I was sitting in the library studying for tomorrows Potions exam. It's supposed to be a difficult one I heard, or well at least Bill says so and he's basically the family genius. I sighed, I'd much rather be exploring the forbidden forest or feeding the lucky charms I saved from breakfast to the squid in the black lake. I really have to concentrate, otherwise I'll be here all night. That's when my little brother, Percy walked over to me and sat across from me. He was just a first year and he was already in here more than Bill and I combined. I grinned at him, "What's up, Perce?" I asked. At least now I had an excuse to stop studying. Percy took out his book from his bag, "Not much. What are you studying for?" Percy asked in a whisper. "Potions," I replied. There was then a loud shushing sound from Madam Pince, the librarian. I rolled me eyes at her and mumbled an apology. "Can I sit with you?" He asked. I looked at him a bit confused, "Of course. You don't have to ask." As I went back to my studying, I occasionally glanced up at Percy who was staring at a blonde Ravenclaw girl who was sitting at a table in-between the book shelves. Maybe he was just spacing out, I thought. Still it was pretty strange for Percy to space out with a book in front of him, he was always so focused and eager to study. When I looked up at Percy again, he had made eye contact with the Ravenclaw girl and turned red then glanced over at me and looked down. I couldn't help but laugh out loud, I don't see Percy flustered often so this was amusing. Madam Pince walked over, "If you two aren't going to behave yourselves, then get out!" She then walked away mumbling something about how students shouldn't be allowed in the library. Percy looked up at me still recovering from his embarrassment, "But we weren't talking." He said confused. I shrugged, "You get used to Madam Pince's yelling. Let's get out of here. LATER MADAM P!" I shouted. Madam Pince grabbed a book off her desk and walked towards me, I had a feeling she would smack me with it, so I took Percy's arm and walked out quickly. "You shouldn't have shouted," Percy said as we walked towards the clocktower courtyard. "Yeah I know, I guess I get the idea to mess with her from Tonks. You know Tonks, right?" I asked. Percy nodded, "Hey Charlie...could I ask you something?" He asked. "Anything," I replied.
We then set down on the edge of the fountain. I still wanted to head over to the black lake before curfew, but since students weren't allowed over there I didn't want to risk getting Percy in trouble. "Have you ever had a girlfriend?" Percy asked, he seemed to get flustered all over again. "Erm, no I haven't" I replied. Percy took deep breath, "Have you ever had a crush on a girl?" He asked. It was my turn to turn red, I've always been focused on other things and have never really been interested in a romantic relationship with anyone. I prefer things to stay platonic, but I've never really disclosed those feelings with anyone because it is so hard to explain. They might interpret it as that I'm incapable of love when that isn't the case. I love my family, I love animals, I love dragons, and I love my friends. I just wouldn't necessarily say I feel romantic towards anyone. If I explained that to Percy he wouldn't understand. I shook my head no to answer Percy's question. "Not really," I said. Percy looked unconvinced. "Come on," Percy said. 'You don't have to say who." I shrugged, "Guess I've been focused on other stuff. Hey, why are you asking?" I asked. Percy fidgeted a bit with his thumbs, "I like this girl..." he said hesitantly, "But I don't know if she likes me back. We talk sometimes in charms class." I smiled, "Wait a minute. Is this girl that Ravenclaw you were gawking at in the library?" I asked chuckling. Percy turned bright red, "I was not gawking!" He said. I laughed, "Were too! You're turning red. It's her, right? Man she is pretty, Percy." Percy covered his face to hide his red cheeks, "Shut up. I don't even know why I told you, I thought you had experience with this sort of thing." He replied. "Meaning, you thought I had a girlfriend?" I asked. Percy shrugged, "Bill's had a few, hasn't he?" Percy asked. I shrugged again, "You've asked the wrong brother Perce. Don't worry I won't tell anyone about your little crush," I then got up. "Where are you going?" Percy asked. "The black lake," I replied pulling out my left over lucky charms from breakfast. "Charlie, you can't!" He said nervously. I smirked, "You keep my secret, and I'll keep yours. See ya at dinner Perce!" I said walking away.
The entire time I was tossing cereal to the squid, I couldn't help but think about my conversation with Percy. Was it really unusual for me not to have had a crush or a girlfriend? Were my feelings about relationships being platonic that strange? I kept trying to shake it off, but I couldn't. It can't be that weird of me not to want a relationship involving intimacy can it? About a half hour before curfew, I turned to head back to the castle. I ate dinner with the Quidditch team in the Great Hall. I wasn't really partaking in much of a conversation with my teammates, whom were excited for the game on Friday versus Hufflepuff. I could not stop replaying the thoughts I was having earlier. After dinner, I went straight to my dormitory. Maybe I can sleep it off, and forget that those thoughts ever happened. Then again, I thought, the thoughts won't go away because the feelings are still there. I felt so confused about my emotions towards a romantic relationship. Did it even matter? Did it matter if i might choose not to get married or have children? What will mum and dad think? Will they be angry? What if they think I'm some psycho killer that can't feel love? But I can feel love. I opened my eyes and grabbed my notebook, quill, and wand off my nightstand and hid under my covers. "Lumos," I muttered, doing my best not to wake my roommates. I then began to make a list of things that I love:
1. Dragons
2. Family (Even when they annoy me?)
3. Quidditch
4. Magic
5. Care for Magical Creatures class
6. Friends (Should I list them?)
7. Living
8. Food
9. My bedroom
I put my quill down, surely I love more than 9 things. Let me try thinking of things I don't like:
1. Sharing a room (Specifically with Bill)
2. Animal cruelty
3. Dark magic
4. Snape
5. You-Know-Who
6. Hurting others
7. When Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, or Bill eat the slice of pie when I said that I wanted it. But when I eat anything that's theirs they throw a big fit! How is that fair? Okay I'm getting off topic.
I hesitated. I couldn't think of anything else so I put my quill and notebook down on my night stand, and took my covers off my bed. "Charlie, put that light out." Muttered one of my roommates. "Sorry," I replied. I was about to cast Nox when I decided to go on and find Bill. Putting on my slippers, I walked out my dormitory and walked towards the stairs. "No...no I shouldn't." I said. How was I even supposed to tell him? Hey mate, I may never be in love? That doesn't make sense. Was I ill? I went to sit down in the common room, and after I turned on the fireplace I casted Nox to put my wand out. I stared into the fire, and began to lose myself in thought over my mixed feelings. That's when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, I quickly turned around and it was Bill. "I knew I heard noise down here. What are you doing up? It's 1 o'clock in the morning, you have class." Bill said a bit irritated. He then saw the look of distress on my face and sat on the couch next to me, "Did you have a bad dream?" Bill asked in a serious tone. I looked at Bill, unable to meet his eyes. "There's something I want to tell you," I said. Maybe I should stop now while I was ahead. "Well? What is it?" Bill asked, I could hear the concern in his voice. I stood up, "You know, it's actually nothing. Goodnight. Sorry if I woke you," I then turned to walk away, but Bill grabbed my wrist. "No, Charlie wait. What's the matter?" Bill asked. He wasn't going to leave me alone now, I have to either lie or tell him the truth. I shouldn't even be talking honestly, but I feel so exhausted that I couldn't stop myself. "Aye...so uh...you know how I've never had a crush on anyone meanwhile you've had at least 5 that I know of..." I couldn't stop myself now, half of it was already out. A look of confusion was now on Bill's face, "Erm...sure?" He said. "What of it?" He asked. "Well...as it turns out I...I don't even know how to say this, Bill." I said...I bit down on my trembling bottom lip. I was so nervous and I don't know why. Bill hesitated, "Remember when we were kids and whenever one of us had a bad dream and we didn't want to talk about it, we'd play 21 questions to kind of guide us to what the dream was about? Without actually saying it? That way we were able to talk about the dream without directly talking about it?" Bill asked. I nodded, I remember mum and dad starting that game whenever we were upset and wouldn't talk about it. It usually always worked, and we'd feel better about it. "How about I ask you 21 questions and you say yes or no to them. Will that help?" I asked. I hesitated then reluctantly agreed, at least this meant I won't have to fully explain my feelings. "Okay...are you...gay? I won't judge you or anything, I promise. It's okay if you are-" I cut Bill off, "No I'm not gay." I replied, "Or well at least I don't think I am...I don't have romantic feelings for..." I started then stopped. He still had 20 questions to go after all. "For guys?" Bill asked, "You don't have romantic feelings for guys?" He continued. "No, I don't." I replied. "Okay...what about...oh God. Not animals do you?" I laughed, and Bill joined in the laughter once the tension broke. "That's disgusting, of course not!" I said. "Okay here's another question, have you ever had a crush?" Bill asked. "No. This was already answered, so you just wasted a question. Next," I replied. "Sorry I don't know what to ask, I mean I guess...do you have a girlfriend?" Bill asked confused, "Is it Tonks?" I glared at Bill, "You can't ask two questions in a row, cheater. But no and no." I replied. Bill looked at me hard, "Do you have romantic feelings for anyone?" He asked. He's getting warmer, I thought. "No...I've never felt...romantic towards anyone..." I said carefully. "Okay, are you aromatic asexual?" Bill asked. I looked at him confused, "What's that?" I asked. "It just means you prefer not to have an intimate relationship with anyone, rather than a platonic relationship," He replied. I stared at Bill, "I...I wanna say yes because...that's pretty much exactly how I feel...I just didn't know there was a label for it." I said nervously. Bill smiled at me, "It's not a bad thing, you know." He replied. "I just didn't want you thinking I don't love anything...because I do." I pulled the list I had written earlier from my robe, "See? I made a list of things I love and hate. The list of things I love is longer than the ones I hate." I said, hoping it'd convince Bill. Bill laughed, "Of course I know you're capable of love, you aren't a robot! Love and intimacy are two different things Charlie." He took the list from my hands, and skimmed it over chuckling as he read. "Hey! Sharing a room with me isn't that bad!" He snapped. "Have you met yourself?" I asked. Bill shoved me and I shoved him back, we both then got up from the couch and walked towards our dormitories. "Thanks for listening, Bill." I said. Bill ruffled my hair, "Anytime, dork." He said smiling, he then patted my back and went inside his room and I went inside of mine.