Late Night at the Crossroads of Causality
The bar was dark except for the narrow circle of light that surrounded each table. Every table was full, and very few people seemed inclined to leave their table and join another. At one of the tables, this discussion was going on:
"It's the story of a normal man, thrust into a situation he can't control!" Boone insisted. The beer bottle in his hand was empty, so he used it as an orating tool, stabbing it into the air to punctuate his comment.
"Well, I hate to argue with a dead man." Liam said. "But you're wrong. It's the story of a young alien orphaned on earth, forced to adapt to human culture while hiding from the aliens who destroyed his species."
"Boys!" Renee laughed. "You're both wrong. Earth: Final Conflict is about a gutsy woman taking charge of her own destiny and defending her planet from the aliens trying to co-opt it."
Boone frowned. "Hey, I was defending my planet from aliens too."
"Same here." Liam put in.
Renee rolled her eyes. "Fine. Then we can agree that at least part of the show involved defending Earth from aliens. We have that in common." She brightened. "But I'm the only one who had an ongoing sexual tension thing going with one of my enemies!" She smiled triumphantly.
Boone ordered another beer.
Liam became very interested in the bottom of his glass.
Renee's smile faded. "You're kidding."
Boone swallowed and forced himself to meet her eyes. "Look, I was vulnerable, okay? After losing my wife."
Another voice cut in. "For pity's sake, can't you shut up about your wife? It's been five years."
"Sandoval." Boone hissed. "What the hell are you doing here? Get over to the villains' table where you belong!"
"Oh, I would love to." Sandoval said with a mocking twist to his lips. "But Zo'or and Atavus Zo'or are armwrestling."
"So?" Renee asked. "Why aren't you over there with a camcorder?"
"The winner gets to kill me."
"Ah."
Boone looked confused. "How can you even be here? You're *the* villain!"
"You flatter me. Apparently, I have honorary hero status because I once plotted against the Taelons."
"You plotted against *everybody*!"
"Even so."
Renee looked off into the distance. "I wonder if that means I'm an honorary villain for killing you."
"Could be." Sandoval shrugged.
"You killed him?" Boone said.
"You killed him?" Liam said.
"Damn it, *I* wanted to kill him!"
"You killed my father!"
"What?"
"What?"
Everyone stared at each other for a moment.
Renee shook her head. "This is like a soap opera, only stupider. Look, Boone, Sandoval, this is how it went. Liam is the hybrid child of Sandoval, Siobhan and the alien Hagel. Get it?"
"Hagel." Boone thought. "I killed him, right?"
Liam buried his face in his hands. "Why do people keep killing my fathers?"
Boone bristled. "Hey, he killed me too."
Sandoval shook his head. "No, that would be Zo'or."
Renee shuddered. "Ick. I forgot about Zo'or." She eyed Sandoval with new respect. "You plotted against her, right? Let me buy you a drink."
Sandoval looked startled, but took a seat. "Thank you, Miss Palmer. And rest assured, I bear you no ill will for killing me. I had a good run. I was the only character to live right through the series."
Boone sulked into his new beer. "I bet *you* got a death scene."
"I did." Sandoval smiled. "And last words, as well."
"What were they?" Liam asked with interest.
"I regret nothing."
"Really?"
"Yes. A total lie, of course. But it seemed appropriate at the time."
Liam sighed. "Last words and a death scene. *I* didn't even get brought back from the dead properly. No flashing lights, no energy spirits made flesh. what kind of resurrection is that? People coming back from the corner store get more exposition than I did."
Renee nodded. "I wondered about that. One second you're dead, just like e-very other guy I've ever met, and the next you're on the mothership wearing the same outfit you were wearing when you 'died'."
"So?" Liam said defensively.
"So," Renee said. "Either your clothes also transcended into energy, which is hard to picture. or you came back naked and then found clothes."
Liam said nothing.
"I would guess the latter option." Sandoval said slowly. "Tell me, Major. when you were resurrected, did Ra'jel happen to give you a tour of the ship?"
"I don't know what you -"
"The fourth level?"
"I don't - "
"Just as I thought." Sandoval nodded. "My guess is that the Major found the mothership shopping complex. And from the look of that jacket, I would guess that he spent the majority of his time in the leather section. Tell me, did you visit the far end?"
"I don't remember." Liam said.
"You're blushing," Renee pointed out with amazement. "I've never seen you blush!"
"I'm not blushing." Liam gritted.
"What's in the far end?" Boone asked.
Sandoval smiled, keeping his eyes on Liam. "Odds and ends. It was. Zo'or's.. favorite part of the leather section."
They digested that.
"Ew." said Renee.
"Double ew." Said Boone.
Liam looked like a deer in the headlights. "I was just looking!"
Sandoval moved his chair closer to Liam's and put an arm around his shoulder. "Son, I think it's time we had the Talk."
"Oh god," Renee pushed herself up and grabbed her beer. "That's it, I'm out of here. I'm going to go and see if I can get into the villains' section."
Boone grabbed at the corner of her coat as she passed him. "Don't leave me here!"
She smiled sadly. "Sorry, Boone. You're just too good." She tried to pry his fingers away.
"I can be bad!" He insisted desperately, holding on. "I'll leave without paying! I'll ignore traffic signs! I'll - I'll *litter*!"
"Sorry." She pulled free and walked out.
Boone looked to where Sandoval was drawing diagrams on the table. Liam was watching with fascinated interest.
"Maybe if I kill *them*." He muttered to himself.
********************
As Renee walked through the darkness towards the villains' section she heard shouting coming from up ahead. She quickened her pace.
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"
She smiled. Ah, Howlyn. She'd know that roar anywhere.
"Are your ears as defective as the rest of you?"
Her eyebrows lifted. And Zo'or? Interesting.
She finally made it to the corner and laughed out loud. Howlyn had Taelon Zo'or by the throat and was attempting to choke her. It wasn't working. Atavus Zo'or was lying unconscious under the table. Da'an and Juda were watching with interest. Street was eating popcorn. Wait a second.
"Street?" Renee said incredulously. "What are you doing here?"
"I was a hybrid, remember? Also all that illegal stuff I did." She offered up the popcorn. "Besides, this is fun! Pull up a chair."
"Well." Renee looked over. Zo'or was still talking. Howlyn, in an effort to shut her up, was now bashing her head rhythmically against the wall. "Okay." She sat down and dug up a handful of popcorn.
"*I* had substance." Zo'or continued inexorably. "*I* had depth. *I* was working for the betterment of my species. *You* were as two dimensional as a paper cutout."
Howlyn growled and head butted the Taelon. "Why won't you die?!"
Street's hand shot up. Renee pulled it down. "Shh." she hissed. "Don't spoil it."
"Even your names are pathetic," Zo'or said coolly, ignoring the fact that Howlyn was now trying to chew through his neck. "The 'Atavus'? What an obvious reference to the human term atavistic, referring to an ancestral characteristic that a species has grown beyond. We showed Earth a glimpse of a glorious future. all you offered it was the past. And you couldn't even do *that* adequately."
Street nodded. So did Renee and, surprisingly, Juda.
"Don't forget his name," Renee added helpfully. "A short form of Howling, which is what he's best at."
Howlyn's head snapped around and he dropped Zo'or. Zo'or landed in a heap at his feet, still talking.
"Renee." Howlyn purred. "You've come out to play."
"Nu-uh." Renee said, rapidly shaking her head. "Strictly here to observe." She held up the popcorn as evidence. Street grabbed it back.
He moved towards her, pausing to kick Zo'or a couple of times. "You always have an excuse," he said. "And you always come back."
Renee closed her eyes. "Look, we're not doing that again, okay? I think our relationship reached a natural end when you died and I left the solar system. I've moved on."
"With Kincaid?" Howlyn sneered. "He may be your co-pilot, but I am your destiny."
"Liam?" Renee shuddered. "After the conversation I just heard I'm not sure if that's going to work out."
Howlyn's eyes kindled.
"But!" Renee put up a hand in the classic get-back-you-psycho gesture. "That doesn't mean I'm up for grabs. Technically, you're still dead and I'm heading towards the Atavus home world."
Da'an and Zo'or exchanged looks and hidden smiles.
"What?" Renee said, looking at both of them suspiciously. "What am I missing?"
Da'an averted her eyes. "I regret to inform you, Miss Palmer, that as the Atavus were our ancestors, their home world was *our* home world as well. As such."
"It was destroyed." Renee said. "My destiny is to look for a planet that I'll never find? Are you kidding me?"
"How appropriate." Zo'or said from the floor.
Renee's foot lashed out.
"Ow!"
"Serves you right," Street said, leaning forward. "C'mon, Renee. Have a drink. This all makes much more sense after a couple of drinks."
"Why not." Renee said, slumping back in her chair. Howlyn dropped down to crouch beside her. Da'an was having a low-voiced conversation with Juda that seemed to involve a lot of pointing at Zo'or and Howlyn respectively. "Make it a pitcher." She said.
Howlyn started to rub his head against her leg while making a sound like a lion's purr. Renee looked over at Street and sighed. Street handed her the full pitcher.
"Thanks," Renee said. She brought the pitcher down as hard as she could and Howlyn crumpled like a paper bag, falling forward to lie sprawled across her feet.
"How'd you do that without spilling any?" Street asked, holding out her glass to be filled.
"Practice," Renee said. She contemplated the body lying still on the ground. "You know, he looks kind of peaceful like that."
"Mmm." Street said. "Do Zo'or too."
"Can't. Not enough left in the pitcher."
Street raised her arm over her head and said, "Another pitcher over here!"
******
I don't know why. A moment of insanity.
There's no reason for this except that there were*so* many main characters and *so* many villains. They really should have gotten to meet each other at some point. Can't you see Liam and Boone fighting over Da'an? Or Renee, for that matter? (Same taste in women and, uh, other things, I guess.) Can't you see Zo'or and Auger playing chess while Howlyn beats them over the head with a big ol' bat?
This was a freaky, freaky show, my friends. I loved it.
AKA Jay
The bar was dark except for the narrow circle of light that surrounded each table. Every table was full, and very few people seemed inclined to leave their table and join another. At one of the tables, this discussion was going on:
"It's the story of a normal man, thrust into a situation he can't control!" Boone insisted. The beer bottle in his hand was empty, so he used it as an orating tool, stabbing it into the air to punctuate his comment.
"Well, I hate to argue with a dead man." Liam said. "But you're wrong. It's the story of a young alien orphaned on earth, forced to adapt to human culture while hiding from the aliens who destroyed his species."
"Boys!" Renee laughed. "You're both wrong. Earth: Final Conflict is about a gutsy woman taking charge of her own destiny and defending her planet from the aliens trying to co-opt it."
Boone frowned. "Hey, I was defending my planet from aliens too."
"Same here." Liam put in.
Renee rolled her eyes. "Fine. Then we can agree that at least part of the show involved defending Earth from aliens. We have that in common." She brightened. "But I'm the only one who had an ongoing sexual tension thing going with one of my enemies!" She smiled triumphantly.
Boone ordered another beer.
Liam became very interested in the bottom of his glass.
Renee's smile faded. "You're kidding."
Boone swallowed and forced himself to meet her eyes. "Look, I was vulnerable, okay? After losing my wife."
Another voice cut in. "For pity's sake, can't you shut up about your wife? It's been five years."
"Sandoval." Boone hissed. "What the hell are you doing here? Get over to the villains' table where you belong!"
"Oh, I would love to." Sandoval said with a mocking twist to his lips. "But Zo'or and Atavus Zo'or are armwrestling."
"So?" Renee asked. "Why aren't you over there with a camcorder?"
"The winner gets to kill me."
"Ah."
Boone looked confused. "How can you even be here? You're *the* villain!"
"You flatter me. Apparently, I have honorary hero status because I once plotted against the Taelons."
"You plotted against *everybody*!"
"Even so."
Renee looked off into the distance. "I wonder if that means I'm an honorary villain for killing you."
"Could be." Sandoval shrugged.
"You killed him?" Boone said.
"You killed him?" Liam said.
"Damn it, *I* wanted to kill him!"
"You killed my father!"
"What?"
"What?"
Everyone stared at each other for a moment.
Renee shook her head. "This is like a soap opera, only stupider. Look, Boone, Sandoval, this is how it went. Liam is the hybrid child of Sandoval, Siobhan and the alien Hagel. Get it?"
"Hagel." Boone thought. "I killed him, right?"
Liam buried his face in his hands. "Why do people keep killing my fathers?"
Boone bristled. "Hey, he killed me too."
Sandoval shook his head. "No, that would be Zo'or."
Renee shuddered. "Ick. I forgot about Zo'or." She eyed Sandoval with new respect. "You plotted against her, right? Let me buy you a drink."
Sandoval looked startled, but took a seat. "Thank you, Miss Palmer. And rest assured, I bear you no ill will for killing me. I had a good run. I was the only character to live right through the series."
Boone sulked into his new beer. "I bet *you* got a death scene."
"I did." Sandoval smiled. "And last words, as well."
"What were they?" Liam asked with interest.
"I regret nothing."
"Really?"
"Yes. A total lie, of course. But it seemed appropriate at the time."
Liam sighed. "Last words and a death scene. *I* didn't even get brought back from the dead properly. No flashing lights, no energy spirits made flesh. what kind of resurrection is that? People coming back from the corner store get more exposition than I did."
Renee nodded. "I wondered about that. One second you're dead, just like e-very other guy I've ever met, and the next you're on the mothership wearing the same outfit you were wearing when you 'died'."
"So?" Liam said defensively.
"So," Renee said. "Either your clothes also transcended into energy, which is hard to picture. or you came back naked and then found clothes."
Liam said nothing.
"I would guess the latter option." Sandoval said slowly. "Tell me, Major. when you were resurrected, did Ra'jel happen to give you a tour of the ship?"
"I don't know what you -"
"The fourth level?"
"I don't - "
"Just as I thought." Sandoval nodded. "My guess is that the Major found the mothership shopping complex. And from the look of that jacket, I would guess that he spent the majority of his time in the leather section. Tell me, did you visit the far end?"
"I don't remember." Liam said.
"You're blushing," Renee pointed out with amazement. "I've never seen you blush!"
"I'm not blushing." Liam gritted.
"What's in the far end?" Boone asked.
Sandoval smiled, keeping his eyes on Liam. "Odds and ends. It was. Zo'or's.. favorite part of the leather section."
They digested that.
"Ew." said Renee.
"Double ew." Said Boone.
Liam looked like a deer in the headlights. "I was just looking!"
Sandoval moved his chair closer to Liam's and put an arm around his shoulder. "Son, I think it's time we had the Talk."
"Oh god," Renee pushed herself up and grabbed her beer. "That's it, I'm out of here. I'm going to go and see if I can get into the villains' section."
Boone grabbed at the corner of her coat as she passed him. "Don't leave me here!"
She smiled sadly. "Sorry, Boone. You're just too good." She tried to pry his fingers away.
"I can be bad!" He insisted desperately, holding on. "I'll leave without paying! I'll ignore traffic signs! I'll - I'll *litter*!"
"Sorry." She pulled free and walked out.
Boone looked to where Sandoval was drawing diagrams on the table. Liam was watching with fascinated interest.
"Maybe if I kill *them*." He muttered to himself.
********************
As Renee walked through the darkness towards the villains' section she heard shouting coming from up ahead. She quickened her pace.
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"
She smiled. Ah, Howlyn. She'd know that roar anywhere.
"Are your ears as defective as the rest of you?"
Her eyebrows lifted. And Zo'or? Interesting.
She finally made it to the corner and laughed out loud. Howlyn had Taelon Zo'or by the throat and was attempting to choke her. It wasn't working. Atavus Zo'or was lying unconscious under the table. Da'an and Juda were watching with interest. Street was eating popcorn. Wait a second.
"Street?" Renee said incredulously. "What are you doing here?"
"I was a hybrid, remember? Also all that illegal stuff I did." She offered up the popcorn. "Besides, this is fun! Pull up a chair."
"Well." Renee looked over. Zo'or was still talking. Howlyn, in an effort to shut her up, was now bashing her head rhythmically against the wall. "Okay." She sat down and dug up a handful of popcorn.
"*I* had substance." Zo'or continued inexorably. "*I* had depth. *I* was working for the betterment of my species. *You* were as two dimensional as a paper cutout."
Howlyn growled and head butted the Taelon. "Why won't you die?!"
Street's hand shot up. Renee pulled it down. "Shh." she hissed. "Don't spoil it."
"Even your names are pathetic," Zo'or said coolly, ignoring the fact that Howlyn was now trying to chew through his neck. "The 'Atavus'? What an obvious reference to the human term atavistic, referring to an ancestral characteristic that a species has grown beyond. We showed Earth a glimpse of a glorious future. all you offered it was the past. And you couldn't even do *that* adequately."
Street nodded. So did Renee and, surprisingly, Juda.
"Don't forget his name," Renee added helpfully. "A short form of Howling, which is what he's best at."
Howlyn's head snapped around and he dropped Zo'or. Zo'or landed in a heap at his feet, still talking.
"Renee." Howlyn purred. "You've come out to play."
"Nu-uh." Renee said, rapidly shaking her head. "Strictly here to observe." She held up the popcorn as evidence. Street grabbed it back.
He moved towards her, pausing to kick Zo'or a couple of times. "You always have an excuse," he said. "And you always come back."
Renee closed her eyes. "Look, we're not doing that again, okay? I think our relationship reached a natural end when you died and I left the solar system. I've moved on."
"With Kincaid?" Howlyn sneered. "He may be your co-pilot, but I am your destiny."
"Liam?" Renee shuddered. "After the conversation I just heard I'm not sure if that's going to work out."
Howlyn's eyes kindled.
"But!" Renee put up a hand in the classic get-back-you-psycho gesture. "That doesn't mean I'm up for grabs. Technically, you're still dead and I'm heading towards the Atavus home world."
Da'an and Zo'or exchanged looks and hidden smiles.
"What?" Renee said, looking at both of them suspiciously. "What am I missing?"
Da'an averted her eyes. "I regret to inform you, Miss Palmer, that as the Atavus were our ancestors, their home world was *our* home world as well. As such."
"It was destroyed." Renee said. "My destiny is to look for a planet that I'll never find? Are you kidding me?"
"How appropriate." Zo'or said from the floor.
Renee's foot lashed out.
"Ow!"
"Serves you right," Street said, leaning forward. "C'mon, Renee. Have a drink. This all makes much more sense after a couple of drinks."
"Why not." Renee said, slumping back in her chair. Howlyn dropped down to crouch beside her. Da'an was having a low-voiced conversation with Juda that seemed to involve a lot of pointing at Zo'or and Howlyn respectively. "Make it a pitcher." She said.
Howlyn started to rub his head against her leg while making a sound like a lion's purr. Renee looked over at Street and sighed. Street handed her the full pitcher.
"Thanks," Renee said. She brought the pitcher down as hard as she could and Howlyn crumpled like a paper bag, falling forward to lie sprawled across her feet.
"How'd you do that without spilling any?" Street asked, holding out her glass to be filled.
"Practice," Renee said. She contemplated the body lying still on the ground. "You know, he looks kind of peaceful like that."
"Mmm." Street said. "Do Zo'or too."
"Can't. Not enough left in the pitcher."
Street raised her arm over her head and said, "Another pitcher over here!"
******
I don't know why. A moment of insanity.
There's no reason for this except that there were*so* many main characters and *so* many villains. They really should have gotten to meet each other at some point. Can't you see Liam and Boone fighting over Da'an? Or Renee, for that matter? (Same taste in women and, uh, other things, I guess.) Can't you see Zo'or and Auger playing chess while Howlyn beats them over the head with a big ol' bat?
This was a freaky, freaky show, my friends. I loved it.
AKA Jay