OLD MOON, NEW START

I had to accept the fact that Edward had left. Not knowing when or if he'd ever come back. I couldn't grieve alone. I really did and still do love Edward. I often wonder how it would have been if I had fell in love with Jacob earlier, instead of falling for him now.
When Edward left, I became vulnerable. Everything that we built, everything we had gone through was just thrown out of the window. I no longer had my perpetual savior. Then, there was Jacob. He stood by my side. He was the one who gave me consistent comfort. The strangest part of it all was the closer I got to Jake, the more I felt Edward's presence.

Every time we kissed I felt that they were Edward's lips, not Jacobs. Jacob would grab me in his arms, and that was the only place I felt at home. The only place I forgot about all of the ridiculous things going on in my life. I felt like Edward was there, like he was watching me be happy with someone else. If he was, did it hurt him? Was he ok with it? Heart broken? I wanted a sign, some type of answer.
I feared his return, only because I knew he wouldn't accept Jacob and I's relationship; I knew he'd fight for me. I didn't want to create a mess. Vampires vs. werewolves, as if we haven't experienced enough ugly battles. It would not be a pretty sight. I also could not leave Jake. We were in too deep.

I wouldn't dream of hurting Jacob, when I was at my rock bottom, he was there lifting me up. He made me feel like it was all going to be okay. He comforted me, slept with me, and held me when I was having those terrible dreams. He accepts me; He never gives me his cold shoulder. He loves me for me. He loves me more than you can ever understand. He is my escape; my place of solace is in his arms.

I knew I was all he ever wanted. I knew he was in love with me this whole time. I can't say that when I was with Edward I didn't dream of laying down at night next do Jacob, because I did. You see, the way he looks at me is like I'm all that he sees. Like every single flaw I posses is non-existent. He's warm, kind-hearted and buffed, something I am not use to. His face structure is perfection. His lips, eyes, cheekbones, he is that of a god. I can always find him right by my side, even when it is I who hurts him the most. Jacob will still stay true, and fight for me. He has given me such love, while Edward disappeared. Left me here, cold, alone, and confused. I love Jacob, but the crazy part is, I don't know what I would do if Edward were to return.

I woke up on a beautiful breezy morning, birds chirping, the wind blowing, the trees swaying, and the sunlight peeking through my curtains. I finally felt normal again; like my life wasn't a disaster, a love story gone wrong. The smell of French toast, my absolute favorite, crept into my room. I thought, "Jacob is such a sweetheart!" I threw my silky robe, that he bought me on, and ran down the stairs to give him a huge good morning kiss. "BABE, GOOD MORNING!"

As I entered the kitchen there was a plate of French toast, maple syrup, a tall glass of orange juice, and a rose on the table. Sitting at the other end was Edward, pale as ever; he looked cold to his core. I stuttered, I didn't know what to say, or do, how to feel. The love of my life who left me, with no answers, was sitting at my kitchen table, cooked me my favorite breakfast, and probably killed Jacob.

"WHERE DID YOU GO? YOU LEFT ME HERE, LIKE I WAS NOTHING, YOU PROMISED TO LOVE ME, AND YOU LEFT ME HERE CONFUSED AND BROKEN."

"Bella.."

He calmly walked towards me.

"I do love you, I will always love you, and you are the only person I will ever love. I'm in such a hard place; I have to figure out if I can be with the only person I will ever love without hurting her. Please baby, you have to understand."

That was when I fell, fell right to the ground, sobbing, I loved him, I knew I did, it never stopped. He was all that I needed, he was that person, I wanted him to be. The first person I kissed every morning, and the last every night. I couldn't hold it in anymore,

"Edward I missed you so much, I love you so much, please, please don't ever leave again."

He pulled me in close,

"I'll never leave again."

Wait, what was I doing, where was Jacob, why didn't I care?

"Edward, where is Jacob?"

"I spoke to him, he understands, he understands that you will never love him the way we love each other."

OH my god no, I had to find Jacob, this couldn't be happening, but Edward was right, I loved Jacob but not how I loved Edward. I love him because he was there, he comforted me, and he was stability when Edward left. He was consistency, he was a safety for me, and knowing that made me feel like shit. I was a terrible person; I didn't deserve either one of them.

"Edward I have to go find Jacob.."

"WHY? NO. I DON'T CARE, YOU'RE NOT GOING."

I had to go and explain to him my side of the story. I didn't want him to hate me and I told Edward that. Edward told me that Jacob didn't hate me but I knew he was just saying that. Edward thinks that Jacob understands that he and I are meant to be together.

I told Edward I had to go and that I would be back soon. I wanted to continue where we left off before he disappeared.

As I was on my way to find Jacob I knew it was wrong of me to leave Edward especially after he had just prepared me a special breakfast. He must think I am ungrateful, but then again who is he to judge. I had a bad feeling about leaving but I was going to return as soon as possible. It upset me to think Edward was sitting alone eating the French toast he prepared for me.

I had to find Jacob. The only place I could imagine he was at was his uncle's shop. I was right there he was sitting on his workbench clearly upset. I called his name …no response. I ran over to him and was alarmed. Jacob was holding a gun. He looked at me with a blank expression. He said, " Bella you are the love of my life. You coming to find me prove that you love me too." He was speaking so irrationally I didn't know how to calm him down. I told him I loved him but also loved Edward. Jacob stood up and asked me if I would leave Edward for him. I told him I was sorry but no. Jacob pointed the gun towards me and said, " if I cant have you no one will" and shot me in the heart. He then shot himself.

Looking back at it I take full responsibility. It is my fault Edward left in the first place, pushing me to Jacob. I think Edward is better off with me gone. I only hope that he will remember our happy times together.

THE END