John did not want children as soldiers. He wanted princes. He wanted boys who he could never give enough, who would want for nothing and still be kind and sweet.
Dean was not always the way he seemed. He had not even always shown a great interest in Sam. Sam for the first 6 months of his life had been an annoyance to Dean. Dean had been jealous of the lump in Mary's stomach and down right angry at the baby that came from it.
But when Sam was 7 months old he'd really first been allowed to hold his brother, and he at least stopped threatening to run away to Disney world if the small child wasn't gone by the time he opened his eyes.
Now John couldn't imagine Dean ever leaving Sam, even if Disney world was an option. In fact, he couldn't see Dean wanting to go. He'd shown a lingering interest in the place. Up until he was 15 every birthday had been a wish to see the happiest place on earth, but their travels to Florida hadn't been near Orlando and instead were in the swamps with ghosts instead of oversized Mice. Which personally John found scarier. Dean had turned 15 and almost overnight he stopped even jokingly asking if they were near the happiest place on earth and instead started hitting on girls, and it was funny.
Dean had big ears, which he eventually grew into, and a dorky smile. John figured that it was only through extreme trial and many many errors that he ever got a girl into the back seat of that impala.
Part of John missed the constant "Why can't we go to Orlando" to which he would return with.
"Dean, keep your brother entertained.."
"That would be easy if we were in Disney World."
"Dean"
"Sorry Dad"
The arguments were good natured, both new their own parts and it was one way to pass the boredom between the Dakotas and hunts.
He wonders what changed in his four year old son after the fire. If he had to pick, Dean survived his childhood so much better, he was happier with life.
John missed his four year old, the boy who looked at him and so unabashed and loved him. He wonders if Dean still loves him or if he obeys him out of duty.
He wonders still what changed him.
Dean knows. He doesn't remember much. But at four years old he suddenly was totally responsible for Sam. And he held him once, and he's never let go.
Authors notes: May rework this, just wanted to get it up/out.
Disclaimer: Me no own.