A/N: I've lost my mind, that is all.

Prompts:
irrational Fear

"We Need a distraction"

Sexy alter-ego

Word count: 1659

Papers

It is a well known fact that those with irrational fears tent to be a bit irrational in every other manner of their lives as well. They really can't help that their brains have jumped the track of what is considered the 'normal' track though that could be debated and had in many psychology classrooms. One strength of the irrational person it that they tend to be prepared for the irrational when it occasionally happens, such is the case we are examining today. Detective Mako had an irrational fear that his boyfriend would dump him for a silly reason.

"Oi! That's not irrational! And it's not a silly reason either!"
The silly reason was that Mako thought that if even the slightest thing was out of place in their shared apartment he would be down on significant other.

"That is taking my fear completely out of context! It's only his desk I'm worried about not the whole apartment!"

Beyond the considerably dark implications of this fear if it were true, Mako's boyfriend really didn't care if a paper or two were out of place. Honestly he'd probably laugh off Mako's paranoia about the thing if he knew about it.

"He would not! I cleaned it once and that led to the worse argument we've ever had!"

You threw out not only a letter from his mother but his latest assignment because they had coffee on them. He was angry because he had to go dumpster diving to retrieve them.

"Oh so you can hear me?"
Characters in other fan fictions can hear you Mako, I was just trying to ignore you and get part the set up. It wasn't' working. May I continue or do you have any more to add?

"I'm not irrational."

Yes you are.
"No I'm not."
You're arguing with a genderless omnipotent narrator, the fact you can hear me is proof you're loopy.

"Genderless? You sound like a middle aged British woman, there's nothing genderless about you."

Well you're still irrational.

"AM NOT!"

I AM THE ALL POWERFUL NARRATOR! You are irrational, you are very irrational, that is the point of this story is that you are irrational but that irrationality works out in the end.

"I thought three point prompts where more important and had to be integrated in to the story more than others. "

Yes so?
"Well irrational fear ain't a three point prompt! Sexy alter ego is! So why isn't this story about me having a sexy alter ego?"

Because you don't do sexy, you tired once and Iroh fell off the bed laughing. You also are not good at undercover work unless that requires you to be a very angry man or the world's worst boyfriend for girls. You are quite good at those but beyond that you're quite easy to spot.

"That's a low blow….so where's the sexy alter ego going to come in? You have it in the prompts so it's got to show up here and not just in conversation."
I'll let you know when we get there. Now that we've established that for you at least the fourth wall is a mild suggestion let's move on to the real meat of the story. Mako's irrational fear of being dumbed because of a messy desk full of papers was only rivaled by his insistent need to feel like the apartment was clean and so on this sunny spring day Mako had opened all the windows in the apartment and was dusting when a large wind blew through the apartment and took all the papers on the desk with it.

"Oh shit."

Now a rational person might have acted differently but-

"I don't have time for your sass! I need to get those papers back!"

Every single one?

"Yes every single one! He'll know if there's a missing one."

You know you could tell him what happened.

"You are one crazy possibly British lady! I can't do that! I've got to find all the pieces before Roh gets home.How much time to I have?"

It is well known that General Iroh is quite a workaholic and tended to stay late at his job.

"Oh thank Yue."
But today had been relatively boring and he actually planned on surprising his lover by coming home an hour early.

"Aw that's so sweet of him… wait this is your doing!You just want me to panic more!"

I told you don't mess with me.

"God damn it!"

The avatar universe does not have the Judeo Christian God you just called upon. Well done you've panicked right out of your universe's internal logic.

"I don't have time for this! I need to find all those papers and I'm going to need a distraction! And a lot of help."

It was fortunate that Mako had good friends who enabled his irrationality, which was actually not good for him in the long run. They all agreed to help Mako track down the no doubt hundreds of papers floating around the city and keep Iroh from returning home. Asami volunteered to use her 'sexy alter ego' to distract Iroh and keep him his office but the idea was immediately discarded for multiple reasons. The biggest being that the action would be completely out of character and the physical impossibility of Asami being sexier than she normally was.

"Don't touch him you home wrecker!"

And the fact Mako yelled that before being punched by various friends for various reasons.

"Ow."

You earned that.

"Sometimes I think you don't like me."

And sometimes you're a bit to paranoid…also you know every time you speak to me your friends question your sanity.

"Sanity is a legal term and I think they're done questioning. Wait these conversations aren't non-diegetic?"

Nope you're speaking to what seems like absolutely nothing.

"Wonderful."

Don't you have some papers to find?
"Shoot! Yes! We need to find those papers! But what about Iroh? He's still going to get home early and see the missing papers! And what are you going to do about that last trope?"

Don't worry I've got Prince Wu on the job.

"I am both worried and not worried with this information."

~Meanwhile~

Iroh looked up from his paperwork and tilted his head. "So you're staring in the revival of Rocky Horror?"

Wu nodded. "Yup! I'm living my other side as the star of the show!"

Iroh slowly nodded. "And you felt the need to come over here in full costume because?"

Wu looked down at his bright red corset and pumps. "I have a lame and possibly offensive reason and a crazy reason which one do you want?"

"Uh…what's the lame and possibly offensive one?"

"As a gay man do you find this attractive?"

Iroh groaned and put his head on the desk. "I don't want dignify that with an answer, what's the crazy reason?"

"A disembodied British woman told me to come over here and distract you while I at dress rehearsal."

"I have so many questions." Iroh looked up so confused. "First what's a British?"

"I-I have no idea."

~Meanwhile but actually four hours later~

It was a valiant effort really but an overall fruitless one. Mako thanked his friends for all their hard work and clutched the forty-five papers they had collected that probably belonged to Iroh. Bracing for the worst Mako trudged up the stairs to his apartment.

"I live on the fifteenth floor, I am not trudging up anything there's an elevator and I'm using it. I've walk all over this city looking for these important slices of trees and using the elevator!"

Correction, Mako trudged into the elevator and pushed the button for his floor. As it rose the exhaustion and pessimistic belief that his best relationship was doom over took the anxiety that had plagued Mako for most of that day. Walking in to his flat he found Iroh setting on the sofa halfway through a bottle of whisky. Mako, making his own assumptions as to why his boyfriend was drinking, grabbed the other glass on the table and poured himself a generous helping and sat down next to Iroh. He dropped the papers down next to bottle and for a while the two sat in silence.

Iroh finished his glass and looked over at Mako. "Rough day?"

"Yup." Mako took a gulp.
"Me too."

"What happened?"

"Wu came into my office dressed like Dr. Frankinfritter from Rocky Horror and we had a discussion about what precisely a British was. He was in my office for hours….I'll never be able to un-see that. You?"

"I tried to track down all the papers that were on your desk after they all flew out the window. I could only fine forty five of them and had to ticket myself for littering when I couldn't find the rest."

Iroh picked up the bottle and poured himself another glass and topped off Mako's. He placing the bottle back down he picked up the top sheet of paper. "This is someone else's gas bill."

Mako leaned against Iroh and looked at the bill. "Huh so it is. They're getting robbed blind by that company."

Iroh chuckled. "Yeah they are." He put and armaround Mako and snuggled. "Can we pretend today didn't happen?"

"I wish I could but I got to go to the doctor tomorrow and get treated for rabies. A squirrel bit me on the neck in the park." He gestured to a bandaged on his neck.

"Huh, that's my favorite spot. Maybe it was just trying to live out its sexy alter-ego."

"We're not going to get those points are we?"

"Probably not, it's supposed to be a trope not a running gag."

"Shame. Oh well." Mako took another drink. "Think this story will be a judges favorite?"

"Well now that you've pointed it out probably not."

"This is just getting silly. Hey Omnipotent possibly British Lady can we end this-"

~THE END~

"already…."