Hi guys, I know, get another chapter of my LaxSu fanfic already. I was watching Lethal Weapon 3 last night, and I got to the scene where Murtaugh is drunk on the boat and it gave me an idea. What if a similar "I slept with someone I shouldn't have" situation occurred in Fairy Tail? : It would be interesting to say the least. So without further procrastination, please enjoy this ridiculous story!

I don't own Fairy Tail OR Lethal Weapon. If I did, CROSSOVER!!!!!!

Shout out to my beautiful beta EclipsingParadise!

Erza Scarlet, Titania Queen of the Fairies, was sitting on her bed in Fairy Hills with a very distraught looking Natsu Dragneel kneeling on the ground in front of her.

She was currently looking down at him expectantly. He had begged to speak with her privately this morning, and he was reeking of alcohol. The mere fact that he was drunk was enough to alert her that this was serious, usually his magic burned off the alcohol almost instantly. He must have drunk wagonloads of the stuff.

He finally raised his head, so as to meet her eyes. She was expecting some kind of "I blew something up", but what she got was…

"So I might have sort of slept with someone I probably shouldn't have…"

He sounded so depressed that Erza was more shocked by his tone than the actual confession. Her immediate instinct was to hit him over the head and beat sense into him. However, as she raised her hand to do exactly that, she noticed the tortured look on his face. Maybe he was already suffering enough. She pulled herself together and made herself a promise that she would be a good friend and help him through this.

Smiling, she comforted him "That's ok, we've all done things we regret when we are drunk, right? Even I have! I mean, remember those *ahem Christmas games?"

Natsu nodded, but when he spoke his tone hadn't shifted at all.

"I remember, but if I told the wrong person I'd seriously be dead. You're the only person I can trust Erza…"

Now Erza's manners and helpful attitude went out the window, her curiosity aflame.

"Wow, that bad? Who could it be?"

When Natsu didn't answer she tried another tack, for once actually managing to be sympathetic to the Dragon Slayer.

"I'll say the names of people, just nod or shake your head, ok? Was it Lucy?"

He shook his head.

"What about Levy?"

Another head shake.

"Mira?"

A harsh bark of laughter and another head shake.

"Please t-tell me it w-wasn't W-Wendy?"

Furious head shaking.

"Umm… Laki?"

Shaking again.

She could sense the mounting frustration in her building up like a headache.

"WHO THE HELL COULD IT POSSIBLY BE?!"

He whispered something so quietly that she wouldn't have known he said anything at all if she hadn't seen his mouth move.

"What did you say?"

Red in that face now, with tears gushing, he shouted at her "IT WASN'T A GIRL!"

Somewhat surprised by this revelation, Erza continued speculating.

"Grey?"

No surprises when his head shook.

"Elfman?"

Furious head shaking again.

"Laxus?"

Even more furious shaking.

"Freed?"

Etc. etc.

Eventually she narrowed it down to only two people, but she couldn't bring herself to say either of the names. Gathering her courage, she asked the more likely of the two.

"Was it… Master…?"

Another head shake.

"So then… it was…"

A nod.

"… GILDARTS?!"

He hung his head in shame. Tears were once again flowing freely. As he sobbed, he felt her arms go around him and he pulled her in closer, using her warmth as a kind of security. She felt so sorry for him right now that she didn't even mind that his head was lodged firmly between her breasts.

After crying himself to the point of exhaustion, he finally pulled away from her and asked in a tiny voice that didn't suit him at all: "What do I do?"

Erza's cavalier attitude took over and she stood up, bravely proclaiming her plan of action.

"We go to guild and you face your fear! In all likelihood, Gildarts won't even be there, and if he is, just ignore him unless he specifically seeks you out."

Of course, as you know, even the best laid plans go wrong. As you also know, this was NOT a well-laid plan, it was more like trusting a toddler to play with a gun in traffic. So naturally, upon reaching the guild hall, Erza realised that almost immediately she had made a mistake. First of all, it was the middle of the night and the hall was closed, no one was there. Already off to a great start.

Then, Natsu 'decided', with Erza's help, to wait there till the next morning. This was mistake number two, as it led to then being found by Mirajane sleeping side by side the next morning, with all kinds of rumours being passed around by the gossip-loving bartender.

A small mercy came in the form of Gildarts laziness: he didn't show up at the guild in the morning, which gave Erza time to quiet the rumours somewhat. It also gave Natsu time to work himself into a state of nervous paranoia where anyone who touched or spoke to him suddenly caused him to jump several kilometres into the air.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the Crash mage made his way to the guild hall, simply Crashing through the doors rather than open them. At the sound, Erza say Natsu's back go completely straight and his shoulders bunch up. Fate had apparently decided to jest with them, as Gildarts initially ignored Natsu, ordering his drinks and heading to the second floor without so much as a glance at the pinkette.

It became clear that Natsu was the butt of the joke when Gildarts came back down, already tipsy, and draped himself over Natsu, to the shock of most of the guild. Erza wasn't shocked, but she was surprised and a bit upset. However, that staunchness vanished at the next words to come out of Gildarts' mouth.

"Come on, Natsuuuuu… Come and sit on Daddy's lap. Like you did last night hehehe…"

Natsu's face went so red, you might have mistaken his head for an inflated balloon. Erza didn't fair much better, and neither did Mira. The two girls slowly turned to look at each other in dread as the huge Crash mage continued to coo in Natsu's ear. Simultaneously they fainted, the insanity of Fairy Tail too much for once. They were followed by practically every other mage in the guild.

"Fuck my life." Natsu droned, clearly not ready to put up with a clingy older boyfriend.

"Nope! That's my job." Came Gildarts reply, which caused Natsu to once again flush bright red, before collapsing into his waiting arms.

Alright! That is the RIDICULOUS thing done! I want to stress that this is completely for fun and entertainment only, it is not meant to be taken seriously. That said, please review if you have any feedback, I'll be doing oneshots like this every now and then to lighten the mood after all the depressing and intense shit I usually post. Anyway, I need a shower, writing this made me feel kinda dirty. Au Revoir!