A/N: I've really been wanting to write a Zukaang for the longest time now. But I've been in an Avatar slump, however now I'm on a roll, having my love to the animated series be rekindled. So I'm kinda going through and ATLA phase right now, lol.
Warnings: if it's not already obvious by the above note this is a slash fanfic, meaning boys falling in love with boys. Other than that there aren't any, since the fic takes place after the war.
Chapter 1: Morning winds
Emptiness, a comforting warm nothing consumes me. My body means nothing, and I feel connected to everything and all; as it should be. I feel the earth pulse, and the emotions of the human race. So happy and joyous now that the war is over. I want to feel that way as well.
"I thought we would be together by now! But we're not!"
Pain. I try to let myself float but soon my connection to the spiritual world is cut, and my meditation reduced to painful memories.
"Aang, I'm sorry, but right now I'm just a little confused."
Why don't I feel that familiar stir in my stomach when I do have the chance to see you?
Something about this didn't feel right. The first time she kissed me I was so happy that my biggest wish finally came true. Not to mention I was full of joy about finally brining balance back to the world. But, this time I didn't feel it…The happiness and joy.
I tried to enjoy it, and give back as much as I could, but those lips didn't feel the same. I softly push at her shoulder to gain space between us.
"So…you're no longer confused?" I question.
"Of course not Aang," she smiles at me and rest her hand on my cheek. I take her hand and lean into the touch.
"What made you sure…that you love me?" I question looking into her eyes. She looked at me with confusion, and then frowns at me with great thought behind the gesture.
"When you beat the fire lord. You are a great bender Aang." She answers sweetly but I flinch away.
"Is that it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Is that the only reason? You can love me now that I'm not dead, now that I've set everything right, and proven I'm strong?"
"I've always felt this way about you, but I didn't want to give in only to have you die and break my heart."
"Dying and breaking your heart isn't the same thing. I could die tomorrow, just because this is over doesn't make me immortal." Somehow I feel hurt at her simple explanation. If she always loved me even before…when I confessed to her, then her rejection was a lie.
"I just didn't want to see you die, and have another person I love die."
"So if I had died you wouldn't have loved me? You didn't love me before, because I could have died? Are you saying that your emotions only came into being once I survived the final battle?" I was trying to stay calm and understand her point of view, but it hurt too much. "Are you saying you would have cried less over my death if we were just friends, then if we were more?"
"No Aang that's not what I'm saying. I've always cared about you!"
"But, you've only started loving me after you were sure I could defeat the Fire Lord."
"No that's not it."
"I'm sorry Katara but this time…I think I'm the one confused. I just…let's not jump into a relationship right away."
"First you tell me you love me and now you're dumping me?"
"What do you expect me to think Katara? I don't feel so secure about this anymore. The way you're emotions suddenly changed, after what you said after the play. What exactly where you confused about?"
"About my feelings and having the pressure of dating you when you're the Avatar."
"But I'm still the Avatar!"
Katara losses the pleading and upset expression on her face, and replaces it with one of anger. "Maybe you are right; it's to short of notice to know where this could lead. Besides you're younger than me, and way too immature for me!"
A let out a sigh, and rub my hand against my face. I didn't mean to come off so harsh but, how can I be sure she really loves me, and everything I am?
"I'm sorry Katara, I didn't mean to upset you."
Katara looks at me and her expression softens. "Maybe we're both to young for a committed relationship. Besides after all we went through we could use a break."
"Yeah, maybe when we're older?"
"I'm sorry…" my eyes open up slowly and I let out a long sigh.
"Avatar Aang, the Fire Lord wishes to speak with you." The soft voice of one of one of my servants floats to my ears.
I let a smile cross my face. "Please tell him I'll be there in ten minutes, thank you." I say dismissively, and the door slides shut soon after.
A clicking nose rattles my ears and little hands cling to my shoulder. "Good morning Momo." I greet the lemur cheerfully. He coos and wraps his tail around my head.
"I'm sure you want some breakfast," I whisper out low, and secretly take out some dry fruit I took from the kitchen earlier this morning before my routine meditation. No one's awake at that time. "I'm going back there to get my own breakfast. I'll sneak some snacks for use while the cooks aren't watching." I promise with a mischievous grin, as Momo happily snatches the dry fruit from my hand. He leaps from my shoulder and goes to the corner of the room to eat his treat, as if I would change my mind suddenly and take it back from him. I giggle to myself as I watch him selfishly stuff the fruit in his mouth. I get up slowly and brush of my light tan and orange sleeping rob, to discard any dust or small bugs that may have decided to hide in the folds. I step down from my slightly elevated meditation platform and walk slowly but purposefully to my wardrobe. I pull out one of my more elegant robs, closely resembling the clothes the elder monks use to wear except for the elaborate embroidery on the bottom, and the sleeves.. A small loneliness consumes my heart for just a moment as I pull on the familiar fabrics, topping it off with my meditation necklace with the air nations emblem craved in.
I then step out of my room and go to the kitchen quickly to have my proper breakfast. The chefs hate it when I just walk in while their cooking for the rest of the castles population, but that's never stopped me. They usually hand me my plate and try to shoo me out of their work space. While their fussing over me I usually use my air bending to roll some fruits out of the kitchen to pick up later for snacks. I sit at the table along with some of the other non-royal residents to the palace, to eat my breakfast quickly.
"Good morning Avatar Aang," a slightly older man greets me, though it's obviously forced. Despite four years of being Zuko's diplomat to the other nations as well as foreign policy adviser, I'm still not accepted by most of the other advisors. Though I'm not angry about it, I suppose it takes a while to get out of the habit of feeling superior to everyone else. Not to mention that they are rather frustrated with their new leader.
"Good morning Advisor Ryozu." I greet the man kindly, but soon enough go back to eating.
"So Lord Zuko wishes to speak with you today?"
I look up wondering why he would be interested in my meeting with Zuko. "Yes that's true, why do you ask?"
"I'm just wondering, he called for his security advisor last evening, seems sort of strange." His sharp hazel eyes look at me with intrigue.
"Well I'm sure he knows what he's doing." I mutter out finishing the last piece of fire mango—despite its name the red fruit is just as sweet as a mango grown in the Earth nation. "I should go, I don't want to keep him waiting." I didn't trust the dark haired man's sudden interest in my meeting with Zuko, so I didn't speak much about it. My relationship with the other advisors and even some of the servants, isn't that good. Though, I can take care of myself, despite Zuko's protest that I should at least have a body guard when I leave the palace. I don't think I'm in that much danger, even while in the fire Nation.
Body guards are party poopers anyway.
However I did agree to have my own selected group of servants that tend to my things and relay message to me. Sorry I'd still like to dress and bathe myself even if I'm the savior of the world. Most of the time I just tidy up myself anyway. But I don't mind them washing my clothes and such. It's nice to have fresh clothes especially when I first started to reside here, and I was use to just dipping the clothes into a river or stream, with no soap at all. Properly washed clothes smell so much better, and it's a small luxury I like to indulge in. After all I was taught that I am no better than any other man, so having servants is kinda weird. I do thank them when they drop off my clothes, or I catch them dusting my room, they always seem stunned and insist that I do not need to thank them, even after four years of serving me.
The guards at the fire Lords Chamber bow and open the double doors for me. I nod my tanks which they simply ignore, and let a teasing smile cover my face as I see Zuko seated in his thrown.
"What's up Zuko!" I'm the only one who can get away with calling him by his name rather than title. Though he doesn't like it when I do it in public. Which is probably another reason the other advisors don't like me, but hey who cares? Sometime the Fire Lord needs to be just 'Zuko', and I hope he can be himself around me, at least.
I don't miss him rolling his eyes at me before he greets in return. "Morning Aang."
"So what did you need me for this morning?" I ask with a smile and using my air bending push myself up to sit on the edge of the elevated platform that Zuko's thrown is on. I turn slightly to look at him. He's changed a lot over the years. His hair has gotten much longer, to the point that the strands not pulled up in a bun, reach a couple of inches past his shoulder blades. Not to mention the change his face has gone through, both from growing older and the stress that comes with being a leader. He hardly ever glares anymore, his past scowl fading into a tiered yet determined gaze. He seems more relaxed because of this; put the power behind his eye is still evident, his old scar only making it look sterner.
"You are going to Ba Sing Se tomorrow correct?" he questions.
"Yup!" I nod happily.
"I was thinking of joining you to see Uncle again, "He muses. "There isn't much for me to take care of here, so I could take the time to do so. How would that go, political wise?" He questions.
"Well, I'm sure I can arrange a meeting with the king, no problem. The restoration of the outer wall is nearly complete, and the city itself has been revived as you know. The inner wall construction has been going slowly, since most of the focus is on the outer one. You going to speak to the king would show that you have an interest in other Nation's well being, and how they are fairing after the war. We all know, the Fire Nation is still looked upon with wary eyes, so I think the visit can only benefit us. Besides the obvious fact of seeing our friends again." I explain with a nod.
"I see, why you were going originally? It wasn't just because of seeing Sokka and Suki, was it?" the conversation has turned more relaxed, and the tone is that of a friend.
"No…there's rumors about…about children that were born in autumn showing strange bending ability."
"Really?" Zuko leans in with interest.
"Most air benders were born during that time. I'm wondering if the world is starting to correct itself." I say with hope in my voice.
"I was wondering how the Avatar cycle would continue without any Air nomads."
"I think it would have just skipped, but then again you can't really master all elements if there is no one to teach air bending. I was going to check these rumors out, see if they have any truth, and go from there."
"Do you think you could teach them?"
"I don't know. For some reason ethnicity has something to do with your bending preference. The different spiritual development and environment manipulates you into bending a certain element, if you are born with a talent for bending at all. I don't see how an Air bender can come from the Earth Nation seeing as we are opposites. But, I do hope that there is some truth to the rumors, maybe if I find their source I'll find kids with an air bending talent."
"If you do find these children then what will you do? Even if you don't the world's next Avatar will be unable to formally learn all four elements."
"I know…but during my travel through the Earth Nation, Sokka, Katara and I found a small tribe of water benders there. So maybe there is a small tribe of air benders also hidden within the Nation."
"I just don't want you to dismiss the idea of possibly teaching young children air bending, just because they don't' have the natural affinity to it, is all. So don't let the rumors of strange bending children get your hopes up so much that, if it's not true, you won't look for other ways to restore your nation."
"I'll have to see, there is still plenty of time. I don't plan on dying anytime soon." I say with a chuckle.
"I'd hope not, I have enough work to do on my own, I don't need you to die and give me your work load as well."
"What work?" I ask innocently.
"The reports you have to write when visiting another Kingdom, along with basic information about the political situation there along with the local culture. You have been keeping up with the paper work, right?" Zuko asks with slight irritation.
"Don't set your panties on fire, I've been keeping up, I'm just teasing," I laugh out and wave my hand at him dismissively.
Zuko massages the bridge of his nose and lets out a long sigh. "Why do I keep you around, you're going to be the death of me." He mutters under his breath.
"I keep you on your toes Zuko and I make sure you don't take yourself too seriously." I tell him getting up and waging a lecturing finger at him.
"Whatever." He mutters.
I turn serious suddenly, "So how have you been doing since…You broke up with Mai?"
"I've been ok. I'm not upset about letting her go; if my feelings for her were that strong then I wouldn't have broken the engagement. It's just…she's like so many other people, holding on to our past glory. When I look at her I see the old Fire Nation. The way she wanted me to rule was too aggressive. I suppose it doesn't' help that she was the daughter of a political man, so she knows a thing or two about the setup here. But, her ideas were old and out dated. She was willing to be kind to other Nations, she put on a good face when I met with other leaders, but she still had that air of arrogance around her. Do you know what I'm trying to say? I can't really explain it, but it was there."
"I know exactly what you mean; it's the arrogance I get from some of the other advisor, that snub, or glib way of talking, like their talking down to mean." I say in understanding, and Zuko turn his golden eyes toward me with slight worry.
"Have you been getting any trouble from any of them?"
"No, I think they know better than to mess with the Avatar." I elbow my friend playfully, and manage to squeeze a small smile from him.
"It just pisses me off that so many of my people still seem to think they are so superior to everyone else. Every time Mai…it's just depressing. I wanted to start a new era, and it feels like I've done nothing to change my nation. Sure there's no physical war, but it still feels like there is a mental one."
I put my hand on his should and give him a kind comforting smile. "You've done a lot Zuko. You work hard to try and change the image of the Fire Nation, you represent your people, all you have to do is set a good example and they will follow. A hundred years of hate and propaganda can't be forgotten in four short years."
"Thanks, Aang.' Zuko says and the side of his lip twitches with a slight smile.
"No problem," I tell him and give him a quick hug, before jumping of the podium and landing in front of the double doors. "Feel free to call me if you need to talk again, ok?"
"Yeah…maybe a game of pai sho later tonight?" He questions.
"I'd love that." I give him a big grin before taking my leave.