Hello! This is my first Ouran Highschool Host Club fic, so I hope you can guide me and give me some tips!

Please enjoy.

Kaoru's POV

I love you, Hikaru.

I feel you stir in our bed, probably a nightmare disturbing your peaceful sleep. Your eyebrows are narrowed and your mouth corners formed into a painful frown. Your suffering won't let me sleep either, so I just sat up and turn on the small lamp on my side of the bed. I hug my knees, examining your facial features, wondering what you could be possibly dreaming about. I hear mumbled words, falling from your mouth, but it doesn't seem like I understand any of them really well.

"Hikaru, calm down, it's just a dream," I whisper quietly into his ear, assuring him that everything would be all right at the end. I register him sighing before turning his back to me and continuing to sleep with his usual expression. I feel the urge to touch him emerging in my body, but I restrain myself.

I can't. It's wrong.

I just lie down and cover myself in our duvet, trying to escape from my sinful thoughts, at least before the sunrise. After the shining burning sun would rise and shine through the darkness, we will be Hikaru and Kaoru again, the devil Hitachiin twins, hosting at the Ouran Host Club. But right now, I'm just Kaoru and he's just Hikaru. At night, where Hikaru isn't aware of things I know, he's just the second inhabitant of this room.

I close my eyes, a single tear rolling down my eye.

"Kaoru! Wake up! We overslept!" I heard the panicked yells from my other half. I lazily open my eyes to see him already half-dressed with a toothbrush inside his mouth. I glance at the clock and see that it was late indeed, but I didn't feel the urge to rush like Hikaru did. I threw the cover away and started to get dressed as well.

As soon as we were done, our chauffer parked the Mercedes in front of our gates and we hurriedly got in, breathing heavily, trying to calm down our beating hearts. I lean my head on Hikaru's shoulder, trying to relax my muscles. He just silently wrapped his arm around my waist, like it was the most normal thing in the world, which for us it was, actually. The position makes me comfortable, the wish that we could stay like this forever getting stronger. However, we arrived at Ouran High after a few minutes.

"Hey, Haruhi!" The first thing my brother says in the morning and today was no exception. We weren't really late, but Hikaru liked to greet the brunette every morning, so that's why we rushed so much this morning. You would call it silly, but I just go with it, because it's really important to Hikaru. I bid the chauffer goodbye unlike Hikaru and watched the black car disappear behind the trees. As I look back, Haruhi and Hikaru are already in the half of the school court, discussing something.

He didn't even notice I still stood at the gates.

I just took my bag and jogged after them, catching up with them with a smile. I greeted Haruhi as always and she repaid me with an equally sweet and charming smile. I really like Haruhi. She isn't like most girls. She's different, special even. I hear them talk about the host club activities for the day and Hikaru bragging that we had a script, which would bring the 'brotherly love' act to an entirely new level. I nodded in confirmation and we walked into our classroom full of shrieking girls, going through a magazine, probably the Host Club monthly, Kyoya-senpai like to publish to gain so cash for the club.

I and Hikaru sit down with Haruhi in between us. Hikaru doesn't see it, but this is almost like a sarcastic note from the universe how we are drifting apart. Hikaru doesn't realize to what extend his fondness of Haruhi is going, but I do. I know that he minds when Tono hugs her and calls her his precious daughter. Seriously, Hika, how possessive can you possibly be?

The bell rang, announcing the start of first period. We had literature, one of my favorite subjects, since the focus was on writing and as my pen glides through the lines of my notebook, I feel free. My feelings are printed down on the paper and I'm allowed to feel my burden become a little lighter to bear.

The day went by quickly, mostly because my mind was clouded with thoughts about my twin. Hikaru notices something is wrong, but doesn't pressure me to tell him. He wants for us to be independent and only influence each other, so he always takes a step back to leave me my room. However, he doesn't know that this is exactly why my mind is so blurry and confused.

"Kao, come on! We'll be late for the club!" Hikaru tells me, grabbing my hand and leading me out of the classroom with Haruhi nowhere in sight. Where is she? I could feel Hikaru's grip on my hand tighten and I look up at him to see his face a little frustrated. Why?

"Hikaru, where's Haruhi?"

"Oh, she said she was going ahead to tell Tono something," He replied. So that was why. Hikaru, why are you being so dense? I can't help, but wonder, if he even acknowledges my presence anymore. He holds me, he hugs me, but where are his thoughts?

With Haruhi?

My own thoughts were disturbed by a bright lighting flashing outside with a loud thunder following lead. Oh, it was starting to rain. Suddenly I feel Hikaru fastening up, trying to reach music room with the number three as quick as possible. He drags me behind him like a doll, but I let him, because I can read the worry in his eyes. He and I know that Haruhi is afraid of thunder and with the weather like this she must be terribly frightened.

"This is why she probably went to talk to Tono. We both know Haruhi is very sensitive about this kind of stuff. She can sense when a storm is approaching," I tell Hikaru, to put his mind at ease. So he would stop jumping to conclusions about Tamaki-senpai and Haruhi being romantically involved. Hikaru let out a breath, before continuing in our path to our destinated place.

Hikaru almost kicked the door open to see Haruhi cling tightly to Tono. I can see the paralyzed look on Hika's face, but I don't say anything. We just enter and I let go of Hikaru's hand to walk over to Kyoya-senpai to ask what we're going to do with this problem.

"Well, we can of course use it as a nice addition to our hosting. I think our clients will be pleased to see Haruhi frightened. And I don't think it will hurt the business at all," Kyoya-senpai says calmly, writing down notes on a piece of paper. What was he writing about all the time anyway?

"Hikaru, our guests will arrive shortly. Let's prepare our surprise," I say, putting my right hand on his shoulder. He just nods, but he still looks to the way of Haruhi and Tamaki-senpai. His hands are baled into fists and he's bits his lower lip, which is a sign that he's highly unsatisfied with the current situation.

"Calm down, Hika," Was all I'm able to say. I feel his tense body loosen a little, but the feeling of worry is still there. Hikaru, why had you fall in love with her? With her, who's interest is mainly her studies? I frowned, pushing him down on the couch my hands on my hips, glaring at him angrily.

"What's wrong, Kaoru?"

"Focus, or we can go home. Because like this there's no point in doing anything today," I say, slapping myself for being so harsh to Hikaru. He looks away and refuses to look my in the eyes. I lean in and cup his face in my hands and force him to look at me, the only one who fully understands his feelings right now.

"You're right, Kao," He replies, wrapping his arms around my neck. I smile and give him a small kiss on the forehead. At the moment the door opened and of course at the sight of this affection gesture everyone started to shriek and Renge as always appeared on her little electronic stage with a microphone and literally documenting every move I and Hikaru made.

Needless to say Kyoya-senpai's prediction turned out to be true. Today were at least the double of the normal number of guests around Tamaki-senpai and Haruhi. Hikaru tried to shift the surprise into our act, but I always maneuvered away, since it wouldn't have the same effect as it does, if he's only half-hearted in this today. With the end of the thunderstorm the club activities were over as well.

It was time to go home.

I took my Hika's bag and wait for him at the door. I scanned the room for him, but he soon enough strides towards me with beaming eyes and a wide grin. He seems happy, I wonder what happened. Well, the thunder is over, so there's no reason for Haruhi to cling to Tamaki-senpai anymore.

"Kaoru, you mind going home alone today? I'll take Haruhi out for a bit."

I want to yell that I do mind that I don't want him to go, not with her and definitely not alone. But my lips formed into a smile and I nod that it was okay. He thanks me and I hand him his bag. He then ruffles through my hair and runs back to her. I say goodbye to the rest of the club and walk out of the room.

Alone.

I was already dialing the number for my ride to come and pick me up, but at the last minute, I stuffed my phone into my back and decided to go home by foot. It was only a fifteen minute walk from Ouran to our mansion, so it was the perfect way for me to get home. And Hikaru probably takes our car anyway, so…

As I walk a million thought are cycling in my mind. Shouldn't I be rooting for Hikaru when the only thing that matters is his happiness? Shouldn't I be doing everything in my power to hold Tamaki-senpai back and make room for Hikaru to come closer to Haruhi?

But still…

I want to rip him away from her. I want him to stop wanting to spend time with her. I want him to myself and only myself. I find it unbelievably painful to know that he will never be mine, because we're brothers, because we're identical twins.

Without noticing, I bump into someone and then a loud crashing noise is heard.

I snap out of my trance and look at what had just happened. I bumped into a girl? I looked at her to find out it was one of the students of Ouran. She still had her uniform on, so I could easily tell. But she wasn't any of our guests, so I didn't recognize her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I apologized, looking at the broken porcelain on the ground. It looked really expensive.

"It's fine! Those were old ones anyway, luckily just one broke, so no worries!" She says, dismissing it with a wave of her hand. I looked at her to see a wide smile on her face, framed with long brown hair. She looked a little like Haruhi when I thought about it properly.

"You're one of the Hitachiin brothers, right? But... Hikaru or Kaoru?" She asks, eyeing my curiously. I just tell her I'm Kaoru and she nods. She might look a little like Haruhi, but she as well as the rest of the world cannot tell me and Hikaru apart.

"Okay! I will try to remember it!"'

"What's your name? It's only fair for me to know your name as well, my lady."

"Makita Yuki is my name, please, Yuki is fine! I hate formalities!"

She's so cheerful. I wish a little of that happiness could rub on me. But no, with Hikaru in my heart that is impossible. Even if I would find someone else to love, I would always put Hikaru first, now and always.

He's my world. He's my life. He's my everything.

"Huh? Kaoru-san, why are you crying?"

REVIEW

A/N I'm sorry if my English isn't really good, it's not my native language. Please review and tell me what you think. See you next time!