Comfortably Numb

"Will you marry me?" Hermione sat frozen as she watched the couple kiss, tears streaming down the newly engaged woman's face

She didn't know when it happened, or how, but somewhere in the past, sometime, she had fallen in love with her best friend. Harry Potter. But, he was with Ginny. That's how it was. Everyone expected it and everyone knew it. It was always going to be Ginny. Not Hermione and Harry, but Ginny and Harry. Hermione had come to accept their relationship in the past few years but now, now that it was official. Now that they were engaged to be married, everything changed. It was real. It felt like a cold bucket of water was dropped over her head and she was quickly thrown out of a dream. He wasn't going to leave Ginny, he loved her. He didn't love Hermione, not in that way. She'd just have to accept it.

Cheers and wolf-whistles were surrounding her, encouraging the couple to kiss again. Hermione watched in horror as he gently kissed Ginny's lips. How she wished more than anything in that moment that she were Ginny. That Harry was kissing her instead. It was pure torture and she couldn't take it. She stood and left the pavilion everyone was gathered in, celebrating the third anniversary of the war's end. It was the perfect time for an engagement. The perfect moment. All their friends were around, everyone was celebrating as it was, why not add some more happiness.

The cold night air woke her up even more. She had forgotten there was a warming charm surrounding them, and when she stepped out of range, the cold hit her like a brick wall. She shivered and briefly considered going back. But she realized it would only hurt more. So, pulling her shawl a little tighter around her, she continued on her walk. Slowly, carefully, she walked over to the big oak tree by the lake. She loved reading here back when she was in school so it was only fitting she sit here now. The moon was almost full, and lit her path nicely, making it so she didn't need her wand for light.

Sitting down in the grass, ignoring the dew gathered there already, she leaned against the tree and sighed, finally allowing the tears that had wanted to escape fall freely down her face. "Why?" She asked no one in particular. "Why her? Why not me?" She let the tears flow, not bothering to wipe them off.

After a little while, she didn't know how long, she fell asleep against the tree. She woke up only when she heard footsteps approaching and the sun was beating down on her face. She groaned sleepily and stood. She looked down at her wrist, reading the time on her watch: 7:02 a.m. Too early after a night like that. She walked away from the voices, not wanting anyone to see her in her current state and got out of the Hogwarts boundaries. She apparated to her apartment and fell into her bed, still clothed, still wet from dew.

A few hours later, she woke up. She showered and dressed, walking groggily into her small kitchen to get coffee. "Mione! Where did you disappear to last night?" Harry asked, looking up at her from his spot on her couch. He was watching the television and munching on some chips. "I stopped by last night, well I guess it was this morning, but you weren't here. I came back about 10 minutes ago but you were in the shower, so I figured I'd wait."

She put on a fake smile. "I was tired, so I came home early. I don't know why you missed me. I was here, afterall." She lied through her teeth. He smiled and stood, accepting her explanation. His quick acceptance hurt almost as much as him not loving her back. He was supposed to be her best friend and he couldn't even see that she hurt? Couldn't even see through her lies? What kind of a friend is he?

"Well, I'm glad you are okay. I wanted a dance with you last night but I couldn't find you at the party."

"Yeah, I left early."

"You know me and Ginny are engaged now, right?" He asked, eyes shining.

"Oh, congratulations." She half-heartedly smiled and hugged him. Tears springing once again to her eyes, but she swallowed them back.

"Thanks. Well, I have to get going. I'll talk to you later. Bye Mione." He quickly said, disappearing. She let the tears go again. How could she not? He hurt her so much. But she had to put on a brave face. Telling anyone about her feelings would only be a cause for more unnecessary pain. She couldn't hurt those around her because she was so selfish. She'd just have to grin and bear it.

The next few weeks flew by in a flurry of wedding arrangements and frilly dresses. Ginny had asked Hermione to be her maid of honor and Hermione agreed. She had no clue why she did it, but she did. Maybe because it was the right thing to do. She always seemed to be doing the 'right thing'. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, trying, once agian, to hold back tears.

Ginny had dragged her along to try on dresses and so far, it was brutal. Like it could get any better. "This one doesn't seem to fit right either." Ginny whined, stomping her foot. It was the 52 dress she had tried on this morning and Hermione wanted to die. She was helping pick out the dress her friend would get married in, to the love of her life. Torture. A couple dozen dresses later Ginny finally found one she loved. Hermione wouldn't lie, she did look beautiful, but she still wished she would be the one to marry Harry.

Within the next 2 months, everything was planned. They were to be married the next night. Hermione was numb. She was going through the motions of life, not really noticing everything and everyone around her. The day they said 'I do' would be the day she died. That's just the way life goes though. At least for Hermione. She always had to be the strong one. The one who sacrifices everything for everyone else. She was sick of it but she couldn't change it. That's the way life goes.

The wedding day arrived and everyone was running around in a panic making sure everything was perfect. Hermione did her duty as maid of honor and helped Ginny get ready. She helped contribute to the wedding so everything was perfect. Perfect for Harry. It was his day after all and no matter how much she wished it was she marrying Harry, she couldn't take away, or do anything to affect, his happiness. She had to have him happy. If he were happy, then she wouldn't die completely. Just 99.9%.

She walked down the aisle and stood next to Ginny as they said their vows. The numbness spread. It wasn't going to work for her. She accepted that now. Harry would be happy and live on while she died inside but she would put on a happy face and go with it. She had to, for his sake. She could never and would never have him, so she had to make the most of that.

"I do." Harry whispered, eyes filling with tears. Ginny's face was already streaked with tracks from happiness.

"You may now kiss the bride." The minister said, jovially. Harry lifted up Ginny's veil and leaned down to kiss his bride. Hermione cried too, feeling the last part of her heart crumble and die. It was over. He would never be hers. She cried for the loss of her one true love to another man, she cried for the death of herself, emotionally at least, and she cried for Ginny and Harry's wedding. Finally, the numbness consumed her whole body. She was finally comfortably numb.

Random one-shot came to me at 11 pm. Had to write it. Please Read and Review so I know if I'm at least an okay writer. Got my inspiration from a song by Pink Floyd, Comfortably Numb. Amazing song. Characters aren't mine either.

I needed to write a story that didn't have a happy ending, not cliche. I don't mind cliche storys, I rather enjoy them actually, but it consumed me and I just HAD to write it. BE kind. ;)

Love- Mia