My Olicity obsession is getting out of hand so this is going to be the place to put all my little Olicity dreams. I loved tonight's episode, even the angst between Oliver and Felicity, but I'm writing a little drabble of how the ending could have gone differently. It's still angsty. You've been warned.

Disclosures: I don't Arrow. I love Stephen Amell. I might love Emily Bett Rickards more.

"I don't want to be a woman you love."

Felicity turned to go but he couldn't let her walk away. He touched her shoulder, stilling her instantly.

"That's not a choice you get to make." She faced him, a wounded look in her eyes. "I'm alive and I'm here and I love you." His voice trembled.

"Oliver-"

"I used to be a killer, like Merlyn."

"You were never like him!"

"I killed people that I believed deserved to die."

She shook her head. "It's not the same. You don't manipulate and poison the people you love."

"Felicity," he swallowed hard as tears welled in his eyes, "I manipulated you."

She shook her head against the memory of them in the Queen mansion. She'd replayed it in her head a thousand times, looking for the deception in his declaration. She'd never found it.

"I was desperate to defeat Slade and I used you to do it."

She choked back the tears that were about to fall. "Don't do that. Don't tarnish that moment for me. You've lied to me a lot over the years and you're not good at it." She stepped closer to him, gazing at him fiercely. "You didn't lie that night. Not about loving me."

He smiled tightly. "You're right."

She pulled back. She hadn't expected him to admit it.

He expelled a desperate breath. "And I still used you in my plan."

She had endlessly wondered about that night but hearing him confirm her suspicions hurt worse than she thought it would. She needed to change the subject. "What does any of this have to do with you working with Merlyn, now?"

"I need his help to defeat Ra's al Ghul."

"You can't trust him."

"He loves Thea."

"Yeah, when it's convenient for his plan."

"He loved Tommy. He didn't kill Brick tonight. Despite everything he's done, he wants to help me now."

She rolled her eyes. She was beyond exasperated with his noble attitude. "Did you incur some massive brain damage on your little vacation?"

He breathed out a laugh. "It's possible."

"Do you honestly think that Malcolm Merlyn is different this time? That's he's not using you to further his own agenda?"

"I don't know for sure but I believe people can change. He wants to redeem himself for Thea, so he can be a part of her life." He reached for her hand but she took a shaky step back. His eyes glistened with unshed tears. "It's what I'm trying to do for you. Change my ways, be better, so that we can be together. So that I can be a man that actually deserves you."

She couldn't look away from him even as the tears she'd been holding back streamed down her cheeks. "If that's what you want, working with Merlyn is not the way to do it."

She fled the alley quickly without looking back.