Not Worth It

AN: Howdy!~ Sin here. It's been eons since I tried writing a story. But as I was rereading JR this story line came into mind – what if it was Nowaki who wants to break up? *insert evil laugh* Don't get me wrong Hiroki is one of my most favorite character and the one I can relate to the most, though I am in no way a tsun-tsun *TSUNDERE ahem,ahem* oh well.. here is the first chapter, lemme know how it fares!~~~

Nowaki was my everything. Was. Maybe I should have told him that before it was too late. I love him so much but I guess my pride prevented me from making him feel that. We should have talked more, fought less. Now I am numb. The bottom line is he has left me.

Looking at the apartment they have shared seems like nothing has changed. Mountains and mountains of books piled on the floor, a few lying around scattered all over the living room. But the brown haired professor standing by the patio knew everything has changed. Dried tears coming from swollen eyes and tear paths on his pale face is visible. He hasn't move from the spot where he tried to stop the midnight blue haired doctor he once called lover from leaving. After of five years of bliss, his worst nightmare came true. It just proved his greatest fear, he is simply no worth staying. Maybe Nowaki has realized he deserve more that Hiroki will ever worth- someone better than the ever sullen "Demon Kamijou".

5 hours ago

Nowaki knew that he might be hindering his lover in stepping forward with his career. After so many years he knew that multiple offers to be a professor has been decline by his lover just to ensure that they still have time together and taking his feeling in consideration. But this is the last straw! Hiroki is underestimating him. He had enough of Hiroki treating him as a child and being considerate of him in exchange for his career growth. If Professor Miyagi did not talk to him, he wouldn't know and will remain as ignorant as he was. For the 7th time, Hiroki has declined the offer to be a Head professor like Miyagi. In the span of 5 years after Nowaki came back from his foreign studies in America, he has become a full pledge pediatrician and Hiroki was promoted from Associate Professor to a full time Professor of Literature while Miyagi is now the Head Professor. There were multiple offers for Hiroki away from Mitsuhashi Uni but he never even considered any of them because as he said, he'd rather stay in his current school. If there are offers from nearby universities he might consider but relocating is not an option. All because of Nowaki, the dark-haired moan thought. Hiroki was clear that unless Nowaki wants to uproot his career away from Tokyo, he won't accept any offers. Hiroki deserves someone better- someone who will not drag him away from his dreams, away from the promotions he so deserve, someone who can support him emotionally and professionally, someone like Miyagi.

'Clinging on him further than this is will be detrimental to him. I should just let go while he can still recover. I know he will be hurt at first but I knew for sure, he will thank me for this. As much as this is killing me inside, I'd rather have us apart and him happy than being together with just me happy' That in mind he has made a decision that he might regret all his life but he would gladly do it for his Hiro-san. Without thinking that he is making the biggest mistake of his life

He arrives home and surely enough the brunette is on the living room grading a pile of papers while murmuring to himself.

"Okaeri Nowaki, have you eaten dinner yet?" Hiroki greeted without taking his eyes off the paper he was reading.

"Tadaima, Hiro-san. I already did. Have you eaten?" Nowaki can't help but smile bitterly. This would be the last time he will enjoy watching his beloved doing what he usually do. He has decided to do it tonight. The soonest he can get out of Hiroki's life the faster the man can recover. It was not as if he was irreplaceable in Hiroki's life.

"Yakisoba earlier. It seems winter came early this year. Do you have the day off next Wednesday?" Hiroki asked.

"Hiro-san I think we should talk." Nowaki was forcing himself not to cry.

Hearing the quivering of his lover's voice, Hiroki placed the paper he was grading to face the younger man.

"Something the matter Nowaki?" He stood up, following the man to their bedroom.

"I'm leaving, Hiro-san."

"But you just came back. I thought you have the off tomorrow."

No, Hiro-san. I AM LEAVING" you was the last word he did not say.

Hiroki was confused. Nowaki just arrived and he is leaving already? "I see, did you just went home to get a change of clothes? You should have told me, I could have prepared them for you."

"NO HIRO-SAN, I AM LEAVING AND NOT COMING BACK!" Nowaki shouted.

"I don't understand Nowaki." Hiroki was shaking upon the realization of those word. "What? Why?" Tears started to fall from his face. "What are you talking about?" Just what in hell is going on?

"I'm staying with Senpai." Hiroki's world came crushing down.

"Nowaki..." tears were streaming down those amber eyes. "Nowaki, whatever it is we can talk okay? Was it something I did? Something I am doing?" Hiroki was being desperate. His intelligent brain can't seem to fathom what exactly is going on.

"Hiro-san, don't make me say it. It will be more difficult for you" and me Nowaki is trying to steel himself so as not to weep in front of Hiroki. "I will leave tonight. Don't expect me to come back. All my meager belongings will be taken by the mover either tomorrow or any day this week. Don't try to contact me." He put most of his clothes on the Boston bag that he usually use for a change of clothes everytime he has extended duties in the hospital. He refuse to turn around and see what a mess he is making out of Hiroki. He will surpass this. In a week, a month he will no longer be hurt. This is for his sake. It hurts me too Hiro-san, but this is for the best.

After packing his things, he left the bedroom. What he did not expect is for Hiroki to hug him from behind.

"Nowaki, please. Please don't leave me", Hiroki was begging. This is the only time he begged Nowaki for anything and it even surprised the young doctor. Hiroki was clinging to him and on a different circumstance he knew he would have been happy but now it only broke his heart more knowing that he would and could not give Hiroki what he wanted.

"I swear I'll change whatever it is. I refuse to let go! You hear me, I refuse!" Hiroki did not care anymore that he was bawling his eyes out or that he looked the very same way he felt miserable.

"There is nothing to change Hiro san. This is over. WE ARE OVER." With finality, he pried the professor's arms away from him, wore his shoes and left. The door closing was a signal, they are already over.