His Choice
A/N: In the mind of Neville Longbottom...
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I am a puppet on the slash strings on JK's creation.
Your life, my life. Our destiny.
Your future, my future. His choice.
Who knew how that fateful choice would change us.. Who knew the Dark Lord would favour you over me.
Every Halloween was the same. We would sit in silence; I'd watch the embers burn the night away, staring, wishing. My Gran was never kind, my uncle was just the same. They sighed deeply into the night, never knowing what it felt like to be me. The boy who wasn't chosen.
Gran told me to be sharp and quick-witted, just in case he had been wrong. I tried my hardest I really did. But there I stood, always under your shadow.It should have been you, she would weep when she thought I was asleep, I'd hear her mutter and moan at the pitiful sight of her meek grandson.
The meek never inherit the earth, she would cry.
Over the years I heard her telling my aunt and uncle that she questioned my abilities, asked if I was indeed a part of the family.
Love me, I'd whisper. I was only a little boy, but I remember the loathed look upon her face as she cast me upstairs, out of sight, out of mind.
I was so afraid she would banish me from her home, send me to a Muggle family, where apparently I belonged. We both got it bad Harry, our childhoods similar, but unlike you, I cannot escape mine. Everywhere I go I'm shunned, left alone, found wanting.
At least when you're home you are ignored. When you turn seventeen you will no longer see the past in your world. But I will. My Gran's words will taunt me to the day I die. She wishes her son and daughter were back to normal, and death to me.
She thinks my mother wouldn't have given her life for me Harry, can you imagine how that feels? People questioning a mother's love over their own child. For a long time I thought she was right, why would someone love a failure like me? A cast off to Voldemort, not important enough to kill.
But I know the way she looks at me, deep down there is something. A mother's love waiting to get out, but never permitted.
I want to revenge them Harry, I have done since I could understand what happened to them.
You have to live up to the prophecy, everyone saying you can do it, all the time encouraging you, helping you defeat him.
Everyday I get laughed at. Everyday I get put down far greater than you. People tell me I can't do anything, people tell me I shouldn't be who I am.
Not strong enough to avenge my parents, not tough enough to bring peace to my own heart.
What path do I follow now? What future do I have?
Did you see the way Bellatrix Lestrange chortled with glee and she used an Unforgivable Curse on me? Did you feel her pleasure? Did you feel my pain?
She was there in front of me and I couldn't do anything. She could have killed me that night, and I would have lived up to my Gran's expectations, a failure, a pathetic weak nobody.
I would rather have my parents dead than what they are now. You are the one who got lucky there. You don't know how it feels to see them barely recognise you. You speak to them and they rarely hear your words.
Did you know Harry, I tell my parents I love them every time I see them, and hope that just this once, they might be able to understand me.
I turn away, a burden to my family, a loser in all your glory.
I could have been something.. I could have shown everyone what I can do.. I would be able to make my family proud. I would be able to smile too, even if it was just once.
But you took that all away from me.
Your life, my life. Our destiny.
Your future, my future. His choice.
A/N: What did you think? Please R&R all you lovely people!
Thanks!
Alter/Ego