Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek in any way shape or form and make nothing from this ficlet.
A/N:A Special Thanks to drivven who beta'd. Written in response to a challenge over at the st_xi_kink_meme.
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1.) On February 28 Captain James T. Kirk walked onto the bridge in his nothing but his Star Wars pajama bottoms whilst carrying an over-sized pillow and dragging a red blanket, obviously from his bed. While it could be argued amongst the crew that he looked: 'hot', 'sweet,' 'thank god he's wearing pants', 'proof that he's never grown up'; the one thing that they could agree on was that he looked like he hadn't had enough sleep in the past several days.
"Captain, you are out of uniform. Star Fleet regulation..."
"Can it Spock. Pike knows and understands the situation. Oh and he approves of me doing this," Kirk said while spreading his blanket on the floor in front of his chair.
"I see," Spock muttered while arching his eyebrow. Proving to Kirk that Spock did NOT understand the situation at all.
"Keptin, haf you been having troubles sleeping?"
"Very observant Pavel," the blond grumbled as he tried to settle down on his pallet.
"If you are having difficulties sleeping Captain perhaps you should seek the services of Doctor McCoy."
"Or I could just tell the parties responsible," Kirk muttered into his pillow.
"I do not understand."
"No you wouldn't," Jim said as he sat up and glared at his first officer. "Let me enlighten you Mr. Spock. Did you know that the wall between the First Officer's quarters and the Captain's are really thin?"
The blond secretly delighted in Spock's obvious discomfort and his communication's officer's soft gasp. "I mean I certainly didn't know that until a few days ago. I thought it was a design flaw and called Admiral Pike to complain about the shoddy work. He said and I quote, 'They are NOT sound proof to ensure the Captain's safety'. Thus making any sound above a whisper audible to the party in the adjoining cabin." Though I would have thought that my nightly... meditations would have alerted you to the fact and that you being the diligent first officer that you are would have informed me. I am positive that the noises would have made you uncomfortable. I mean hell the noises for the past few nights have sure as hell been making me uncomfortable. So, since my sleep has been interrupted, I have decided to enjoy a little known holiday called Public Sleeping Day. So this is me enjoying a holiday to it's fullest. Do NOT wake me up unless it is an emergency or end of shift. Mr. Spock you have the conn."
No one dared to wake the exhausted man sleeping so peacefully on the floor. But there were daggers glared from the communications station toward a certain pointy-eared Vulcan throughout the Alpha shift. Needless to say this ensured that the entire crew, minus Kirk of course, had an extremely uncomfortable day.
2.)The 20th of March was welcomed with the entire crew of the Enterprise in Red Alert and in full panic mode. The reason? Captain James T. Kirk, attractor of trouble and general insanity, was missing.
The crew didn't realize this fact until twenty minutes into the Alpha shift when the good doctor called to ask Spock of the Captain's whereabouts.
"The Captain is not currently on the bridge Doctor. Perhaps you should try his quarters," Spock said in an even tone.
"I tried there first thing this morning," McCoy replied testily.
"Have you checked the Captain's schedule?"
"Of course I have! I even asked the damned computer. That's why I called you, you green blooded hobgoblin."
"Computer, locate Captain James T. Kirk."
'The Captain is no longer aboard the Enterprise.'
"Computer state Captain Kirk's last known location."
'Last known location was Hanger 12'
"Dr. McCoy do you have any knowledge of the Captain's current whereabouts?" Spock asked tersely.
"Damn it man, I'm a Doctor, not a psychic! Don'tcha think I would have told you, instead of calling for him, if I knew where he was? You better find him and let me know when you do. McCoy out."
"Lieutenant Uhura scan all channels for word of the Captain. Chekov attempt to locate any missing shuttle pods. Sulu ready engines to follow at warp factor one," Spock calmly ordered the crew.
He would not lose another captain. The mere thought of this illogical, nerve wracking, the thought of this one human being hurt sent a bone deep ache within in. It was, of course, illogical to have such a feeling. None the less it was there and would not go away.
A few hours before the end of the Alpha shift there was still no sign of the missing Captain and the crew was getting more worried by the second. Spock knew he should call Starfleet and apprise them of the situation as well as get orders. It was regulation. It would be the logical course of action. Yet he could not bring himself to follow regulations this time.
It was, of course, through no actions of the crew that the Captain arrived back on the Enterprise at the tail-end of his shift; fortunately unharmed and smiling. Though it was his misfortune that the first person to greet him was his highly irritated First officer.
"Where. Have. You. Been?" Spock asked while invading Jim's personal space.
"I was celebrating an Earth Holiday. Didn't you guys get the note I left with Keensner?" a very perplexed captain asked .
"We did not," Spock answered stiffly.
"Huh, I told him to give it to Scotty. Didn't want to worry you guys after all."
Of course the one person they had failed to ask was the one likely to know of the Captain's location. That knowledge, however, failed to sooth the Vulcan's frazzled nerves.
"If I might inquire about your location before arriving back on-board the Enterprise?" Spock asked with an arched eyebrow.
"Oh sure. I was on the Caitians' ship Sphynax. They were very amused and delighted to help me celebrate Extraterrestrial Abductions Day," Jim said with a grin that lit up his entire face.
"I see. Dr. McCoy is expecting you in sick bay. Something about a physical."
"Damn, I forgot about that. Well thanks for coming to welcome me back Spock, but it looks like I have to cut our visit short... I have a date with a hypo-spray," the blond said with a wince.
Spock swore to himself that he would brush up on Terran Holidays... if only to save his sanity. If his Captain was chastised by everyone, including a young ensign informing him 'Dat vas a wery naughty thing to do', well it was within their rights to voice their displeasure.
3.) April 30th was an... interesting and enlightening day for the crew. The captain walked onto the bridge and announced that he was celebrating National Honesty Day and not to ask questions the person didn't really want to know the answer to.
It was thanks to this warning that the Alpha shift crew was unusually quiet until after lunch. It would be the youngest to break the silence and finally give in to curiosity.
"Keptin," the young ensign said quietly.
"Yes Chekov, what can I do for you?" Kirk asked somewhat smugly. He knew that someone would have to ask him a question sooner or later.
"I have question."
"And that is?"
"Do you alvays vear Star Vars pajamas to bed?"
"No," responded somewhat dispassionately. He was hoping for a more personal question. Still the boy was just that a boy.
"No?"
"I usually sleep in the buff," he added, almost, innocently.
"I see," the young man said with a bright red blush while turning his attention back to his station.
"Do you get some kind of perverted joy out of embarrassing your crew?" his helmsman asked with a bit of a sneer. Evidently it was ok for him to pick on everyone but Sulu's potential boyfriend.
"Oh I get immense joy out of getting people to blush. Well most people anyway," Kirk admitted. He was completely unashamed of getting joy where ever he could.
"So who do you not get joy out of embarrassing?" his communications officer asked without meaning to.
"You," the young captain informed her with a Cheshire grin.
"Damn straight you can't make me blush," she said with an air of superiority.
"Besides you're much more fun to make mad."
"Do YOU ever blush?" she hissed at him.
"Nope, I'm shameless," he answered with a shrug.
"Oh really?"
"Really. Is it that hard for you to believe?" he asked with a slight pout. He had told them that he was celebrating National Honesty Day, so of course he was being honest.
"All right, let's put you to the test then. Who wants to ask the first question?" She asked the crew with a scary smile.
"Oh I have one! Vell, another one. Vhen did you loose your virginity?" Chekov asked proudly.
"I think I was thirteen. Might have just turned fourteen though."
"Laddie do ye like women only?" Scotty asked with a laugh.
"Oh no, you can't accuse me of being gender biased. I welcome men with as much enthusiasm as women."
"Are you the top or bottom during those encounters?" his helmsman asked with a look of true curiosity.
"I'm a happy switcher. I'll play catcher as well as pitcher. Depends on what the other person wants really," Kirk answered with a serene smile.
"Is there a person aboard the Enterprise that you like?" Uhura asked.
"I like everyone on this ship Lieutenant."
"Oh no, you're not getting out of the question that easily. You know what I meant!"
"I answered the question honestly. Not my fault if you weren't clear."
"Captain, is there someone you wish to be romantically involved with?" his first officer asked with an arch of his eyebrow.
"As a matter of fact there is Mr. Spock."
"Really? Do enlighten us Captain. Let me ask this clearly this time. What is the name of the person you want to be romantically involved with?" Uhura asked with a evil smile.
"Spock," Kirk said with a bit of a wince. Sure he wanted to tell Spock that he liked him. but he hadn't wanted to do it in front of an audience.
"Yes Captain?"
"No Spock I was answering our communications officer's question. Shift is over. Everyone have a lovely night," Kirk said before fleeing the bridge. 'National Honesty Day sucks,' he thought to himself as he entered the turbo lift.
4.) On May 1st the Captain appeared on the bridge with wires coming from his ears and jerking around like he was having a seizure.
"Captain. Captain... CAPTAIN KIRK," Uhura yelled.
"You called for me my lovely?" Kirk asked while pulling one of the wires from his ear.
"What in the world are you doing?" she asked exasperatedly.
"I tink he vas having petit-mal."
"I thought he was being attacked by a swarm of bugs," Sulu said with a chuckle.
"Ha ha. For your information I was dancing."
"Dat vas dancing?"
"Hey, I can dance really well! You're just jealous of my moves," he said while doing an impromptu slide.
"Why in the world are you dancing?"
"It's National Dance Day. So I'm just celebrating the joys of life with dance."
"Oh, well good. Just don't ever try to woo anyone with your 'moves' Captain," the dark-haired beauty said with a chuckle.
"Oh if I'm going to woo anyone with a dance I wouldn't use these moves. I'd use some dirty dancing or perhaps a pole dance," he said while sensually dipping to the floor.
"Captain, please refrain from doing moves like that in front of your crew," Spock said with narrowed eyes.
"Yes dear," Kirk said with a laugh before going back to his goofy dancing. The crew all agreed that they would love to see more of that sensual dancing, but nobody wanted to piss off the, much stronger than them and obviously possessive, Vulcan.
5.) July 14th had the captain run onto the bridge wearing only what he had had on at the moment of his birth. Much to everyone's shock and semi-pleasure.
"Captain! Please put your clothes back on!" the frazzled communications officer said while covering her eyes.
"No can do," he said as he settled down in his chair and crossed his legs.
"Why not?" she asked while doing her best not to look at him.
"Well for one thing I am celebrating National Nude Day."
"Can't you celebrate that in your own quarters Captain?" Sulu asked while covering Pavel's eyes.
"I was going to do that... but something happened to make it necessary for me to get up here with all due haste," Kirk said with a sigh.
"What could have happened to make you vacate your room without your proper attire?" Spock asked. 'Again with the narrowed eyes! This SO not my fault this time!' Kirk thought as he looked at his jealous lover.
"Someone transported a Targh into my quarters. You can imagine that clothes were the last thing on my mind when that thing showed up. Uhura please scan the area for Klingon transmissions. Chekov quit trying to make Sulu jealous by peeking and report all ships in our area. Spock if you would, gather a security team and do a little pest control. Ah you may have to ask Bones to let you in. I locked the doors... that is unless you want me to come with you," Kirk said with a smile.
"I will ask McCoy to join us at your quarters. I will return with proper clothes for you," Spock said stiffly while heading to the turbo lift.
'Oh yeah, it's good to have friends in high enough places to give you an excuse to run around the ship naked. I'll have to buy Pike a bottle of Romulan Ale and a bull whip. Bastard could have had a slightly less dangerous animal beamed on though,' Kirk thought as he uncrossed his leg and leaned back in his chair.
+1.) August 10th brought a holiday that all of the crew seemed anxious to celebrate. The captain had informed them that they were to dock in Space Station Twelve in a little under three hours and the crew was welcome in joining him in celebrating Lazy Day.
In fact he encouraged them all all to take the time off to just relax and do nothing. Even the good doctor endorsed this holiday and planned on celebrating it by sleeping the day away.
"Mr. Spock will you be joining us in celebrating?" Kirk asked while batting his eyes.
"I do not see why one would wish to celebrate a day in being lazy," Spock replied while arching his eyebrow.
The blond slowly walked over to his science officer's station and whispered; "Well let's see... there's lazy blow jobs, lazy slow sex, lazy showers. Do you see why celebrating laziness might just be a good thing?"
"Indeed Captain. Now that you have explained the benefits of the day I will indeed join you in celebrating. I am always curious about Earth customs," Spock said with a slight hint of green coloring his ears.
"Indeed Mr. Spock I look forward to helping you enjoy the day to it's absolute fullest."
No one paid any attention to the two lovebirds antics they were too busy making 'plans' of their own.
~Fin