"It's got to get easier, and easier, somehow"
– Not Today by Imagine Dragons
…oOo…
The headline instantly drew his eye, and Remus felt a shot of pity stab through him. He may not know the other man, but a damaged spine really would be soul-crushing, even without having previously had everything you wanted at your fingertips.
A closer examination of the article informed Remus of a possible job as the man's caretaker and mentioned an interview. It was the salary, however, that convinced Remus to give it a shot—even if he probably wouldn't get the job. Any amount of money would help his parents out, but that sum would ease his parents' worries until his father found a new job.
…oOo…
The interview had gone miserably, but Remus had somehow managed to get the job. One minute he was certain he was going to be politely kicked out, and the next he was being asked how soon he could start.
The accident, as it turned out, had actually occurred a year or so back. Remus had obviously missed that little bit of information when he had read the article, much to Lady Black's subtle amusement.
Lady Black was a severe woman, and Remus was surprised she was doing the interviews herself. He had expected to find a representative for one of those really expensive hiring companies who would have dismissed him upon sight because of his worn formal clothes, then mocked him as he left.
Black Manor was as fabulous on the inside as it looked on the outside. The walls were decorated with rich sapphire-blues and thick mulberry carpets lined the floors.
"This is Sirius' room. We had to have it remodeled after his accident. Regulus should be with Sirius at the moment," Lady Black said, finally, after she had pointed out the location of all the things she thought Remus would need. Remus doubted he remembered even half of what she had told him but didn't think it would be too difficult to figure it out. Everything had to be fairly close by, right?
"Come, meet my son, Sirius," Lady Black said, face blank as she stepped through the sliding doors.
Sirius… Sirius looked terrible, and Remus was being rather generous with that impression alone. His beard had grown wild and untamable, and his hair was like a black mane around his face. Remus forced a smile that might have actually been a grimace onto his face as he tried to take in the man who seemed to glare at him for even being there.
Regulus sent him a sympathetic smile after he sent a surprised one his mother's way before leading him into the kitchen area to point out all the medication Sirius would need and when. Remus could have very well mistaken their 'medicine cupboard' for a pharmacy.
This job was going to be far more difficult than he had originally predicted.
…oOo…
"He's just frustrated at being stuck in a body that refuses to move," Remus muttered to himself through gritted teeth as he was greeted with a raised eyebrow and a cold: "You look terrible."
Sometimes Remus wondered why they weren't higher up where he could put everyone out of their misery and toss the arse out the window.
Sirius spent all his time staring out the window: dawn, dusk, rain, shine, none of it seemed to make a difference to him until the blinds suddenly slammed shut, and the man called out in a demanding voice: "I'm going to need my next set of medication in ten minutes."
As if Remus would forget. It had been nearly two months already, and while he had struggled with the medication at first, he could get the medication with his eyes closed at this point.
Lunch would be arriving within the next ten minutes, and then Sirius would announce whatever he felt like doing for the rest of the day. It was raining today, though, so he would probably watch a movie, leaving Remus to peruse one of the books he had found lying around.
It was only times when Remus had to feed Sirius that the stirrings of pity welled in him again. He could never imagine having to rely on someone else to do something as simple as feed himself. While it was all he could do to be cheery when Sirius was always so negative, he could understand why Sirius was as much of a dick as he was.
It would be hard to look on the bright side if this was what your future looked like. So, Remus promised himself that he would give Sirius a bright side to look forward to, if nothing else. The insults were something he had long since grown accustomed to.
It would be more of a surprise for them to be absent.
…oOo…
"That is the most stupid idea that has passed your lips yet."
"Well, either you go outside willingly, or I'm going to push you outside myself," Remus exclaimed, sounding more excited about the prospect of pushing an unwilling Sirius outside. "You can't possibly expect to be cooped up in this room for months on end!"
"Somehow, I've been managing just fine!"
Remus stared at Sirius expectantly, smug smile still firmly in place.
"Fine! You're a bloody menace!"
"You're a right git!"
"Then why are you still here? You can just leave! Then you don't have to deal with this git! I, certainly, would not miss your presence," Sirius snarled in reply but continued to direct his chair outside anyway.
"I'm certainly not here for you. Your mother hired me, and until she tells me to leave, you're going to have to deal with me!" Remus glared. "You can shout and scream like a child all you want, and nothing will change."
Remus didn't know how to take the silence that followed so didn't break it as it stretched around Black Manor gardens. When Remus looked up again, he found Sirius staring at him with a frown on his face.
"What?" Remus asked, wiping around his mouth just in case he had been a bit messy during lunch.
"Why do you always wear that cardigan?"
"It's warm! Perhaps you don't feel it, but it's really cold right now! We're in a season called Winter, and I expect we're going to be having something called snow any day now!"
Sirius gifted him with another of his 'Are you stupid?'-looks. "You're shivering, so I doubt that cardigan is anywhere near as warm as you'd like me to think."
Remus couldn't help it; he stomped into the next puddle he saw, and the both of them ended up being messed by the mud.
Sirius raised an almost-amused eyebrow. "That's only going to make you uncomfortable."
Remus grumbled.
...oOo...
Sirius didn't question the sudden influx of chocolate in his rooms, but Remus knew the other man had noticed from the amused smirks he got thrown every now and again. It was all Sirius' fault anyway!
The damn man was probably telling Regulus to hide some of the chocolate away anyway. He had even asked Remus for some! And Remus had been forced to reluctantly share when the man had directed his chair into Remus' line of sight and stared at him expectantly.
"That was terrible!" Sirius said with a grimace, barely stopping himself from spitting it out. "How is that even chocolate?"
"Don't insult the chocolate!" Remus cried.
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You'd better be here tomorrow. I'll show you what real chocolate tastes like."
"As if I can simply not come." Remus found himself getting excited, though. It was chocolate, no matter the source, and Remus would never say no to chocolate.
...oOo...
"What did you say to him? I've never seen him more determined to buy chocolate in my life," Regulus said as a greeting the next morning.
"He just wanted to try some of mine, then insisted it was terrible and he needed to show me 'real' chocolate."
Regulus rolled his eyes good naturedly. "Still, it's the most determined I've seen him in months. He's been rolling himself around his room for at least half an hour already, and he's even let me shave him."
"I'm guessing he demanded that too."
Regulus shrugged. "Of course."
"Great! You're here." Sirius motioned to the table, where several different chocolates lay in their wrappers. "Those are real chocolate. Try them!"
"I'll just go, then. Good luck with him; he tends to get hyper." Regulus sent Remus a small smile before escaping through the door.
Oh, dear Merlin, no.
...oOo...
"How can you just stand there and accept this?!" Sirius' father, Orion, shouted at an invisible person.
"It's what Sirius wants. If he doesn't change his mind, I'm going to support him. Shouldn't you let him have the choice?"
It was Walburga, then.
"By letting him kill himself?"
"If that's what he wants! Do you really think there's anything that is going to change his mind?"
"Remus—"
"Remus is making him happier, yes, but is that enough? Is happiness enough to make him want to live, when he is tormented by his nonresponsive body every day?"
Remus heard a sigh.
"Just give me the letter, Orion. Sirius needs to know it has come."
Remus wondered if that was it, if everything he had done already had been for naught, just a futile effort to make a dead man want to live.
...oOo...
Remus stared blankly at the ceiling as his alarm blared into his ear. He didn't want to get up and know that whatever he was doing was in vain, that it wouldn't change anything, and the man he was beginning to befriend would still die anyway.
What was the point if the end result would be the same?
The alarm must have been ringing long enough to worry his mother, Hope, because she peeked through the door only moments later.
"Aren't you getting up?"
"He's made the decision to die, Mum."
Hope needed no more information. "And you're just going to accept it? I've seen how much you care for him, are you really going to just give up with him?"
Remus blinked. He hadn't thought of it that way. Somehow, he had been carried away in Sirius' misery and had forgotten of his original promise to himself.
He had promised to make Sirius enjoy life again, hadn't he?
"Thanks, Mum."
"Good boy," Hope said, entering his room just to ruffle his hair before she walked out again. "Breakfast is ready."
...oOo...
"We're going out today!" Remus said brightly.
Sirius didn't look impressed in the slightest. "What delightful excursion have you got planned now?"
"We're going to watch football!"
"...you've never been to a football match, have you?"
"Nope!" Remus thought he sounded a little too excited at the prospect considering the fact that he wasn't particularly fond of watching sports. "Regulus said he would come too, though!"
"And that makes it a whole lot better, I'm sure."
It didn't. The entire thing was as much of a flop as Sirius had expected it to be, but Remus didn't let Sirius see his disappointment. He wasn't done yet. There was still a list of things that he hadn't tried yet, and Remus hoped that at least one would amuse Sirius at the very least.
...oOo...
A holiday was the last thing Remus could think of. Sirius' moods had been growing lighter, he smiled more, and had even dared to ask Remus to help him prank his mother. Walburga hadn't been impressed, but Orion was delighted. Regulus was, naturally, the target of the next prank, and even Remus couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the pink-haired Black.
Regulus had looked monumentally furious when he walked in, only to pause at the door, looking a bit stunned.
"It was you, wasn't it, Remus?" Regulus sounded uncertain.
"We have no idea what you're talking about, although I have to say I never thought you had the hot-pink in you." Sirius grinned.
For a moment, Remus thought Regulus would burst into tears.
"Sirius! I know neither Mother nor Father would put Remus up to this!"
Remus snorted at the idea of either Walburga or Orion, pranking Regulus.
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to get you back for this..." Regulus said in a faux reluctant tone.
"You wouldn't." Sirius' eyes were wide. "You can't! I'm in a wheelchair!"
"Who said I'm going to go after you?"
"Remus, run! I'll keep him busy!"
"Like hell you will," Regulus said, narrowly missing Sirius who had directed his chair into Regulus' path.
Remus didn't ask questions, hiding as he watched the brothers fight.
...oOo...
"Remus, I have to tell you something."
"I know. I overheard your parents months ago."
"Will you come with me?"
...oOo...
Remus didn't understand how Sirius could be so selfish and ask such a thing of him. Didn't he understand how it would feel?
Could he let Sirius go through that alone, though? Sure, Sirius' parents and Regulus would be with him, but would he be able to live with himself if they came back and told him that Sirius had asked to see him before he died? Would he be able to live with himself even if they forgave him? Would he be able to forgive himself if he last thing he remembered was the hopeful expression Sirius had worn before Remus spewed hurtful words.
Remus just didn't know. He was so confused. Would he regret going or not going more?
"Remus."
"Mum, I don't know what to do. I failed."
"From everything I've heard you try, you did your best. If anyone could have convinced him, it would have been you. Don't beat yourself up over it. You made him happy, and he made you happy. Don't you think the two of you deserve at least that amount of happiness for however long you have left?"
"But, Mum-"
"No buts, the car is outside waiting for you."
"Thank you."
...oOo...
Remus,
If you've done what I said, for once in your life, you should be at Hogsmeade, in Honeydukes. The chocolates there are the best in the world, I assure you.
Thank you for this past six months. It had been more than I could have ever hoped for,youwere more than I could ever have hoped for. So, for once, I want to do something for you. When you go back to London, Regulus will give you a key to a vault I set up for you. I know how much you loved that bakery you worked at, so you can start one yourself.
Or you could just blow all of the money on chocolate. I can't say that's a terrible idea either.
I wish it could have been different, that we could have met under different circumstances, but it is what it is, and I'm almost grateful for it. I never would have properly met you otherwise.
I will forever be with you.
Sirius.
…oOo…
Written for Quidditch League Finals Round 1: Player 3: A section written in epistolary form AND an epigraph
Wigtown Wanderers: Chaser 3: Liza's OTP: Wolfstar
(song) 'Not Today' by Imagine Dragons; (colour) mulberry; (word) dawn