Lovino always gets lost, and today is no different. He wanders the streets of the great city, undeniably and irrefutably lost. The moon is at his back and the streets curious and strange around him. The peace is almost unsettling; men call out to him from behind stalls, offering their wares, and he wonders at how different their voices sound from the wails of battle he has grown accustomed to. The capital city is so much different from the mountains that he feels as if he has stepped into another world. But he is still lost in it, and alone, for his brother no longer walks with the living.
This is why Lovino walks, to leave behind the shadow of his brother's soul that grips at his ankles and threatens to pull him down into the abyss. Or perhaps what he feels are the demons Grandpa Roma tells him to beware. Demons who are alive in the dark of night and slip in through the cracks of a weary soul. He loved his brother when he was alive, and still he does, but it has been years since he drew breath and Lovino knows it is best to forget and leave behind the demons of his past.
So he wanders, and he stays lost.
Antonio always has a knack for finding lost things. He wanders as well, but that is because his soul is free and reaching forward at whatever he it can. He came here from the islands, an outcast, a foreigner, but he does not mind how he is treated. This is someplace new, and it is beautiful in its newness.
He runs into Lovino in a dusty alleyway. He leans against the wall, and he looks over to Antonio with indifference. His amber eyes seem to glow in the moonlight, and Antonio is immediately intrigued.
"Hello, stranger," He greets. "Are you lost?"
He is fascinated at this stranger's response. His posture remains the same- slightly slouched against the wall, turned away from him, but his eyes betray everything. They dart to where Antonio came from, then to Antonio himself, and they look him up and down. There is a long pause before he says anything. "Yes."
Antonio approaches him. "I am Antonio." He waits for the stranger's name. He receives none. "Where do you need to go?"
There is another pause before he says anything. "Near the herbalists."
Antonio's eyebrows rise. Yes, he was very lost, indeed- there herbalists was across the city. "Well then, follow me, and I should lead you there." Antonio takes a few steps forward, but the stranger does not move. He watches him with wary eyes. "Come along, I won't hurt you."
Lovino does not know what to make of this stranger. His voice is accented and his skin is tanned and he smiles too freely. He is unused to such casual help and suspicion taints his thoughts. He claims he will not hurt him, but this does not reassure Lovino in any way. He is lost, though, and has a knife in his boot. He follows.
Antonio begins to speak of the islands from which he came. Lovino is taken aback by how freely he speaks, almost as if Lovino is someone he knows well. He is unsure of what to say in response, but he knows that Antonio's laugh sounds like the wind and, though he hates to admit it, he is incredibly charming. While they are walking, Antonio somehow manages to get him talking about the mountains and the harshness of life there.
Antonio is delighted that he got the stranger to speak to him. He is enthralled by his stories of ice-covered mountains and clashing tribes and giant animals. Above all else, he is captivated by the boy and the way his emotions dance behind his eyes, emotions he fights to keep from spreading. He finds he is drawn more and more to him as the night goes on.
As the sun rises on the horizon, they reach the herbalist. The stranger points to a house a little down the road and says it is his. When Antonio is leaving, the stranger stops him.
"Lovino." His eyes are averted and Antonio notices his cheeks are slightly red.
"Hm?"
"My name." He looks up to Antonio. "My name is Lovino." His eyes are full of uncertainty and he quickly looks away again. "I'll see you again."
As he leaves, Antonio knows that he saw something more in his eyes.
Desire.
He walks the other way, humming under his breath, looking at the sun rise and wondering at this new beginning.
.
The next time they meet, it is light.
Lovino finds he cannot rid himself of thoughts of this foreigner. He was burning and passionate and alive, and Lovino finds himself seeking out that fiery liveliness.
Now, he is wandering the streets, losing himself so he can be found.
It is a warm day, and the city is crowded with more people Lovino has ever seen, and he wonders how he ever hoped to find Antonio in this. But Antonio has always had a knack for finding things.
Antonio spots Lovino in the crowd as if his eyes are drawn to him. He is even lovelier in the light, Antonio decides, even if his eyes are not as vibrant. He runs up to him, and his heart leaps when Lovino's face brightens as Antonio greets him. He grins. "Are you lost again?"
Lovino's lips curl upward in a smirk. "And aren't you, foreigner?" But he does not say the words with poison. There is sarcasm in his words, but nothing more.
Antonio finds himself even more attracted to him. "Are you not as much of a foreigner as I am?"
Lovino considers it. "The mountains are not as far as the islands."
He is right. "Very well." Antonio looks around at the streets. "I would like to be shown around this city."
Lovino finds that he wishes he could be the one to guide Antonio, but he is as much of a stranger to the city as Antonio is. The only thing he does right anymore is battle. "I seem to only get lost, so it seems that you will have to find another guide."
That simply would not do- Antonio could not have Lovino retreat into himself like that. He grins, then, and takes Lovino's hand in his own. "Then we will have to discover it ourselves."
Lovino pulls away slightly from Antonio's touch. He is not used to such outward affection. He is especially foreign to the way that Antonio's touch shoots through his veins. "Very well, then, we shall. And perhaps I will not get so lost."
Antonio laughs lightly and leans forward. "But whenever you are lost, you find me. Perhaps I do not want you to know the city."
Lovino tries to ignore the way his heartbeat quickens at his words. "If I know this place I will not have to get lost to find you again." He curses himself for how that sounds. He does not want to give into this feeling, this longing.
Antonio begins to walk, leading deeper into the city. "Ah, but even if you are lost, I will find you again."
Lovino decides that he likes this man very much. He follows.
.
The country is becoming restless. The situation in the mountains is worsening and rumor of war is in the air. The war is real now, Lovino knows, for more soldiers are in the city and the food stores are lessening. He hears Grandpa Roma speak to others in their tavern at night about how they fled the war in the north only for it to follow. How it was becoming more and more dangerous to leave the city, and how the king sat lax on his throne and did not change anything. It is in this time that Lovino feels the most alive, for war is something he knows well. Alive and not quite human, for sometimes in the dark of night he imagines tearing apart flesh and avenging his brother. It is in this time that he thinks of Antonio, his light, his air, and he drives away his bloodthirst.
Antonio is quickly becoming the most important person in his life. He is so different from the dark talks of death and combat. He is breath and new and lasting. Lovino finds himself longing to give in.
But now, he has his duty to his country. It may be broken, but it was his, and he will defend it if war comes.
Antonio does not care for the talk of war. He prefers to think of things that are in the present instead of worrying about what could be. And as a foreigner, the war does not concern him.
But Lovino does. And Lovino is consumed by thoughts of war. Antonio tries to keep them at bay, but he can see them lurking in his thoughts. He is quieter and drawn. Lovino still looks to him with a special warmth, though, and the strain lessens when Antonio comes near, and that is all Antonio needs. He simply wants to keep Lovino from thinking too deeply about what may not occur.
It is many months before the threat is before them, tangible and real, and Antonio has to accept it is there.
By then, it is too late to pull away from his desire.
"There is a war, brewing, Antonio," Lovino turns to face him, beautiful face framed by beautiful landscape, "And I will be a part of it."
Lovino always speaks of war now. It is all he knows, Antonio had learned, since he came to the city from the chaos of the mountains and is used to unrest. Antonio knows that he should listen to him, because he has lived through more combat in his few years and knows much more than Antonio will ever learn. But he does not want to think of his lovely boy in bloodied uniform, so Antonio smiles instead and says, "And I will protect you until the end, my love."
Lovino lets out a breath of something between amusement and annoyance, but he turns his head back to the mountains to hide the pain in his eyes. He knows that Antonio could never join the army- he is a foreigner, and foreigners are not to be trusted, or so the king says. But Antonio is the most earnest man Lovino has met, and that just makes it hurt all the more. He knows that Antonio would protect him until his last breath, that he would take a sword for him and still smile at him and say that he loves Lovino. He drives the image from his mind; it will not benefit him. He looks to the gates of the city instead, and to the blazing sunset beyond. "The gates are closing soon. Roma will be looking for me."
Roma. Lovino's grandfather and the source of his burning patriotism. They had met briefly before. Antonio does not especially like Roma, for he is too loud and brash and is overprotective of his remaining grandson. Antonio supposes he has a reason- after all, his other grandson did die in combat few years before. But people were dying all the time now. Death was everywhere these days.
Antonio takes Lovino's hand and is delighted when Lovino does not resist. "Come, then, I'll walk you back."
He notices how Lovino's cheeks turn pink, how his eyes dart between the city and their hands. He knows that Lovino is debating something within himself.
And he is right, for Lovino is always fighting against himself. He wants to love this foreigner, oh, how desperately he loves him. It burns bright and deeply, this love, but he is afraid to give in, for war is coming, and with war, separation. But when he looks to Antonio's brilliant emerald gaze, he knows he can't refuse. He loves too deeply already. So he tightens his hold on Antonio's hand and begins down the trail to the city. He even kisses Antonio's cheek before darting inside his house.
Antonio leaves incredibly content. He turns his head from the storm on the horizon and sleeps through the night. He watches the sun rise.
It is bright and it is hopeful, and Antonio goes to his love with all the light of that sun.
.
It is not much later when Lovino gives in.
They are in a field. The wind blows softly through the grass, damp, smelling of rain. Lovino's head is rested on Antonio's shoulder, hand in his. He feels that this moment is perfect and wishes it to go on forever. This is the place he runs to when the war is before him; when it becomes too real and he wants to forget for a while. Antonio is always there for him, always cheerful and bright and loving. He lets himself realize that this is love he feels. He is afraid of separation still, but he knows above all that this time with Antonio is precious. So he holds onto it.
Antonio cherishes this time above all else. He knows it will end soon, and that simply makes it all the more priceless.
In this field, he wishes to take Lovino into his arms. He wishes to desperately that it almost hurts. He longs to tell Lovino how deeply he loves. But Antonio does not want to push him, and if he is content like this, this is how they will stay.
It remains that way until they are walking home. Lovino hesitates before the now empty tavern. He is teetering on edge, clinging to solid ground, wanting to fall. He is afraid to move forward. But if he does not now, he never will.
"Antonio." He takes a deep breath, his eyes fixed on the door.
Antonio watches the conflict in their depths. Now he is the uncertain one. He does not know what to make of the battle Lovino is fighting. He is also afraid. He can feel something about to change.
Lovino glances around at the people in the road. "Come inside." He opens the door and lights a lantern, and Antonio follows.
The tavern is empty and quiet- Roma had left for the military long before. Lovino sets the lantern down and closes the door. He turns to Antonio. He lets go of solid ground and falls.
"I'm joining the military." He closes his eyes to steady himself. When he opens them again, he looks away. The pain in Antonio's is too much.
Antonio himself feels as if he is falling. He wants to beg Lovino to change his mind, but he knows he is already decided. Instead, he pulls Lovino close, holds him tightly, desperately, almost.
Lovino's breath catches. This was perfect, this was close, and like this, he felt whole. He clings to Antonio, breathes, gasps that he loves him. His lips are searching, and Antonio kisses him hungrily, holds him closer, and suddenly things are not so innocent. Hands lose shyness, lips grow bold, buttons and laces fall undone. Lovino guides him to his room, and they fall together, searching and discovering and falling. They lose themselves in each other, but they are found, and Lovino is no longer lost and alone. He is clutching the sheets and calling Antonio's name like worship, and Antonio is everything in this moment, all around him and inside him and the world narrows to just this moment that he never wants to end. But it does, that narrow world sharpens and turns white and indescribable, and for the first time, Lovino feels complete.
The next morning, Antonio awakes to a gentle sunrise and Lovino perfect and beautiful in his arms.
.
The uniform Lovino wears is old and patched. The war is not going in their favor, and resources are stretched thin. He is atop a horse in a procession to the battlefield. It is near the city now, and soon the war will be on their doorstep. The soldiers before him move slowly out of the gates. The people watching throw down flowers before the horses. The sun is at his back and the streets are familiar now, and now he is riding forward with purpose. He does not entirely want this purpose anymore.
As he passes out of the gates, he sees Antonio. He watches Lovino solemnly, a foreigner amongst the citizens, the person Lovino knows and loves most. He raises two fingers in a warrior's salute, placing them over his heart. Then Lovino is through the gate, and he sees no more.
.
The city is the battlefield when they meet again.
Antonio is hiding behind an upturned table in the tavern. He clutches a dagger in his hands and watches the door, all senses attuned to the fighting raging outside. He was walking down this road when the battle started, and here he hid. The battle had already passed this street, but he could never know if a soldier would come back and raid the houses here. So he hides, and he waits.
There is a sharp bang on the door. The handle twists down, the door opens, and a soldier slides in. An arrow protrudes from his chest. His hair is matted with blood. A gash on his leg dyes the fabric black.
It takes a moment for Antonio to recognize him, but when he does, his world breaks apart into pieces.
Lovino.
He rushes to his side, picks him up as gently as possible, lays him across the table. His breaths come in tiny gasps. His eyes are fixed on Antonio, still beautiful and alive and amber, but glazed over. He tries to speak but nothing comes. Antonio tells him not to speak, cleans the wound on his leg the best he could, bandages it. He does not know what to do with an arrow wound. If he removes it, he is afraid Lovino will bleed out. But it is not the loss of blood that will kill Lovino. The arrow is embedded deep, and Lovino's breaths rattle in his throat. Antonio tries, God, he does everything to save him. But the hand that gripped his is too cold. There is too much space between each struggling breath. Lovino's eyes stay fixed on Antonio the whole time, and he tries to speak again, tears forming in his eyes. Antonio grips his hand tighter, wills him to survive. This was too cruel, for him to be given something so beautiful and perfect only for life to wrench it away. And he watches as Lovino's life drips out, as his hand grows colder in Antonio's, and he can do nothing.
Day turns to night, and be watches.
"...'tonio..." Lovino took a rattling breath. Blood drips out of the corner of his lips. Antonio leaned forward, trying to catch the words.
"I'm... Glad..." He gasped again. "That I found you..." The tears spill over, turning red as they rolled down his cheeks. "In the end..." He gasps again, fights for air. "Love... You..."
Antonio nods, tears of his own falling. "Yes, I love you too, Lovino, more than anything..."
Lovino smiles as his breaths come in pants. He remembers how his Grandpa once told him of demons who would slip into weary souls.
He was so tired, and so, so cold...
Antonio's face blurs above him, fades into the nothing.
Death slips into the house through the door. He pulls Lovino's soul from his body like a weed that has been drowned, with little resistance. He examines it, sees memories of a tan foreigner and fields and mountains and one final visit home.
Death cradles his soul, carries it up through the house, and for the first time in years, Lovino hears his brother's voice.
Antonio watches his beautiful amber eyes grow empty and lifeless. There is no longer any conflict, any desire.
There is nothing.
The sun rises then, but it is not kind or hopeful.
It is harsh and unforgiving and colorless.
(Later, Antonio will pull at Death's robes and beg for release.
Death does not see any reason to refuse.)