Francine was getting worried. Her cat, Nemo, had never been gone this long before. She was just about to leave her house with "Have You Seen This Cat?" posters, when she heard a familiar scratching at her door.
When she opened the door, she saw Nemo's body nailed to the front.
Francine screamed.
She looked out her front door and saw a short lady in a pink dress running away. She ran to the phone to call the Reed's house. Arthur picked up the phone.
"Francine?" he boomed. He had gained nearly 200 pounds in the last week, and she could hear it in his voice. "I'm in the middle of my daily cheeseburgers. Can you call back later?"
"Arthur, this is important. Do you know where your dog is?" Francine asked frantically, struggling to get her bearings on the situation. Arthur popped a triple cheeseburger into his mouth and shrugged. After a long pause from Francine, he remembered that she could not see him through the phone, and said "I don't know. He's been outside all day."
Francine demanded to speak with Arthur's sister Kate, thinking that she might be a more reliable source than that mound of flesh that was once her ex-boyfriend. "Arthur, put Kate on the phone!"
Francine's request was granted as she heard the familiar coos of Arthur's infant sister.
Kate picked up the phone in her parents' room and ordered Arthur to hang up. She could hardly hear Francine through Arthur's labored breathing. "Hi Frank, what's up?"
All Francine could hear was "Goo-goo, split-splat."
"Why did I think I could talk to a baby?" Francine thought. Francine remembered that Kate was an infant. "Can you put your dad on? I feel that I can trust him."
Francine heard Mr. Reed say "Hello-"just before she heard a *click* as her phone went dead.
Francine's heart began to pound.
Francine's teeth began to chatter.
She caught her breath and peeked out the window. A small shadowy figure stood outside with a large pair of scissors. She could tell by her outline that she was wearing a dress.
As the figure moved, a jangling sound came from its arms.
It screamed once.
A piercing shriek.
Francine's butt began to toot.
Francine realized her ears were bleeding. Francine's mouth began to drool, her teeth began to fall out.
"What's happening to me?" Francine thought. Her clothes began to feel tighter, her face felt puffy. She hobbled to a mirror.
Where her mouth had been, she now had a bell. Her back, previously unblemished, now sported three valves. Her skin was shiny and gold. Suddenly, her door slammed open with a crash.
Francine fell over in shock, her metal body clanged loudly.
Before her stood a menacing figure. A meaty, damp hand reached out to her face. She recognized it as the strange jangling figure with scissors. She…took a bite.
"WHAT THE HELL!" the thing screamed. "ALAN!" it shrieked.
A saxophone-like creature came up to the figure's side. Francine recognized the sweater it had on, it belonged to Brain!
Suddenly the clouds parted, jazz music could be heard all over Elwood City.
"My daddy gets me whatever I want!" a shrill voice screamed. Francine felt relief wash over her. "Muffy," she yelled, "you're here to save me!"
Muffy promptly lowered her tights and peed all over Francine's face.