Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. I only own the plot.
James Potter and the Restricted Section
Chapter 1: Can't we laugh at you now?
James snuck up the stairway. Swoosh! The stairs evolved into a slippery slide. This happens when a boy tries to climb up to the girl's dormitories.
James knew this and was prepared. He had already lassoed a rope around the statue of a griffin's head, at the top of the banister. Getting up was as easy as snoozing in class for James. His huge quittich muscles pulled him up with a snap.
"Few," he whispered, wiping the only dot of sweat off his forehead. Tiptoeing he slipped himself into the 7th years dorm.
Property of:
Miss Lily EvansWas planted on a trunk under a window.
"Panty raid!" he spoke to himself. Bending down, he placed his fingers carefully on the switch and swung open the case. He dug his arm under a few pairs of jeans and pulled out a shiny gold thong.
"Potter!" SMACK!
"Ouch!" James replied rubbing the cheek just slapped.
"Give me those!" cried Lily tugging her underwear out of his grip.
"But…but…" grunted James lost for words.
"Don't you go putting your filthy, scummy hands anywhere near my…my…under…my stuff!" she yelped.
"But…but…"still chanted James he was so close! Fling! A gold shine like snitch glittered in front of James's face and all was dark.
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"What a git!" hushed a laughing, horse voice.
"I ha…can't…ha…believe…ha ha ha!"giggled another.
"Good morning!" sang Remus looking down at his friend who had just sat up in his hospital bed. All James could say was a few colorful blurs.
"Glasses," grunted James, arms groped.
A pair of bottle cap sized spectacles was handed to him. Putting them on, he could clearly see Peter, Sirius, and Remus sitting by his bedside.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Uh Lily knocked you out with her thong," cracked Remus. The other two spat out more laughter. Turning serious Peter told James, "Madam Pomfery said that if it hit you any higher on the forehead, you could've died".
"James was a great man. I think this was the way he would've wanted to go. I hope Evan's thong was see threw so he would've liked it better." Sirius sobbed out his eulogy.
"Oh shut up!" sighed James.
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"Prongs there's a package on your bed," cried Sirius down the hall. James ran to his dorm to find indeed a brown wrapped gift where a card had been placed there. He took the letter and read the sparkling glittered ink.
Dearest Potter,
Keep this as a token of laughter and much pain.
Love always,
Lily
He ripped open the paper to retrieve a pin thin string thong shining unceasingly.
"Floss?" questioned Remus.
"Bright looking at that. Someone implying something Prongs?" asked Sirius.
"Maybe?" he replied disregarding the crack he just received. "Maybe," he repeated.
What was she thinking? Sirius plundered.
"Prongs, I'll give you my whole stack of chocolate frogs if you try them on." James debated this. He did have a large pile of frogs.
"Alright," the two shook hands. James slipped off his pants and boxers and gently glided the panties up.
"Oi!" he cried.
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"What?" yelped Eden, Lily's friend as the discussed the gift she had given Potter.
"Put a spell on it," lily answered slyly as they entered the common room.
"Oh, which one?" Eden asked. Lily grunted a reply
"See for yourself." She pointed at James who had just hopped in knock-kneed. Eden caught on.
"He's stuck to it!" Lily nodded in response.
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Ow. Ow. Ow. Every step James took ended in this painful two-letter word. Ow. Ow. Ow.
"All Care of Magical Creatures classes will be held inside due to the down pour," the teacher announced.
"Ow. Ouch! It's riding up my"
"Class, because of the rain, I planned an impromptu slide show on animagus," Professor Guhl informed the class.
The three illegal animaguses exchanged looks of guilt. Peter, a rat, Sirius, a shaggy dog, and James, a white stag.
"It's against the law to have an animal/ animagus sexual relationship. I have collected some photos of the sick nature. This first clip will be a stag and a transformed wizard," spoke the professor.
A picture of two deer, one obviously against its will, too close together.
"Oh my flipping bloody," yelled James. His three other pals fell off their chairs spitting out breaths of air between hearty chuckles.
"Professor Guhl, may I please use the bathroom?" asked Peter trying to hold himself up.
"Yes go." He pounced out of the room. "What's so funny you two?" she questioned, rounding on Sirius and Remus who were rolling on the floor. James was staring at the picture still.
"Um…Peter… just wet himself," Sirius made up abruptly.
"Right then," spoke Professor Guhl, as if saying she didn't want to know.
A/N Hello everybody! This is my first story here on Flames not wanted…Please go easy on me! Constructive criticism is fine. Something a bit more than "This sucks… don't write anymore". Actually tell me how to write in a better fashion. And remember… REVIEW! It's that little blue/purple button on the bottom of your screen.
Regards
-Prevans