This is a two-shot written from the point of view of Remus Lupin, just before and just after he hears the news of James and Lily's deaths. It follows my little headcanon that Remus ran away, after an argument with Sirius, partly to try to escape the other werewolves who were looking for me. According to this headcanon, he never got to see baby Harry, and that's one of the reasons why they thought he was a traitor.

Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling; I don't own any of these characters.

All reviews would be highly appreciated!

- 394 :)

I WASN'T THERE

They don't miss me.

I can feel it. I don't know how, but I can feel it.

It kills me.

I always knew something like this would happen. I'd promised myself not to get attached to people, because no good can ever come of it.

And what did I go and do?

I made friends. I went and gave my heart to Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans...

And him.

The rat.

They still love him. Sweet, innocent little Wormtail, who's no longer a tag-along, but a friend to them, who's helped them out of so many situations and is, despite what they both say, just so loveable that they can't help but love him.

But here's the thing - he's not innocent. I know that.

They all talk in their sleep, all three of my fellow Marauders. Sirius... I can't help but imagine what horrors he encounters at home and in his dreams. I think I was the first one to realise the extent of James's love for Lily.

And Peter...

I knew he was a spy. Right from when he first joined Voldemort, I knew it. And yet I ignored it. I hoped beyond all hope that he would not become a traitor.

Look at him now.

I must admit, he's clever. Ratty, cowardly, traitorous, but cleverer than we ever realised. That's the clever part, see. James, Lily and Sirius still love him. And yet he's probably plotting their deaths at this moment.

I'm the only one who knows. So it's my fault, really. I tried to persuade them into seeing the truth, but I guess I never was any good at persuading them.

So now they suspect me.

Add to that the fact that I'm a werewolf - a monster - and they're suspicious. They think I'm the traitor.

Why wouldn't they?

It makes perfect sense.

Which is partly why I ran.

Although, that was mainly to do with the other werewolves wanting to recruit me. I was becoming a burden. And I've had enough of being a burden. I've had enough of the looks, the unfathomable something in people's eyes. I've had enough of pretending to smile, because the least I can do for people is let them see me being happy. A small repayment, considering all that they've done for me.

So here I am. Hiding from the creatures like myself - my own kin - because of their dark intentions; my heart miles away with my makeshift family; said family in danger because I couldn't make them see the truth.

Because I ran away.

Because, in the end, I'm a coward.

So if anything - Merlin forbid - does happen to them, it will be my fault. I'll never be able to forgive myself.

Because the time they needed me least was also the time that they needed me most. And in their time of need, I wasn't there.