Everything happened so fast it was like a blur, one minute I was sleeping peacefully in the garden behind the manor and the next I was in the center of London, standing on top of this really big statue with the city burning, people screaming and my friends standing below me. They were crying. I didn't know why they were at first and then I felt the bullet pierce my neck. They had shot me! It wasn't quick...I stood there for a few minutes totally dazed and wondering why they had suddenly turned on me before I saw the Angel and realized what had happened. I had been a pawn in a fool's game of chess. Upon finding this out I stumbled, weakened from the bullet wound, and plummeted to the hard, hot ground below. It hurt, it burned the skin under my coat and I felt horrible. It was because of me, because of my fire.
My fall caused the ground to shake and my friends fell backwards onto the stone. They were breathing, I noted, and still crying. Poor Finny, the boy cared so much for me and was horrible at handling deaths, he was going to cry all night if he lived that long.
I hadn't seen so much crying since the first time I died...
...Twice I had died in the past year. Twice. Clearly I was not a lucky man. Huh, I began to wonder if that was all I was, A victim of circumstance, An unlucky fool, a lost cause...If the Angel had won...would this have changed? Would I get what I desired most? Would my friends survive? Would everyone be fine and happy like my first family had been?
No. No life I had after this would ever be as good as my original family.
What did that nice reaper say about seeing your life flash before your eyes when you die? I should know this...it happened before but that time it had been a little less...dark. I wonder if he'll show the others my record, you know, to try and console them or something. I didn't want anyone to feel bad about killing me...It was because of the angel and they needed to do it. I just...I want them to know that.
My life started to flash before my eyes, the recording of my life playing, and I was surprised to see that it showed pictures of my first life as well...
There was a manor, one with lush and beautiful grounds, and towers that seemed to touch the clouds. The walls were made of the finest bricks and large windows with light blue shudders opened up over a river that ran past the estate. There was four stories to the building as well as a cellar, each floor large enough to get lost with numerous rooms on each floor. The walls were painted beautiful, rich colors and fine artwork hung on the walls. There were carpets on the floor, beautiful, imported carpets and posh furniture that belonged in only the best of homes. The ceilings were high, the floors neatly swept and not a spec of dirt in sight. On the back of the house, there was a large window with a ledge large enough for several people to stand on. The shudders were open, giving whoever was inside the room a beautiful view of the river, of the estate and of the large lake in the back. Inside the room were three large bookshelves resting against the side wall, a couple of arm-chairs, a solid oak coffee table and an array of musical instruments and equipment, including a grand piano.
A younger version of myself was sitting on the bench, well...I was sitting on my older brother Giovanni's lap while he sat on the bench. His stronger, more calloused hands guiding mine as he showed me how to properly play the beautiful instrument. My brother...he was older than me by 8 years, the oldest child in our family and the patriarch. Unlike my other brothers and sisters I wasn't jealous of him, no, I loved Giovanni. He was my idol, my hero, my entire world was wrapped up with him. And besides, I wouldn't be good in business. I loved music, I wanted to travel, wanted to make people smile when I hit the notes. Giovanni knew this and he helped me learn to play every instrument I wanted beautifully.
I could hear the music we played together as I watched my life as a bystander. It didn't have a name, it was just a common piece of sheet-music used to teach small tots how to play. I remembered this day...I was five years old then.
The image changed and now I was 7, young and scrawny, short too. I looked like a little pipsqueak, a little morsel that I could have eaten in my Demon Hound form. I was also covered in mud, dirt, leaves and grass. Giovanni was cleaning me off, mumbling that I needed to stop acting like a dog.
"What am I going to do with you, Fratello? One of these days you're going to get so covered in dirt that it won't wash off, no matter how hard I scrub." Giovanni complained, furiously scrubbing his brother's cheek.
"Aww but Fratello~!" I whined, "I love to play in the dirt! It's so much fun an-OW! Don't scrub so hard! You're going to take off my skin!"
"Maybe if you acted like a mongrel and played like a human, we wouldn't be having these problems cleaning, now would we?" Giovanni asked, causing me to pout and sulk. He chuckled at this, ruffling my snowy hair. "Oh don't be like that. You are too adorable to be upset." With this he set the rag aside and picked the younger me up onto his shoulders, spinning me around in the air and laughing. The younger me was giggling uncontrollably. I smiled as I watched, remembering how it had been like that almost every day when I was a child.
The image shifted again. This time I saw myself, now 12 years old, dressed in a black suit at my brother's wedding. Everyone was dressed in black, the only exception being the bride, a ravishing lady named Carmela, and it was a beautiful service...and yet I was jealous. I was jealous of Carmela who was taking my brother away from me. I didn't like her and she didn't like me but we would get a long in a room for Giovanni's sake. I remember though, the day before the wedding, I overheard her saying that once they were wed she'd never let him come back to visit again. I remember I was so upset by this, I ran to my room crying and prayed to the angels that the woman would die so my brother could return to my side.
...That night I dreamed that an Angel came into my room and held me while I cried how unfair it was. The angel patted my back, stroked my hair and sang soothingly to me, assuring me that I wouldn't have to worry about Carmela anymore. I fell asleep in the angel's arms, crying until I had no more tears in my body.
The morning when I woke up, the angel was gone and that morning, when I was eating my breakfast with my sisters and my other brother, we got the news that Carmela had fallen off the hotel balcony shortly after arriving at the hotel.
I know that I should have felt guilty right away, that I should have been horrified that my prayer had been answered, but...I wasn't. Even when my brother returned, grief-stricken and mourning, I never regretted what I did. That bitch had it coming and, although my brother was hurt, I was able to make him smile simply by playing the beautiful music he taught me how to make.
Looking back now, I see that I was selfish to do such a thing and I only damned my family.
The image changed once more, now showing a fifteen year-old me crawling into bed alongside Giovanni. We had always slept in the same bed, since I was two years old up until the brief period of time he slept beside that devil woman Carmela. I remember it was a cold night, we had our butler fetch us some extra blankets and comforters before dozing off. That night, I fell asleep right away, nice and warm and cozy, my brother beside me after informing me that he was going to start looking for a 2nd bride next spring. I didn't mind this...anyone was better than Carmela...I remember we were both awoken by a loud bang coming from our father's study. Giovanni had gotten up first, with the intentions of making me stay in the room where it was safe but I talked him out of it. We rushed into the study, looking for whatever could have caused the noise...
The window had been shattered open, bookcases had been flipped over, books spilled out and pages missing. Rain was blowing in thanks to the harsh wind and there was a chill in the air. I shivered, looking around for our father.
"Papa!" I called out, "Papa! Where are you?!"
"Papa! Papa!" Giovanni called out as well, looking behind the desk. He gasped and staggered backwards, one of his hands covering his mouth. "Fratello! Fratello don't look!"
But I already had. I had leaned over the desk just long enough to see the dead body of our father, bleeding out from a gunshot wound in the back of the neck. I screamed, hot tears forming in my eyes as my body chilled. My knees felt weak and I collapsed to the floor, Giovanni telling me to hush in case whoever killed out father was around. I couldn't though. I had never seen someone dead before! Carmela's funeral had been closed casket and at the wake I didn't dare step near the body. It scared me.
Giovanni came over to me, wrapping his arms around my shaking body and giving me a comforting hug. He sung softly, the way he did when I was little and had nightmares, the same lullabies that we'd heard since birth. Eventually, I stopped shaking and he smiled at me softly. "Come Fratello, we have to check and see if Mama and the others are okay.
The younger me nodded weakly and the urge I had to scream at myself to run grew. I wanted to scream at myself and my brother, wanted to pull them by the back of the neck and take them as far away from that house as possible. Maybe I could have saved myself and Giovanni.
We crept along down the halls of the manor, peaking in every room to see if anyone else was okay...There was no such luck. Instead of seeing our mama and siblings and servants, all happy and normal, unaware that papa was dead, we found more bodies...more blood...it wasn't long until we realized that me and Giovanni were the only two left.
"Fratello..." I whimpered, grabbing onto his nightshirt and not willing to let go. "Fratello I'm scared...please tell me that whoever did this is gone..."
Giovanni looked down at me, offering me a sad and unsure smile. "I wish that I could, but I'm afraid I don't know...We can only hope..."
I screamed at the younger me and my brother, on the verge of crying. I remembered all of this too well and it hurt me even to think about it! I couldn't stand to see this happen before my eyes once more!
"Fratello I-" The younger me started to say when the door to the room burst open and in came the gunman. I shut my eyes, hearing the screams and gunshots and the sounds of bodies dropping to the floor.
I opened my eyes once more, looking at the new sign unfolding in front of me. There was myself, naked and bleeding, on my hands and knees in front of the angel who had comforted me in my time of need. I looked up at him and I wished I could scream at myself to run away, to accept I had died and not push the buttons. I was a fool...
"Hello my darling boy." The angel said softly, their light hands tracing my chin and making me look up at their face and into their eyes. "Did you appreciate what I did for you? That woman didn't have any right to take Giovanni from you."
The younger me stammered, "I...I...You killed Carmela?"
The angel nodded, "Yes. You see my dear boy, we have a plan to cleanse the world of people like her and make it a big and beautiful place. She was going to have to die anyway and you needed her to parish then...although it is disappointing what happened to you afterwards."
"In deed..." Young me looked around, "So...am I...am I in heaven? An-and where's Giovanni? And my mama and my papa...and my siblings?"
"Sweet, sweet child." The Angel tisked, "You are not in heaven yet. I brought you here to ask if you would like to make a deal. I need someone to help me bring in the cleansing and I thought that you would be perfect." They held out their hand, "If you do this for me, I promise that I will give you whatever you want."
"...My fratello." Younger me said, sounding solid and unwilling to budge on the matter. "If I do this for you, you will re-unite me with my fratello. I want to have him by my side when I change the music world."
The Angel smiled, "Oh sweet child. My sweet little pup...doggies can't sing."
Again, I shut my eyes. The process of being turned into a demon hound was a painful one, especially if it wasn't a demon performing it. I heard the sounds of my screams as they morphed into howls, regretting everything I had done in my life. I opened them once more, just in time to see the first time I had met my friends and Sebastian.
...When I first saw Sebastian, my heart stopped. When I saw that man, I saw his familiar black hair, his familiar dark eyes and his familiar smirk...and I had thought that the Angel had already come threw with our deal. If only I had known...I was nothing more than the pawn of an Angel. I hurt my friends, I hurt my family and more importantly, I hurt my fratello. I gave up my voice to be with him once more, I gave up my family to have him by my side, I served an evil angel to have him with me...and that's why I'm selfish.
I don't deserve it...but I wish I could see my friends, my family, Carmela and yes, Giovanni one more time to tell them how sorry I am for everything that happened. It was all my fault...their blood is on my hands...
I didn't know that it was possible for a pawn to ruin the game...
I wish someone would have warned me...
The images have stopped now and I'm looking up at a dark night sky full of stars and smoke. I can hear the cracking of the nearby fires but it's getting softer and softer. I can smell the burning buildings but it's beginning to disappear. I looked over weakly and saw Finny lying beside me, breathing and his eyes open, tears spilling out onto his cheeks and I wondered for a brief minute if I was his Giovanni...
"Fo-Forgi-Forgive me..." I say to him weakly, my eyes threatening to shut. "I'm so-sorry...fo-for be-being suc-such a pa-pawn..."
The last thing I saw before I died for a second time was the poor boy's shocked face. I don't know if it was because I had talked or if It was because I was still alive...I guess I'll never know now.
Pawns are useless, I decided.