The song Wonderful Life belongs to Hurts. And, as painful as it is, I have to admit that Remus and Tonks don't belong to me, but to Joanne K. Rowling. Though I wouldn't mind taking them, should she offer it ;)
It's such a wonderful life
Remus Lupin was anything but sure that what he was doing right now was the right thing. After the fight in the Hospital wing, he had no right at all to appear at her door. He had said what he thought was true, but everyone has been on Tonks' side and he couldn't shake the feeling that it had been this way for a reason. Somehow, it didn't feel right to not tell her that he loved her, that they could make it right, that it would work. Not when the tiny spark of hope deep in his soul told him that this was what he should have been saying all along.
Before he could knock, he froze right in front of her door, in the midst of motion. His occupied mind had up until now failed to notice the music coming from inside her tiny apartment in the Three Broomsticks. It felt familiar and Remus decided to take the time and listen for the lyrics to definitely recognize it. Maybe he was just trying to gain time before he had to admit his faults over the last year, even the last two years. But he fel the weird urge to first identify this song.
On a bridge across the Severn on a Saturday night,
Susie meets the man of her dreams.
He knew that song. He had heard it once before. Together with Tonks. They had been in some bar in Muggle London to avoid being chased from the usual magic places as soon as someone recognized him as a werewolf. Remus had known her for some months then, and when she had asked him to go out with her – though she hadn't said as what – he couldn't help the butterflies in his stomach. He hadn't known what to expect, but an evening spent alone with Tonks, the woman he loved, couldn't be that bad, right?
In the middle of their conversation, she had put a finger on his lips to silence him and signalled him to be silent. The song had just started and he could read from the expression on her face that she knew and liked it. He never knew if it had just been accidental or if she had intended to offer him that knowing smile when the words 'the man of her dreams' had fallen. Whatever had been the case, his heart had started to race nonetheless.
He says that he got in trouble
and if she doesn't mind,
he doesn't want the company.
Remus couldn't remember the countless times he had told Tonks to stay away from him because of what he was. She never had listened and sometimes he was vain enough to think that she had first started to really love the song when they had met. It was a bit like listening to their own story, enveloped in music.
But there's something in the air
They share a look in silence
and everything is understood.
There had been moments when he had felt that she did. There was most definitely something in the air between them, and as much as he wanted to believe himself that she didn't understand and never would, it still felt like a lie. If anyone could understand this without suffering from lycantrophy themselves, it would be Tonks. She had read all of it, his very soul, in his eyes, the moment their gazes had crossed.
Susie grabs her man and puts a grip on his hand
as the rain puts a tear in his eye.
After Sirius' death, there had been many tears, not only on his side. It was hard to lose someone a second time, especially when the first one already had been a severe blow in your life. Remus had felt like the war had taken the last of his friends, the last thing on earth he had left.
One of these days, when he had felt too depressed by the knowledge that now he was the last real Marauder to care about anyone else, she had found him. He had been sitting in the library, tears in his eyes, his head filled with memories he should have tried to keep out. Tonks had come over, taking his hand in hers and sitting down on the couch next to her. Remus hadn't found the strength to form words, he had just turned his head lazily, not caring to wipe away those traitorous tears flowing down his cheeks. That was when he had seen it in her eyes again: She understood. She had just continued holding his hand, freeing one of hers to wipe away the tears gently, never leaving his eyes with her intense gaze.
She says: Don't let go!
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life.
Tonks had only whispered the words, but he had recognized them immediately, thinking back at the day when he had thought himself so lucky just to be at her side in that bar. Being happy seemed so far away, in another life time. But when she had kept on looking at him like that, whispering those words again and adding 'I love you, Remus', he had almost felt whole again. As if he could listen to her and just keep on going, no matter what. Because life was beautiful. How couldn't it, as long as she was a part of it?
Driving through the city to the Temple Station
cries into the leatherseat
There had been other times he had cried like that, her at his side to comfort him. Remus had started feeling guilty, considering that he never did the same for her, although he knew she felt not very different. He had been on the brink of telling her she should spend her time somewhere else, with someone who could help her instead of someone who constantly needed her help. But when he had looked into her eyes, he had known that this was helping her as much as it did him. So he had let her come again and again, until Dumbledore had sent him out to live with the pack as a spy. His new task had made him recognize how dangerously close he had come to let her in, to let her love him and him love her. It had been then that he had broken off all contact.
And Susie knows her baby is a family man,
but the world has got him down on his knees.
At this, he swallowed hard and finally lowered his hand. He gently pushed against the door, which opened immediately. On entering the apartment, he thought about the truth in that song. He wanted a family. With Tonks in his life more than ever before. There was no way he could deny that. He never would be able to have one, though. The risk that a child of his could inherit the lycantrophy that had made this decision so difficult in the first place was way too high. Moreover, if the woman he loved didn't learn to properly close her door, there would be no one to share a family with sooner or later.
So she throws him at the wall and kisses burn like fire,
and suddenly he starts to believe
Tonks noticed him the moment he entered. She quickly turned around to verify what her instincts had told her. She decided to take his following her as a good sign, a sign of resignation on his side. Taking a deep breath, she walked up to him, pressed him against the wall and kissed him like she had longed to in all those lonely months spent alone in this apartment. He better didn't dare to pull away tonight!
He takes her in his arms and he doesn't know why,
but he thinks that he begins to see
The kiss burned like a resurrecting fire between them. A missing piece was back, fitting in perfectly. The doubts, usually piercing his mind every waking hour, just vanished. They couldn't be so important, if one kiss erased them so profondly, could they? Images were chasing his mind, how happiness with Tonks was more than possible. Why had he been denying them this feeling for so long? How had he survived without being as whole as he was now? Even though Dumbledore had died this very evening, Remus couldn't help but feel a hope stronger than anything he had ever experienced. There was a magic in this kiss, in them, a magic he had thought so impossible, especially for him. He knew it would carry them through every hindrance, no matter how old they were, or how many money he had or that he was a werewolf and dangerous. There was no way he could rob himself or the world off such a wonderful force.
She says: Don't let go!
Never give up, it's such a wonderful life.
She whispered the words once more, breath caught in her throat from the effects of too much crying and the passionate kiss. And for the first time in quite a while, he definitely saw a point in her argumentation.