All it took was an instant for something so profound to have finally materialized…all he sees is her face…her smile…their lips meet…his hands raked through her hair, cradling her head, not wanting to let go…his body pressed up against her…as intimate as they had ever been before…it was more than just a kiss…more than just their hands and bodies finally awakening to each other…it was hope…for all the years he needed to be with her…he feels her lips against his…her tongue caressing his.
And then…he no longer feels her…instead, he feels the cold, hard barrel of a gun pressed to the back of his head…he opens his eyes…his heart sinks as he the reality of what is happening sets in…all he sees now are rocky mountains…blue sky…he scans the horizon…the rocky terrain around him…to see someone from his team…anybody….but he is alone…he fucked it up…silently to himself he whispers, wishing she somehow can hear him…I'll see you again…he hears the gun cock back…then the sound of a loud bang…for a moment he sees nothing…just blackness.
He's ready now…he opens his eyes…expecting to see some sort of heavenly gate awaiting him….but all he sees are rocky mountains and blue sky….he is still kneeling...his hands still tied behind his back…his breath catches up with him and he gasps for air…he realizes his heart is beating wildly out of control…but his heart is beating…he turns slightly and sees a dead body lying on the ground behind him…blood spilling out of the man's head…his vision starts to blur…he collapses to the ground….feels someone untie his hands…his body lifted up…his arms draped over someone's shoulders…he hears muffled voices…we got you….we're getting you out of here… can you hear me…shit he's bleeding bad…go go go!….he's lying in the back of a vehicle… people hovering over him…his body being probed…the feeling of pain…the sound of gunfire…yelling…then all is quiet…all is quiet for a long time.
When he wakes he's lying in a makeshift bed…he sees her face and shuts his eyes immediately…his heart races…this isn't real he tells himself…she's not real…don't believe it again…someone caresses his arm...he opens his eyes and looks up at a women….she looks European…she is changing his bandages…the reality sets back in…when he set out on his mission to Syria he had come to terms with the fact that he was going to die…he was ok with that...he had found peace knowing that she was the last thing he would ever see…but now he was alive…and she was all he saw…and he was haunted by her…by that ephemeral kiss…and the moments that followed…when she couldn't say yes…to being with him…to leaving the CIA…they weren't on the same page…and there was nothing he could do to change that…but what if she had changed her mind since then?…he let that thought escape as quickly as it came…because the reality of what he had to face now was more clear than hope…a life…without her.