean and Ron are up.
Ron- HEY! those aren't the groups you assigned earlier!
Mrs. Big Fat- Tough crap Kiddies! now start presentin or else!
Ron- Um
Dean- Uh...
Ron-Um..
Dean- Uh...The rare african hippe is most commonly found in africa!
Ron- and then Jack and Jill filed a law suit against Osama Bin Laden
For bombing fairy tale land, the end
Mrs. Big Fat- What the hell was that? F! F! F! sit down!
Ron- Damn
Mrs. Big Fat- Scuse me?
Ron- I mean YAY!
Mrs. Big Fat- Thats better
Hermione- uh Mrs. Big Fat?
Mrs. Big Fat- What now, inferior child creature?
Hermione-Here at Hogwarts we don't have muggle grades, we have O.W.Ls
Mrs. Big Fat- I don't care what kind of frickin grades you have at Slobwarts!
Hermione- Thats Hogwarts
Mrs. Big Fat- Whatever,now fine if you wanna play dat way then I give you a F.O.W.L
Hermione- a what?
Mrs. Big fat- A F.O.W.L get it? beacuse you are fowl ahr har har
Hermione- uh yeah hah
Mrs. Big Fat- Shut up, now before I was rudely interupted for the third time lets keep on going with the presentations, Harry and Seamus are up
Harry- Uh, do you know what my favorite thing abouts bunnies is? it is that they are fuzzy and squeezible!
Seamus- Uh Harry...
Harry- And since the first King of Egypt was a bunny...
Seamus- HARRY! Bad Idea!
Harry- And Bunnies loved eating people in Time Square, because they knew that Bananas were coming
Seamus- STOP! your gonna blow it for us!
Harry- But that didn't stop Freddy, he knew that if he flew his Kite high enough, he could meet Albert Einstein, The end
Mrs. Big Fat- OH......MY.....GOD! Sit down you morons e-...DEAR GOD!
Harry- oh poo
Mrs. Big Fat- Dats right ::door opens:: Who the hell?
Small Imp Assassin- Ha ha ha, prepare to die fatty ::grbas Mrs. Bigs Fats neck::
Volkan neck pinch!
Mrs. Big Fat- that tickles
Small Imp Assassin- Oh God, she's all fat and no bones! Gotta split:: runs away::
Mrs. Big Fat- Not so fast, Small Assassin Imp ::pulls out wand:: ARF ARF A RUMP PA PA!
Small Imp Assassin- Oh god, I'm melting
Mrs. Big Fat- ha ::too kids:: Kids I have a feeling you are planning something, and I don't like it!
Lavender- No, we have been buisy working, if you had been paying attention
Mrs. Big Fat-Oh yeah, then why are you smart asses just sitting there with blank pieces of paper in front
of you?
Lavender- Uh...
Mrs. Big Fat- Thats what I thought ::laughs:: anyway, the last group which is, Neville, Hermione, Lavender and Pervati, okay start presentin kiddies
Neville- Um, one day I went to the park and ate some bark
Hermione- blah blah blah yada yada something a really smart person would say
Pervati- One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class....
Lavender- There once was a man from Nantucket...
Pervati- and then my momma told me "I told you to never trust a monkey!"
Neville- Cows have lungs
Mrs. Big Fat- Dear god, you kids are the biggest group of Morons ever, I'm not even going to bother saying your grade, sit down!
Lavender- you fat hunk of chub!
Mrs. Big Fat- Thank you
Lavender- right...
Mrs. Big Fat- since you all got failing grades, I am going to beat you all
continueously
Harry- Oh the heel with it, I've had enough ::takes out wand:: STUPIFY!
Mrs. Big Fat- Ouch
Ron-eat metal bitch! ::throws chair at Mrs. Big Fat::
Mrs. Big Fat- Hey! that hurt!
Hermione- I hate you, fatty!
Mrs. Big Fat- hey don't call me that!
Lavender- Fatty
Neville- Fatty
Ron- Fatty!
:: Professor McGonnagal enters room::
Prof.- Hello Mrs. Big Fat, How is this class behaving with our Severus?
Mrs. Big Fat- Screw this class! ::jumps out window::
Prof-Huh? well her colesterol level must have beena bit high, well class I would like you to meet you NEW potions teacher
Mr. Small Imp Assassin
Small Imp assassin- Boy kids are we gonna have some fun. BWAHAHAH!
Everybody-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
a/n hope you liked it =)