A/N: H'okay. Please note that this is just for kicks-n'-giggles. I just want to type out my theories on Naruto and hopefully make you laugh (or at least smile)! I'm not going to tolerate any flames on the basis of me 'character hating'!

Anyways, on with the show!

Disclaimer: …I'm a teenage girl in Canada. I'm REALLY going to own Naruto. XP

Theory 1: What are Ino and Chouji up to while Shikamaru's 'showing' Temari around?

"CHOUJI! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED!"

Everyone's favorite kinda large (fat) ninja rolled over, grumbling to him self and attempting to fall back into peaceful sleep. Despite Ino's good intentions of getting him up, Chouji was certainly not appreciating it on this morning of all mornings.

Chouji had understood why he was the one chosen to go on the bloody mission. Tsunade had assigned him a B-Class mission to Sunagakure to be the Kazekage's food tester, given the last one had fallen over dead (resulting in Gaara poking him with a stick and laughing triumphantly, making Kankuro wonder if it had been enemy ninja who had tried to poison Gaara, or if it had been Gaara himself who had.) and now a new one was in order. No one was willing to take the job (or they pretended to have another) and Gaara had resorted to calling upon Konoha for help. And who else was better at telling which food was good or not than our favorite chubby (fat) ninja?

After a month of successfully evading poisonous foods (he could tell from a glance if it was ill-prepared) Gaara grew bored of trying to poison Chouji and went back to doing voodoo using Kankuro's puppets while watching him cry.

Chouji had only gotten back home at 6 that morning. That included the 2 hours it took for mission debriefing and breakfast (7 eggs, 3 pancakes, 14 sausages, 12 pieces of toast, 2 bowls of oatmeal and a wholesome jug of orange juice to wash it down) which left Chouji pooped. He didn't even have to open an eye to know it was FAR too early for him to be up.

That's when it got bad.

Yamanaka Ino could be described in very many ways. You could say she was vain, irritable, shallow. You could also call her calculating, witty, charming, brave, strong etc. But the one thing that described Ino the most was intolerant. Intolerant of cowardice, of Sakura, of losing, of powerlessness. But the thing Ino was most intolerant of was being ignored. So when her cries for Chouji were studiously ignored (in her opinion) Ino got mad.

Gently tapping the side of the wall in front of her, Ino began her steady climb up the Akimichi homestead grouching every step of the way. As soon as she had reached Chouji's window, she hopped onto the window sill and opened the window.

"AKIMICHI CHOUJI GET UP RI-" Her sentence was cut short at the sight that beheld her.

Chouji was standing up in all of his pleasantly plump (fat) glory, giving Ino the dirtiest glare someone with little-to-no-sleep could muster. His bulging muscles (fat) drooped over a pair of Pingu boxers and his eyes were bloodshot. A faint odour permeated the air to complete the look.

Chouji kept himself from smirking at the shocked look Ino was giving him. Oh yeah, he knew he was scar-

His musings stopped when he noticed Ino wasn't looking him in the face; she was staring at the rolls of muscles (fat) that hung on his belly. What disturbed him more than that was the look in her sky blue eyes.

"Uh, Ino?" Chouji asked hesitantly. He began to back away slowly, glancing around as if for an exit.

Ino stalked closer to him, smirking all of a sudden. "Hey, Chouji? You know what a real turn on is for me?" She licked her lips in what was supposed to be a seductive gesture. Chouji took it as a gesture of impending pain.

His breath caught in his throat as he felt himself backed into a corner. He gulped. "Y-yes, Ino?" He stuttered out.

Before he knew it, he was on the bed strapped up.

It was the first day Chouji skipped a meal and sleep.

FIN

A/N: Ha ha! Finished! Please review and tell me how I'm doing! All reviewers get a small preview of the next chapter/theory. And please, feel free to contribute your own theories. )

Next Up: 'The Show-Your-Stuff-For-Fanservice-Club'