DISCALAIMER: I don't own gundam wing or any of its characters. I don't even own my car so don't sue me*_*
We're In This Together Now
BY: Lara_Winner
SONG BY: Nine Inch Nails
I've become impossible
Holding on to when
When everything seems to matter more
Duo stared at Hilde's still figure in the hospital bed. He didn't understand what had driven her to go this far. She claimed she hated feeling helpless and had to fight her own way. Didn't she realize that her actions made him feel the same? Here she was on the brink of death and he was powerless to do anything about it. How was he supposed to hold on to his motivation if she wasn't there to keep it alive for him?
He closed his eyes and bowed his head. He leaned forward in his seat and braced his elbows on his knees. He pressed his fingers to his eyes trying to stop the sudden moisture that blurred his vision. She had risked her life to help him and the Colonies. Why did that cause suddenly seem so unimportant? Why in the split second when it most counted did he hesitate to get to her? Would that minute have made any difference?
He sighed. He would never know if that minute would make the difference between life and death. Either way he was responsible so it really didn't matter. Logically he knew that the fate of the Colonies is always first priority. Hilde's life in comparison to the lives of thousands of people, there was no choice. He couldn't let the other pilots fight without him if it would mean the gundams would loose a battle. Not now. Things were too critical. The war was almost over, they couldn't afford a mistake now. If Hilde's life was forfeit then he could do nothing about it.
He flinched as the sound of her terrified voice chanted over and over in his mind. She had called his name, in her greatest fear she had called out to him. And he had debated if he should go to her or not. If Quatre hadn't told him to go to her he wouldn't have and she would have died calling his name. As it was now she might die anyway. He still may have been to late. His heart lurched in his chest. If she died then everything he had fought for would lose its meaning. And he would be alone again, without hope, without stable ground to hold onto…..
The two of us
All used and beaten up
Watching fate as it flows down the path we have chose
Duo leaned over the side of Hilde's bed and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Gently he brushed her bangs away from her face. She was so pale and still. Her chest barely moved with each breath she took. Thirty-six hours and still no change, he was losing faith. The longer she stayed unresponsive the higher the risk of permanent damage. They said she would be lucky if she even walked again. Duo shook his head. No, Hilde was a fighter and she would never give up. Not that easily. But how much could she take?
A small frown creased his brow. She knew the risks and she chose to fight. Well she would just have to fight again because he wasn't letting her give up. He needed her now. If she was his motivation then he could be hers. Hell, he'd do anything to get her back. She couldn't leave him like this, she couldn't.
He sighed and moved from the bed to sit in the uncomfortable plastic chair again. He dropped his head in his hands groaning in frustration. They had both chosen this path. They had both been willing to give their lives for their beliefs. He couldn't control the events of every battle and he couldn't control the outcome of his own future, much less Hilde's. He might not even survive the war. It wasn't over yet, everyone was biding their time waiting to strike. Come tomorrow or the next day or the next he could die too. Did he regret his decision? No. Did Hilde regret hers? No.
You and Me, we're in this together now
None of them can stop us now
We will make it through somehow
He lifted his eyes to look at her still form once again. She wasn't going to die! He would not allow it! They were walking away from this war together. He refused to give her over to the list of heroes who would be remembered for their wonderful efforts. And she wasn't getting rid of him that easily either. She was stuck with him. They were in this mess together and that's the way was going to stay.
It was really funny how he'd never felt alone till he met her. He had been used to being by himself and never getting attached to a particular thing. Now that he'd found her to even think of being without her like losing a part of himself. Just to look at her now made him feel so lonely.
You and me, if the world should break in two
Until the very end of me
Until the very end of you
Until he had met her he considered Deathscythe the only friend he had. Two months. He met her two months ago and in that time she proved to be the best friend anyone could ask for. Now he might loose her forever. Well he wasn't the God of Death for nothing and this war had its share of casualties just like any other.
"Fucking war!" he cursed, raking his fingers through his hair.
It all came back the damn war. He was bound to fight it till the end. She could have stayed home, she could have stayed safe like he asked her to. She could have listened to him and left the fighting to the Gundams. She had the option to not fight. He didn't.
The thought only strengthened his resolve. If they lost the war now it would be a slap in her face. She had brought them valuable information and tipped the odds in their favor. Her little stunt wasn't a waste. If they could win her death wouldn't be in vain. He wasn't going to hope for a miracle and he wasn't going to lie to himself. She wasn't going to survive. The sooner he accepted that the sooner he could put his pain and rage into finishing her mission. The war had to come first. The war had to end!
Awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
They pick and they pull trying to get their fingers in
His head snapped up as the alarm sounded. For a brief second he closed his eyes sliding his cheerful mask back in place. He spared one last glance at her still figure silently praying she would still be alive when he got back.
As fast as he could he made his way to the hanger and up to the cockpit of his gundam. Closing the hatch to Deathscythe he smiled. He could feel the thrill of battle beginning to consume him. They asked for this. They waged this war to destroy the foundations of the people, to conquer and subdue, to gain ultimate control. The people were defenseless and had never had a chance. Everyone was a pawn the game, even the gundams. All pawns used to break the binding fabric of peace. To bring the chaos so the controlling forces could pry there way into ultimate authority. And nobody even realized till it was almost too late.
Well they've got to kill what we've found
Well they've got to hate what they fear
Well they've got to make it go away
Well they've got to make it disappear
Following the others he charged out of the hangar and into the battle. He couldn't help the fearful anticipation that filled him. Channeling his anger he directed the brunt of this attack on the mobile dolls before him. This war's wasn't even honorable anymore. There was no satisfaction in fighting an enemy that was only a machine. People should fight for their beliefs, not depend on technology to protect then from their fears. They shouldn't even wage a war if they're afraid to loose.
Everyone was afraid now. The Earth and the Colonies had found a common ground. They were united now in this final battle. White Fang could feel that. Oz had felt it before it fell. So had the Alliance. Duo smiled to himself. Fear was a wonderful thing to use to your advantage. Zechs feared the Gundams. As much as he admired them he feared them. And Duo was going to use that fear, anything to ensure peace and the destruction of the White Fang. Nothing was beyond the great destroyer. And he would do it all for Hilde.
After that everything happened so fast. Infiltrating Libra, finding the Scientist, before he knew it they were destroying the last piece of Libra. With every blow he prayed they could do this. They couldn't loose this close to the end. He couldn't fail Hilde like that. But breaking it piece by piece wasn't working. He fought down his frustration as he continued swinging his scythe.
Then in awe he watched as suicide boy blasted the enormous piece of battleship to smithereens. Caught up in the excitement he smiled a genuine smile for the first time in days. It was over. It was finally over. He was free, he didn't have to fight anymore. No one else had to die. Almost as quick as the thought entered his mind his smile started to fade. It didn't matter if anyone else died, the only person who did matter was as good as dead.
The further I fall I'm beside you
As lost as I get I will find you
He shoved the thought out of his mind. He had to except it sooner or later though it would do nothing to ease his pain. Suddenly he was assailed with the intense desire to see her. They had evacuated the Peacemillion so he would have to search he MO II. Then a terrifying thought occurred to him. What if she didn't survive the evacuation?
Duo's heart slammed into his stomach. She was completely on the support of machines. One minor mistake and she could die. He shook his head firmly. Panic would do him no good. He couldn't get to her any faster and he would be to late to prevent anything that might have happened.
"Shit!" he cursed.
He sighed as he ran his fingers through his hair. What could he possibly do? He was sinking in this pit of despair. She was the only thing that could save him from this. If she died then so did he. She was his, damn it! Death had no right to claim her and she had no right to leave him fall into this hell.
The deeper the wound I'm inside you
Forever and ever I'm a part of
Hell or no hell she was in his heart. As he realized this he became calm. It really didn't matter. She would always be inside him just like the others. Just like the other loved ones he'd lost in his life. He might never get over her but even that would be better than to ever forget her.
He smiled bitterly. The wound was too deep. He didn't know how it happened but he'd fallen for her. There was just something about her. Something that called out to him, something only he could feel. He didn't understand it but he felt it. It was there when ever he looked in her eyes or whenever she smiled at him. And the need for it had imbedded itself in his soul and without her it would only stand to show him what he had lost.
You and me, we're in this together now
None of them can stop us now
We will make it through somehow
Giving into the desire to see Hilde he broke away from the others and made his way to the central runway. His impatience was growing by the second. He had to tell her the news, even if she had no idea he was speaking to her he needed to tell her. He needed to see her. He refused to believe that she had given up. He couldn't think that. He needed to reassure himself that she was still holding on, even if it was by a thread.
He climbed down from his gundam ignoring the congratulations of maintenance workers and officers alike. He didn't have time for the pleasantries. He had something much more important to do. She was going to wake up damn it!
His mind set on his task he headed for the infirmary unit. Maybe she had forgotten just how stubborn he could be. Well this time she wouldn't forget. He would never give up on her. Vaguely he realized how selfish he was being but he didn't care. She'd messed with the wrong person. He was going to wake her up and then she was going to get the loudest, most intense, ear ringing lecture she had ever receive in her short life. Then he was going to risk getting a backhanded bitch slap and kiss her silly. Maybe she didn't realize what she bargained for when she stole Shinigami's heart. He grinned to himself, if she awoke she was in for a big surprise.
You and me, if the world should break in two
Until the very end of me
Until the very end of you
It seemed like it took forever to find her new room. He stood in the doorway staring at her still body as an overwhelming feeling of relief filled him. There were still no changes in her condition but she hadn't gotten any worse either. Not a good sign, not a bad sign. His heart melted like it always did at the sight of her. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. It had only been nine hours since he'd left her to fight and yet it felt like days. God, he had it bad, really bad!
Hesitantly he crept to the side of her bed. Gently he picked up her cold limp hand holding it between his two warm ones. What if she never wakes up? The thought brought back the relentless fear he tried to suppress.
"Guess what Hilde. We won. The war is over, finally." He said trying to sound excited.
"We kicked their asses. I mean it was so cool. You should have seen it." He swallowed hard as he said the words.
She should have seen it. She should have been there with everyone in the main control room watching the battle unfold. He closed his eyes as he squeezed her hand. He couldn't give up, not now.
All that we were is gone we have to hold on
All that we were is gone we have to hold on
When all our hope is gone we have to hold on
All that we were is gone but we can hold on
"Hilde, please don't leave me." He whispered softy. He blinked at the sudden wetness in his eyes. God, this felt like hell.
"Look babe, I need you t wake up okay. I mean think about this for a second. I know ya like to sleep late and stuff but ya can't take a permanent nap. And if you don't wake up then who's going to take your place. I mean I can't be by myself. You know how I am when I'm left to my own devices. I'm not stable enough to live alone, right? You said so yourself remember. Man, I need you. Besides you the only one who appreciates my sense of humor." He tried to laugh and sound normal but his voice wavered and cracked. He held his breath but there was no change. He wanted to scream as the steady bleep of the heart monitor continued at its slow steady pace.
"Alright, ya wanna be stubborn, okay. I'm warning you. You better wake your ass up right now or I swear I'll….I…..um…….Damn it! There ain't shit I can do to you till ya wake up. Come on Hilde, for once just give in and let me be right." He sighed, his frustration evident in his tone. At his lack of control over the situation felt his anger start to rise. This was bullshit!
"Damn you Hilde!" he hissed, gripping her hand he leaned down inched from her face, his empty violet eyes sparking with fire as he started ranting, "I'll never take your word again! You promised you'd stay home, but you just couldn't do it could you? You'd kill yourself just avoid doing anything I ask of you. Well you're stupid, stupid and ignorant. I'm so pissed I could wring your neck right now ya know that? Maybe slap some sense into you cuz you certainly don't use the brain God gave you. I mean common sense Hilde, common sense should tell you something. You didn't stand a chance, nobody would have. Not in a space Leo. You were a trained soldier, I thought you were smarter than to go on a suicide mission." He grimaced as he said the last words.
Releasing her hand he sank down in the chair beside her bed. He fought for her to spare her the pain and she just throws it back in his face by doing this. What was she trying to do to him? He asked her, he asked her specifically to stay home. He knew he would loose her, he just knew it. He could feel his grip on control begin to slip. What else could he say? Ignoring the tears that flooded his eyes he tried one last time.
"I need you, Hilde. I don't how to live now that the war is over. I never thought about it, I guess I assumed I would die. I never planned on learning how to live again. Hell, I'm sixteen and I sound like I'm going on fifty. Everything I once was is gone now. I've been through too much and I just can't hold on anymore. If you're not there Hilde, I have no reason to even try. Please, I'm begging you, I'm on my fucking knees here, don't leave me. Please, I can't do this without you." He whispered brokenly.
You and me, we're in this together now
None of them can stop us now
We will make it through somehow
Silence met his soul bearing admission. His heart sank as he grasped her hand once again. She wasn't going to come out of it. She really was going leave him. What did he expect? He had known the moment he'd seen her blood all over him when he pulled her out the mangled Leo that he was going to loose her. He had to accept it, the doctors were giving her two weeks. If nothing changed they were going to classify her as clinically brain dead and they were pulling the plugs. He'd even swallowed his pride and begged Sally to do something, anything to say that they wouldn't kill her. But like he expected it was all up to Hilde, she had to pull through on her own.
"Baby, you don't want to make it do you?" he asked, his throat closing against the burning urge to let go and cry. Lowering his head into his hands he squeezed his eyes shut struggling for control.
"Stupid question." Came a faint hoarse voice.
You and me, even after everything
You're the queen and I'm the king
Nothing else means anything
He froze. His heart started pounding in excitement. Slowly he lifted his eyes only to meet her clear blue ones. He felt her hand weakly try to squeeze his. Suddenly a huge grin broke upon his face. He watched her eyes start to flutter shut and he jumped form his chair.
"Don't you dare close your eyes. Come on babe, look at me for a minute." He said urgently. He needed to make sure she was really awake.
"I'm tired Duo." She said softly, her voice slightly stronger this time.
"I know." He replied, carefully he sat on the edge of the bed and gently brushed her bangs out of her eyes. At his touch her eyes blinked open and her lips quirked in a faint smile.
"Did you use the info yet?" she whispered.
"Yep. Thanks baby, it really helped." He shook his head as she started to open her mouth to say something else, "Get some rest and tell you everything later, I'll be right here, okay."
He started to rise from the bed but Hilde grabbed his arm stopping him. She made motions for him to come closer. He leaned down bringing his face inched from hers. His eyes widened as she grabbed his shirt pulling him down to her. Ever so softly she pressed a kiss to his cheek. He smiled and pulled back to find her eyes already closed gain. Keeping hold of her hand he took his seat beside the bed. Slowly a wicked grin crossed his face. Bringing her hand up to his lips he pressed a little kiss on the soft skin of her palm.
"I'm sorry I ever doubted you." He whispered as he finally relaxed for the first time in days.
A.N.- I love this song and this is what I came up with. I hope you like it and as always Duo&Hilde forever! You guys are the best!!!*_*