3rd & Lucky

Pacing...

It's a nervous habit I've developed over the years. Whenever I'm feeling anxious about something, pacing back and forth usually helps calm me down so that I can finally gather myself and sort through the thoughts inside my head. But at this moment, it seems to be having the exact opposite effect.

Why am I so nervous?

Maybe because I have no idea how this conversation is going to turn out. As I continue to pace back and forth, I'm acutely aware of the mocha-colored eyes staring at me.

"Britt, can you please just tell me what's going on?" my best friend says to me. "You're really starting to freak me out."

It's not like I'm purposely ignoring her. I mean, I heard what she said, but for some reason, I just can't seem to stop myself from continuing to freak out. It's almost like my brain has registered what she said but my body refuses to cooperate.

But what can I do?

How do I tell my best friend of almost 10 years my deepest and darkest secret?

My name is Brittany S. Pierce. I'm 15 years old and tomorrow I will start my Sophomore year at McKinley High. I've got blonde hair with blue eyes and I'm freakishly tall for my age (and for being a girl). My best friend is Santana Lopez (but don't tell Lord Tubbington... he gets jealous). She's also 15, has dark hair, deep brown eyes (often covered by black-rimmed glasses) and caramel-colored skin. Santana and her family moved into the house next to mine when I was 6. Since our very first meeting, we've been inseparable... just like peas and carrots.

Santana and I are both very intelligent people, but out of the 2 of us... she's the bigger nerd (but if you tell her that, she'll respectfully disagree... she can be stubborn like that). While I'm the captain of the dance team and the star hitter for the Varsity volleyball team, Santana is more of a homebody. She's the captain of the Mathletes and probably the best swimmer at our school.

Although we have so many differences, we also have a lot in common. For instance, we both have a deep and profound love for the show The Big Bang Theory. We love the show so much that we even started a club at school. Santana's the president while I'm her second in command (again, she's the bigger nerd). We're both also in the Beta club, National Honors Society club, and the Future Farmers of America club (I'm totally joking about the last one). And to top it all off, hopefully we will be able to continue our reign as President (me) and Vice President (Santana) of the student council for the Sophomore class.

With all that being said, I guess what I'm getting at is that Santana and I have been through a lot together. We've always had each other's backs throughout everything and there is nothing I wouldn't do for that girl. She knows practically everything about me. Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself. I guess that's why I'm so afraid of what I have to tell her.

What if it changes things between us?

What if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore?

That would kill me, but I can't hide this secret from her anymore.

I guess it's time to find out...

As I'm about to burn a hole through the floor, a tanned hand placed upon my shoulder halts my movements. As Santana stands in front of me, I finally look up and meet her caring, but very worried eyes.

"Brittany... whatever it is, just tell me," she softly speaks, "… you know you can tell me anything."

It's true and I know that. Still... it doesn't make this any less nerve-racking.

"It's just..." I start off shakily, "I don't want you to hate me..."

"B, I could never hate you... you're my bestest friend in the whole wide world!"

I let her words sink in. She's right... she's absolutely right. I just need to build up the courage to rip off this Band-Aid.

"It's just... lately I've been... I feel..." I can't seem to form a complete sentence.

Talking has never been difficult for me, especially when it comes to Santana. Sensing my apprehension, Santana links her pinkie with mine. It's something that we started a long time ago. Whenever one of us was scared or unsure about something, the other would link our pinkies together to show their support. It seems like such a simple gesture, but it meant the world to me.

"I'm not like most girls our age..." I start off again, hesitantly. "I'm not normal..."

"I already knew that, ya big weirdo," Santana playfully chides. In return, I playfully roll my eyes at her.

"I'm so scared to tell you this... more scared than I've ever been in my life," I continue, starting to build up my confidence. "I'm more scared to tell you than my own parents..."

Santana slightly tilts her head and scrunches her eyebrows as she tries to process what it is that I'm saying. As I see the cogs in her head begin to turn, I try my best to finally get this boulder off my chest.

"I-I... I'm..."

"Gay?" Santana says, finishing my statement. My eyes immediately widen.

How did she know?

"What... is that not the right term?" she ponders. "Bi, lesbian, lady lover, rug mun—"

"Okay, that's enough," I cut her off, only to see her trying so hard to hold back her own laughter. "How are you taking this so easily?"

"Because it's not a big deal," she begins. "I mean it is a big deal for you and finally coming to terms with your sexuality, but it doesn't define who you are as a person. Other people might make a big stink out of it because they're ignorant and uneducated, but you know what I say ... fuck 'em! You're still the same Brittany to me."

And there it is, the reason why I know that everything's gonna be okay... Santana.

Why I ever doubted that she would be anything less that supportive and happy is beyond me. Without even saying the words, she knew exactly what I was thinking and struggling to say aloud. All the fears and insecurities that have been swirling inside my head since I came to this realization suddenly drifted away just because of how awesome she is.

As we take a seat towards the edge of my bed, I'm thankful that I have such an amazing best friend.

"How did you know?" I question.

"I don't know..." she starts off. "I guess I just found it odd that you've never shown any interest in any of the guys at school. I mean, you're smart and funny and by far the most beautiful girl in Lima... seriously, you could have any guy you want. Yet, you've turned every boy down."

Again, I don't know how she does it. Santana always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better. Not only did she just give me the biggest compliment, but she did it so effortlessly... like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Plus, you do spend an awful amount of time talking about Jennifer Lawrence..."

"Shut up!" I playfully scold as I give her a little shove. "But seriously though... you're okay with this?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know... maybe cuz there are gonna be people out there that hate me because of who I'm attracted to, rather than who I am as I person?"

"Like I said... fuck 'em! The only people's opinions that should matter at all to you are those of your family and closest friends."

I nod my head in agreement.

"I do have a question though..." Santana speaks again. I give her a nod to continue. "Why were you more scared to tell me than your parents?"

"Honestly... my parents might end up being very disappointed, blame themselves, and then try to figure out 'where it all went wrong', but they'll still be my family," I respond. "Although their opinion should matter more to me, it doesn't because you're the most important person in my life. Even the mere thought of possibly losing you over anything, rather big or small, is terrifying."

"Aww, Britt... c'mere," she says as she brings me into a tight embrace. "You don't ever have to worry about losing me... I'm not going anywhere."

"Thanks San... you're the bestest friend a girl could ask for!"

"Yeah, I know..." she replies with a shrug of her shoulders.

"You're very modest too..." I retort. She laughs in response.

"So, are there any special ladies you have your eye on?"

"No, not really... I mean, there are a lot of cute girls at our school, but that's not the reason I thought it was time for me to come out."

"Oh, okay. So what did make you want to do it now?" Santana ponders.

"Well, I'll be 16 in a few months and be able to get my driver's license so that if I do meet a pretty girl, I won't have to rely on my Mom or Dad to give me a ride to pick up my date."

"Yeah, that would be totally embarrassing," she says in between giggles.

"Plus, we start Sophomore year tomorrow so I thought it would be a great opportunity to start off the new year... no more hiding."

"Well, you know I've got your back if any of those bitches at school give you a hard time," Santana assures. "Plus, you know the guys will have your back as well."

"Yeah, I do... it's just a matter of having to tell everyone repeatedly."

"Speaking of telling everyone... when are you gonna tell your parents?

"I don't know... probably after you leave," I reply.

"I could stay, if you want..."

"I think I would really like that," I say as I link my pinkie with hers.

"You know that you actually have to say the words, right?" Santana questions.

"Yeah... I know," I state solemnly. "What if I can't do it?"

"You're Brittany S. Pierce... you can do anything!" Santana says as she squeezes my pinkie and stands up, bringing me with her. "Pretend I'm them and just say it."

"Okay..." I state slowly as I take a deep breath. "Mom, Dad..."

I pause to take another deep breath. Santana then gives me a nod of encouragement.

"My name is Brittany Susan Pierce..." I start again with more confidence, "and I'm gay! I'm as gay as a unicorn skipping along a rainbow!"

"That a girl!" Santana says with a big smile. "I think you're ready."

"As ready as I'll ever be... I supposed."

"Don't worry... I got your back, Jack!" Santana says with a wink.

Yeah... I think I'm finally ready.

Author's Note:

Happy New Year everyone! I figured what better way to start off the New Year and mark my one year anniversary as a FanFic writer than to publish a brand new story?! Anyways, this story will be a little different because it will start off on focusing more on the Brittana friendship and the meddling of other characters… but have no fear; as always, Brittana is endgame! Hope you enjoy! Next update will be the final chapter of Recipe for Disaster, fyi.

-Kris

Disclaimer:

I DON'T own Fox, Glee, or The Big Bang Theory.