Prologue.
I had to do something. The walls where closing in on me and it wasn't a good sign that I didn't step back. I didn't care so much, it wouldn't bother me if I had to spend my life in my room, but I also knew that it wasn't an option.
I sighed and walked downstairs. My parents where gone working. I've been living back home for half a year now. It was difficult sometimes but my parents gave me enough space. They where not the four walls that came closer and closer. The house was empty, even my sister wasn't at home. Probably out with her friends.
I took my jacket and decided that I would take a walk. It was nothing big but it was the first time in months that I left the house on my own will.
It was so weird to be outside. Everything kept going although something was lost forever.
It had happened over 5 months ago but I still felt like it was yesterday. The nightmare kept taunting me, it looked over me like a shadow and strangled me so that I had trouble sleeping and breathing.
The sun was shining and the wind was playing with my long hair. I knew where I wanted to go before I had decided to go anywhere. I knew the path like the back of my hand. I didn't know how I would react if I arrived. it's been a while since I had been there. It would be the first time that I would be there on my own.
I still blame myself for everything what had happened. Nobody ever proved the contrary.
I had no contact with them anymore, not even Amelia, my best friend. She had drifted apart from me or I just hadn't the courage to face them after everything what happened.
If I was honest with myself, I liked my time alone, it gave me time to think and I needed that. I needed the space to reorganise myself. I was a complete mess. My hole world had fallen to the ground and everything was beginning to crumble down. The foundations of evertything that I had been fighting for where shaky and unstable.
Just one turn and I would arrive at the cemetary. It was calm. The silence was deafening and was only disturbed by the birds hiding in the pines at the edge of the cemetary.
His grave was recent so it was close to the edge. It was a grey stone with golden letters, it was kept clean by his family I thought.
I kneeled before the stone and begin to cry. I knew this was going to happen so I didn't do anything to stop it. I just let it flow, the pain out of my body. The grieve was so overwhelming that I begin to shake and had trouble breathing. It felt as if knives where stabbing my stomach but I didn't feel any pain, I was so numb, so numb with grieve.
I was zo afraid, so scared of the feelings that I would feel when I was done crying. The fright grabbed my throath tight and it felt for a sec that I would faint but I closed my eyes and tried to count to 10. He is gone, he is gone and it was my fault. It didn't help to calm me down but it did help to bring me back to earth. The memories where so fresh. I could see him smile at me, see him wave and hold my hand. He was dead and it was my fault.
Victor Vincent Fuentes
Born 10 februari 1983
Died 16 december 2015
Darling, you'll be okay.
