AN:: Fun fact: this fic has no names! I know who I used for this, but you can picture whoever. Kinda threw it together, so hopefully it turned out ok. Also hoping that spacing isn't an issue.
A BIG thanks everyone who read my other fics even though I think they're trash. A big thanks to everyone. I don't really have anything special to say, I just felt the need to write something new for you all. Enjoy!
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used to doing bad now we feel like we're just now getting it
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Until the end of time, man will always be the center of problems. The older he gets, the more he understands.
He's five years old and his mom is sad. He doesn't know what happened to his dad, but one day he woke up and his dad wasn't there. He asks his mom, but she hits his face and yells at him.
He feels bad. She says he's too dumb to understand. He doesn't quite get what she means by that, but he knows he's the problem. It's easier this way, he promises himself.
He grabs his favorite backpack. It's blue just like his mom's eyes. He packs everything he needs: his blue teddy, his favorite book, some snacks from the cabinets, and a picture of his family.
His mom doesn't see him go, but he's ok.
…
A week goes by and he's so tired. His stomach hurts and he's so hungry. Sometimes he wishes he was still at home, but he pictures his mom and her sad face, holding the smelly juice. He doesn't regret his decision; he just misses the food.
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It's been a month since he left his mom, and he's not sure how much longer he'll last. He practices counting on the lines that stick out on his chest. His body feels smaller.
He sits down on the bench in the park because it looks like a nice place to sleep. Sometimes the best place to hide is in plain sight. With all the busy families around, it's hard for him to be noticed.
He makes a mistake, but, for some reason, he's happy he made this one. The lady that noticed him was very nice. She invited him inside her home (his mom would've been mad, but he's too tired to remember that). She makes him soup and let's him use her shower.
He's watching the dirt flood down the drain, but he still doesn't feel clean. When he's dressed in freshly washed clothes, his skin crawls with a feeling he doesn't like. She's laid out some blankets for him, and he sleeps better than he has in forever.
He's woken up in the morning by the same lady. She's invited people over, and she tells him that they're there to help him find a new home.
He doesn't want a new home. He just wants breakfast.
The people in suits take him away, and he's sad again. He liked the lady that gave him soup and let him shower. He didn't want to go, but he knows it's because she didn't want him either, so he goes quietly.
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He's scared. The people he's with talk loudly and are very strict. He's back in school, but he gets in trouble when he doesn't understand what the teacher is asking him. He's expected to do better, but he doesn't know what he's doing wrong.
He causes a lot of problems with the new people he's with. He listens to them yell about him. He watches them yell at him. They never hit him like his mom did, but they make him feel worse. He wants to please them. He doesn't want to give up showers again.
In the end, they didn't want him. They say it's not his fault, but he doesn't believe them. They say they loved having him and that they'll miss him, but he doesn't believe that either. He's not quite sure what he did wrong, but he does know that he's sad he has to go.
...
On the bright side, the new people make good pancakes. He decides that they're his new favorite food. The new lady makes them the perfect shade of brown. He thinks they look like gold.
He really doesn't want to leave, so he's quiet. The man doesn't like loud noises. The first time he talks too loud, the man doesn't let him finish his meal. He's too scared to speak because it's hard for him to waste food. He doesn't speak much when the man is around, and he's taught himself to only use his quiet voice.
They say he's too quiet. They say that he's six years old, so he should be loud and happy. He's quiet and sad, but he doesn't know what to do.
They send him away eventually. He doesn't bother to say goodbye because he doesn't speak much anyway.
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He's seven years old now. His birthday was last Monday, and he's still waiting for a present. Kids at school get presents. He figures it's because nobody likes him. He's the quiet and weird kid that nobody cares about.
He's being sent away to another family. He says family because they have kids. He's not in their family, of course. They don't let him into their Christmas card. He's not surprised, but it still makes him sad. He wonders how much he has to give up to be happy.
He just wants to be happy.
The kids at school tease him because the new people refuse to buy him new shoes so he wears their daughters old sneakers. They're pink and light up when he steps. He tried not to look down at them because it makes him feel bad in his stomach. Instead, he looks at the holes in his jeans.
He wants to leave, but he has nowhere to go. He wonders how his mom is doing. He wonders if she misses him. Some nights he pulls out the now wrinkled picture of his family. He looks at his dad's smiling face and tears drip down his cheeks. He's old enough to understand that his dad is dead and that's why his mom was sad. He doesn't blame her because he's sad too.
The family sent him away. They say that he's not happy with them. He wasn't, but he's sad they didn't get to make him happy.
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He's eight years old now. He's ignored and tired. Some days he forgets to get out of bed and most days he forgets to smile.
The people he's with are different. They want him to talk, and they want him to laugh. They include him in all their family jokes and games, but he's never actually there. He still doesn't smile or talk. He made that mistake once, and he never will again.
The family wants to move. They ask him if he wants to go, but he doesn't answer. They are worried for him, but he doesn't notice. He stares at the wall with a blank stare and waits for them to send him away.
He's surprised to find that they take him with. They tell him that they're going to have a fresh start. They buy him new clothes and they play new games. He watches. He's scared and doesn't want to be too loud.
The new school is very different. The kids don't laugh at him and some have tried to be his friend. He doesn't respond, but it makes him feel funny inside when someone asks him if he wants to play.
The kids stop trying eventually, and that makes him sad. He doesn't know what to do that will make him feel better. He starts to sit in his teacher's room at lunch.
One morning she tells him that she will be having a meeting so he will have to sit in the lunchroom with the rest of his classmates. She must see the anxiety on his face because she gives him a partner to eat with.
He decides he likes his partner. She doesn't invite him to do anything, but she sits close to him like she's letting him know she's there. He wants to sit with her again, but he's scared to ask. He almost cries when she asks him to sit with her again. He nods slowly, but his heart beats fast.
His partner is the best thing that ever happened to him, he decides. She's bossy but in a nice way. She helps him with his homework and shares some of her desserts at lunch. He feels bad because he doesn't do much in return. He just stares and listens.
She says he's his friend, and he nods along with her statement. She says that she'd like to hear his voice, and he's terrified. He runs out of the school and locks himself in his room. He doesn't come out for three days.
She cries when he comes back and he feels sorry for making her cry. He panics and pats her on the back awkwardly. She pulls him into a hug, and he freezes. He hasn't had a hug for a long time. He decides he likes it. It makes him feel warm inside.
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He's nine years old and he gets a blue cake with nine candles. He cries and the people cry with him. It's the most emotion he's ever shown around them. They lead him to a big wrapped box in the corner and tell him to be careful. The box moves, and he jumps. He starts to shake, and the people tell him it's ok. They help him unwrap the box. He starts to cry again when he sees it's a black puppy. It kisses his face and he laughs. The people cry again.
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He's ten years old and the people are his new parents. He has their last name and he smiles when they call him son. They're the best thing that ever happened to him. The second best thing is his best friend.
She never asked him to talk again, but he's ready to. He's been ready for a while, but he wants to make it perfect.
It's her birthday. His mom helped him wrap a necklace in silver paper. When he shows up to school, he is nervous; he doesn't want to mess this up. He tugs her hand and leads her to their favorite spot under the big tree out front. He pulls out the box and whispers 'happy birthday'. She cries like his parents did at his birthday last year. She hugs him and he whispers 'thank you' over and over in her ear.
...
He's eleven years old and he's still quiet, but he talks a lot. His best friend comes over all the time, and he decides that she was the color in his dull grey life. He tells her she saved him, and she hugs him again. He loves her hugs. He loves her, but not in the way kids at school say they love each other. She's the light in his life.
So, yeah. People were the center of his problems for his whole life, but it took three to fix those problems. The blue backpack sat in the back of his closet now, and he wasn't about to grab it.
His dog scratches at his leg. He looks down, laughs, and picks her up. He kisses her head, and he walks out of his room. His insides feel warm with a feeling he's learned is love, and he smiles and laughs with his family.