Stay
After what seems like hours of tossing and turning, she finally rises from the bed in defeat, an exasperated sigh escaping her slightly chapped lips. On instinct her head snaps to the right, her heartbeat steadies when she realizes that she's not as alone as she thought. There beside her, under a mound of blankets, her lover lays asleep.
Her nervous doe eyes dart to the digital clock resting on her nightstand. The glowing red lights seem to burn brighter with each flash, her eyes blinking in tune with every flicker. A dull humming sound echoes through the room. Her ears, trained on the specific sound, quickly locates where it coming from. His coat pocket… It was coming from his phone, in his trench coat that was tossed carelessly on her dresser. She let her gaze float to his slumbering figure for moment before carefully and silently maneuvering from under the thick blankets to the offending object.
Tip-toeing around discarded shoes, shirts, and departed pants lying haphazardly on the carpeted floor, she finally manages to get to the dresser. Snatching the smart-phone out of his coat pocket, she quickly unlocks it, pausing only long enough for her eyes to adjust to the bright light it emits. Her heart skips a beat when she checks his messages. A silent tear slides down her cheek as she reads the aforementioned message from…her. Silently sobbing, she clears the screen and with a shaking hand and slips the phone back into his pocket.
"Babe," a gruff voice starts. "Wh-what are you doing up? It's late."
Fighting to hide the pain in her voice, she clears her throat. "Nothing,I just couldn't sleep is all." Unconsciously, she rubs her hand up and down her arm, sluggishly making her way back to bed. Not daring to look him in the face, she pulls the blankets over her head, burrowing herself deeper and deeper into the bed.
Deeper into herself.
Deeply-hued violet orbs sweep over her retreating figure, trying to find the cause of this sudden mood change. Allowing his gaze to retrace her steps, realization dawns on him. Sliding out of bed, he slowly walks to the dresser and checks his phone. It reads no new messages or missed calls, but he knows better. Checking his texts, he quickly found the source of her distress.
'Are you coming home soon, babe?'
Glancing back at his heartbroken lover, he eases himself into her small bathroom, and proceeds to call her back.
She peeps her head from under the blankets and glowers at the closed door. She hears hushed whispers of apologies and lies.
Lies and apologies…
Stories of how he had gotten too intoxicated to drive back home...
Lies about crashing at a friend's to sober up;
Apologies for keeping her up with worry...
Lies of how much he loves her...
Her gaze jumps back to the clock on the nightstand when she hears the slow creak of her bathroom door opening and his soft footsteps pit-patting on the carpet. After a couple moments of listening to the silent rustling of him pulling on his clothes, she decides to speak up.
"So you're going home now?" she croaks. "Is she getting suspicious?"
The rustling stops. A soft sigh echoes from his lips. "Please, don't start. Not tonight."
"When, Miroku, when?" she breathes. "When can I start? You keep saying you love me and how much you want to be with me. So tell me, when?"
"It's not a good time right now. She's been going through a lot and–"
"That's bullshit and you know it!" she all but shrieks, her eyes never leaving the glowing red numbers on her dresser. She waits for a response but all she gets is the quiet jingle of change from his pants. She can only imagine him bending over to replace his shirt, grabbing his jacket and leaving her small apartment.
Her face brightens when she sees his silhouette in front of her, but drops when she realizes that he's only reaching for his shoes. Snatching his wrist, she messily tumbles out of bed, landing on one hand and knee.
Miroku's mouth falls open. He doesn't know what to say, what to do. He opens his mouth to say something but his throat is suddenly dry. He can't seem to form the right words to say. It's like his voice is betraying him.
"We don't have to live this way," she says to the floor. "You don't have to go. We can start a new life together, a– a–"
"Stop it..."
"…A family. Just stay with me, that's all I'm asking!" Tears stream down her face, the grip on his wrist tightening. "Every time you leave, my heart breaks. It shatters into a million pieces. I give you my all, the very best of me that I can. Why does she get the best of you?"
"She is my wife!" he says low but with force.
Using his kidnapped appendage as leverage, she pulls herself to her feet and quickly embraces him in a tight hug.
She just holds him.
She holds him as though if she let go, he'd disappear.
This single moment seems to last a lifetime.
Taken aback by what just transpired, Miroku slowly and unsurely circles his arms around her small, fragile frame. "I can't… I just, I couldn't hurt her like that.."
"What about me?" she whispers, into his chest. "What about my feelings? You leave me all the time, trampling on my heart every time you walk out that door. You don't think that you hurt me? I never know when you're gonna come back – if you're gonna come back..." She takes in a shaky breath. "What do I have to do to prove to you that she can't love you like I can?"
Listening to a much as he can, he grips her shoulders firmly and looks her square in the eye. Her usually bright, cheerful almond eyes seem more of a dull, gritty brown. He can feel the sorrow oozing from her body.
Fighting to control his own conflicting emotions, he leans in and pecks her on the forehead before walking to put on his jacket. "Like I said earlier, I love you, but it's just not the right time."
"You always say that, Miroku. It'll never be the right time, will it? It's not so much the fact that you leave, but the fact that I have to share you. It hurts. It just hurts so much." She breaks down to her knees in uncontrollable sobs.
Tears stain the carpet.
Sobs wrench through her body.
Her heart crackles and turns to dust.
Using the last of his strength, Miroku slides on his coat and grabs his keys off of the dresser. Without even a glance back, he opens the bedroom door and proceeds to leave. Hesitant, he adds, "Until next time, my love."
With that, he's gone. Out her apartment, and maybe, just maybe, out of her life.