Title: ~The Last Time~
Written By: Bystander of Ultimecia
Category: Games/Final Fantasy 8
Genre: Drama
Rating: R (For suicide mention.)
Summary: In one swift moment, Seifer finds himself without his blonde angel. Seifer can't handle the pressures of life
without Zell. Rated R for suicide mention. R/R please!
*The Only Chapter*+
Happiness Ended.
+For now, I might add another chapter or two at a later date... but right now, as I have two other multi-chapter fictions I'm in the middle
of, I'm not sure...
********************************************
The world seemed to stand still that day. Nothing mattered anymore. The pain that engulfed Seifer was unbearable. He just couldn't
understand why this had happened to him...to his beloved Zell...
When there had been a knock on his dorm door, he hadn't give it much thought, even though it was three in the morning. He had
just figured it was his blonde beauty, letting him know that he had returned safely from his mission that he had left for the
previous day.
Which is why he became immediatly alert when he had opened the door to a distraught Selphie. It was then that he knew something
was terribly wrong. He and Selphie weren't even on speaking terms ninety percent of the time, as they shared a mutual hate for
each other.
His voice caught in his throat and he had to force the words out, fighting desperately to keep his voice from breaking, trying not to
think of the worst. "What? What's wrong?"
Selphie was crying so hard she was shaking. Seifer grabbed her gently by the shoulders and looked deeply into her red-rimmed eyes,
terrified of the pain he saw in them. "Please... tell me what it is.. tell me what happened..."
Selphie sniffled and then hiccupped, trying to hold Seifer's gaze, which took all of her willpower and energy. "There was an accident...
a monster... Zell didn't see it coming... none of us did... we did all that we could... but... it was just to strong for us... we were
unprepared... Zell was hurt badly... we tried to save him... but it was too late... there was nothing we could do... I'm *so* sorry... god,
I'm so fucking *sorry*...." she finished and broke down sobbing again.
It took a few minutes for Seifer's brain to register what he had just heard. He slid down to the floor, his back against the wall. "No..."
he whispered, "Nnnnoooo...." it was more of a wail now. Tears clouded his vision. His mind went numb. He couldn't feel his hands...
"I'm sorry..." Selphie whispered again.
Seifer looked up, grabbing the hem of Selphie's short yellow dress, dragging her down to the floor with him. "You're lying!" he hissed,
his eyes wild, "It *can't* be true! You'll see! Zell'll be here tomorrow, smiling and joking around as always! He *has* to be! I *can't*
live without him! I *love him, damnit Selphie! I love him more than *anything*!"
Selphie looked at Seifer's ashen face and the look of dying hopefulness was just too much to take. She forgot then how much she
hated him and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. "I'm sorry..." she repeated, her voice full of pain and despair.
Seifer looked like a child, so hurt and vurnerable. Tears dripped off of his nose and chin. "Why?" It was a simple question, yet there
was no simple answer for it.. no answer at all..
Selphie slowly shook her head, "I don't know, Seifer..."
Seifer began to sob and lowered his head into his hands, "Oh god..." he moaned. "This can't be true.. there has to be some kind of
mistake..."
Selphie searched for something, anything, to say to help him, but nothing came to mind. She peered closely at him, he was worn
out and exhausted. She could tell he had been up most of the night, probably training in the Training Centre. "Maybe you should
get some sleep.. we'll deal with this tomorrow.." her voice was soft, afraid she would upset him.
She started to get up, but Seifer grabbed her by her arm, holding her down. "No..." he said desperately, "Please... don't leave me
alone... I don't think I could handle it right now..."
Selphie nodded and escorted Seifer back into his dorm, where she finally convinced him to at least lie down on the couch. She kept
vigil by his side the rest of the night as he dozed off and on in a fitful sleep. When tears started pouring down his face and he
called out to Zell, tossing and turning in his sleep, Selphie had had to fight from breaking down completely.
************************************************
The funeral was held a week later. Seifer looked pale and gaunt, it was painstakingly obvious that he hadn't slept decently or ate since
that fateful night.
Selphie was worried about him. It was funny, two weeks ago, she would of gloated at seeing Seifer so down and out of it, but now,
it only added to her own misery.
Seifer was quiet throughout the entire funeral, never saying a word to anyone, barely acknowledging those who came up to him to
offer their condolences.
Afterwards, they both had sat around the cafeteria, staring idly at walls.
"Are you O.K., Seifer?" Selphie asked quietly, honestly concerned about him.
He waved her away with his hand and lowered his head to the table, feeling the cold steel against his skin. "I'm doing as well as one
could expect, I suppose..."
Selphie shook her head, "Don't lie to me, Seifer.. you look like *shit*.."
"Well..thanks.." Seifer said, his voice slightly bitter.
"You know what I mean.."
Seifer sighed and looked up at the normally hyperactive, but now subdued brunette, "I don't know.. I don't know how I can live without
him.. I wake up in the middle of the night, expecting to *see* him... I call out to him... I will catch myself thinking about what I want to
tell him, or making plans for us... it's *so* hard... it hurts so *fucking* bad..."
Selphie looked at him sympathetically, "I know, sweetie, but it'll get easier as time goes on... Zell wouldn't want you to stay like this
forever... he'd want you to move on... and to be happy.."
Seifer laughed harshly, "Happy? My happiness went down the drain when he died.. I was never happy until I met him.. without him...
I'm nothing.. just a loud-mouthed brazen idiot with no respect for anyone or anything..."
Selphie shook her head, "No! That's not true! Don't even talk like that! You're a great person!" she could barely believe that she had
just spoken those words to Seifer Almasy, her all-time rival.
Seifer smirked, "You never seemed to think so before.."
"Forget that! That was in the past! What counts is now.. you've gotta get on with life, Seifer... Zell would of wanted it that way..."
Tears clouded Seifer's eyes, "I can't, Selphie, I just *can't*... my life is meaningless without him... there's no point in even attempting
to go on..."
Selphie's anger overcame her then and she grabbed him roughly by the arms, forcing him to look at her, his face streaked with tears
and red from crying, "Now, you listen to me, Seifer! Don't you even *think* about cutting out now! What the hell would Zell think if you
did?! Do you honestly think he'd want you sitting here crying and moping?!"
Seifer broke down, sobbing, "I can't help it! I need him *so* badly! I miss him! He's my entire life!"
Selphie sighed and shook her head, "You've gotta move on, Seifer... there's nothing else you can do.. it'll only cause you excess
pain the longer you dwell on it..." It killed her to see him so miserable.
Later, after Selphie had left, Seifer sat at the table, lost in thought. It didn't matter what she said, he just *couldn't* live without his
tattooed blonde.. no matter how much time passed... the wound would never heal... and he didn't plan on sitting around feeling
like this for the rest of his miserable life...
*************************************
He looked at the prescription bottle.. 50 sleeping pills.. the strongest they made.. he had gotten them from a shady doctor in Deiling
City... he hadn't even had to convince the man, just told him he couldn't sleep and *poof* he had the pills.. just like that..
He grabbed his bottle of whiskey and sat down on his bed.. the bed where he had held Zell.. where they had declared their undying
love for each other repeatedly.. tears started to form in his eyes and he quickly brushed them away, opening the bottle and putting
several pills in his mouth, washing them down with the bitter liquid, which, as always, caused him to gag slightly. He never had
learned to like alcohol, as it always tasted like shit to him and he couldn't understand those who could down it like it was water.
He knew how to do this. He knew not to take the entire bottle at once, you'd just make yourself sick and you'd throw them up. Sure,
you'd feel like complete *shit* in the morning, but you'd still be alive, and that wasn't his goal right now. You were supposed to take
a couple, wait a while, then take some more and keep at that until the entire bottle of pills were empty, or until you passed out.
15 minutes later, he took some more pills, again swallowing them with a mouthful of whiskey. He was beginning to feel the effects
of the medication, his head was getting light and he had to fight to stay awake.
It took him several hours to finish off the whiskey and the pills. By then, he could barely function straight. His vision was blurred and
he had trouble standing up. He stumbled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, not recognizing the distorted reflection
in the mirror. Angrily, he punched the mirror, cutting his hand and sending shards of glass all over the bathroom.
He picked up a piece and looked at it carefully, swaying from side to side. He laughed quietly to himself and went back into his
bedroom, pausing only to lean over his desk long enough to scrawl a message to those who were bound to find him. Probably
Selphie. She had taken to him after Zell's death, protecting him and comforting him when he needed someone. It was amazing
the way death could change the way you felt towards someone.
He stripped down to his boxers, which was a *very* difficult task given the state he was in. He then lied down on his bed, and picked
up the sliver of glass and brought it to his stomach. He closed his eyes and pressed down as hard as he could, dragging the broken
piece across his stomach, up to his chest and back down to his abdomen. Thankfully, he didn't feel a thing, which was probably
due to the great amount of sleeping pills and alcohol in his system.
He dropped the piece of glass and looked down hazily at hisself, finding only comfort in the blood that was pouring out.
He closed his eyes again and peacefully drifted off into blackness. His last thought was of Zell. Of his beautiful face, smiling at him,
telling him how much he loved him. "I love you too.." Seifer mumbled, losing consciousness completely.
He would *finally* get to be with his love again.
********************************************
Like Seifer had thought, it was Selphie that found him the next morning. She had been worried about him and had come to his door,
looking for him. She pounded on the door for a few moments and then went to Squall and the others, who had quickly agreed to
break in. Getting a key from one of the guards, they had all quietly let themselves into his dorm. Selphie had slowly made her way
to his bedroom, fully knowing that if he was there, it was only his body, that he had already left. Hell, he had left the second she
had knocked on his door in tears that night.
Seifer had lied there silently, both him and the bed *soaked* beyond belief in blood. Quistis had recovered the empty whiskey bottle
from the living room and Irvine had found the pill bottle.
"Hey... come read this..." Rinoa said softly, leaning over his desk.
They all gathered around and read the note several times to themselves.
"To anyone that gives a fuck,
(Which might be only you, Selphie)
I'm sorry.. I couldn't stand it anymore.. I meant it when I said that I'm nothing without him.. I have no reason to be alive anymore..
I'm sorry if I caused you any additional pain and suffering. (Which, to a certain amount of you, I'm sure I didn't.) Sorry for acting like
an asshole all these years, it was just a facade to hide from how scared I was of being hurt and rejected.. at least one of you finally
found out I was a *half-way* decent person. Please take comfort in knowing that I am with Zell now, and that I am once again happy
and complete. To those who care to know, I love you all and I really am sorry for doing this...
Seifer"
Selphie felt no anger towards the scarred, angry blonde. Only a slight sadness at losing him and a happiness that at least he was
*with* Zell again. She smiled to herself as they left the room, certain that both Zell and Seifer, arm in arm, were looking down at her
smiling contentedly.
+O.K., is it good? Bad? Whaaat? Lemme know something! ^_^ Go read my other two stories. "The Life of Love" (Final Fantasy 3/6,
deals with Locke's failed marriage and new relationship. *YAOI*) and Dreams Revisited (Final Fantasy 8, deals with how they
all have grown apart and how one death bring them all back together. *YAOI*) Ahhh, I can't help it! No shame, have I. ^_~ Cookies
to those who review.
Written By: Bystander of Ultimecia
Category: Games/Final Fantasy 8
Genre: Drama
Rating: R (For suicide mention.)
Summary: In one swift moment, Seifer finds himself without his blonde angel. Seifer can't handle the pressures of life
without Zell. Rated R for suicide mention. R/R please!
*The Only Chapter*+
Happiness Ended.
+For now, I might add another chapter or two at a later date... but right now, as I have two other multi-chapter fictions I'm in the middle
of, I'm not sure...
********************************************
The world seemed to stand still that day. Nothing mattered anymore. The pain that engulfed Seifer was unbearable. He just couldn't
understand why this had happened to him...to his beloved Zell...
When there had been a knock on his dorm door, he hadn't give it much thought, even though it was three in the morning. He had
just figured it was his blonde beauty, letting him know that he had returned safely from his mission that he had left for the
previous day.
Which is why he became immediatly alert when he had opened the door to a distraught Selphie. It was then that he knew something
was terribly wrong. He and Selphie weren't even on speaking terms ninety percent of the time, as they shared a mutual hate for
each other.
His voice caught in his throat and he had to force the words out, fighting desperately to keep his voice from breaking, trying not to
think of the worst. "What? What's wrong?"
Selphie was crying so hard she was shaking. Seifer grabbed her gently by the shoulders and looked deeply into her red-rimmed eyes,
terrified of the pain he saw in them. "Please... tell me what it is.. tell me what happened..."
Selphie sniffled and then hiccupped, trying to hold Seifer's gaze, which took all of her willpower and energy. "There was an accident...
a monster... Zell didn't see it coming... none of us did... we did all that we could... but... it was just to strong for us... we were
unprepared... Zell was hurt badly... we tried to save him... but it was too late... there was nothing we could do... I'm *so* sorry... god,
I'm so fucking *sorry*...." she finished and broke down sobbing again.
It took a few minutes for Seifer's brain to register what he had just heard. He slid down to the floor, his back against the wall. "No..."
he whispered, "Nnnnoooo...." it was more of a wail now. Tears clouded his vision. His mind went numb. He couldn't feel his hands...
"I'm sorry..." Selphie whispered again.
Seifer looked up, grabbing the hem of Selphie's short yellow dress, dragging her down to the floor with him. "You're lying!" he hissed,
his eyes wild, "It *can't* be true! You'll see! Zell'll be here tomorrow, smiling and joking around as always! He *has* to be! I *can't*
live without him! I *love him, damnit Selphie! I love him more than *anything*!"
Selphie looked at Seifer's ashen face and the look of dying hopefulness was just too much to take. She forgot then how much she
hated him and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly. "I'm sorry..." she repeated, her voice full of pain and despair.
Seifer looked like a child, so hurt and vurnerable. Tears dripped off of his nose and chin. "Why?" It was a simple question, yet there
was no simple answer for it.. no answer at all..
Selphie slowly shook her head, "I don't know, Seifer..."
Seifer began to sob and lowered his head into his hands, "Oh god..." he moaned. "This can't be true.. there has to be some kind of
mistake..."
Selphie searched for something, anything, to say to help him, but nothing came to mind. She peered closely at him, he was worn
out and exhausted. She could tell he had been up most of the night, probably training in the Training Centre. "Maybe you should
get some sleep.. we'll deal with this tomorrow.." her voice was soft, afraid she would upset him.
She started to get up, but Seifer grabbed her by her arm, holding her down. "No..." he said desperately, "Please... don't leave me
alone... I don't think I could handle it right now..."
Selphie nodded and escorted Seifer back into his dorm, where she finally convinced him to at least lie down on the couch. She kept
vigil by his side the rest of the night as he dozed off and on in a fitful sleep. When tears started pouring down his face and he
called out to Zell, tossing and turning in his sleep, Selphie had had to fight from breaking down completely.
************************************************
The funeral was held a week later. Seifer looked pale and gaunt, it was painstakingly obvious that he hadn't slept decently or ate since
that fateful night.
Selphie was worried about him. It was funny, two weeks ago, she would of gloated at seeing Seifer so down and out of it, but now,
it only added to her own misery.
Seifer was quiet throughout the entire funeral, never saying a word to anyone, barely acknowledging those who came up to him to
offer their condolences.
Afterwards, they both had sat around the cafeteria, staring idly at walls.
"Are you O.K., Seifer?" Selphie asked quietly, honestly concerned about him.
He waved her away with his hand and lowered his head to the table, feeling the cold steel against his skin. "I'm doing as well as one
could expect, I suppose..."
Selphie shook her head, "Don't lie to me, Seifer.. you look like *shit*.."
"Well..thanks.." Seifer said, his voice slightly bitter.
"You know what I mean.."
Seifer sighed and looked up at the normally hyperactive, but now subdued brunette, "I don't know.. I don't know how I can live without
him.. I wake up in the middle of the night, expecting to *see* him... I call out to him... I will catch myself thinking about what I want to
tell him, or making plans for us... it's *so* hard... it hurts so *fucking* bad..."
Selphie looked at him sympathetically, "I know, sweetie, but it'll get easier as time goes on... Zell wouldn't want you to stay like this
forever... he'd want you to move on... and to be happy.."
Seifer laughed harshly, "Happy? My happiness went down the drain when he died.. I was never happy until I met him.. without him...
I'm nothing.. just a loud-mouthed brazen idiot with no respect for anyone or anything..."
Selphie shook her head, "No! That's not true! Don't even talk like that! You're a great person!" she could barely believe that she had
just spoken those words to Seifer Almasy, her all-time rival.
Seifer smirked, "You never seemed to think so before.."
"Forget that! That was in the past! What counts is now.. you've gotta get on with life, Seifer... Zell would of wanted it that way..."
Tears clouded Seifer's eyes, "I can't, Selphie, I just *can't*... my life is meaningless without him... there's no point in even attempting
to go on..."
Selphie's anger overcame her then and she grabbed him roughly by the arms, forcing him to look at her, his face streaked with tears
and red from crying, "Now, you listen to me, Seifer! Don't you even *think* about cutting out now! What the hell would Zell think if you
did?! Do you honestly think he'd want you sitting here crying and moping?!"
Seifer broke down, sobbing, "I can't help it! I need him *so* badly! I miss him! He's my entire life!"
Selphie sighed and shook her head, "You've gotta move on, Seifer... there's nothing else you can do.. it'll only cause you excess
pain the longer you dwell on it..." It killed her to see him so miserable.
Later, after Selphie had left, Seifer sat at the table, lost in thought. It didn't matter what she said, he just *couldn't* live without his
tattooed blonde.. no matter how much time passed... the wound would never heal... and he didn't plan on sitting around feeling
like this for the rest of his miserable life...
*************************************
He looked at the prescription bottle.. 50 sleeping pills.. the strongest they made.. he had gotten them from a shady doctor in Deiling
City... he hadn't even had to convince the man, just told him he couldn't sleep and *poof* he had the pills.. just like that..
He grabbed his bottle of whiskey and sat down on his bed.. the bed where he had held Zell.. where they had declared their undying
love for each other repeatedly.. tears started to form in his eyes and he quickly brushed them away, opening the bottle and putting
several pills in his mouth, washing them down with the bitter liquid, which, as always, caused him to gag slightly. He never had
learned to like alcohol, as it always tasted like shit to him and he couldn't understand those who could down it like it was water.
He knew how to do this. He knew not to take the entire bottle at once, you'd just make yourself sick and you'd throw them up. Sure,
you'd feel like complete *shit* in the morning, but you'd still be alive, and that wasn't his goal right now. You were supposed to take
a couple, wait a while, then take some more and keep at that until the entire bottle of pills were empty, or until you passed out.
15 minutes later, he took some more pills, again swallowing them with a mouthful of whiskey. He was beginning to feel the effects
of the medication, his head was getting light and he had to fight to stay awake.
It took him several hours to finish off the whiskey and the pills. By then, he could barely function straight. His vision was blurred and
he had trouble standing up. He stumbled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face, not recognizing the distorted reflection
in the mirror. Angrily, he punched the mirror, cutting his hand and sending shards of glass all over the bathroom.
He picked up a piece and looked at it carefully, swaying from side to side. He laughed quietly to himself and went back into his
bedroom, pausing only to lean over his desk long enough to scrawl a message to those who were bound to find him. Probably
Selphie. She had taken to him after Zell's death, protecting him and comforting him when he needed someone. It was amazing
the way death could change the way you felt towards someone.
He stripped down to his boxers, which was a *very* difficult task given the state he was in. He then lied down on his bed, and picked
up the sliver of glass and brought it to his stomach. He closed his eyes and pressed down as hard as he could, dragging the broken
piece across his stomach, up to his chest and back down to his abdomen. Thankfully, he didn't feel a thing, which was probably
due to the great amount of sleeping pills and alcohol in his system.
He dropped the piece of glass and looked down hazily at hisself, finding only comfort in the blood that was pouring out.
He closed his eyes again and peacefully drifted off into blackness. His last thought was of Zell. Of his beautiful face, smiling at him,
telling him how much he loved him. "I love you too.." Seifer mumbled, losing consciousness completely.
He would *finally* get to be with his love again.
********************************************
Like Seifer had thought, it was Selphie that found him the next morning. She had been worried about him and had come to his door,
looking for him. She pounded on the door for a few moments and then went to Squall and the others, who had quickly agreed to
break in. Getting a key from one of the guards, they had all quietly let themselves into his dorm. Selphie had slowly made her way
to his bedroom, fully knowing that if he was there, it was only his body, that he had already left. Hell, he had left the second she
had knocked on his door in tears that night.
Seifer had lied there silently, both him and the bed *soaked* beyond belief in blood. Quistis had recovered the empty whiskey bottle
from the living room and Irvine had found the pill bottle.
"Hey... come read this..." Rinoa said softly, leaning over his desk.
They all gathered around and read the note several times to themselves.
"To anyone that gives a fuck,
(Which might be only you, Selphie)
I'm sorry.. I couldn't stand it anymore.. I meant it when I said that I'm nothing without him.. I have no reason to be alive anymore..
I'm sorry if I caused you any additional pain and suffering. (Which, to a certain amount of you, I'm sure I didn't.) Sorry for acting like
an asshole all these years, it was just a facade to hide from how scared I was of being hurt and rejected.. at least one of you finally
found out I was a *half-way* decent person. Please take comfort in knowing that I am with Zell now, and that I am once again happy
and complete. To those who care to know, I love you all and I really am sorry for doing this...
Seifer"
Selphie felt no anger towards the scarred, angry blonde. Only a slight sadness at losing him and a happiness that at least he was
*with* Zell again. She smiled to herself as they left the room, certain that both Zell and Seifer, arm in arm, were looking down at her
smiling contentedly.
+O.K., is it good? Bad? Whaaat? Lemme know something! ^_^ Go read my other two stories. "The Life of Love" (Final Fantasy 3/6,
deals with Locke's failed marriage and new relationship. *YAOI*) and Dreams Revisited (Final Fantasy 8, deals with how they
all have grown apart and how one death bring them all back together. *YAOI*) Ahhh, I can't help it! No shame, have I. ^_~ Cookies
to those who review.